35. Ashe

Kissing Dani was like coming up for air and learning how to breathe again after living for centuries without oxygen. It felt familiar and exotic all at once. It made my head spin and my heart palpitate to a rhythm of its own making. It was so much more than what I had imagined in the few times I allowed myself to fantasize about it.

It felt like home.

I close my eyes, losing myself in the moment as my hands travel up her arms to cup her face. She shudders under my touch and a small moan rumbles in her throat. My stomach clenches as a gnawing hunger stirs inside me, numbing my mind to everything except for my own pulsating needs. Have I been starved for so long?

She shifts her position on the bed, pressing her warm body into mine as she straddles me, and my arms slip to grab her thighs. I pull her impossibly closer, dragging her across my lap, and my skin tingles at the fire that was left in her wake. Her command may have willed my body to respond but my heart begged me not to stop. And so, even after I feel the threads of magic dissipate as Dani's wish is fulfilled, I choose temptation over reason and keep kissing her. Consequences be damned.

The pads of her thumbs trace my jawline and she pushes me back against the headboard in earnest, her mouth shaping to mine as she deepens the kiss. The sweet taste of desire dances on my tongue, teasing me with the promise to satiate my thirst, and I part her lips in pursuit of it. Her moans grow louder, more intense, and I can feel the heat of her passion radiate through our clothing. A frustrated growl rattles in my chest. Clothes were an obstacle. I needed to feel her skin. I needed to taste her!

Heated blood surges in my veins as my fingers slip under the hem of her blouse and snake slowly up her bare sides. Our touch is electric. Goosebumps prickle her flesh and a breathless gasp escapes her, sending another shockwave through my core as my heart rate spikes to dangerous levels. Her fingers thread roughly through my hair as she grinds her hips against me and my mind goes blank. I dig my nails into her back, trying to ground myself back to sanity, but as her lips find mine again I teeter on the edge of losing myself to the craving of her.

“You're so warm,” Dani whispers against my mouth and my teeth graze her bottom lip as I meet her gaze.

I can hear the lust infused in her voice, I can smell the desire saturating the air between us, but I cannot see it reflected in her eyes or taste it on her tongue. It bubbled in my own throat, fueling the fire under my skin, but I wanted to feel it from her. I wanted to taste it, to know that this feeling was not mine alone. I wanted to know the flavor of every precious emotion that she held within her heart.

“God, I want you.” Those words sound like an invitation to heaven from her lips. I pull her in for another heated kiss, eager to see just how close she could take me before we come crashing down.

An earthy aroma wafts around her, clinging to her hair and lingering on her breath. It smells raw, potent and familiar. Almost like . . .

Hashish?

Something clicks in my mind, yanking me from the fog, and I pull back abruptly. My head hits the wall behind me and a hiss leaves my lips as I wince in pain.

“Ashe?”

I snap my eyes up to meet her forest green once more. Her lips are swollen and her cheeks flushed as she stares at me, eyebrows knitted together with an expression that I cannot read. But I did not have to sense her emotions to recognize the slight glaze in her eyes.

“Are you high right now?”

Her blush deepens in the fading light. “Yes, b-but it's okay! I'm in my right mind! I know what I'm doing.”

You have no idea.

I drop my arms to the side, gripping the bedsheets to keep my hands from shaking. To keep them from reaching back out and touching her. This was a mistake, I never should have given in to the ring's temptations. I never should have let her in!

“Dani—”

“Don't push me away, Ashe. Please.” She leans her forehead against mine and squeezes her eyes shut. “I want this.”

Her last words are no louder than a whisper but they echo my desire all the same. I decide it was best to pretend I never heard them, to pretend that I did not share the same throbbing ache that burned in her core. The same yearning that could ruin us both.

If only pretending that this never happened would be just as easy.

“I, I can't—” I choke down the fire that bites at the back of my throat. The hunger that threatened to consume if I let my resolve falter. “I can't do this, Dani.”

She untangles her hands from my hair and places them on either side of my face, her gaze unblinking. All I wanted to do was close what little distance there was and melt into her embrace once more. All my demon wanted to do was feed on the emotions she stirred within me until we were both swallowed up by its fire.

I would not let that happen.

“I don't understand what you're so afraid of,” she says, tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she tries to search the depths of my dark soul, but I did not need my abilities to sense the pain reflected in her stare. It mirrored my own. “Or why being so close to you hurts so much. Is any of this real for you? Do you feel anything . . . anything at all?”

My insides twist at her words. More than you know.

I place a trembling hand on her shoulder and gently push her off of me. My skin turns to ice in the fissure that cracks open between us, but it smothers the hunger that clawed at my mind and that was enough. I would only ever allow myself enough.

“No,” I say instead. It feels like my heart is shattering to pieces as I swing my legs around and push myself out of the bed. “It was the ring's magic. Nothing more.”

