Chapter 56: Drummer Boys Need A Break

Let's see if Ronna can put some things into perspective for Bodes...

Bodie

Today has turned out to be a shitty day, no question.

But right now standing here in this garage, there is one good moment about to happen that  I will remember forever--seeing my mama with Darius for the first time.

TJ is charming my mother, ushering her into the garage, closing the garage door behind her. She's standing there looking just as young and pretty as always, in white shorts and an aqua tank top, gold sandals and jewelry. In a weird way, she reminds me of Ashlynn, or maybe Ashlynn and Kat's mom, I guess. She's got that North Atlanta vibe now.

"Hey, Mama."

"Hey Baby," she smiles at me. Her smile fades as her eyes cut to Marley, who looks...bleary-eyed and slightly unkempt in Shay's baggy joggers, but still beautiful.

"Glad you are here, Ronna," Marley says with forced cheer as she crosses her arms and huddles near the door.

"I love you doll, but I really doubt that's true. Last thing you wanna see when you are mad at a man is his mama come to get up in mix. But I ain't specifically here for that, I just came because Pat invited me."

"Did she tell you—" I begin hesitantly.

"Of course she did," my mama shakes her shoulder length hair at me.

"She shouldn't have—" I begin wearily

"You hush. There's a lot of shouldn't haves going around. Pat shouldn't have gossiped, but you sure shouldn't have thought with your penis instead of your brain. You are twenty-eight years old. Are you ever gonna grow up, Bodie Jamison?"

Pure meanness makes me sneer at her. When Darius gives this exact look to Marley I'm giving my own mama, it makes me want to jack him against the wall, but I can't help doing it myself as I retort, "Probably not." I tap my chest arrogantly. "Rockstar. Growing up ain't exactly in the job description."

That makes her mad and she advances on me with a pointer finger, but right then Darius walks out the garage door with a towel on his head.

"Don't mean to be interrupting your very adult conversation but dang,  is there any Gatorade out here in the fridge?"

He pulls the towel from his head and stops on the stairs as he sees my mother. Her scowling lecture has turned to a pleasant smile for him, but not overly gushy. My mama ain't no fool, she knows how to handle herself with kids.

"Oh. Hi. I...uh...didn't know you were coming Mrs. Jamison," he fades, looking around at all of us for a cue how to act.

Marley steps up beside him, and grabs the door handle. "I'll watch the door. Go say hi," she says to him. She looks at me and she tries for a grimace, but she fails. She's too full of feeling to give me an ugly look.

Ah.That pretty little twitch of her lips tells me all I really need to know. She hates me right now, but she still loves me. I think we are still a family.

I put my hands on Darius' damp shoulders and walk him forward. "Darius, this is my mother, Ronna Jamison." I lower my voice and check the door. Marley has a firm grip on the handle and is leaning close, listening for anyone approaching on the other side. "Your grandmother, of course," I add in a low murmur.

I look to TJ, but he's not looking at me. His face is on Darius, watching him like...I don't even know what. Like I imagine he watched him the first time Darius cut loose on a bike or the day he and Marley dropped him off for kindergarten.

TJ's careful observation of "our" son loosens my feels a little too much. I feel the heat of tears tryna form, and I blink them back.

It only gets worse as Darius looks at me. "You know... we've met before. Lotsa times. She used to live down the street. She makes real good peanut butter cookies. She uses the crunchy peanut butter..."

My mama laughs and nods. "I do."

"Right," I murmur, but you could knock me over with a feather right now. Of course my mama knew Darius. She and Pat were always good friends. I don't know why that didn't occur to me. I feel tightness rise from chest into my throat, pushing out those tears I'm trying to hold back.

I am so fucking grateful she has some childhood memories of him, even if I don't. It feels...right.

My mama gives me a quick glance and reaches out to cup my face. Her anger at my STI fuck-up is tucked away for now. "Buck up now, Bodie. It's all right."

She's still smiling at Darius. "You are very tall now, Darius. So grown. Last time I saw you was on Halloween, about five years ago. You were Spiderman..."

"I didn't like the mask..."

"Which is how I knew it was you, because you didn't wear it," she laughs.

"You gave me extra candy."

"That was on account of how polite you were, not because I had any idea..."

