Chapter 8: I'll punch you, I swear to God.

I'm not to proud to admit that I considered getting my knife out the moment I saw her. I calm my nerves, and step forward, ready to confront her. She's out of uniform, too.

I stomp forward, fully ready to push her aside to get in and drive away. "Say a single word and I'll punch you, I swear to god." I'm equal parts infuriated and concerned. What the hell is she doing here?

She solemnly smiles. "You said I had one chance to redeem myself. This is going to be a lot to take in, but I really need to borrow your gun."

"...what?" The request hit my like a brick to the skull, snapping me from a blinding rage.

"Your gun. Give me your gun."

I can barely formulate thoughts. "You... want me to give you my gun?"

"I know this is an absurd thing to ask... but trust me. I know you won't agree to it if I tell you what I'm about to do, but I absolutely need your gun for this to work."

She's asking me to trust her. Just like that. She can't be serious, can she?

Then again, she's piqued my curiosity now. I can't help but want to know where she's headed with this. "You know what? Okay." I take my gun from my void, and offer it to her.

She gratefully takes it, and checks to see if its loaded. Satisfied, she clicks the magazine back into place, and pulls back the safety. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm already pretty damn angry, since you're stopping me from getting into my car. Get to the point or get out of my way."

"There are four things you need to know, okay? I promise I'm going somewhere with all this, but you have to have faith in me that I'm not trying to do anything wrong. Please?" I can see the way her hands are shaking. Something she's about to reveal is terrifying to her.

With a pained sigh, I wave her on.

"First, I'm not trying to hurt you. If I was, I could have shot you or something, right?"

I look at her blankly, entirely missing whatever she's trying to say. "...what the fuck, Mirka?"

She moves on to the next without an answer. "Second, I quit my job. I... I didn't like who it was making me become, okay? I let the shitty police propaganda get to me. It was a huge mistake, and I don't have another way beyond it than to quit. Which is why I needed to borrow your gun for this next part."

"Seriously, what the hell is happening? Is there a gas leak?" She quit being a cop because of me? That's... a really big commitment. Not enough, but a big commitment.

Her hands start to shake a bit more. "Third, I'm completely alone right now. No one's around, and I don't have any coworkers or former coworkers nearby."

I don't like where this is going, even if I don't know what's at the end.

"Fourth... here." She offers me two things: my gun, and a leather wallet. I take both, first taking my gun in my right hand, and the wallet in my left. I flip it open, wondering if this is supposed to be a bribe.

I wish it was.

Inside is a small plastic ID card, with a picture of Mirka's face and in large, official looking text above it: "Magical Beast Research."

My heart stops for a moment, until I force it to resume, as I point the gun at Mirka's head.

She closes her eyes, entire body now shaking. "Lena. I joined MBR as an investigator under the express condition that I would be assigned as your personal caseworker as well. No one from MBR is ever going to bother you again without first going through me. You're free. I'll make up whatever story you want me to if you need to skip town, or-"

"Mirka."

She stays silent, her breaths uneven and without any rhythm.

"I'm not going to shoot you. Obviously." I return the gun to my void.

She looks slightly relieved, but the shaking remains. She has good instincts.

"I am going to punch you, because this was the stupidest fucking idea I've ever heard in my entire life. Your plan, because you know MBR scares the shit out of me and you tried to sick them on me, was to join them."

She says nothing, but I can see her eyes starting to mist.

"Are you going to get me taken away if I punch you? Because I'm not going to hold back, and you know how strong my shell is."

She shakes her head rapidly. "No. Of course I won't. I... I'm ready." She takes a final preparatory breath.

I have options here. I could punch her very lightly, and call everything square. That's what I should do, I know. That's what a normal person is expected to do.

I made a promise to myself, though, that I'm not going to fake it. And right now, I really want to punch her. All I have to do is trust that she won't turn me in if I do.

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Mirka sits in the backseat of my car, silent. I'm sure her heart is pounding, and since her shoulder is now in a sling after I dislocated it with my fist, I don't blame her for it. Still, I'm not going to have an important conversation in the middle of the road, and there's a conversation to be had.

I pull into the parking lot for my apartment, wordlessly stepping out and letting Mirka follow behind me. I take the elevator up, and admittedly, I don't hold the door for her and let her take the stairs. If I'm ever allowed to be petty, its now.

