Tragic: Chapter 15

Standing in front of the window in my guest bedroom, I stared out at Kaine’s cabin. It sat there, empty, just like it had for the past nineteen days.

It had been almost three weeks since I’d told Kaine I was pregnant and he’d thrown such awful accusations in my face.

Just like I’d promised him, I left the shop after dropping the baby bomb and gave him a night to come to grips with our situation. I came home, got sick—again—and tried my best to get some rest. Though with how angry I was at Kaine, sleep was fitful. So I got up early the next morning, did some work, and puttered around the house until I decided his time was up.

By all rights, he should have come to me. But one thing I’d learned in our months together, that man was damn stubborn. He could brood like no one I’d ever met. And since I knew he wouldn’t come to me, I pushed aside my own stubborn tendencies and meandered along the path to his place.

I found the cabin empty. There were no dishes in the sink. His bed was made. And something about the air, so undisturbed and too quiet, told me he hadn’t been there in hours.

His silver truck was gone from its normal place in his driveway, and I doubted I’d find him in the shop, but I went to check anyway.

All of the lights were on and the large bay door was open—to the building he locked up religiously. The cold night air had crept inside and taken away the shop’s normal warmth. I closed it all up so the animals couldn’t get inside, then went back to my house.

I kept a careful eye on his place all day. Waiting. Stewing. Then I began to worry.

Was he okay? Was he hurt? I didn’t know his family or friends, so I couldn’t call to check with them. And it wasn’t like I could call the man himself because I didn’t have his phone number.

So I waited. For days, I came to this window and checked to see if he was home. I spent hours standing here, watching his house. And after days without any sign of Kaine Reynolds, I got mad.

Really, really mad.

Because my sexy, caring, shy, dumbass of a neighbor had just disappeared.

He’d clearly severed ties with his former life before coming to this mountain. What was stopping him from doing it again? It certainly wasn’t me or the baby I was carrying.

The bastard was so chicken-shit scared he’d run away.

For nineteen, almost twenty days, I’d nursed my anger. I’d coddled it and let it grow. Because if Kaine ever set foot on my mountainside again, I wanted to be prepared. I had a few things to say about his behavior, and if he came back, he was going to hear it.

Sipping my decaf tea, I kept my glare on his house. It was a dick move for him to leave without telling me, and one day, I desperately wanted to say that to his face.

Along with something else I’d learned in the last nineteen days.

Tires crunched gravel, and I abandoned my post by the window. I’d left the front door unlocked this morning because Thea was coming over. In Lark Cove, I didn’t have to fear leaving a door unlocked for a few hours here and there, unlike in the city.

“Hello!” Thea opened the door.

“Come on in!” I shouted down the hallway as I hurried to greet her.

We hugged as she came inside, though she was missing her normal entourage. “Where are the kids?”

“I left them home with Logan.” She smiled. “He wanted some extra time with them since he’s got to fly back to New York next week.”

“Ah.” The foundation was having a quarterly board meeting, and as the chairman, Logan was going back for the week.

Since I’d started as Logan’s assistant, I’d never missed a board meeting. Even though flying was supposed to be safe, I wasn’t taking any chances with this pregnancy, especially during the first trimester, when the risk of miscarriage was high.

“It feels weird not to be going back with him.”

“He understands,” Thea said. “Trust me. He’d never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t tell him I told you this, but he really is the World’s Greatest Boss.”

She winked. “Your secret is safe with me.”

After Kaine had left, I’d gone down to the bar and told Thea everything. She knew all about Adam, our infertility and how Kaine had gotten me pregnant. She listened to my confession for hours between occasionally serving her customers. Maybe it was because she was a bartender and she was well practiced at lending an ear, but she was an incredible listener.

And a wonderful friend.

I was terrified about a miscarriage. Pregnancies were lost all the time and mine could be taken away. This dream might end. So I’d prepared myself for the worst, not wanting to get my hopes up. I hadn’t let my thoughts wander to nursery decor or baby names.

But then Thea and Logan had me over for a celebratory dinner. They were so excited about my pregnancy, it calmed my nerves exponentially. And I let myself be happy too.

I was keeping faith.

“Want some coffee?” I asked as we walked into the kitchen. “Or decaf tea that is supposed to help with nausea but tastes like tree bark?”

“The tree bark is tempting.” She smirked, dropping her purse on the island. “But I’ll pass. How are you feeling?”

I shrugged. “Good.”

That wasn’t entirely true, but I refused to complain about this pregnancy.

