Tragic: Chapter 18

Two weeks was all it took for my blissful state to disappear. My pregnancy mood swings were becoming a real bitch.

So was I.

At the moment, frustration was my disposition of choice. Sitting next to Kaine on the couch, the scowl on my face felt permanent.

Work had been long and hard over the last week. The foundation board had made the decision to completely revamp the process in which proposals were reviewed and approved. I’d been lobbying to streamline the process for years and they’d finally agreed.

I’d been ecstatic when Logan had shared the news. That excitement had died when he’d told me about the ambitious timeline. The change, which would have been smooth and flawless over six months, was crammed into three so the bulk of the expense would be incurred before the end of the year.

Logan and I were leading the charge on the project, but it meant the two of us had been putting in long hours. I knew we’d get it done. We’d push fast and hard and get our win. But I’d be exhausted by the time we hit December.

My only saving grace was Willa. As the director of a summer camp, her winters were quiet months, and she’d begun working for Logan part-time a few years ago. She’d stepped up and taken a huge workload off my shoulders so I could focus on our project.

The results of this project would be amazing. It was going to save us all time and make the most deserving charities float to the top of the stack. It would be my career’s crowning jewel.

But it meant I’d be stressed and snappy and grumpy for a while.

Kaine drew the short straw as my neighbor, my friend, and the father of my children. He was bearing the brunt of my frustration.

Except his presence only made the frustration worse.

His house was complete, and he could move home at any time, but he hadn’t. Weeks ago, that would have sent me over the moon, but instead, it frustrated me to no end.

Why? Because we hadn’t talked about anything. I had no idea how to classify our relationship. And as a perpetual planner, living in limbo made me twitchy.

Dealing with work and the uncertainty with Kaine was manageable. Or at least, it would have been if not for the fact that I’d turned into a raging heap of hormones.

My sexual frustration was about to send me over the edge of sanity.

The movie on the screen was an action movie, but the hero was kissing the heroine. It was long and hot and the camera zoomed in on their locked lips. The hero’s cheeks were hollowed—his costar was definitely getting the good tongue. My core pulsed as I watched the scene, and I squirmed, squeezing my thighs together in an attempt to relieve some ache.

This happened every night.

Kaine and I would sit side by side on the couch. The heat from his bulky arm warmed the skin on my side. His scent surrounded me, seeped into the blanket I kept draped over my lap. And his hard thighs would occasionally bump up against mine.

On the screen, the hero was stripping off the heroine’s clothes. God, I wanted to be stripped naked. I wanted to feel Kaine’s hands run up and down my skin while he fucked me hard.

One thought about his cock filling me up and I groaned, shifting again on the couch.

I hoped Kaine would think I was uncomfortable and not combustible. What would he do if he knew I was thinking about sex? Would he want me again?

Now that I was in the middle of my second trimester, there was no mistaking I was pregnant. Nothing about me was attractive at the moment, and as much as I wanted to beg Kaine for just one night, I didn’t want a pity fuck.

Liar. I’d take anything at this point to take the edge off.

I didn’t feel all that sexy right now. My belly had taken on a life of its own. My old clothes didn’t fit, and I’d embraced the stretch of maternity pants with a vengeance. Stretch marks were happening, no matter how much cocoa butter I rubbed on at night.

I still felt beautiful, but a different kind of beautiful. Pregnancy, becoming a mother and creating a life was a beautiful act. But standing in front of the mirror was a shock each morning. Every day there were new changes, and it was an adjustment to take them in. Just when I’d gotten used to the larger breasts and widening hips, something new would pop up.

I wanted something—or someone—to make me feel desired. I wanted to be reminded of what it had felt like when Kaine couldn’t keep his hands off me. I missed his hands digging into my curves, worshipping them as his mouth kissed across my bare skin and his cock split me in two.

My face flushed, the throbbing in my center getting worse. I desperately needed an orgasm.