I quickly leave the room before the barista can give me another reason to stay.

***

“Ah, chhotee juganoo, so good of you to finally join us.”

I swallow back the emotions that still smoldered in my chest and offer Nadia a strained smile. I can only hope that she does not sense the lingering storm swirling in the pit of my stomach.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, aantee,” I say as I take a seat next to Marco on the couch. The bear tenses for only a moment but soon his body relaxes as I curl my legs under me and lean against the armrest.

I could not blame him for being so nervous. Though I've told him many times about Nadia before, he has never met a demon in person. So few have. With the stigma of what they could do always lurking in the back of people's minds, I imagine it was like sitting on pins and needles for him to be in the same room as one now.

“Where's Dani?”

Reflexively, I glance around and notice for the first time that the barista has not followed me downstairs. After the line that I just crossed, though, that may be for the best. I was not sure if I could stand to be near her right now.

“She, um—” Marco's brow furrows and he sniffs the air, one bushy eyebrow lifting curiously as his mustache curls into a knowing smirk, and I inwardly groan. “Nothing happened,” I hiss, but his smug grin only widens.

“Your hormones beg to differ.” He taps a finger to his nose and I shoot him a look that could kill. Damn shifters and their uncanny sense of smell. “I hope you're feeling more relaxed now.”

I've never felt more tense. I roll my eyes despite the heat that still flared in places it should not. I needed to get these feelings under control; if Marco could sense something was amiss, then it would not be long before Nadia and Catalina picked up on it, too. “Nothing fucking happened, Marco. Now drop it.”

The bear only grunts in reply.

“Did you sleep well, love?” Catalina purrs, drawing my attention. A pungent cloud of smoke puffs from between her ruby red lips as she regards me with a predatory stare and a flicker of desire rolls off of her, caressing my mind the moment our eyes meet. I repress the shudder that tingles at the base of my spine. I was still coming down from my high with Dani; I did not need to stoke the fire that still simmered deep within me.

“Well enough, no thanks to you.” I rub a palm over the back of my neck and train my gaze on her crossed legs, instead. “I didn't think our ride over here was that exhausting. How long was I out?”

“It was hardly a snack—” Catalina pauses, as if recalculating her response, and I raise an eyebrow in curiosity. “Even so,” she continues after a moment, “you've been recovering for several hours now. We have some important matters to discuss.”

“Yes we do.” I turn to Nadia, determined to take my mind off of everything that had transpired earlier. Getting down to business seemed like a good start. “Like how there's a witch after me.”

The demon meets my gaze with a shrug. “Witches will always hunt us in their pursuit of power. This is nothing new.”

“It seems more personal than that.”

“Then kill them. You are a Reaper, you have the law on your side and you are more than capable of handling a lone witch. I do not see why this is a problem.”

“It's a problem when that witch is an apostate and she has another Reaper under her control. A dead Reaper with a demon's power burning in her blood.”

“I thought there were no more cambions left in service?”

“There aren't, and the Tribunal has apparently grown tired of raising humans as their foot soldiers and has decided to make half-breeds, instead. I'm sure they think it'll give them better control than what they've had with cambions in the past, but now one of their test subjects just so happened to be raised from the dead by a witch with a grudge.” Having that kind of power in the Tribunal's hands was one thing; for it to fall into the hands of witches with no accountability for their actions was dangerous for all of us.

“Why have I heard no mention of this?” Nadia shifts her attention to Catalina and the vampire frowns.

“Well the Genesis Project wasn't my idea. I've warned them on the dangers of tampering with demons but witches only listen to reason when it suits them.”

“You are an Elder with a seat at the table. How could they not listen to you?”

“You give me far too much credit, old friend. The witches who sit on the High Court now are no different than the ones who sat on it back then. Do you really think they care for the opinion of the regina vitaem?”

“As if creating soul rings was not trouble enough, now they try to create their own demons.” Nadia pinches the bridge of her nose. “You know full well the implications of what they do, Catalina. You know what it could mean if they succeed.”

“Well they haven't yet,” I interject, my jaw setting in agitation. “And they probably never will, but that's not my concern right now.” I lean forward and grab a hookah hose from the table. I cannot remember the last time I smoked hashish and a little buzz sounded like a good idea. After seeing my packet of cigarettes crumpled up in the trash, I needed something to settle my nerves and take the edge off. I'll have to ask who went through my things later.

I take a hit, rolling the earthy flavor around on my tongue as the smoke fills my lungs, before slowly exhaling and turning my focus back to Nadia. “Do you remember that local coven from twenty years ago? The one accused of reanimating corpses to harvest departed souls?”

“Of course I remember. You left a child on my doorstep that night.”

“Well this puppetmaster that's running around out there, she's that girl. And now she has some twisted vendetta against me.”

