Chapter 29- Just Penelope

-Carrol Bryant A savory aroma reached my nose. Onion, celery, and a sweet blend of spices overwhelmed my sense of smell. It was my mother’s pot roast and its sweet odor plunged a knife into my heart.

I was home.

A sob clawed its way out and broke the silence of my room or what I assumed to be my room. I had yet to open my eyes. I was not ready to face the consequences of my actions.

“Pen,” Thomas whispered.

Of course, Thomas would be here for me when I woke up. I truly did not deserve him. He was collateral damage in my path of destruction. He would no doubt be hurt by my intimacy with Rowan. Thomas had to know the details of my disqualification. I didn’t want him to find out that way. I owed it to him to have that discussion we had been promising each other. The one we were supposed to have that night, but I sent him away to find Rowan. I cringed at the situation. How would Thomas ever forgive me?

How would anyone forgive me?

“Pen, open your eyes.”

“No,” I choked out.

“Penelope, open your eyes,” he said firmly.

It was rare for him to use my whole name and I wasn’t sure if I liked it on his lips. I preferred Pen when it came to Thomas, always Pen.

I worked to open my eyes, fighting the instinct to continue to shut out the world. Thomas’s kind brown eyes were the first thing I saw followed by his beautiful smile.

“Hi,” I managed.

“Hey.”

“What happened to infinity, Thomas?”

He didn’t answer.

Instead, we stared at each other for minutes before Thomas gave in and spoke.

“So, I guess you know you’re not at the palace anymore,” he said unsurely.

I nodded and tried to sit up. As soon as I attempted the small amount of strength needed, I felt a wave of dizziness and immediately fell back onto my pillows.

“Yeah, I should have warned you about that,” Thomas said sheepishly.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You don’t remember what happened?” he asked worriedly.

Oh no, I remembered everything that happened in that circular room, down to the H on my chest. “I meant, what happened afterward?”

He straightened. “The council disqualified you for inappropriate behavior unbecoming of a participant,” he mumbled, confirming my suspicion.

I blushed. Oh, great Mother, I’d have to face my parents. I could only imagine the shame they must feel.

“Who found me?”

“Rowan and Tobias,” Thomas answered.

He had met them both. The questions Thomas’s eyes asked were ones I didn’t want to answer, not yet.

“What of Thelonious?” I asked, trying to change the course of our discussion.

“He has been relieved of his duties on the council for issuing out a punishment that had not been decided upon by the entirety of the council.”

I burst out laughing. Something good had come out of all the ugliness. He would no longer be around to wreak havoc on the game. Tobias wouldn’t have to see the face of the man who murdered his family.

“Uh, not the reaction I expected but I’m glad you like the news,” Thomas said half smiling.

“He was not a good man, Thomas. Besides what he did to me, he murdered the royal family. He also orchestrated the attacks on the palace while I was there. A friend died in one of those attacks. He’s lucky that was all he got,” I muttered darkly. “He was lucky there was no proof.”

“Pen, you’re not acting like I expected, at all. I thought you wanted to win the game. I thought you’d be upset,” Thomas said confused.

“Of course, I’m upset, Thomas,” I whispered. “I’m just not ready to process it all.”

He nodded. “I promised your mom that I’d get her if you woke up.”

I sighed, “I guess I have to face my parents eventually.”

A forced smile lined his face. I didn’t want to think about his hurt feelings and I was sure there were some. We would talk about what had happened, just not now.

“I’ll go get her,” he mumbled.

“Thanks, Thomas.”

My eyes wandered my room. The soft glow of candles lit the small space, allowing me to see the two large cases of luggage. It seemed the palace allowed me to keep my wardrobe. How nice of them, I thought sarcastically. My heart clenched at the thought of Georgiana packing my things. What must she think of me? Another subject I wasn’t ready to think about.

Everything else in the room was exactly as I had left it. Books laid haphazardly across my desk and chair, newspaper clippings I had saved were in a neat pile on a shelf, and little trinkets littered my window sill. The lavender curtains of the room fluttered in the breeze that drifted through the open window.

I let my eyes fall shut and mentally examined my body. The left side of my face was sore, so I was sure I had a bruise. Any sudden movement of my head resulted in lightheadedness, but it wasn’t as bad as when I woke up. I rolled my left shoulder and felt the sting of the burn as my skin stretched. I was scared to look at it, scared to see the mark Thelonious had left on me. If anything, I was more frightened to think what else might have happened if I hadn’t been found.

