Chapter V - A Kindled Passion

A few rays of moonlight dimly illuminated Nakol’s face in the darkness of their chamber. He stood above her, gazing at the girl with a faint but devious grin, his eyes leisurely descending to take in her naked body. She squirmed slightly, feeling him devour her whole. It still felt weird for Amixia to allow herself to be seen in such a way, even by the man she loved the most and shared a life with. To be so defenseless, so open with someone else, to permit yourself to be invaded on such a personal level, it didn’t always make her comfortable, even after all the passionate moments they shared. And the man knew this very well.

His head descended slowly onto her belly, kissing it gently, making Amixia release a muffled moan. The further down he went, the more intense his lips savored her pale skin. Nakol loved taking his time with it, never rushing for an unpleasant climax. She knew he did it intentionally, to focus on pleasuring her first and foremost, before proceeding to intercourse. Tilting her head to the side, Amixia analyzed Nakol’s motions with her mouth narrowly opened. The warmness of his lips, the slow, heated air unleashed from his nostrils sent shivers along her entire body. It never ceased to amaze the girl just how much love and care Nakol had for her, how much he valued her needs and desires above his own. He was fully committed to Amixia, consistently supporting her and being by her side, even at the lowest of lows. The love he carried for her reverberated deeply in his actions and Amixia could not help herself but be happy at that thought.

As his mouth carefully danced along her feminine area, Amixia ran her short nails amidst his hair, pulling narrowly. Her neck stuck forward, leaving her head to fall deeper into the sturdy mattress. With each new lick and nibble, she moaned more loudly, twitching. Nakol placed his hands around her thin thighs, caressing them and hauling them over his shoulders. Each new movement sent dozens of pleasing sensations throughout the girl’s sweaty body. Nakol seemed to not tire whatsoever, keeping the same caution with his movements as he’s always had, striving to provide only the most exhilarating experience to her. After a while, Amixia felt it getting closer. The moment he’s been working towards all this time. Her climax.

She firmly gripped anything that came in her palms’ direction, the mattress, the pillow, even the wooden headboard above her head as her body’s jolts intensified. Nakol noticed her movements, adjusting himself to meet her strengthened desires. And through all the twitching, she eventually felt it. A powerful feeling flooded Amixia, releasing immense pleasure which made her struggle to breathe through fastened moans. She smiled broadly, her body succumbing to numbness. The sensation was above anything words were capable of describing.

Nakol raised himself and climbed higher up, reaching the girl’s lips into a soft, passionate kiss. He clasped her chubby face between his palms, stroking it with love and care.

“I hope you enjoyed it, my love.” he whispered, gazing into her dimly opened eyes with a broad smile

Amixia found herself unable to mutter any words, still struggling to catch her breath. Instead, she nodded and smiled back, stroking his bearded face. It struck Amixia in that moment that their night was far from over. There was a newly found responsibility that weighed on her shoulders to respond back to the pleasure given to her. She grabbed him by the neck, tucking him into her smallish chest and opening her legs wider, in a sluggish manner. He let out a low chuckle.

“As you command, my liege.” he whispered

With a careful movement, Nakol positioned himself downwards. Amixia could not control a moan that evaded her mouth as she felt him protruding inside her gently. Its warmth and size gave her goosebumps. Nakol placed his arms round the girl’s neck, hugging her and proceeded to thrust thoughtfully. Amixia lifted her legs and caged him around them. She reached for his biceps, clasping and kissing them gently. Amixia gazed into his eyes, noticing the sweat that dripped from his brows. Even though Nakol struggled to focus, he maintained eye contact and grinned narrowly, pushing away a few hair strands that fell on the girl’s forehead.

“I love you.” she whispered, her voice partially interrupted by small jerks

“I love you too.” he responded, their lips forming another kiss

The moonlight shone less brilliantly than before, as it shifted from its place, signaling to Amixia that the time was most likely past midnight. She sat on the side of the bed, her legs crossed beneath her, holding a warm mug in hand. Nakol stood beside her, facing the girl with his renowned devious grin. Sometimes she wondered if he was even capable of showing any other emotion instead of joy. It was quite infuriating at times, especially when she wanted to discuss serious matters with him and he would proceed to monkey around in his known fashion. And yet, there was nothing Amixia would change about him.

She lifted the mug and took a few sips of the hot tea within, feeling it pass down towards her belly. The plants found on Faye’s soil were popular for their rejuvenating abilities and were commonly used in healing the sick. Most of the neighboring villages knew that, which helped Faye become an important exporter for many such medicinal herbs. Amixia was not as interested in that aspect of it as it was in its taste and smell, which were simply incredible.

“I hope you like it.” Nakol said in a low voice

“It’s amazing.” Amixia responded, sniffing aggressively and sighing, a broad smile appearing on her face

“I knew you would say that. After all, I made it.”