Catalina hums. “Well you did murder her entire family in front of her, love. Did you really think she would forget that? Or forgive so easily?”

“And I wouldn't expect her to,” I admit with a sigh. I have done many things I was not proud of, but that night was one of the few that haunted me over the years. The rogue coven was hardly a match against a handful of Reapers and barely even put up a fight.

But even then, something about that accusation never felt right to me. It was an election year for the witches serving on the High Court and, though they were small, the coven we were sent after was well-respected in the Fourth Ward. I may have only been doing my job then, but I'll be damned if this newfound introspection I seem to be doing lately has not made me start to question everything I've ever done under the Tribunal's command.

“The girl claims her family was framed.” I quirk a brow. “Were they, Cat? Was that massacre a ruse to keep someone in power on the High Court?”

“You know I don't much care for witches and their internal politics. But whether they were truly guilty or not, whether that was politically motivated or not, is irrelevant. What matters now is who she's aligned herself with, and that group spells trouble for us all.”

“She wouldn't even have gotten involved with the Enlightened if her coven wasn't slaughtered for political gains.” It would not have been the first time the figureheads of the alliance were suspected of abusing the Reapers for political power plays, but no one would dare say it aloud. Even in the shadows, people feared those in power and the ones with it would do anything to keep their hands on it.

“There is no such thing as due process in our world, darling, and accusations like that can hardly be disputed. It's a perversion of necromancy, after all, and that coven was well-adept in their use of soul magic. For all we know, the rumors could have been true.” Catalina clucks her tongue. “Regardless of the circumstances, though, you shouldn't have left any loose ends.”

“She was a child, Cat. I wasn't about to kill—”

“You've taken countless lives while in service to the Tribunal. What's the life of one child?”

I open my mouth to retort but guilt forces the words to die in my throat. Although I may be a killer when they need me to be, I often drew the line at murdering children. But those lines were becoming muddled and heroics had consequences. Saving this witch only to have her grow up harboring a thirst for vengeance, saving Dani only to endanger her life by slipping on the soul ring; I was quickly learning the true cost of being a hero.

“Look, we can talk about what to do with these witches later. But that's not why we came here.” I turn to Nadia. “How do we remove the ring from Dani's hand?” Once she was safe from the threats that seem to be circling around me, then I could give my undivided attention—and the deadly point of my Reaper's blade—to this puppetmaster and her Enlightened friends.

Nadia exhales slowly, a cloud of smoke billowing from her nose as she finally meets my gaze. “Death is the only way to free the soul that binds the ring. I am . . . sorry, chhotee juganoo. I know you wanted to hear of better news.”

My jaw clenches as a weight settles in the pit of my stomach. Was there really no other way?

“Killing her isn't an option, aantee.” Dani did not deserve such a fate and, regardless of the ring's magic that compelled me to protect her, I knew that I would never let her meet such a gruesome end. I'm not sure if I could ever forgive myself if I failed again.

Catalina rolls her eyes. “Then offer your soul in exchange for removing the ring and be done with it. We're going in circles with your hesitation and I grow tired of hearing it.”

I blink. My soul? “But won't that kill me?”

“Only the human part of you. You may be half demon, but the ring binds your mortal soul to it just as it binds hers. The magic is broken when one of those links is severed.”

“You know what losing her soul would mean, Catalina.” Nadia raises an eyebrow. “What game are you playing at?”

“It was merely a suggestion, old friend. But she will not make such a sacrifice. There's no guarantee that it would work, anyway, and her life is far more valuable than some meek little human's.”

“That's a terrible idea,” Marco growls. “Can't you two come up with something that doesn't involve somebody dying?”

“To break a bond such as this, Marco, you have to remove one of the links. If Ashe wishes for the girl to live through this unbinding, then she must trade her own soul. It's how the ring was designed.” Catalina turns to me and a flicker of sorrow slips from her otherwise stoic composure. “Freedom from its magic comes at a cost, love, and someone must settle that debt. Are you really prepared to pay such a price?”

I take another hit from the pipe in my hand, tuning out Marco and Catalina's ensuing argument as I sit back and reflect on her words. I knew that asking to remove the soul ring without killing Dani would be a tall order, but I never imagined that it would mean I'd have to become the very thing I hate. Could I really give up my own soul to set the barista free?

After the line we crossed earlier I wanted to believe that she had no intention of letting the ring go and leaving this all behind. I had started to hope that she wanted to stay, that she wanted me to stay in her life. But with the threat of my ring being discovered by the Tribunal looming over our heads, and with this group of witches trying to control demons now after me and a puppetmaster hell-bent on revenge, it would be nearly impossible to keep her safe. And, although I tried burying it, I knew that if she stayed my growing feelings may end up killing us both anyway.

