14: An Easy Life Is Impossible

Chapter 14:

Hazel POV:

I pushed the thought of my grandmother's surname and focused on the fact that the most important person in my life has passed away. She was dead and I couldn't talk to her again or hug her or thank her for everything she has done to help me. I couldn't do stuff that I used to do with her. This all happened in the few weeks my parents and I have been in Bradford. Why couldn't I be here just for these past weeks? Why did we have to move? I grabbed a handful of hair in both of my hands and pulled, burying my head between my knees.

I wanted to scream and yell and cry and just ... just lock myself in a room and die in there. I was currently in the bathroom of my aunt's house, my parents were on their way from their jobs. The funeral was tomorrow early morning at around 6 in the morning and when they told my grandfather that his wife he died, he didn't show any emotion just turned around and stared out of the window across his bed. He didn't talk to anyone but the nurse watching him told us that after we left, he started crying for a while then slept.

I wiped my eyes furiously and closed my eyes, trying to breath calmly but I couldn't. I couldn't process that she's dead. I couldn't process that her surname was Malik Anderson. What if she was part of the Malik's? Her last few words came back to me, again. She said that I should forget about my family history which probably meant forgetting what the Malik's did to our family. She said if I love someone, I go for it just like she did with my grandfather which meant that this Malik issue had been going on for way before my grandparents and they grew up with it. But then again, if my grandfather really does hate the Malik's, why did he marry one in the first place? She also said to go for it. Did she think that I loved Zayn or what? Or maybe she thought there was another Malik my age or slightly older?

Did she really have to die at such an inconvenient time!? I just wanted to scream. A knock on the door knocked me back to my senses. I breathed in sharply and stood up. I looked in the mirror and wiped away the black smudges beneath my eyes, pulled my hair into a pony tail, licked my lips and unlocked the door and came face to face with my father. Tears threatened to fall but I refused to let them.

"Hi honey," he said and smiled weakly.

His eyes were slightly red, probably from crying. I hadn't ever seen my father cry. Well, he had just lost his mother.

"Hi daddy," I whispered and he opened his arms, gesturing for me to hug him. And I did. I rested my head against his toned chest and let the tears silently fall. He hugged me one last time then let go of me. His eyes looked normal again but mine weren't. They probably looked worse. I heard my mother calling the both of us to go in the kitchen but I didn't want to go in front of my mum, aunt, uncle and probably Seth right now. I wasn't in the mood for it and I was extremely tired; I woke up at 6 in the morning and had to wait for Zayn an extra fifteen minutes because he woke up ten minutes late, the school day dragged by painfully and slept a very uncomfortable thirty minute sleep in a not-so-comfortable train chair and then the unexpected death of my grandmother and I had been approximately in this bathroom for more than an hour crying my eyes out, sitting on the cold hard bathroom floor. And I was extremely hungry but I didn't want to eat.

"I'm going to go sleep," I mumbled and he nodded, understanding. I turned around and dragged myself up the stairs and into the guest bedroom, kicked off my shoes and pulled the covers over my head. Immediately I started crying and I couldn't stop. I could hear them talking from up here, considering the guest room had a balcony considering that right beneath it was the kitchen where they were. I groaned and covered my head with the pillow and screamed into the pillow though it became muffled since my head was buried against the bed. Tears continued to flow freely out of my eyes and I found myself closing my eyes.

*

I need air.

I flew off the duvet off of me and the cold air hit my face. I groaned and covered myself up again and attempted to sleep again but I couldn't bring myself to sleep again. I fished my phone out of my jeans pocket and checked the time.

1:47am. I slept for more than ten hours without waking up? Now that was a record. I wiped my eyes, noticing that I still had a few tears. I sat up and noticed three messages from Chase, Zayn and Harry. I opened Harry's text first.

Dork! Where are you? This film is was too boring without you :( When are you coming back? Miss you :'( xx -Harry I chuckled and shook my head at the goof. I opened Chase's text next.

Hey babe you ok? Anyway, I was wondering whether you'd like to go on our second official date this Sunday? See you soon :) xx -Chase

Did he just say official date? Did that mean that we were sort of date-together-ish? I decided to reply to his message.

Hey, I just had a couple family issues and had to come back to Leeds for a couple of days but I'm supposed to be back tomorrow late night, so I think I'd be free on Sunday night :) xx -Hazel

I pressed send. I didn't want to tell him that I had just lost my grandmother. Not yet. I didn't even know him, let alone pour my heart out to a stranger. I tapped on Zayn's message.

Are you ok? I heard what happened, my dad told us and we're really sorry, I know you were really close with her, Haze :( I didn't tell the rest, so don't worry about it :) Need anything just call me even if it's at two in the morning xxxx -Zayn'

I faintly smiled at the text and a tear slipped off my cheek and slightly splashed against the screen. I wiped the screen but didn't bother to wipe my eyes. I stood up and opened the door and walked through the eerily quiet corridor. I could hear my father and uncle snoring from their bedrooms. When I passed Seth's room, he was snoring too but barely. I went downstairs and walked into the kitchen and straight towards the freezer, grabbing the Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough big ice cream tub. I grabbed a spoon and plopped myself down on the kitchen counter and took a spoonfull of the ice cream. I looked at my phone on the kitchen counter. I chewed down on the cookie dough and decided to reply to Harry and Zayn.