“Ugh,” I groaned again, recrossing my legs the other way.

The couple on the television were naked now, sandwiched together underneath a flimsy sheet. The heat in the room was sweltering, so I whipped the blanket off my lap, fanning my face.

My eyes zeroed in on the coffee table to avoid the screen. Kaine’s bare feet were propped up on the edge. They were long, not unlike his cock.

Seriously? My thoughts were taking on a life of their own. The frustration was suffocating me, so I shoved a fist in the couch cushion to propel myself up.

“Do you need something?” Kaine asked, his hand coming to my elbow to help me.

“I—” My god. The sexiest man alive was sitting on my couch. Sitting beside him meant I’d only gotten a sliver of the view. Now I had the whole thing and it only made the tension coil tighter.

“I, what?”

“I-I need you to have sex with me.” My hand flew to my mouth as my eyes bugged out. Shit. I actually said that.

How many times had I heard girlfriends talk about pregnancy brain? I’d been skeptical. But now I knew it wasn’t just an urban legend. The babies were sucking the intelligence right out of me.

“Sorry.” I covered my scarlet face with my hands and peeked between the slats of my fingers.

Kaine reached for the remote, shutting off the television as he stood. Then he tossed it aside before grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hallway. His simple gray sweatpants only did good things to the globes of his ass.

“What are you doing?” I asked, tearing my eyes away from his backside.

He shot a grin over his shoulder. “Having sex with you.”

“What? No!” My feet stopped, and I pulled my hand free. There were moments in my life when I wish I had a rewind button. This was one of them. If I could only go back a minute, I’d keep my butt on the couch and forget all about propositioning Kaine for sex.

“I thought you wanted me to have sex with you.”

“Not like this.” I shook my head. “I’m just . . . it’s the hormones. I’m horny. But I don’t want you to have sex with me because you’re on a mission to appease my every whim.”

“Piper.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m going to fuck you because I’ve been desperate to be inside of you since the last time. I’m going to fuck you because you’re more beautiful now than you’ve ever been. And because sitting next to you on the couch, trying to hide a hard-on, is getting really old.”

My heart swelled. “Really? This isn’t a pity fuck?”

“Hell no.” He swiped my hand again and continued down the hall, his pace faster this time.

We crossed the threshold to my bedroom and Kaine swept me up into his arms. But instead of tossing me onto the bed like he’d done time and time again, he cradled me in his arms and gingerly set me on the mattress.

“Good?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded, reaching for the elastic waistband of his sweats. But he stepped back before I tugged them down.

He shook his head. “Go slow.”

Slow? Slow was not our thing. I’d be up for trying it one day, but not right now. Where was the ferocious and rough lover I’d come to expect?

With the lightest touch, Kaine stripped me of my clothes, one article falling to the floor at a time. The way he slid down my panties so carefully was pure torture. When I was naked, he bent down and cupped my jaw, tilting it up so he could plant the slightest kiss on my lips.

I leaned in, craving more, but he pulled away before I even got a hint of tongue.

I huffed in frustration. The gentle caress and the careful strokes could be saved for another day. Tonight, Kaine needed to tear at my clothes before doing the same to his own. He needed to give me bruising fingertips and kisses with bite.

He made short work of his clothes, scattering them with a whoosh and whir and thud. His frantic stripping gave me hope that he was as anxious for my touch as I was his.

I inched backward on the bed, propping myself up on my elbows. Past my protruding bump, I caught a glimpse of Kaine’s erection bobbing free as he knelt on the bed.

He took my knees in his hands and spread them apart. The look in his eyes was feral but his touch was just a whisper.

“Yes,” I moaned as he came closer, the heat from his cock soaking into my center.

He lined himself up, barely working inside the tip before pulling back. When he pushed back again, he only went an inch deeper. His hesitant moves didn’t come close to satisfying the ache.

