9. Control

A week was all it took to take my peace and quiet away. And It was all because of Kyle and Claire.

They'd fight over everything and anything. Who'd sit beside me at lunch, who'd sit beside me in classes, who'd accompany me to the bathroom. They'd fight over everything and it was beginning to get annoying.

And during their not so little arguments, I would sneak away from them and go to the library. They would text me after they would notice that I'm not with them and I would simply silence my phone and read in silence.

But that didn't get to last long because luckily Claire found my hiding spot. And she didn't tell Kyle about it.

Typical.

"So, what you reading?" Claire would whisper the same question as she did now.

I looked over to her with a straight and unamused face, then turned back to my book again.

She'd sit so close to me that I could literally hear her breathing as she was now, and she'd whisper stupid questions in my ear till the Bell rang indicating the end of free period.

It was just so annoying.

"It's a good thing Kyle wasn't here." She whispered in my ear and I could feel the smirk on her face, she was that much close to me right now.

"Don't you feel the same way? About Kyle not being here." She whisper-asked again and I shook my head.

"Oh yeah because he's your 'best friend' ". She used air quotes and rolled her eyes. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that she's jealous of Kyle.

I grabbed my notepad from my bag and wrote on it before handing it to Claire.

'Are you jealous?'

She looked wide eyed at the page and then grabbed the pen from my hand before writing on it. She handed the notepad back to me and I rolled my eyes at her reply.

'Why, should I be?'

I wrote on it and then gave it to her.

'Yes.'

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked and got a lot of 'shhs' from around her. She muttered a low sorry, then looked back to me.

I ignored her question and continued reading my book. I didn't need to answer all of her questions. Right?

I could see her puffing her cheeks from the corner of my eyes and I rolled my eyes again before grabbing the notepad and writing on it.

'It means that he's my best friend and you're my friend. There's a huge difference there. He knows me better than you.'

She connected her eyebrows and frowned upon seeing the notepad.

"I want to know you. But you don't tell me anything about you. I even found out about your name from someone else." She whisper-complained in my ear and I internally agreed with her.

It's only been like a month since she's been here and she doesn't really know anything about me besides my name.

She sighed and then laid her head on my shoulder, which caused my heart to beat rapidly from the physical contact. I was afraid that she'd hear my heart beating louder than normal.

"Do you even want me to know anything about you?" She whispered and looked at me, still with her head on my shoulder.

I nodded slowly and she frowned again.

"It doesn't seem like it." She complained again and this time I sighed.

I was about to answer her complaints by writing on the notepad when the bell rang.

Saved by the Bell.

She stood up and picked her book bag from the carpeted floor.

I got on my feet too and put the book back in the shelf before picking my book bag. I looked beside me to a frowning Claire who had her eyebrows connected in thought, I guess.

"I guess Kyle does know you better than me." She spoke with a frown and then walked away from me and out of the library. I was confused from her actions. She would usually drag me out the library with her but now she just went out without dragging me along with her.

Did I upset her?

........................................

The next day, Claire was ignoring me the best she could and I had to say, she was a professional at avoiding people.

Kyle was shocked too, along with Claire's friends.

After what happened in the library yesterday, she managed to avoid me for the rest of the day. She even sat away from me and the whole class was in confusion from that.

And now she was sitting alone at another table eating her salad with her eyebrows connected.

To be honest, I was missing her smirks and her dragging me around. I was missing the warmth she radiated and I couldn't help myself from staring at her.

"What did you do now, Clayton?" Josh questioned the tattooed guy with a stern voice.

"Why do you assume I did something?" Clayton answered with his mouth full of the chewed-up pizza.

"Manners, Clayton." Allison said and Clayton murmured a low sorry.

"It has to be you cause you're the only disgusting and mean person here." Josh answered which earned him a glare from Clayton.

"Well, I didn't do anything so don't suspect me. Maybe pretty boy over there did something." Clayton smirked towards an eating Kyle.

"Me? Why would I do something? I don't even like her." Kyle said with his mouth full and he even managed to spit some food from his mouth on the table.

"Seriously. Am I only surrounded by ill-mannered children?!" Alison exclaimed and stood from the table and went over to the table where Claire was.

"See. You even made Ally angry." Clayton pointed at Kyle and he glared at Clayton.

"Stop fighting like little kids." Josh scolded the two boys while both of them groaned and pointed at each other. "He started it." They both said in unison.

"Me? No, you started it." Again, both of them said in unison.

Josh started ignoring the two bickering children and I shifted all of my attention to a frowning Claire.

Allison and Claire were both talking about something which had Claire frowning. I wanted to know why Claire was behaving like this.

"Did you do something, Hayden?" A whisper brought me put of my thoughts and I looked beside me, to Kyle.