She frowned and eyed him intently.

“And that automatically makes it the best tea in all of Galaria, right?” Amixia responded, teasing him

Nakol placed his hand on his chest, leaning backwards. A shocked expression appeared on his face.

“Exactly. How did you know?” Nakol answered, his mouth unable to control a forming smile

Amixia allowed her head to drop to the side, bouncing slightly up and down as it landed, the frown on her face only deepening.

“You are incredibly funny, my love.” the girl said, sipping more of the tea

“That’s my middle name.” Nakol replied in a nonchalant manner, leaning backwards on the mattress, his weight sustained on his elbows.

They both chuckled. The man simply loved clowning and joking, it was his nature. And what came as a surprise to Amixia, was that after years of being together, he was still mostly the same annoying, yet amusing Nakol she fell in love with. Besides for spots of white hair sprinkled around, which seemed to be more prevalent as time went on.

Presently, silence engulfed their chamber. The only noise that could sometimes be heard were the occasional fierce gusts that attracted Amixia’s attention, gathering her eyes’ focus on the window next to her side of the bed. A few branches were shaken quite strongly back and forth and in what seemed like an instant, rain started pouring onto them, falling carelessly between the thick leaves. The roof above them came alive, reverberating the sound of droplets quite strongly inside their chamber.

“You’re scared again?” Nakol asked, suddenly standing instead of lounging

Amixia grinned nervously.

“You know I’m not the biggest fan of rain.” she replied, her squirming face glancing outside the window, hoping for the rain to stop

“Come here.”

Nakol opened his lean arms and shook his palms aggressively, gesturing for her to come closer. She did not hesitate, placing her back against his chest, arms folding around her. He gently kissed her head, playing around in her long, thick black hair. Almost instantly, Amixia’s mood started to slowly switch, from the fear caused by the weather outside, to now feeling less anxious, controlling her emotions with greater strength. It was just rain, nothing to worry about. After all, it was outside and she was inside. There was no way it could get to her. Was there?

“Rain cannot come in here, there is no need to still worry about it. You are safe.” Nakol whispered in her ear, hugging Amixia firmly.

Amixia glanced up narrowly, a faint smile appearing on her lips that disappeared instantly as soon as lightning colored their faces a vague blue and thunder rumbled. Her body jolted at the powerful sound.

“I may have spoken too soon.” Nakol said, snorting

Amixia’s face furrowed and she slapped him on the arm.

“Stop it.” she replied, visibly upset by his words

“As you command, my love.”

The girl placed her eyes on the narrow window, taking in the branches which now seemed to shake more violently than before. Rain poured faster, the whole roof sounding like it was about to crumble under the water’s pressure. Good thing the leaves with which Faye’s residents built their huts were extremely thick and sturdy, no amount of water was capable of penetrating through it. At least that’s what she heard. Amixia hoped it couldn’t get through to them.

Seeing the weather outside ravage the poor tree, Amixia found herself falling deep into her thoughts. Faint pictures of past memories arose. Screams and shouts. Cries and grief. There was an intriguing connection between the worsening weather and her feelings. It almost felt like a mirror inside herself. With each new lightning and thunder, her recollections became even stronger, more vivid. No matter how much she struggled to lock her memories up into the deepest of depths, they always found a way to emerge right back up. Amixia knew there was no way to escape them. She tried fighting them and failed, she tried denying them and nothing good came of it, she even wondered about asking for aid from someone more skilled in such situations but she quickly tossed that idea aside, believing it foolish. Plus, there weren’t even many people in Faye that could offer counseling, since no one besides her seemed to have issues. People were way too busy living and doing things with their life, rather than to be stuck in their own minds, constantly pondering on the past. Amixia was an exception to that rule.

With each new thought, a twisted face started materializing more and more clearly. At first, she struggled to make out who it was, but the more her mind scrambled between memories, it became much more obvious. Her father. Or as she’s always liked to call him – The Grief Bringer. The main person responsible for what Amixia became. Some may believe calling him a monster was a stretch, even Nakol sometimes uttered words that tried to humanize him in one way or another. It always infuriated the girl when he did that, even if his intentions were pure. There was nothing remotely human in that wretched thing.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Her jaw clenched greatly, bones protruding through the skin viciously, her whole body tensing as the images poured in. At first, Nakol did not notice something was wrong, but as soon as her nostrils started flaring, his head cocked forward, taking in her facial expression. Fury crept around each corner of the girl’s chubby face.

“Are you alright?” he asked, visibly worried about Amixia

“No!” Amixia growled, releasing herself from his arms

Nakol idled for a while, dumbfounded. Amixia crouched on the bed, borrowing her head inside her legs.

“Did I… do something?”

“No, Nakol. You didn’t. I just… remembered.”

“Oh… him?”