"Right, I get it," he nods.

"But now that you are getting your adult features, I would know you anywhere. You look just like your great-grandfather."

He nods. "Bodie, I mean...Dad...showed me the picture." There's a bit of an awkward silence. "I...I don't know what to call you. Especially right now...the way things are..."

TJ laughs. "Oh that's easy, Dawg. Call her Mama J. That's what I call her. That okay?" He slings an easy arm around my mama.

"That's right," she hugs TJ back. "You call me Mama J, just like TJ."

That seems to set Darius at ease. He grins and holds up his hands. "So...do you wanna like...hug me real quick before we go in?"

My mama laughs as she gives him a great big hug.

I lose my shit.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm sobbing like a baby. I have to walk away to the other side of the garage. TJ is doubled over laughing at me. Darius is looking over my mama's shoulder, rolling his eyes at me.

He pats her on the back. "Mama J, I think you better do something about him. He's a hot mess today."

"I heard," she says distinctly. "But I'm gonna mostly leave him to your mama." She hands him her keys. "Will you go on out to my car and grab the two grocery sacks? There's some pasta salad and a peanut butter ice cream cake..."

"That's my favorite!" he grins.

"I heard that too," she winks at Marley as Darius and TJ exit the garage. TJ nods at me and closes the garage door, indicating they will go in the house the other way and give us a minute.

Marley smiles at Ronna weakly, her arms still crossed. She's embarrassed that everyone knows our very personal problem. Even though that part is her own damn fault, I feel incredibly sorry for her.

This is a shitty situation, and I know it's completely my fault for bringing this to her.

I've had so much on me, I guess my sexual health has been the very last thing on my mind for months and months. Besides, it's been months since I have been with anybody, so I wasn't even thinking of  my history as being crowded with recent questionable scenarios.

Honestly, Thailand seems like a lifetime ago. It's almost unbelievable to me that Riley hasn't sent me for one of those mandatory check-ups since then, but I guess it wasn't just him that dropped the ball on that. Dawes ran us like a drill sergeant, but Riley assumes we have some level of responsibility for ourselves.

I should have gotten tested, before I took Marley to bed. I know that. But it's not that I'm completely irresponsible.

I always use protection with fangirls. Even those strangers in Thailand, I thought I was careful enough. I know I used condoms for intercourse with them...but Bells and I were kind of passed that point and so I didn't with her, even during a threesome.

The truth is...when you get drugs and girls on girls in the mix the lines get blurry and the sex gets messy.

I'm standing here looking at Marley, and recounting sex experiences with other girls, and suddenly I feel nauseous as fuck. And I know why I didn't think of the risk to her, from the girls in Thailand. Because I don't like to think of anyone naked and beneath me but her now.

Ronna is looking at me, her scolding look returning.

"How could you do this, Clayton Jamison?"

"I am so very sorry for bringing this situation to Marley." I look from my mother to Marley. "Baby, I love you more than anything, you have to know that I hate this is happening..."

"This is not above love, Bodie," my mother interjects. "This is about trust. Have you stopped to consider how Marley feels right now? Since you came back into her life, she has had to watch you nearly overdose, had to pull you out of a heroin addiction, put up with you running back off to the Philippines with your ex-girlfriend and not knowing if you were using again, not to mention that Arabella is awful to her and you expect her to put up with that for the sake of your career. And now this? How in the hell do you expect Marley to trust you, if you can't even protect her health?"

Listening to my mama, I have to admit, something does click. Looking at it from Marley's perspective, I feel exactly like the douchebag I have acted like.

Marley is looking at my mother like something is clicking for her, too. "Thank you, Ronna. That helps me, too, actually. You're right, I feel...betrayed. I'm very very angry at him. I thought at first...that it was just about the girls, but I see know, it's not just that."

She turns to look at me, and her arms wrap even tighter around her. "Bodie, you have to understand. The only other man I ever freely trusted with my body is sitting in that house right now," she jerks her head toward the door. "He betrayed that trust and sabotaged my birth control. He made me feel...violated. Now, you've done the same," she whispers.

I put a hand over my face. I can't fucking stand seeing her with Daemon, knowing the way she hates him, knowing that she feels like he raped her of her self-determination. Now she's telling me she feels the same way about me.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I hiss, because cursing is the only thing keeping me from sobbing again. I walk in a slow circle, trying to master myself.