Sure, I was tired. I was going to bed before dark and waking up each morning with bags still under my eyes. The nausea hadn’t let up either. But I was so overjoyed to even be having these babies, I wouldn’t let the ill effects of pregnancy get me down.

Every moment I carried these twins was a moment I’d enjoy.

I’d gone in for an exam two days ago and my doctor had given me a vaginal ultrasound. She’d claimed it was because of my infertility history, but I think she’d been able to sense my fears and wanted to put them at ease.

Learning I was pregnant with twins was only slightly less shocking than learning I was pregnant in the first place.

Kaine’s sperm was magic.

It was difficult to pinpoint, but I think he got me pregnant the night we had sex in his shop after he’d surprised me with my table. Though, with how much we’d been together after that, I couldn’t be certain. But in my mind, I gave credit to that night. Because that was when I’d realized how I was falling for Kaine.

I liked the idea that my children were conceived in love.

By the time I reached my due date in March, I was going to look like a whale. I didn’t care. I was going to be exhausted caring for two newborns alone. I couldn’t wait. Life was going to get messy and chaotic and crazy. Bring it on.

“I brought you a present.” Thea smiled and dug into her purse. She pulled out two small woodpeckers and handed them over.

“Oh my god,” I gasped. “Did you make these?”

She nodded. “I thought they’d go with your woodland theme and were gender neutral.”

“They’re incredible.”

She’d sculpted the birds from old silverware. The feathers were made from fork tongs. The back was done with layered spoons. And the face and legs were made from the silverware’s etched handles.

“Those holes in the feet are for screws so you can hang them on the wall.”

“Okay.” I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away. I wasn’t sure where she got her inspiration, but Thea’s ability to make art from articles most would consider trash was truly a gift. “Where’d you get this idea?”

“I made a frog from some old forks a while back for Charlie. And before that I made a bird’s nest from old spoons. I hadn’t made anything from silverware for a while and had some still in my workshop, so I thought I’d give these a try. They turned out kind of cute.”

“Cute is an understatement. I can’t wait to get the nursery painted and hang them up.”

“How’s it coming along in there?”

“Good! I’ll show you.” I led her down the hallway, taking the woodpeckers too. They’d get added to the growing collection of baby things amassed in the middle of the room. “It seems strange to paint a room that I just had painted, but the color I picked out for the guest room just wouldn’t work for a nursery.”

I’d picked a dark, nearly charcoal gray for the room originally. But now that the babies were coming, I wanted something lighter and softer. The nursery would be full of whites and creams and beige, and after I found out the babies’ genders, I’d add some colorful accents.

Coral and pink for girls.

Green and brown for boys.

“Uh . . . I see you’ve been busy online shopping.” Thea stared at the stack of baby clothes on the dresser.

“That would be my mother.” I rolled my eyes. “She’s basically had a package sent to me every single day since I told her I was pregnant. If she keeps this up, they’ll grow out of all the newborn stuff before they can even wear it once.”

Thea laughed. “You’re probably right. Though I always underestimate the amount of puke and poop babies create.”

“I never thought I’d be so excited at the prospect of poop.” I giggled. “My parents are so excited, I don’t have it in me to tell them to stop shopping. If they want to spoil their grandkids, I’m going to let them. My mom is already making plans to come and stay here for a month after they’re born. And they’ll be here for Christmas.”

My parents would be wonderful grandparents, even from a distance. When I’d called to tell them the news, they’d been delighted. Even though I wasn’t married and lived on the other side of the country, they’d been nothing but supportive.

I’d finally found the courage to tell them about the problems with my marriage, and how I’d gone years believing I probably wouldn’t have children. When I’d told them about Adam’s betrayal, they’d taken a page from his family’s playbook and disowned him immediately.

My mom had begged me to move home so she could be closer and able to help. After my argument with Kaine, I’d considered it seriously for a few days. But when I pictured what life would look like in New York, it wasn’t where I wanted the babies to call home.

I wanted them to splash around in Flathead Lake every summer. I wanted to teach them how to walk in these hallways. I wanted them to play outside under the trees. And when—if—Kaine returned, I wouldn’t take his children to the other side of the country.

According to the doctor’s estimate, I was due in early March, if I went full term. Kaine had months and months before these babies came into the world. I was pissed as hell at him, but I hadn’t lost hope that he’d get his shit together and decide to be a father.

Because he had the potential to be one of the best. He kept his heart hidden, but it was full of goodness and grace.