Amixia murmured a strong affirmative. Nakol’s eyes shifted onto the ground. With the corner of her eye, she could see him thinking about something. Her gaze landed on him, noticing a brief sadness appearing on the man’s face.

“I’m sorry… to hear that. I hate it when you remember the past.”

The girl returned to her former position.

“Yeah… me too.” she whispered, her voice trembling

“It’s… hard. I’ve always tried to distance myself from these thoughts and you know it. I tried burying them deep within, hurling mud and dirt over them in an effort to not allow them a change to escape and unleash. But… they always manage to escape.” Amixia muttered, releasing a long sigh

Nakol gave off a faint grin, placing his arm on her shoulder. The girl leaned her head over the man’s palm, feeling her chin quiver.

“I just… I don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m stuck, I struggle so much at work, I lash out at people when I don’t want to, I feel like I’m incapable of doing anything! I fainted, Nakol… I fainted at work because I overexerted myself in an effort to mend a stupid piece of metal and then… Wymmel and the rest tried helping me and I feel like I made a fool out of myself… even poor Wymmel is not safe from my actions. I just don’t know what to do! How can I escape him?

Through her words, Nakol sensed the desperation in Amixia’s voice, as tears swept across her cheeks and her breathing intensified. The girl’s hands shook narrowly and she succumbed into her palms, sobbing. Nakol approached, placed himself behind her and hugged her close.

“It’s alright, my love. I know it hurts. You can let it all out, it’s okay.”

Amixia’s tears kept dropping, flooding her soft hands. Mucus drooled from her nose. She could not escape the image of her father which took over her mind.

“I hate him! He destroyed my life, Nakol! He made me feel like nothing, he abused me emotionally and physically, I still carry the scars he gave me!”

Her body jolted, lifting her arms for Nakol to see them. She pulled on her garments, revealing a set of scars that ran along her bony hands. For such small hands, the scars were quite large in size. His head whirled in the opposite direction, feeling disgusted at seeing the wounds.

“Look what he did to me! I carry those with me to remember all the times he returned home drunk and argued with mom, beating her until blood splattered from her nose and lips. And when he was done with her, he would come after me! Me, Nakol… his own child!”

Amixia’s face jerked to meet Nakol’s. The girl’s twisted mouth, the red, puffy eyes, the massive traces of tears alongside her cheeks, the bubbles forming around her nose and her troubling breathing, made his eyebrows narrow. He sighed deeply, pulling Amixia’s head into his chest, stroking her gently.

“Oh, my love. I’m sorry. I… am really sorry. You did not deserve to go through that.”

Amixia chose to remain silent, opting instead to let out her sadness. She placed a hand onto the man’s chest, clenching his shirt, feeling completely overwhelmed by grief. There was truth in Nakol’s words. It was not her fault for what happened, no one in their right mind would believe that a child is responsible for their parent’s anger issues. But it did her no good to acknowledge that. No amount of denying her fault gave the girl any comfort for what she endured throughout the years. The beatings, the emotional turmoil, the words spoken, the brutal actions her father did that shaped her adulthood and how she perceives the world around her, overwhelmed the girl completely. Visions of violence appeared in Amixia’s mind. Nights when she would get slapped so hard, she hardly found any more strength to lift off the ground. So many times when he judged her, mocked her, called her out for being a girl, for being so skinny and for always finding ways to stumble when he asked her for help with something. It all felt too hard to fight against.

“I… don’t know how to overcome my past, Nakol. But I know that I… need help. There must be a way for me to… be better. A way to heal these wounds I feel. I need… help.”

Nakol placed his hands around her face, smoothly caressing her.

“I need to feel… like I am worth something.”

“Stop saying such things! You know how much you mean to me.”

“I didn’t mean to you. I meant to… myself. I feel like I’m useless in anything that I do at work and… I’m starting to question if choosing this path in my life was the right choice to begin with.”

Amixia pushed herself out of his arms, staring at the ceiling.

“I need to find a better purpose for myself. One that I can actually be good at, not one that I think I can be good at. One that could fill me… with joy. One that could… allow me to heal.”

“I don’t understand what you mean. I thought you loved working at the shop.” he replied, furrowing his eyebrows

“I… don’t know anymore. I feel like it only brings out the worst in me with each new thing that I find myself unable to do. It fuels all the things I’ve heard about me all these years, like how incapable and weak I am, how fragile my body is… my father used to taunt me all the time with a stupid name he came up with… Bony Mixie.”

The moment she uttered the nickname, her voice trembled slightly. She despised hearing it with all her heart and it stung so badly to say it out loud.

“What do you propose then? Give up on trying to become a blacksmith? I thought it was your dream.”