My mother pats me on the back. "I'm going in to see Pat and the babies and make nice with that fool Daemon. You two take your time."

She hugs Marley on the way in.

It takes me a good few minutes to ward off tears. I'm still such a mess sometimes, my highs and lows, that come from my fucked up brain chemistry and the methadone.

I take a deep breath and turn toward Marley. She's hunched along the wall. I walk toward her. She doesn't shy away from me, she just tucks her hair behind her ears and swallows heavily.

"I'm drunk," she says, not looking at me. "I'm sorry. For coping with anger like that. I know you can't, and I shouldn't."

"I don't blame you. It's been a fucktastic day. Don't think I wouldn't like to be stoned as fuck on oxy right now," I confess.

She sits down on the garage step. I sit beside her. She lets me take her hand. I feel like we are back to square fucking one.

All I can do is talk to her.

"I am so deeply sorry. I know it's just words, but it's true. Marley, it makes my skin crawl that I might have passed a fucking parasite to you. You are so lovely and I love everything about you, even your...relative innocence, compared to my world. I feel incredibly ashamed to have made you feel..."

"Dirty." She winces. "Oh god, it is a parasite, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I say grimly. "Look. Earlier, when I said it wasn't a big deal, I only said that because I wanted to stop the discussion in front of Darius and I only meant to...reassure you. What Bells has is easily treatable and completely curable. It will be the same for us if our tests come back positive."

"What if that's not all you have?" she whispers.

"That's why we are both going to get a full panel. But, baby, there's no reason to suspect I have anything more than trich. Bells got a full work up and she got a clean bill of health otherwise. I wasn't with anyone she wasn't with for the last nine months...since before my last health screen. I swear."

"I understand what a huge mistake I made, not thinking about my history in Thailand, not considering the risk I was passing on to you, not getting tested.

"It's not an excuse, but I think the reason it happened like this? I've been living this rock star life where people take care of everything for me, but it ain't like that anymore. I'm your partner, I'm a father, I have to take responsibility for myself so I can take responsibility for my family."

She's sad, but she nods slowly at all the things I said. "You really mean that?"

"I really do. I will prove it."

"Why didn't you tell me about the other girls? We talked so much in therapy about your drug spiral in Thailand..."

I rub my face and sigh. "Because I'm done with all that fuckery. That's not at all what I want with you. I got no interest in anyone else and I wouldn't share you for shit, Marley. Besides...it wasn't just my experience to talk about."

"So you were protecting Arabella," she says, trying to withdraw her hand. I hold fast.

"No, no, not protecting her, not putting her above you, not at all. I was...respecting her privacy. Like I would respect yours. Like you didn't respect mine today."

She hangs her head. "Okay, that's true, and you have a right to be angry with me. I did sort of...make you the bad guy. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"This family shit is complicated enough, Marley. I don't want them all up in our business every time we have a fight. And we will fight, you know? But we need to figure out how to hold back in front of Darius. He deserves to know we are solid."

She says nothing. She just looks at her hand in mine. Suddenly I feel scared. "Marley, are we solid? Or has this made you...rethink us?"

"We're...solid," she says slowly. "I'm a straight up fool, but I meant what I said. Ride or die. Even if you kill me with a damn STD, I guess."

"You're gonna be okay, baby. I promise you. If we're positive, we will get treated and nothing—fucking nothing—like this will ever happen again. I'm faithful. I'm your man."

I lift her hand to my lips, kissing every one of her knuckles. She smiles, and leans her head on my shoulder. "We don't communicate well when tensions are high."

"Yeah, I know. We throw down, ghetto style."

"That's more my fault than yours."

"Hmmmm...I gave the neighbors a good show, chasing you down the driveway, ravin' and cussin'."

"Maybe we need counseling," she sighs.

I chuckle. "Getting the cart before the horse aren't you? Wanting us to go to marriage counseling?"

"Couples counseling," she corrects.

"Okay, let's do it."

I try to kiss her lips but she turns her head and gives me a limp hug instead.

I sigh. "You aren't gonna let me anywhere near you until I'm tested, are you?"