I breathed, trying to relax and let him be in control. Kaine had never once disappointed me in the bedroom, and maybe this slow approach was his way of delaying for amplified gratification.

He pushed in again, this time sinking deeper. It wasn’t all the way, but it was better than only getting his crown. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment of bliss before he pulled out again.

Over and over, he barely penetrated before backing off. I was dripping for him but he didn’t sink to the root. I opened my eyes in another frustrated huff only to find his closed. His jaw was tight, his lips pursed like he was furious. He’d dropped his hands from my knees and they were fisted at his sides.

He was the picture of physical restraint.

“Kaine,” I whispered. “You’re not going to break me.”

When his eyes popped open, they were full of fear.

I reached for him, pulling him lower. “We can have sex. It’s perfectly safe for me and the babies. I promise.”

He sighed, his forehead dropping to mine but careful not to put any pressure on my belly. “God, I want you.”

“Then have me.” I brushed my lips against his in a wicked grin. “Have me like you want me. Like I want you. Fuck me, Kaine. Hard.”

He paused for a moment, then pushed back up, settling on his knees. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, then cupped my breasts, pushing them together. I massaged the flesh and toyed with my nipples because Kaine loved it when I gave him a show, and I wanted to drive him over the edge.

As I tweaked a nipple harder, a deep groan filled the room at the same time Kaine thrust forward, burying himself deep.

“Yes,” I cried out, arching my hips into his.

His hands gripped my thighs, digging into my flesh as he lifted them higher. Our connection deepened. “Fuck, you feel good.”

“I missed you.”

He grunted his agreement as he pulled back. But instead of slamming into me like I’d hoped, he carefully slid in deep all the way to the root.

“Harder.”

“No.” Kaine shook his head, his jaw clenching as he moved in another measured stroke. His cock stretched me, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the punishing thrusts we were both craving.

“Please,” I begged. “Harder. I need you, Kaine. Don’t hold back.”

He fought to keep his control, gritting out another “No.”

“You’re not going to break me!” I shouted.

He froze, his expression a mix of surprise and frustration.

I threw an arm over my eyes, embarrassed for my outburst. “You’re not going to break me,” I repeated again. “I need you. You. The Kaine who tossed me onto the couch the second time we met and fucked my brains out. I need the Kaine who was never afraid to let loose in the bedroom. I need that Kaine because he made me feel wanted and sexy. I need to work out some hormones, and I need you to make me feel beautiful.”

Kaine dropped the grip he had on my thighs and leaned forward. His breath floated across my cheek. “You are beautiful. You’re so beautiful it takes my breath away. Seeing you on this bed, my boys growing inside of you, there isn’t a more beautiful sight in the world. But I can’t hurt you.”

I put my palm on his jaw. “You won’t.”

“I c—”

My thumb silenced his protest. “You won’t. I trust you. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me or the babies. But I need this. Please? Please show me that we still have this.”

The indecision on his face broke my heart. Here was a man so worried about the fate of this pregnancy that he wouldn’t even let himself enjoy sex.

“We’ll be okay,” I whispered. “They will be okay.”

It was the first time I’d said those words. I’d told myself I wouldn’t promise him things would work out, because in this world, who knew what could happen? But I believed it to the depths of my soul.

From the first moment I’d felt the twins move a couple of weeks ago, I’d known it would be okay. They’d be a joyous addition to this world, and they’d become my entire universe. I knew it.

“They will be okay.” My words rang in the air for a few long moments, until the worry on Kaine’s face finally faded.

My heart soared when he bent down, capturing my mouth in the kiss I’d been longing for. It was raw and mind-numbing. His tongue worked in and out of my mouth, sweeping against my bottom lip before his teeth nibbled in its path. Then his cock began to rock in and out.

The rhythm was slow at first, but not like before. This time, it held the promise that more was to come.

As his hips picked up speed, Kaine abandoned my mouth, leaning back on his calves. My body shook, my breasts bounced, as his strokes became booming thrusts.