“I’m not… giving up. I just… don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons. I feel like I’ve done it mostly to prove to my father that I… am not all the things he said about me. Besides…” her eyes met his in a slow whirl “I feel like… it’s not the most imaginative of dreams. It’s rather limited. Hurling a hammer around for the rest of my life doesn’t sound like something truly exciting.”

Nakol took a moment to contemplate on her words, his eyes moving slowly in a confused manner.

“I don’t see why it cannot be exciting. I hurl a pickaxe for a living and I cannot see myself doing anything else. It’s amazing.” Nakol countered, giving off a slight smile at the end

Amixia replied with an annoyed grin.

“Why do I even bother telling you those things?” she replied, lifting her eyebrows

“Because… you absolutely love me.” he answered, showing her a thumbs up

The girl could not control the laughter that came out. For a brief moment, she gawked into nothingness, reflecting on their discussion. Amixia felt how much it pained her to go to work and struggle at things the others seemed to excel at but she could not deny her love for it. She desired to grow her skills, to learn new things and to hopefully finish that sickle. But the girl also knew how much it saddened her when she was unable to do certain tasks that required more strength, precision or carefulness, attributes which were not her specialty. Perhaps in time she would be able to master the art of mending ingots and to create beautiful tools to be used in Faye’s wide and beautiful farms but there was a question that loomed eerily in the back of her mind – how long would that take? A year? Two? Ten? And what was she supposed to do in all this time? Struggle at any basic task a blacksmith had to accomplish, grow even angrier and release even more of her past out into the world when she most likely failed? Giving her father’s somber statements about her credibility and approval? Allowing the ones that judged her so cruelly to believe they were right all along? To keep on treading this path meant to keep on fighting a war that she lacked the necessary means to win. It was the way things must proceed.

“My love… I may not fully understand where you come from and how troubling your past has been, I obviously am unable to fully experience what you have experienced.” he adjusted his voice “But I want you to know that I will always be by your side. Whatever you choose to do in your life, I will fully support you. You may have been judged so harshly, but in my eyes, there is no one more stronger and powerful than you. And all these doubts you have about yourself, manage to only strengthen my love for you.”

Amixia beamed as she heard the words, looking deep within his eyes. She knew how lucky she was to have him in her life and the man managed only to prove her that even more with each passing moment of their lives together.

“Your father is not a part of your life anymore and he will never return to it. All the things he said are pure lies, which you may have believed when you were younger, but you must not give them credibility now. You don’t need to demonstrate anything to anyone. I may not be as intelligent as I would like to be, but putting all your life’s efforts into proving him wrong, might not be the best call. Your own opinions should be the ones that matter the most.”

Stillness flowed in their chamber, which made the rain outside sound even stronger. Amixia found herself pondering on Nakol’s words and the sheer amount of truthfulness in them. The only person that she should try to impress, that she should try to prove something to is herself. No one else mattered in the end. But how could she achieve such a thing? How could she completely overpower years worth of sorrow that filled her heart, threatening to come out at any moment and turn her into something she doesn’t want to be? It wasn’t as simple as Nakol made it sound. Her past still affected her and it probably would do so for the rest of her life.

“I hate it, Nakol.” she replied in a dismayed voice “I hate that I grew up with a father that turned me against myself, with people that made me hate my own body and despise that I’m not physically as capable as others. I hate what they have done to me.”

“I know you do. But those people are not here now. They are gone and you don’t have to deal with them and their venom anymore. Why bother allowing the past to shape your future?”

“I know, but-”

“Amixia, you can do this!” Nakol affirmed, grabbing her shoulders, looking deeply into her eyes “You are strong, my love. I know you got this. Give yourself the power to heal and move on from the sadness that stirs inside you. Stop living to prove something to others and start living for yourself.”

The girl’s face mustered a vague smile, but her eyes betrayed the sadness within.

“I guess… you’re right. But I… have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”

“Well… at least I’m right. So that’s a good first step we took.” he responded with a chuckle

“You are not funny.”

“My apologies.” Nakol replied, bowing slightly to tease her “But you understand what I mean.”

She indeed understood what he meant. To focus solely on herself and not push her limits in an effort to show something to someone she didn’t even care for or have any affiliation with in the present, sounded incredible. It felt like lifting a stone off of her heart that’s been there since childhood, keeping it submerged under darkness. But she could also feel a sturdy fear that tugged at her clothes, unwilling to let her escape and grow. There were questions that lingered unanswered, doubts about herself, voices that tried to convince her she won’t succeed, that she won’t be able to live for herself and overcome her grief. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Enough was enough. No longer did she want to allow her past to influence her present and future. Change had to occur at once.

“I’ll do it. I’ll try to overcome my past, my fears and all that’s been pinning me down. I’ll begin living for myself and to find a more meaningful purpose, one born out of my personal desires and wishes.” she decided, her eyes glowing with determination

“That’s the woman I fell in love with.” Nakol replied with excitement, kissing her