“Any word from . . .” Thea asked, pointing out the window toward Kaine’s house.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I shrugged, setting a hand on my stomach. “I’m making the best of this. I’m trying not to think about all of the idiot men in my life. Though I did get an interesting email from Adam yesterday.”

“Oh, really.” She frowned. “And what did he have to say?”

“Ugh.” Why had I even opened that email in the first place? “The subject line was CONFESSION. That should have warned me away.”

Instead, his shouty caps had enticed me to read the message that should have been sent straight to the trash.

“First, he scolded me for blocking his number. Then, he scolded me for not returning the messages he’d left from other numbers. After that, he went on and on for five paragraphs, telling me that the fertility news hit him hard. He blames his lies on shock. And once he started that lie, he didn’t know how to unravel it.”

“Was there an apology in there somewhere?”

“He admits that how he reacted was wrong. But he asked me to look at it from his point of view. We’d been under the assumption that I was the reason we couldn’t have a baby. He knew how badly I wanted to get pregnant. So the news that he had the problems and he couldn’t give me a child was devastating. He realizes he should have talked it through with me, but instead, he made some stupid mistakes.”

Thea scoffed. “Putting your dick inside a woman who is not your wife a week after lying to her about fertility test results would definitely qualify as a mistake.”

“But according to him, totally justifiable,” I deadpanned.

The rest of his email was another plea for me to reconcile. He had yet to grasp that his mistakes were unforgivable. As much as I’d wanted to respond, reinforcing that we’d never be together again, I’d simply moved the email to the trash.

Silence would speak louder than a reply.

I’d considered blocking him but just hadn’t been able to click that button. Why, I wasn’t sure. Maybe because he’d been in my life so long, and though I was furious at him, blocking him felt too . . . extreme.

“After a while, he’ll move on,” Thea reassured me.

“I hope so.” I shrugged. “I loved him for a long time, and even though he hurt me, I still want the best for him.”

“You’re a better person than I am. I kind of want him to get a receding hairline and beer belly.”

A fate akin to death for Adam. His vanity had grown throughout our marriage in steady increments. Something I’d noticed, but like a lot of things, I’d adjusted to. Now I saw that he was more worried about being handsome on the outside than making sure he was beautiful on the inside.

“Anyway, enough of him.” I waved that conversation away and picked up the book of baby names I’d left in here. “I think I’ve got boy names already picked. But I’m struggling with girl names. Feel like helping me make a list of possibilities?”

“I’d love to.”

The two of us retreated to the living room, where we settled into my cozy furniture. I went through the baby book, reading off names I liked while Thea kept track in a notepad. Then the two of us ate lunch, gossiping about things in town, until she decided to head home and let me catch a nap.

I stood on the front stoop, waving as she backed away from the house. It was strange to look outside and not see the Airstream or my Mini. Logan had come to collect their camper last week, and three days ago, my Mini had been supersized to the white Tahoe parked in my garage. With two babies on the way, I needed space and four-wheel drive for the winter roads.

I went inside, deciding to spend time in the office before I lazed on the couch for my Saturday afternoon nap. With Logan leaving for New York, I wanted to double-check all of the meeting materials and items for his trip were ready to go.

Hours later, I’d missed my nap and had eaten my favorite summer pasta dish for dinner at my desk. I’d found spelling errors in three of the presentations, so I’d gone through the entire week’s worth of slide decks to check for more.

I was halfway through a small stack of Oreo cookies when the doorbell rang.

Smiling to myself, I hurried for the door. Mom’s daily delivery of baby items was coming in late today. Normally, my packages came about six in the evening, including Saturdays. John, my deliveryman, stopped here last on his way home to his wife and three kids. But I guess he had more packages than normal today.

“Hi, Joh—”

It wasn’t John on my doorstep.

It was Kaine.

“Hi,” he rumbled.

My jaw dropped.

In nineteen days, Kaine had changed. He’d trimmed his beard shorter than I’d ever seen before. His hair, which I loved to comb my hands through at night, was shorter too and brushed away from his forehead. And for the first time ever, he was wearing something other than a T-shirt.

His navy, button-down shirt went all the way to his wrists. He’d tucked the hem into jeans and was wearing a leather belt. Its brown color matched his polished boots.

His image was so different, he could be an imposter if not for the same colorful swirl in his eyes I’d memorized months ago. Still, it took me a good minute before I clamped my mouth shut and crossed my arms over my chest.