Hey Haz :) Haha we could have thrown popcorn at the stupid teenagers! Tomorrow late night I will be back cuddled in my own bed :) Miss you too midget xx -Hazel I pressed send and waited and started writing the next message to Zayn.

Can I call? -Hazel I debated on whether or not to send the message. After three more spoonfulls of the ice cream and a mental argument with myself, I built up the courage and tapped the send button. Right now, I didn't care if he was an enemy of the family. Though there's a 50% chance that his family is actually friends of ours and that they weren't our enemies anymore. The rivalry between the Anderson's and Malik's was sort of ridiculous and I didn't want to say that I partially agreed with the Malik's decision at those times and that the Anderson's where a bit selfish but apparently at those times, involving the police and legal authorities, it was a major sin and embarrassment for the person or family being reported to the the police.

I wiped my nose and noticed that I wasn't crying anymore. I dug the spoon in the tub and forced it downwards and scooped up a large portion and shoved it in my mouth. I chewed down the dough and ice cream and swallowed slowly. My phone started to vibrate and rotating furiously on the kitchen counter. I peered over and read the caller ID.

Zayn the Bradford Bad Boi (;

I rolled my eyes at the name Louis had changed Zayn's name to. I swallowed the ice cream quickly and winced at the sudden brain freeze due to swallowing the ice cream way too quickly. I grabbed my phone and hit the green button.

"Hey," I said and bit my lip.

"Hey," he replied softly in his sleepy voice, I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling.

I hadn't even realised that I actually missed him and seeing him across my bedroom; watching him crumple the paper in his hands and furiously throw it away in frustration and start the sketch all over again until it was perfect; walking around without his top on; laughing at Harry and Louis' idiotic pranks and jokes; I missed him and I wasn't sure if I was even supposed to miss him.

"Sorry woke you up," I apolagised in a whisper so that I don't wake the others.

"I wasn't asleep," he replied and I heard him yawn.

"Don't lie," I teased with a tiny smile.

"I was attempting to try and sleep. There's a huge difference there Haze," he replied and I could hear the smirk on his lips.

Silently, I walked back upstairs and quietly closed my bedroom door shut. He mumbled something and groaned. I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh come on!" he yelled. "Fuck you, you little zombie freak!"

"Um ... thank you?" I asked him unsure.

"Shit. Sorry playing COD," he replied apologetically.

"At 2 in the morning?"

"Do you want me to stay awake or not?" he asked and I heard him curse again.

"If you're tired sleep Zayn, we can talk tomorrow. I'll be back at around 11pm," I suggested half heartedly.

I didn't want to hang up, I wasn't tired and I wanted to talk to him.

You have a freaking date with Chase on Sunday and you want to talk to Zayn? Smooth move there Hazel. Smooth. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the annoying little voice screaming in my head to just hang up.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"No," I replied my voice trailing off, not sure what he meant.

"Then I'm staying awake."

I sighed and slumped down on my bed, holding the phone against my ear while staring at the ceiling. We stayed silent for around ten minutes while he continued playing. I didn't really care if we weren't talking but the fact that he was forcing himself to stay awake for me was nice, even though for the past two weeks I wasn't always friendly to him and frequently reminded him that we were family enemies.

I heard him breath out noisily and mumbling something. "Hey Hazel?"

"Mm?" I asked while twirling my hair, thinking.

"Niall's having a tiny gathering at his house for the football team and other people on Sunday, wanna come?"

" This Sunday?"

"Yeah."

"I can't," I replied frowning.

"Right, sorry. Your grandmother just died, of course you wouldn't want to go out," he replied as though it was the most obvious thing.

"No, no not because of that," I said, my voice slightly trailing off.

"Then why?"

"I have a date with Chase," I replied slowly.

"Chase? Who's Chase?" he asked, sounding over-protective.

"He's the one that joined the football team last week, remember?"

"Oh, when did you two meet?" he asked quickly.

"We bumped in the corridor and had detention together the same day we went jumping."

"Oh," he replied quietly. "Do you mind if we hang up? I think my mum woke up and if she finds me awake at 2 in the morning, she'll kill me."

"Oh," I replied, slightly taken off guard. "Yeah sure. Don't worry about it."

Tears stung my eyes again and I breathed in deeply to stop myself from crying. I sniffled and prepared to hear the beep, signalling the call ended.

"Are you crying?" he suddenly asked, his voice going back to normal.

"No," I lied and held my breath to not let out a whimper.

"Are you crying?" he repeated again, this time softer.

"No," I repeated, forcing myself to not show him that I was in fact crying.

"Need anything call anytime, Haze," he said and a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Night Zayn," I replied and I heard him sigh. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

And with that the call ended and tears silently rolled down my cheeks. I got beneath the covers again and plumped my head on my pillow and stared out of the balcony. Sleep quickly woke up again and slowly enveloped me. My eye lids slowly started to droop and I didn't fight it. I didn't want to spend four hours staring or crying or killing my brain with all the thinking.

I wanted this to be over. I didn't want to continue getting hurt. I wanted life to be for once easy.