I stand at my apartment door, holding it open for her, and locking it behind her once she's inside.

"So, Mirka, why the fuck did you think that I would want you to join MBR? Genuinely. I'm going to lose my shit if I don't hear your explanation." I start pacing the floor, but stop after a few seconds. It isn't comforting. I return to gentle head scratching instead.

Mirka sits down on the couch in her usual spot, looking me in the eyes. "You... said you'd forgive me if I did something worthy of it. I thought... well, if MBR is that scary for you, I could act as both an early warning system for you, and I could be a safe point of contact for you and any other magical beasts you know. I... I get that this is really weird, but-"

"Okay." The fact that it was intended as a noble, self-sacrificing gesture irritates me even more. At least, though, I see her train of thought. "And you thought I would forgive you for the horrible thing you did by joining the people who do the horrible things?"

She closes her eyes, her body sinking into the couch. "I just... I had to do something. I don't need forgiveness, but I needed you to know I tried."

"Glad I can be a vessel for your good intentions." Despite my opinion of her plan, this idiot tried. On my account. Even let her shoulder get dislocated for me. I really wish she didn't try so hard, so I'd be less conflicted. My mind is saying to just kick her out, but also wants her to stay. She couldn't have just made this easy for me, huh?

"It's... I fucked up, huh?" she says, a rueful smile fleetingly present.

"Yeah. Badly." Saying that made me feel a slight pang of guilt. Actual guilt. Fleeting, but present. I push it away from my mind. No time to think about that now.

"Okay. I'll quit right now, then. I knew this was a possibility, so I already drafted a resignation letter. Here..." She pulls up her mail app on her phone, offering it to me. Sure as hell, she has a whole letter written out, and ready for sending to an email address that's a meaningless string of numbers and letters.

Her eyes are starting to water as I'm lost in thought, an accent to her melancholic smile fighting itself and losing. "I... this plan was probably pretty stupid. I haven't slept much this last week and three days."

I sit down on the couch, handing her phone back to her and continuing to think. "Mirka, you know I do a lot of illegal things, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm not a cop anymore. My job is to narrowly investigate specific problems. If we ever come in to conflict on that front, I'd warn you ahead of time and stall for as long as I could while you hide the evidence." Her eyes can't seem to focus on me as a couple tears drip down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Lena. This is the best idea I could think of. Thank you for trusting me this far, but... I get it. I can go. I'll only contact you if its to warn you about something, okay? I'm sorry. I'm just... sorry."

She clings to the armrest of my couch like a raft in a storm, tears flowing at a trickle from puffy, bloodshot eyes. She hasn't stopped trembling since before punched her. I doubt I could pry her away from my apartment even if I tried.

I am a fairly heartless person, I think, but this is beyond my ability to ignore. I have never had someone go this far for my sake, and it isn't even remotely close. She looks up and into my eyes, and must be seeing something I'm not intending to project. Her faintly hopeful spark starts to drain away, leaving behind a bitterly cold emptiness.

In this moment, I only want to reignite it.

"Stop apologizing. You're forgiven. Christ, you really went the extra mile for this, huh?" I pull a tissue from a box on the coffee table, and wipe her eyes and cheeks of tears.

"...thank you. I... I tried." There's a long, awkward pause as she stays in her seat. "So... well, what are you doing today?"

Why the hell does she want to know? Is she planning something else? It takes me a few seconds to put the pieces together. "Hang on. You think we're friends."

She quickly nods.

"After all this."

She nods again, even faster.

"After I dislocated your shoulder and briefly considered killing you and decomposing your body."

"Didn't know that last part... but yeah."

The tenacity alone is impressive. My mind can't let go of how much she's willing to go through to earn my forgiveness, not to mention how she's made herself a practical asset too. I don't think I could handle cutting her out of my life again.

I let a discomforting silence fill the space between us, until she awkwardly breaks it. "So... I, uhh-"

"You should sleep. I'm going to go bring your car back here."

"Do you need me to pay for a rideshare or something?"

I change into my raven shell. Mirka jokingly slaps her forehead with her good arm and tosses me her keys. I pick them up in my beak, and take off out the window.