She pats my back lightly. "You're near me."

"Not near enough," I grumble.

She shoves me away lightly. "I'm sorry, I can't even think about sex right now without wanting to vomit."

"Now, Jasmine—that's probably all the wine you drank." I offer her the mop bucket. She rolls her eyes and slaps my pec and pulls herself to her feet.

When we go inside, we turn up the stairs discreetly—Marley to wash her face and pull back her hair, me to towel off and borrow a fresh shirt for dinner. When we are ready to go back downstairs, I turn in toward Marley in the upstairs hall, taking her in my arms.

It takes a long minute, but slowly, very slowly, she relaxes into my hug.

"I hate fighting with you. I love being close to you. You have no idea how much I missed you, these last few hours."

I try to kiss her neck but she tenses up. I release her, but a sigh of exasperation. "Jaz—"

"I hate fighting with you, too. I just need a little time to process everything, okay? Apparently, I don't let go of anger as easily as you do. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I don't feel loving towards you right now."

"Okay, I get it." I nod, putting my hands on my hips and toeing the carpet.

I get it, but I don't like it worth a damn. My attitude is the exact opposite...let's kiss to make up. But I guess my girl ain't like that. Something new I'm learning about her.

Daemon stomps up the stairs. "Y'all good now?"

"We're fine, thank you," Marley says coldly.

He snorts. "Don't seem like it. If you let me bring some boys around to kick the shit out of him, you'll feel better. Your mad will turn to pity for him, you see? It's what I would do for any other Shawty of a Sixer who was out of line..."

"No thanks," she grits.

"Fine. But like I told you, Marley, you're the mother of my kid. I always got your back if you need me."

"You got my back?"

"Yeah."

"Except when you are trying to have me killed," she spits.

I automatically put myself between them. I give Daemon an exasperated grin and her a pleading look. "Dae, she didn't mean that—she's just upset with me. Baby, please—"

Daemon clucks and shakes his head. "Naw, I admit, she's gotta right to hold a grudge about that."

"Ya think, motherfucker?" she hisses.

I groan. I have to force myself not to put a hand over her sassy mouth right now. Oh my god, if she doesn't shut-up our house will be shot up tonight, deal or no deal.

Daemon chuckles at her. "There's the Jasmine I used to know. Look... for the sake of our son, I'm gonna explain that shit to you once for all."

"You're gonna stand here and explain to me why you tried to have me killed?" she whispers.

"Yeah," he huffs, like it's nothing.

Now I'm pissed. I turn to him in utter disbelief. "Fine, explain that shit if you can. Cause you did a piss poor job explaining it the night I bought her life with three million dollars."

He grins. "Well, you had a gun to my head, that hindered my inclination to explain." He leans against the wall. "It's like this, Marley. That drive-by at the club? That was a misunderstanding. You and me had had some harsh words that day. I admit, I got a little drunk and I got a little belligerent and I might have talked some shit I didn't mean at the pool hall. I realize now, some of them new boys don't know me that well. They took my bullshit about capping my Babymama for real. I promise you, it won't happen again.

"In fact, there's a new Sixmob protocol in place. All the guys know now, if I say I want my Babymama dead, they have to get the second approval from Big Mike. You know how much Big Mike likes you. He won't ever let me follow through unless you really actually deserve it."

He pats her cheek and she jerks away. I catch her hand before she slaps him.

"Don't even think about it," I warn her.

So she slaps me instead and stomps down the stairs.

Daemon crows as I rub my jaw and cuss a little to ease the sting.

"I love Saturday night family dinners," he says. "Come on and have a beer, TJ's putting the ribs on..."

I sigh. He laughs, realizing what he said.

"Shit. You can't have a beer. Dr. Watkins won't let you."

"Fuck you, Daemon," I say as we head down the stairs.

"You can try, but you'll regret it," he warns.

As I stroll out onto the deck and accept a Red Bull from Darius,  I'm so fucking glad I'm bound for LA and sunshine and Soundcrush tomorrow. I love my woman, my kid, my family, my hood, my crib—hell I'm even getting kind of fond of some of the damn Sixers again—but every brother needs a break from the thuglife now and then.

I'm ready to put the rock star back on.

Yay! Anybody besides me been missing Soundcrush?