20. teammates

Kitt didn't want to go back inside, so she stayed out under the night sky curled up in the Muskoka chair against the side of the building, hidden in the shadows.

He phone had beeped with her friends asking where she had gotten off to. She sent them a shrugging Gif, leaving them to wonder but hopefully laugh. She hated being the one who needed the focus of the groups collective attention. She should be out on that dance floor celebrating her newest honor.

She wanted a blanket and a drink. She decided to open one of the double doors into the banquet hall and see if she could sneak some drinks out.

The door opened easily, and from her position outside, she could remain hidden in the dark while she looked around.

She was in luck! The bar cart used to refill the bar, which was parked just inside the door. They were clearing away the bottles of champagne that were used for the toast. Some were full or nearly full.

At first, she debated if she could get away with snagging the whole cart. Maybe no one would notice. With her luck, she would get caught.

Kitt stepped through the door and grabbed three "bottles off the cart. She was about to bolt back through the open door when she noticed a stack of folded table clothes on the bottom of the cart. She didn't give it a second thought. She grabbed one to add to her spoils.

She slipped back out the door and shut it quietly. She made her way back to her hidden spot. She wrapped the table cloth around her shoulders and folded her knees up. She held one of the full bottles and put the other two on the floor.

She sat quietly like that for a while.

Eventually, she put the bottle to her lips and took a long sip. She drank until she needed to breathe. She took a deep breath and drank again. The fizz of the drink was minimal since the bottle had already been open for a while. She pulled from the bottle again until it came up empty.

She put the bottle on the floor and picked up the next one. She held it in her hand, swinging it gently side to side.  She lifted it and drained it all. She burped before putting the new empty bottle beside the old one. She picked up the last bottle. She leaned her head back and felt the spin of alcohol make her head swim.

She was sitting there debating on the third bottle when the door opened. Kitt watched from her corner of darkness as a large shadow emerged from the party on the other side of the wall.

Kitt expected it was someone who had overheated and was seeking refuge from their flushed skin by coming out into the cool night air. She didn't expect it would be someone she knew so she didn't move, she hopped she would escape detection.

"Kitt?" The voice half whispered as they closed the door. Their eyes hadn't yet adjusted, so she remained hidden.

She recognized the voice. It made her heart leap and skip a beat and ache all at once. It was painful. So she took a sip from the third bottle.

Her movement betrayed her hiding place.

"It was you!" He let out a little laugh.

"Hmm." She nodded, taking another sip.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, moving over to sit in the second chair tucked in the corner.

"Celebrating." She said dryly with a slight slur in her words.

"Alone?" He laughed and reached for the bottle in her hand. He took a long swig and held it between his knees.

"Yep." She said, staying curled up in the chair facing away from him.

"You ok?" He asked softly.

"So great. It's the best day of my life." She said with zero excitement in her voice.

"What's wrong?" He said, pulling her knee to encourage her to turn and look at him. She turned in her seat but didn't meet his eyes. Turning around made her head spin again.

"I just want to go home." She said with a shrug. She hiccupped and grabbed the bottle and started chugging it back.

"Whoa! Kitt!" He laughed.

"Celebrating." She said, but her voice caught.

"Are you drunk?" He asked almost in surprise.

"Nope! Just Celebrating." She said again, even though it was an obvious lie.

"Have you been ignoring me tonight? I saw you, but you like, disappeared." His hand on her knee was warm, and she liked it.

"Why would I do that? I have no reason to do that. How did you even notice? You have a date to keep you busy." She asked boldly. Normally, she wouldn't have the nerve to say anything, but the alcohol helped her get over that. She found herself mindlessly drawing circles on the back of his hand with her finger.

"Have you been crying?" He asked, gently lifting his hand to wipe her cheek with his thumb.

"Over you? Hardly." She laughed. He shrugged with a smile.

"But you have been crying." He said, tilting her chin up so he could fully look at her face.

"It's fine." She shook her head, pulling away from his touch. She liked it. Too much. He had a date, a date that wasn't her. Sure, she had a 'date' as well, but that had gone off the rails on its own, and she was happy that it happened the way it did.

"You can talk to me." He said, leaning in.

"Because we are such good friends?" She said mockingly. She got up and walked over to the railing. The alcohol diluting her blood also diluted her brain.

He came up beside her and touched her lower back. She leaned her head against his shoulder. She hated herself for letting him comfort her. She wanted him to wrap her up in his arms and kiss her under the stars.

"Kitt, are you ok? You don't seem ok." He whispered, looking down at her. When she tipped her head back to look up at him, their faces were only an inch apart. She could feel his breath on her lips, his eyes peering into hers.

She lifted her chin a millimeter she wanted to press her lips against his. She wanted to feel his warm hands on her back.

He pulled back.

Her heart shattered. She finally knew for sure. He had no feelings for her.

She needed to get away from him. She turned and stumbled as she moved away from him.

"Kitt-" He started to say as he reached out and caught her elbow.

"Don't!" She snapped. Why does he keep being sweet and leading her on?

"Kitt! What is going on?" He asked for what seemed like the tenth time since he had found her.

"What are you doing out here with me?" She turned to ask with her hands on her hips.

"What do you mean?" He looked confused by her sudden change in mood.

"Why. Are. You. Out. Here. With. Me?" She said rudely.

"I was looking for you, I originally wanted to say congratulations on your award." He said.

"So say it and go." She challenged glaring at him.

"Why are you mad at me?" He asked, not leaving his spot against the railing.

"Who said I was mad?" Kitt said, stepping back at him. Her face was hot, and she could feel anger coursing through her. It might be misdirected, but that was just too damn bad.

"Um -" He started to talk before she cut him off.