My thoughts gust through my mind as I catch a thermal updraft. What the hell is wrong with her to go through all of this for the sake of one person who might not have even appreciated the gesture? More importantly, what the hell is wrong with me for finding it endearing?

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Mirka is once again relaxing on my couch, now wearing a bag of ice on her shoulder as she checks her phone for something. She slept for a solid ten hours immediately after I forgave her. She really had been losing sleep over it, considering how peaceful she looked despite the injury.

I watch her mouth contort in a half dozen ways as she types on her phone. My curiosity overtakes me. "Mirka, what are you doing?"

"Explaining how I slipped down a staircase to my handler." A goofy smile overtakes her face as she flicks here eyes over to me.

I didn't consider that when I punched her. That's something for the journal. "You're probably hungry, right? I don't keep food on hand, other than sandwiches I keep in my void, so I can-"

"Actually, a sandwich sounds nice. If that's okay." She fully turns her head to face me, tired eyes shining brightly.

"You said that you wouldn't eat anything I extruded."

"That was before I went almost a full day without eating." She sheepishly sets down her phone.

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"Fine, fine." I retract my shell and drift over to her, carefully releasing the sandwich above her. I know what kind she likes, and the meatball sub is a bit too large to pull from my thigh. I should probably start stocking my void with more sandwiches...

As soon as she has the sub, the newly-christened MBR agent snatches me from the air, holding me in her hand like I'm a moth she's trying to let outside. It's a strange sensation, being held like this, but far from unpleasant. Its almost like a shell, but less stressful. There's no sensations to process, no organs to manage, and no muscles to move. It's just my general sense of the environment around me, and the knowledge that I'm being held.

Realistically, I should be absolutely terrified. I'm literally in the palm of an MBR investigator's hand. Yet somehow, I'm perfectly content.

She brings me inward, holding me close to her heart, keeping me in place for a moment before extending her arm and letting me go. I float back and send out my shell again.

That felt intimate. Very intimate.

"...what the hell was that supposed to be?" I ask, trying to keep myself together. I don't want to scare her by looking too happy.

"I wanted to hug you, Lena. I really do like you." She blushes slightly before distracting herself by biting into the sandwich.

"Twenty-four hours ago I never wanted to see you again. You remember that, right?"

She responds by shrugging and turning back to her phone.

"You're psychotic. Completely unhinged. Divorced from reality. Beyond help."

"Don't forget embarrassingly foolish," she adds, taking another large bite. "If I made you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?"

That's the problem. It didn't. I fell right back into the mindset I had right before I was going to ask her out. My opinion of her flipped like a light switch, and I'm already yearning for her again, despite everything. I don't know if that says anything about me, but I'm worried she'll take it the wrong way. Then again, she initiated it. Is she coming on to me? So soon?

"No, it didn't. It was really soothing. It felt... at least I thought it felt romantic."

She chews quickly, swallowing before speaking again. "That's what I was going for. If I overstepped-"

"You didn't," I interrupt, not wanting her to feel like she crossed a line. "I was just making sure."

There's a very awkward silence between us for a few seconds, which she breaks by uncomfortably saying a stilted, "Okay. Good."

I need to abandon this topic before it gets any worse. I move away from the couch, and set out my tarp on the floor near the door, and drop the body I'm making for Amber on top of it.

"So... I'm doing something interesting today, I'm working on a new body for a shapeshifter friend."

She turns around to look, and immediately turns back away from the door once she sees the body is naked. "Cool. Super cool... Cool."

I get the sudden urge to use my raven shell and fly full-speed into a window. To break the uncomfortable conversation, I get to work, starting with the inside modifications. I take a buck knife from my void, and carve open the body I made, smashing the ribs open to get easier access to it. Mirka, at hearing all the squelching and cracking, finishes her sandwich quickly before coming over and sitting on the floor on the side of the tarp.

She coughs, slowly adjusting to looking at the mess. "What do I do?"

"Seriously? On a full stomach?" She's really giving this her all.

"This is how you make your shells, right? I want to get used to that so I can help you modify them more, like I did with the tentacle thing."

Okay. Start her off slow, right? "Sure, suit yourself. Do me a favor and cut out the heart. Here." I offer her my knife. She takes it with a nod, and despite visibly choking back vomit, she starts to cut away. Before she even manages to cut away a single ventricle, I see her turn away and press the crook of her elbow to her mouth.