I was so angry at him for leaving, and our argument in the shop. But could I remember a single thing I wanted to say to him? No. The ass chewing I’d been practicing was gone. Poof. Vanished.

All I really wanted to do was give Kaine a hug.

What was that? Why did he always make me want to hug him? I closed my arms tighter across my chest because there would be no hugging until I got an explanation. And an apology.

“I’m sorry.” His eyes pleaded for my forgiveness.

Now I just needed the explanation.

I opened the door wider, stepping to the side to let him in. He nodded, then crossed the threshold. His eyes raked over the room, taking note of the changes I’d made since he’d been here last.

While he ran his fingertips across an end table by the couch, I had the perfect view of his backside. Why did he have to look so good? It made summoning my lecture even harder.

“Place looks good.” He took a seat on the edge of the couch, his forearms resting on his knees.

I shrugged, then went to the chair opposite him. I waited for him to speak first, but instead of giving me the explanation I was due, he slid the baby names book across the coffee table.

As he stroked the cover, his shoulders rolled inward. His entire frame slumped deeper into the couch. “I have a confession to make.”

Ironic word, that.

It was also ironic that I seemed to have the propensity to fall in love with men who ran away from their problems. When things had gotten too hard in our marriage, Adam had run into the arms of another woman. Had Kaine done the same?

My spine stiffened at the idea of him with someone else. It had crushed me to find out that Adam had cheated, but my heart had healed—quicker than I would have imagined.

If Kaine had spent the last three weeks with someone else, I’d be destroyed.

“Will you hear me out?” he asked, setting the baby name book aside.

I waited a beat, then another, finally giving him a nod.

His broad chest caved in with a deep sigh. “I said some awful things to you that I didn’t mean. It’s not an excuse, but I was scared and let my fears get the best of me. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Thanks.”

I waited for him to continue, but he just sat there looking at me with those vivid eyes.

My eyes narrowed. If he thought that qualified as a confession, he was sorely mistaken. The air in the room grew tense and heavy. My lungs seemed to be working twice as hard, but I couldn’t take a deep breath. The rage I’d been nurturing bloomed inside my chest, flaring like a campfire doused with gasoline.

“That’s it?” I asked. “That’s your confession? You were scared?”

He held up a hand. “I—”

“No.” I shot off my chair. “I’m talking now.”

Wisely, he dropped his hand and closed his mouth.

“You don’t think I was scared?” I pointed to my chest as I began pacing between my vacated chair and the coffee table. “Do you have any idea how big of a shock that was for me? Do you think it was easy for me to come into your shop and tell you I was pregnant when I was the one who had assured you we were safe? That was my mistake and that is on me. But your reaction? That’s on you.”

He nodded. “You’re right.”

“Damn right, I’m right. You disappeared for nineteen days. That’s almost three weeks! And you couldn’t even manage to pick up the phone and let me know.”

“I didn’t take my phone. And I don’t have your number.”

I stopped midstep, shooting him a glare that could level one of the hundred-year-old trees outside. “Not a good excuse.”

“I should have called.” He held up his hands. “But I didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone. I’ve got—would you please sit down?”

“Fine.” With a harrumph, I recrossed my arms and sank into the chair.

“There’s a lot about my past I need to explain. I’m hoping when you hear me out, you’ll understand why I got scared. But—”

“There’s always a but, isn’t there?” I huffed. Kaine had avoided his past over and over and over again. When was I going to learn that he didn’t trust me enough to confide in me?

“But,” he said, his jaw ticking, “I’d like it if you weren’t seething when we had that conversation.”

“That might take a while.”

“I’ll let you cool off and come over later.” He stood from the couch. “Is that okay?”

I nodded, letting him see himself out.

The door closed behind him and I didn’t move. My heart was pounding, my pulse booming through every vein. I took a few deep inhales, calming myself down because getting this worked up couldn’t be good for the babies.

When my shoulders finally relaxed, I stared at the place where Kaine had been sitting. Would he explain? Would I finally understand what haunted him so deeply?

I guess we’ll see. When he came back from his cabin, I’d do my best to shove my anger and frustration aside and listen to his story. When he came back from his cabin—

My stomach plummeted.

“Oh, shit!” I leaped out of my chair, racing across the room. I reached the door just as a very large, very male, very angry fist pounded on it from the other side.

I opened it, this time expecting Kaine’s face.

He had his own fury going. “What the fuck happened to my house?”

“Yeah, about that.” I winced. “I kind of, um, accidentally . . . set it on fire.”