"Why would I be mad? Buddy, friend, pal?" She sneered.

"Did something happen?" He asked and reached out to touch her arm.

"STOP THAT!" She pushed his hand away and went back to her chair in the dark corner.

"What is wrong?" He asked yet again.

"Oh. My. GOD!!" She couldn't believe he was so thick headed.

"Ok, I feel like I did something, but I have no idea what!" He said, grabbing the back of his neck and looking at his shoes.

"Isn't your date missing you right about now?" Kitt said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"I don't know." He looked a little confused.

"Shouldn't you go find out?" She snipped. She took the bottle that had been left on the floor and gulped it until the bottle was empty.

"What did I do?" He demanded.

"Nothing, nothing at all!" She snapped.

"Kitt! What the fuck?" He sighed.

"I'm just stupid and hurt my own feelings." She said, shaking her head.

"What does that mean?" He sounded exasperated.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a date tonight?" She asked bluntly.

"What do you mean? Amber set me up with her friend." He said, still acting confused.

"Ok, so why did it never come up in conversation before we were all sitting at the table at the pub?" She had opened her can of worms. She might as well go with it.

"Honestly? I'm not even sure I knew about it before then." He shrugged.

"Ok." She shook her head.

"What?" He asked yet again.

"So you WANT to be here with her." She nodded with a frown.

"I don't know." He shook his head a little.

"Ok, then you should get back to her." Kitt sounded bitter.

"Do you have a problem with her?" He asked snipping back.

"The girl who mocked me in the washroom, the first time we met? Nah, she is perfect." Kitt laughed dryly.

"What?" He name a face.

"Her and Amber were being super bitchy in the bathroom earlier." Kitt admitted.

"I will talk to her!" He sounded mad.

"It's fine, I handled it myself." She dismissed his offer.

"I bet you did." He laughed. He moved to sit beside her.

"Yeah, well." She said looking at the three empty bottles, suddenly wishing they were full sized bottles, not the mini bottles, or that she had grabbed more.

"Are you mad at her or just mad she is here with me?" He asked quietly.

"Does it matter? We are 'just friends', right?" She huffed, the mixture of emotions swirling around inside her head.

"I, um -" He said quietly.

"It's fine, it's a me problem. When I tried to kiss you, which apparently was repulsive, I knew everything I needed to know." She said.

"Kitt-" He started.

The double doors opened just then, a group of tipsy college athletes spilled out onto the deck. The loud music filled the air, leaving no room for their conversation to continue.

"Night, Leo." She reached out and squeezed his hand before going back into the banquet hall.

***

Kitt woke up Sunday morning feeling gross and super hungry. She had rejoined her friends for a few hours after leaving Leo on the porch. She had seen him with his date one or two times  from across the room, but they didn't speak again.

Kitt got up and found her coziest sweatshirt and leggings and got dressed. She went to go find food. The cafeteria in the student center would be serving breakfast for only another thirty minutes, so she had to hurry.

She grabbed a tray full of waffles and fruit, bacon and yogurt, and a giant glass of juice. She swipped her meal card at the register and took her tray to a quiet corner table.

She started eating and flicked on her phone to doom scroll while she ate.

Instead, she saw so many messages and notifications congratulating her on her award. She also had emails about the CFAA and requests for interviews.

Kitt had put her political endeavors on the back burner for the night, and now she was seeing them again in the light of the day. She remembered her conversation with her coach.

"Kitt! How's it going?" A male voice called, and she snapped her head up to see who was talking to her.

"Trevor!" She smiled.

"How are you liking this new unit?" He asked, sitting across from her with his empty tray.

"I like it better than the last one! What do you think?" She smiled and peeled her orange.

"I miss doing labs, but this unit should be pretty easy, I think." He grinned.

"How is your roommate?" Kitt remembered he was on Leo's team

Suddenly Leo's face popped into her head and she instantly lost her appetite.  She hated that she had let herself fall for him. A weight landed on her shoulders, making them drop.

"So good." Trevor blushed and looked down at the garbage on his tray.

"Oh! Not roommate like a roommate,  right?" Kitt perked up a little.

"Maybe." His smile was adorable.

"Aww, that's so awesome." Kitt patted his hand across the table.

"How is your hockey player?" He asked looking up at her.

"Notmy player, not my anything any more." She shrugged but the sadness was evident as she cast her eyes down at her uneaten breakfast.

"Oh no! I'm sorry!" He said sounding genuine.

"It's fine, we never were anything, even though somehow my brain seemed to think that there was something." She tried her best to explain.

"Aww that's too bad, he is missing out on someone great, but that leaves you open to find someone better, you know?" He tried to reassure her.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just going to focus on school and the new Female association I started with Coach Ten." She shrugged trying to dismiss it.

"I heard about that! Good for you! That's so amazing! You will have to fill me in some day soon." He smiled brightly.

"And I would love to meet.. Vin?" She said trying to remember his name.

"Definitely!" Treveor nodded enthusiastically.

His phone beeped and he quickly looked down at it.

"Oh no! I have to get going, sorry, but we will get coffee soon!" He said standing up.

"For sure!" She smiled. He gave her a quick wave before leaving her alone again.

Kitt packed up the remains of her tray and left the dining hall. She tried to convince herself that if she could focus on her homework and other things, she would forget about him. Then maybe, just maybe she could see him without a spear shooting through her chest.

She went back to her room and plugged in her phone, and left it on her desk. She opened her laptop and setted on her bed. She opened her emails and read each one, replying, deleting or saving them as she went.

Her phone dinged on her desk, but she chose to ignore it. She wanted to stay in her hyperfocus nest, getting things ticked off her to-do list.

Sitting there ignoring the world felt safe, and she needed to feel safe.