Frustrating. I reabsorb the body and blood for now, cleaning my own shell in the process. By the time my shell is out again, Mirka is pounding a glass of water to keep from puking and thoroughly washing her hands and arms.

"The smell?" I ask.

"The smell. I'm sorry."

"Mmm. I'm going to go work on some more organ systems in the meantime."

She nods appreciatively. "I'm sorry I'm delaying it."

"You aren't, I'll just work in a different order than I usually do. Might turn out more efficiently," I lie, watching her swallow the last of her nausea.

"I'm gonna go back to sleep, I think. I haven't slept well in days..." She releases a breath, and lays back down on the couch.

"You can use the bed, you know."

"Yeah... but I'm already here. Unless you needed the couch for something." She stifles a yawn, shifting a bit.

Before I forget to, I write down a few things.

#44: Like most people, I'm prone to making bad decisions when emotional.

#45: Once forgiven, my relationship with the person can pick off immediately where it left off. I don't harbor a grudge, only skepticism.

#46: I enjoy being held in someone's hands.

I retract my shell again. It seems I'm doing it a lot these past few days, but this time, it's for a different reason than normal. I can focus on making organs fine while still sensing things with my shell, but there's a benefit to the peacefulness of not wearing one.

I float over to Mirka, and cautiously bump myself against her hand. It's a little embarrassing, and absolutely weird, but it did genuinely feel nice. She takes the hint and cradles me me to her heart again as she falls asleep. I can only imagine what her face looks like right now. If I were in my shell, I know what my expression would be.

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I open the door to Shirai's basement lab two days after Mirka's apology, to which I walk in on a scene of him humming while trying to stitch together someone with a half dozen knife wounds, with three other people watching. Immediately, they all raise guns.

"You guys need to relax, that's my friend Lena. Great timing, by the way, can you grab me some O negative from the back?"

"For sure." I've done it enough times that I know what he means by 'grab it from the back.' I go to the supply cabinet, open an empty blood bag, and start producing it. I really need to find a better place to put my core than my thigh. I'm too thick to store myself in my shell's hand... maybe stomach area? Scalp? Armpit?

For now, I focus on the blood. It's is pretty easy. No complex tissues or structures, just a lot of the same cells. Takes me barely three minutes to fill a bag, and I run it over to the the patient and feed the line, while Shirai dexterously works. It's a tense fifteen minutes and requires a second bag, but in the end, the patient is stable.

Shirai breathes a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Lena. These three guys were waiting to murder me if I messed up."

"We weren't gonna do shit, doc. Its just respect to the boss." One of them says.

"Let me sound impressive to my friend, you're spoiling the moment! You guys take room 102. There's a snack bar in there, free of charge, of course. You know the usual bill for multiple abdominal stab wounds by now. Kick off ten percent though, head honcho discount." Shirai winks as the three men take their boss away to a side room.

As soon as they're out of sight, Shirai actually looks relieved. "Lena, he was absolutely going to die if you weren't here. Amazing timing, though I gotta ask why you're here. Something up?"

"Yeah. Just wanted to tell you that Melo was right about Mirka."

He groans, but the dumb smile on his face grows. "Oh my god. I have to hear this story. Come on, Melo has to hear it too." He excitedly drags me over to the break room, locking the door behind him as he sits next to the tank.

Melo flashes in her usual colors, to which Shirai laughs. "Melo says that you look like I did the first time she and I cuddled up together."

I try to avoid thinking of the logistics behind freezing water and cuddling. "She got all that just from me standing here?"

She glows yellow.

"Damn. That's actually super impressive. Anyway, you two are never going to believe this." I start from when I grabbed the robber, the two of them hanging on every word, only interrupted with the occasional reddish orange flash from Melo and Shirai mirroring her 'No' of disbelief.

I'm sure to include everything, not skipping over the part where I punched her. If there's one person in this world I trust, its Shirai.

By the end, when I talk about her napping with me in her hand, Shirai is almost on the verge of tears, and I think Melo is trying to comfort him based on the slow and smooth color transitions in the bars that run down her filaments.

Shirai sniffles back, managing to avoid crying. "That's such a cute story. I thought for sure she was a chaser who panicked when reality set in. But jeez, that was a lot of trust in you to not kill her. Also, that's an insane thing to just drop on you, but Melo says its kind of cute in a messed up kind of way. I think what we learned from this is that Melo gives way better relationship advice than me."