A light knock on the door snapped my eyes open. My mother poked her head in. I smiled shyly, not knowing what else to do. She sat at the edge of my bed and took my hand in her own.

We sat in silence, allowing the other to begin the conversation. I couldn’t have started even if I wanted to. I wouldn’t know where to begin.

“Did you...were you...were you and that lovely young man safe?”

Oh, great Mother, kill me now. I could tell she struggled to ask the question.

“Mama, please. Let’s not discuss this,” I begged.

She crinkled her nose, obviously not wanting to discuss it any more than I did, but I could tell she would pursue the topic anyway.

“I am trying to make sure you took care of yourself, Penny. I know we never discussed this topic at any great length, so it is important we discuss this now.”

“Nothing happened, mama,” I mumbled.

“Oh,” she said surprised. “Then why were you disqualified?”

I could feel my blood burning. This was too much but I answered anyway. “Rowan and I did not have sex, but I was not completely innocent.”

My mother’s gray eyes went round. “I see.”

How I wished I could confide the turmoil of my heart and mind, but we had never been that close. We both wished it otherwise, but I doubt we’d ever move past the current point in our relationship.

“I am glad you are okay, Penny. I don’t know what we would do without you. Your father might need a bit of time to come to terms with what happened, but don’t worry, he’ll come around.”

My face fell. Father had taken it harder than mama. I didn’t blame him. He’d thought of me as his innocent little girl.

I nodded sadly. “I understand, mama. Thank you, for bringing me home.”

“Of course, my darling,” she said. She gave my hand a kiss and walked out, leaving me to my thoughts.

I struggled to sit, taking it slow enough so I wouldn’t get dizzy. I leaned my back against the wall, allowing my head to relax.

The names of those I left behind ran through my mind: Rowan, Tobias, Georgiana, Killian, George, Kealie, Opal, Diamond.

I could no longer keep my feelings in check. I furiously wiped away the tears that trickled down my face, angry at myself for being weak. I had known there would be consequences for my actions that night, but I never imagined this. What would I do now? As just Penelope?

My heart fractured as I thought about everyone. I had let Iron Forge down. I was supposed to help bring an era of prosperity and peace to them. Somehow, I had managed to ruin people’s lives instead. What would happen to Diamond and Opal for helping me? What would happen to George? No, I knew what would happen to George.

George would be disqualified because of my actions. He hadn’t done anything to deserve what happened. A small sob escaped me as I thought of Kealie, a girl who wanted to become a princess. I had ruined their dreams.

Georgiana would be okay. Killian would take care of her. As queen, I would have been able to help take care of her, Killian, and their baby, give them positions in court, but right now, I could hardly take care of myself. I wouldn’t be able to help them, but maybe Tobias would.

Tobias would be okay. He would win the game, become king, and bring Iron Forge the peace it deserved. Even if it was with Siobhan at his side. I brought my hand to my mouth to cover the inhuman noises coming out of my mouth. It was time I let Tobias go. I had asked him to leave with me and he had made his choice, it wasn’t me. I had told him I loved him, and he was still there. I didn’t have it in me to face another rejection from him. My heart cracked further. Tears continued to silently roll down my cheeks.

Then there was Rowan, strong and gorgeous, always there when I needed him. I had used him in a way that left me feeling ashamed. He held a piece of my heart and I never got to tell him what he meant to me. I may not have loved him, but it was enough that he’d always mean something to me. If there wasn’t Tobias, I would have desperately fallen for him. It was the truth. My hand automatically wrapped around the pendant I still miraculously wore. I still held a piece of Rowan with me and it meant everything to be able to have him near, in any capacity. He had become a strong shoulder for me to lean on, a confidant. My heart shattered with his loss.

I had lost them both.

I grabbed a pillow and cried deep heart-wrenching sobs into it. I covered my face and broke down. I lost it. I could no longer hold in my emotions, my walls crumbled, the force of them nearly overwhelming me. I choked on the sobs that wreaked their way through my lips. My chest heaved as I struggled to breathe in between the cries. My heart was in pieces and I didn’t think I’d be able to put it back together again.