I was damned either way. But was her freedom worth trading my soul for?

***

It was late by the time I ascend the stairs and make my way to my old bedroom. Although Marco and Catalina continued to bicker on the subject of my soul versus Dani's death, no conclusion was reached and I had grown tired of listening to them debate our fates. Such big decisions could be dealt with later.

In the faint glimmer of moonlight, movement catches my eye and I creep over to the bed to see Dani sprawled out over the top. She must have smoked more than she should have if she was able to fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position. But despite the slight furrowing of her brow and the part of her lips, she still looked radiant in the dim light. It would be a crime to kick her out now.

As discreetly as I can, I shift the slumbering barista into a more comfortable position and tuck the bedsheets in around her. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight—

A hand wraps around my wrist as I turn to leave and the air freezes in my lungs.

“Stay.”

“I-I thought you were asleep.” Electricity shoots through me and I clench my jaw. My skin tingles under her touch all the same. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

“You didn't,” she murmurs sleepily. “My eyes are just too heavy to open.”

I'm powerless to stop the smirk that twitches in the corner of my mouth. “You've never smoked hashish before, have you?”

Dani shakes her head against the pillow, her eyes still squeezed shut. “I've never smoked anything before. Am I supposed to feel like I'll float away if I move?”

A chuckle betrays me and against my better judgment I sit on the edge of the bed. “It'll pass. Though, depending on how much you smoked, that might not be until tomorrow afternoon.”

“I blame the devil. Honestly, who wears heels all the time?”

“Who, Cat?”

“Is she as high as me right now?”

“No. She's a vampire, they don't feel the effects of drugs as quickly as humans do. She'd probably have to eat a whole bag of the stuff before she even felt a small buzz.”

“Then why'd she smoke it?”

“Why does Cat do anything she does?”

Dani's bottom lip puffs out, almost like a pouting child, and it takes everything in me not to reach out and kiss her again. “Well at least I'm beating her at something.”

“I don't think that's a good thing in this case.”

“Don't ruin this for me, chutney jigaboo.” She giggles at her attempt to pronounce Nadia's nickname for me and I roll my eyes. “I'll take my wins where I can.”

Her grip on my wrist loosens and I feel like it was safe to breathe again—until her fingers intertwine with mine. The gesture sends my heart racing once more. I may have tried to bury the memory of what transpired between us, wound up the threads and locked them away with the rest of my feelings, but my body still remembered the heat of her skin. The fire churning in my blood remembered it, too.

“I had the most wonderful dream earlier. We were dancing on the sun and I”—her lips curl into a genuine smile as her eyelids flutter open for an instant and I catch a glimpse of the endless green hidden behind them—“I think I kissed you.”

You did, and I want to do it again. I swallow back the words like a bitter poison. “Sounds like you're having a good trip. Not everyone's first time is so pleasant.”

She hums softly. “I wouldn't mind dreaming it again.”

Neither would I. I slowly release the breath that was caught in my throat and go to stand. “Get some rest, Dani. Sleep it off and you'll feel better in the morning.”

Her fingers tighten their grasp. “Stay with me. Please?”

“Dani—”

“If you leave then I might float away.” She has no idea how her words break right through me. They shatter me, mind and all. “I don't want to float away. I like it here.”

“I . . .” I'm not sure what to say. I know what I should say. I know that I should turn around and walk right out that door. My body did not require much sleep and staying would only complicate things further. “I should go—”

Dani tugs gently on my hand and all reason leaves me. I follow her pull, laying on top of the covers as she drags my arm over her and rotates on her side. She buries her face in the crook of my neck, her lithe frame molding to mine, and I instantly regret my decision.

“You smell nice,” she murmurs, her breath tickling my skin as an arm snakes across my hip.

I close my eyes against the shiver that runs up my spine. “Go to sleep.”

It was not long before her body relaxed and her breathing took on a familiar slow and steady pace as she drifted into unconsciousness. But sleep did not come so easily for me, not with the heat that sparked in my abdomen with every puff of air that drifted from her lips. And it did absolutely nothing to calm the fire burning in my mind as forbidden thoughts tease my senses.

Dani stirs after a while, her arm tightening around me as she scoots impossibly closer, and for a fleeting moment I consider paying the price for her freedom. The thought makes my pulse spike, but the thought of losing her numbs me to the core. Heroics had consequences. Saving her life that night at the club may end up costing me my humanity in the end.

One way, or another.

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A/N: So eventually I'll go back and add some tunes to the earlier chapters, but I heard this song the other day and the tone just seemed to fit perfectly with the beginning scene here. Not sure if I'll keep it or move it to a different chapter, but enjoy nonetheless!

And don't forget to vote if you're liking the story! I also enjoy hearing from my readers, so feel free to comment and don't be shy! Catalina's the only one that bites around here ;)