Another yellow flash across the algae.

I turn my head to Melo. I can't understand what she says, but it feels rude not to when she's talking. "I guess so. Anything I should watch out for, o great guru?"

Shirai watches a fast series of flashing, asking her to repeat something since she's going to fast. Eventually he turns back to me, the couch groaning as he readjusts himself. "Melo says to watch out for her getting possessive. Like, it's one thing to be a little clingy like Melo is-"

Melo interrupts with a half red, half orange flash, making Shirai rolls his eyes. "It's one thing to be a little clingy like I am, but its another to want to hide you away from others and keep you for herself. Even Melo has other friends, and she's not much of an extrovert."

I don't question it, for my own sake.

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I reply to a couple texts from Mark and Kapil as I enter the coffee shop with a wave. It's just Kemp and Casey, with a barista I don't recognize. It's only six or so, so no surprise there. I'm starting to wonder if Casey actually has a job.

"Yo." Casey raises a hand, to which I reply with my own. Kemp is off in a corner with his laptop, so I sit next to Casey. They look pretty happy today.

"What's up, Casey?" I ask, climbing onto the stool next to her.

"Guess who just got a promotion?"

"Hopefully that dumbass manager you were talking about got axed, and you took his throne."

"I wish, but at least we're both managers now. I get the feeling he won't last long compared to me. By the way, this is Nene. He's cool."

Nene is a strange guy, wearing cargo shorts and a t shirt reading 'I like my women like I like my men. Consenting.' He has skin like the end of a sunset, with eyes that rival the moon in chilly mystery. I get the feeling a lot of customers leave with him as soon as his shifts end. Still, he looks friendly enough.

I look him over, skeptical. "When you say 'cool'..."

"He knows knows Amber." Casey nods a few times, not trying to out me again.

"Ahh. Hey, Nene." I nod at him.

"Hey yourself, new face. Since you're asking if I'm cool, you're a non-human, I assume?"

So much for that. "Yep. It's complicated what I am, though."

Casey snorts. "She's a floating black golf ball that absorbs things, breaks them down, and uses them to make bodies or whatever else she wants."

"Oh, is she?" Nene asks, leaning in closer to me. "Tell me more about your bodies."

Yep. My hunch was right. "Sorry, I'm actually off the market."

Casey looks at me in perplexed amusement, like she's solving a puzzle. "For real? You sure do flirt with me a lot for someone off the market."

"Well, we only starting kinda dating a couple days ago."

"No shit? Good for you. Hopefully better than the psycho cop who... I see that look in your eyes. I thought she called MBR on you. Isn't that like a snake dating a mongoose?"

"Ehh. I'm a sucker for big romantic gestures. She quit being a cop and joined MBR to show how sorry she was. It makes sense in the context I'm not sharing with you."

Casey closes her eyes tight. "Nene, our friend here doesn't have much of a conscience, and she's apparently a dumbass, too."

Nene grimaces. "I knew she was a dumbass from the second you mentioned her girlfriend being a cop. No offense."

I chuckle. "None taken. Oh, could I have a cup of whatever sugary syrup you have mixed with enough water that its drinkable?"

He nods. "We have a lot of extra strawberry. On the house, if you stop dating a cop."

"She actually quit her job this morning, so ex-cop. Free drink, please."

"Once a cop-"

"I was a cop too for a couple weeks. That's where we met actually."

Nene leers at me. "You're just a whole bundle of contradictions, huh?"

Casey smirks at him, taking a short sip from a half-empty cup. "Wait 'til you hear that her day job is being Kapil's medicine manufacturer."

The barista raises an eyebrow. "Well, then. Does your bastard person-hunting MBR cop girlfriend know?"

"She knows I decompose corpses for material and to create shells, so I imagine that's the least of her concerns." I don't really have an inclination to correct him about calling Mirka a bastards, since I still think MBR is mostly bastards. Hardly his fault for believing the same things I do.

Nene shakes his head in disbelief. "Its like your moral compass is placed on magnetic north. I can't even begin to get a read on you."

"You try navigating life without remorse. It's hard."

Nene folds his arms. "Does your girlfriend know about you being a sociopath?"