The swaying of the bed’s frame filled the room until my gasps and moans drowned it out. The buildup was nearly unbearable. The explosion coming was going to wreck me. But I held on, nearly in tears that Kaine and I were finally back to this point. That we’d found this connection again.

In a flash, my orgasm ripped through me, stealing every sensation until all that was left were stars. I jerked and writhed. I pulsed and shuddered. I was a boneless and panting, limp mess by the time I came down. I barely had the energy to crack my eyes open, blink away the white spots and focus on the second-best part of sex with Kaine.

The man himself.

His eyes were closed, his long, dark eyelashes forming perfect swoops above his cheekbones. His mouth was open, just slightly, and his bottom lip swelled to a perfect pout.

The sight of him on the edge made my inner walls clench. His brawny shoulders and chiseled arms reminded me of the wooden pieces he made. Soft to the touch, but solid and unbreakable beneath the silken exterior.

The ends of his hair curled at the nape of his neck and were damp with sweat. Perspiration beaded by his temples as he rammed into me, harder and harder, exactly like I’d asked. This was the lover I knew, the lover I worshipped.

A new orgasm began to build, this one not as sharp as the last. It came over me like a wave, stealing away my breath as it pulled me under. I gasped, getting Kaine’s attention.

He opened his eyes just as it broke, then gripped my thighs harder, pulling me onto his cock as he planted deep and let go. His hot spurts slid between us, coating my sex.

Kaine came down from his high, looking as dizzy and delirious as I felt. He collapsed next to me on the bed, and we both stared at the ceiling, unable to move. The world was spinning faster in this bedroom and gravity weighed heavy on my limbs. It was a rush, like being drunk. I was afraid my heart might beat out of my chest and my brain might scramble.

But then Kaine reached over and took my hand, and the rush faded.

As his fingers laced with mine, the spinning stopped. Gravity wasn’t quite as heavy. And my world was right again.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Kaine’s thumb stroked my knuckle. “Thank you back.”

I smiled, slipping my hand from his to go clean up. I attempted to sit, but my abs weren’t what they used to be and it was a struggle. I was getting in the habit of swinging my legs over the side of the bed, using an arm to push myself up. But before I could, Kaine was there behind me, helping me to sit up.

He hopped off the bed first, helping me stand. Then he gathered up my clothes so I wouldn’t have to bend down. With them piled in my arms, I made my way to the bathroom. I did my business, then put back on my pajamas, using the last bit of energy I had for the day.

As I came out of the bathroom, I expected to see Kaine dressed and ready to retreat to his room. But instead, the bed had been turned down and a deliciously naked Kaine was lying underneath the top sheet.

“You’re sleeping here?”

“Yup.”

“What if I don’t want you to sleep here?” Why am I asking such stupid questions? Of course I wanted him to sleep here.

He chuckled. “Too bad.”

I was giddy with renewed energy as I crossed the room, shut off my bedside lamp and slipped under the sheet. What did this mean? What did any of this mean? Kaine and I had been living together for months. Now sex was back in the mix.

Were we a couple? Were we friends having twins together?

I rested my head on my pillow, took a long deep breath and worked up the courage to start asking questions.

“I—whoa!” My hands flew to my belly.

“What?” Kaine was at my side in a flash, his hands immediately diving under my tank top. “Are you hurt?”

“No.” I giggled as the twins kicked. It was like a bag of popcorn was popping inside me. “Can’t you feel them?”

His hands stilled, his palms hot against my skin. One of the babies kicked it, and Kaine’s face transformed.

Gone was the fear I’d seen in his eyes since the day I’d told him I was pregnant. For the first time, he looked completely in awe. Our babies would be okay.

“See?” I reached up and toyed with a lock of hair by his ear. “They’re excited.”

Kaine’s hands roamed my stomach, chasing kicks and punches. When he looked at me, I got one of his rare, gleaming smiles that made my heart double in size.