I start to talk, but stop myself. Probably easier to get Mirka herself to say it than continuing to defend myself against the nosiest barista in the world. "Hang on." I grab my phone and call her. She picks up within a few seconds.

"Lena!" Her voice comes through the phone, still cute despite the distortion.

"Hey, you're on speaker with a friend of mine and a potential arch-enemy. Did you know I'm a sociopath?"

She exhales into the phone. "You're not. You just don't really have much empathy. Or sympathy. You do have compassion, though, and have more empathy for your friends. And certain kinds of strangers. You're a complicated individual who makes me very happy, whatever you're experiencing."

"Thanks. Tell Nene to eat a dick?" He flips me off, to which I reply in turn.

"I don't know who that is, but eat a dick, Nene. Okay, see you in a bit!"

"Yup." I hang up, smugly staring the barista down.

He cracks a smile. "You're certainly one of a kind, arch-enemy."

"Thanks. I don't care if you meant it as a compliment, I'm taking it as one."

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Nene's questioning made me realize something. I've been so caught up in my own thoughts and emotions, that I haven't once checked on how Mirka is holding up. Even though she was the one at fault, her emotions are still important in the aftermath, and she might be doing worse than I am right now.

As such, when I get home, the first thing I do is walk over and hug Mirka, who is taking a sad looking frozen dinner from the microwave.

"Hey," I chirp as I carefully grab her from behind.

"Hey yourself," she says, setting down the plastic tray. "Don't grab me when I have hot food in my hands, though."

"I was gentle!" We share an uneasy smile. It's definitely still awkward. "Mirka, I need your honesty for a moment."

She turns around, looking concerned. "What's going on?"

"I'm an ass for not asking this earlier, but are you upset, angry, or anything else with me right now?"

She thinks for a bit. "Ehh... a little, yeah. Like, it bothers me how you've been insulting me a lot since we reconnected. Mostly, though, I'm getting intrusive thoughts that you're putting me through some elaborate ruse to get back at me."

I'm really glad I asked. There's a lot of baggage in the second statement. It's obvious in hindsight that every problem we have wouldn't magically repair itself just because we're sharing an apartment again, and it's going to take time for her to be fully comfortable around me. I have time to spare, though.

"That second one does sound like something I'd do, but I'd be happy to show you some trust in return. What're you feeling, face tattoo with your name?"

She laughs a little, but it trails off unevenly. "No, nothing like that. You're obviously not, my mind just wanders."

"I get it, and I apologize for calling you an idiot a few too many times lately... This is a very difficult situation that I haven't navigated emotionally before."

"Tell me about it... Lena, I know you forgave me, but how can I earn your trust again? I'm assuming its possible, but-"

"You already did. It's the one part of empathy I have in spades. Like, I'd genuinely prefer to be shot a few times, thrown into a basement to bleed to death, and locked away for a week than have my trust broken. So I wouldn't be dating you if I didn't trust you."

"Oh..."

"The fact you trusted me not to kill you was enough. So yeah, you have my trust... but you know how when you dislocate your shoulder the first time, it becomes easier to do it going forward? It's like that, I think, easier to break. Not that have much experience in forgiving people." I take one of several bags of sugar from the cabinet, and start eating it by the spoonful.

"I get it. I'm done being an idiot. Still, I hurt you in two really awful ways. I feel extra guilty now."

"Then it evens out, you can feel all the things I don't at twice the normal amount."

She rolls her eyes at the joke before she turns off the stove, and takes her frozen dinner to the table with me. "I can't get over how weird my life is. I'm dating a corpse-eating non-human with a weak sense of morality. And I'm very happy."

"Meanwhile, I've found a person who would literally entrust her life to me after she did both of the only two things I thought I could never forgive someone for: calling MBR on me, and being a member of MBR."

"We're an odd pair, that's for certain." She drags her chair across the floor, putting it close to mine with a smile.

"Speaking of odd pairs, my best friend wants to meet you."

"You have a best friend?"

"The guy who gave me all the corpses to decompose, and I sell organs to. Now that you're not a cop and I trust you, he wants to say hello."

I watch her force herself into false enthusiasm. It's endearingly unconvincing.

I'm not quite done getting petty revenge on her yet, even if we are a couple. This is going to be so much fun.