The babies were on a roll, literally, shifting and moving inside me. “I look like an alien.”

“It’s beautiful.” Kaine’s voice was full of wonder.

“I guess they like sex.”

His hands stilled. “What?”

“Sex.” I laughed. “They like it. Maybe an orgasm is like a hug for them. We should hug them more.”

“Oh, Jesus.” He rolled his eyes, dropping his forehead to my stomach as he laughed. I laughed even harder, loving this carefree side of him that I rarely saw.

As our laughter died down, Kaine shifted onto his back, sliding a hand underneath my neck. The movement forced me into his side, curling my back against his chest.

We’d never cuddled before. We’d have sex and lie next to one another. Sometimes I’d drape myself over his bare chest while we caught our breath. But there was never this intimacy. There was never the promise he would stay.

“What are we doing, Kaine? You and me?”

“Going backward.”

“I don’t understand that.” I looked over my shoulder, begging for an answer that made sense. “I hate to be cliché, but I really need a label.”

“A label, huh?” His eyes softened, and he kissed my hair. “I guess you could say we’re a couple.”

“I like that label.”

“So do I. We missed all of this. Before the boys, we missed the nights together. The you and me and getting to know one another. I want to go back and do it all. I want the hand-holding. The kisses. And I was waiting for you to be ready for the rest.”

“The rest?”

He nodded. “The rest. Sharing this bed. Sharing these boys. Sharing a life.”

“You want that?”

“I want you. I’ve wanted you for months.” He brushed a lock of hair off my shoulder. “Somewhere along the line, you stole my heart. I’m going to steal yours in return. Just wait and see.”

My breath hitched. Was this happening? Had Kaine Reynolds, a man dedicated to keeping his emotions locked up behind a dozen padlocks, just confessed his feelings? This sounded a lot like . . . love.

“You really mean all of this?”

“You’re important to me,” he said quietly. “The most important person in my life.”

“You’re important to me too.”

“Then let’s go backward.” His arms banded around me tighter. “Let’s do all those things I should have done from day one.”

Yes was right on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back.

“Where is it all coming from?” The sex between us had been amazing, but for this kind of confession? One of us should have blacked out.

“It’s been there for a long time. I guess . . . I didn’t want to spring it on you. I won’t say that the babies didn’t change this. We both know it doesn’t work like that in real life. But I’d like to think that even without them, this would have happened eventually.”

I liked to think that too. I liked to believe that eventually he would have confided in me. And I had faith that eventually I’d hear the rest of his family’s story. It wasn’t easy, but I’d give him more time.

“So?”

I snuggled deeper into his arms. I knew what he was asking but messing with him was too much fun to pass up. “So, what?”

“Are we going backward?”

I smiled, holding in my answer.

“Piper,” he grumbled.

I still didn’t say anything.

“Jesus, woman. Yes or no?” He shook my shoulders until we were both laughing. “Answer me, damn it.”

“Yes!” I giggled. “Yes. I like backward.”

“You drive me crazy.” He smiled. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Kaine kissed my hair again and shifted his arms so one was resting under my neck and the other was over my belly. Then for the first time, I fell asleep in his arms with his scent surrounding me and his heartbeat as my lullaby.

“Morning,” I yawned as Kaine kissed my hair. My first thought when waking up was how nice it was to have him in my bed. The second was how badly I’d embarrass myself if I didn’t get to the bathroom and pee.

I whipped off the covers, pushing myself off the mattress and scurrying to the bathroom. Getting out of bed was the fastest I moved these days.

I did my business on the toilet, emptying my bladder and sighing with relief as the pressure eased. I had a smile on my face as I stood to pull up my pants. But then it dropped, and I stumbled against the wall as I looked down to the porcelain bowl filled with red.

“Kaine!” I shouted, then I started to cry as panic set in. “I’m bleeding.”