I shook my head and he squinted his eyes as if he was doubting me. I turned my attention back to Claire again and I caught her looking at me.

I waved at her in hopes that she would wave back but all she did was turn to Allison again and started talking to her.

What is wrong with her?

....................................

Schooltime had ended and I was walking to the parking lot when I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

I turned around and I was met with a smirking Jordan.

"Hey, Hayden." He said while smirking. I shivered internally at the menace in his voice.

I didn't let my emotions show on my face and gave him a blank stare as to let him know that he doesn't scare me. Even though I was scared.

"Oh, I see. You're still playing charades, huh?" He smirked and draped his arm over my shoulder and began walking towards the double doors of the school building.

"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about why I'm not bullying you, right?"

Not even close.

"Well, it's because I've changed. I've changed a lot and I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He said with a serious face and for a second, I believed him until he started laughing hysterically.

"I'm not sorry at all actually because the one who should be sorry is you. Why? Because you didn't let me have my way with that Claire and second, because you hit me." He pushed me against the wall beside the building doors and I admit it hurt a lot.

"So now, I'm gonna warn you. I have taken a liking to Claire, you know seeing her half naked made me want her more. So, I'll have her. And you won't do anything about it because you're weak." He smirked and I wanted to punch him right there and then.

"That night you had back up but the next time Claire won't even have you to be her knight in shining armor." He smirked yet again and I clenched my hands in fists.

"So, what are you gonna do about that, dyke?" He said with mock and then smirked.

I was really angry and I knew it was even evident on my face. He really went far with his antics.

"I wonder what it feels like to have sex with her?" He said while imagining and that was the last straw.

I punched his face with all the power I had in me and he groaned from the contact. I, too felt the impact after I hit him. My hand hurt really bad and I was literally cringing in pain.

"How dare you, you dyke?!" He regained his posture and then screamed in my face. He raised his right hand to hit me, I guess, but I held it and punched him in the stomach this time.

He bent while groaning and held his stomach with both his hands. I was having some sadistic happiness by hitting him. I hadn't hit him back whenever he hit me, and this felt too good.

When Jordan stood straight with anger in his eyes for me, I was about to hit him again when I felt someone hold my hand. I looked to my right and saw Claire holding my hand and she had worry on her face.

"Oh look, Claire herself is here." Jordon said with a smirk while cringing in pain.

Claire didn't even bother looking at him, she had her eyes trained on me and I felt somewhat nervous because of her staring.

"Don't you ignore me, bitch." Jordan spat, grabbing Claire's arm. I saw the visible pain his hold gave her. I gritted my teeth and looked towards Jordan, he just had a dirty smirk on his face.

I punched him again and this time I managed to knock him to the ground. He was a groaning mess now, with his nose and his lower lip bleeding. All I felt, seeing him like this was happy, I didn't know why.

"What happened here?" I heard someone say from not too far from me and I looked up to see who it was. Kyle and the rest of Claire's friends stood a little far from where Jordan was laying in pain.

"Did you do this Hayden?" Clayton asked with worry and I noticed now, the crowd that was standing around me.

I looked at him blankly and Claire tightened her hand which was holding mine.

"Please stop smiling like that." Claire spoke in a whisper and I looked at her confused.

Was I smiling?

I raised my other hand to touch my face and Claire was right. I was smiling, but I didn't know it.

"Let's go get your hand checked before teachers show up." Kyle came towards me and I backed away. I looked at Jordan's unconscious body and then at Claire who had worry written all over her face.

I need to get out of here.

I let my hand leave Claire's hand and then I ran. I ran and I didn't look back, even when I heard my name being called by Claire and Kyle. I ran out of the school building and I ran towards the one place I knew no one would find me.

Not even Kyle.

....................................

"Your daughter beat up a kid at school." Bethany white complained to her husband, George white, who was busy reading the newspaper.

"What, really??!! "George got as shocked as he possibly could because Hayden wasn't the violent types to begin with. She was a sweet and loving girl.

"Yes, and she gave that poor kid a black eye." Bethany continued telling George the awful doings of their daughter.

"Where is she now?" George asked while folding the newspaper neatly and then placing it on the coffee table.

"She's in her room, where she's gonna stay for two weeks because she's grounded." Bethany said while peeling potatoes sitting beside her husband.

"I'll go talk to her." George got up and went to Hayden's room.

The teenager had put up all types of signs on her bedroom door and sometimes George felt like he had a son, not a daughter.

As George got in front of his daughter's room door, he knocked gently which got a quick reply of 'come in'.

George entered Hayden's room and he saw his daughter sitting on the window seat and staring outside the window.

He slowly went towards her and sat beside her in the same manner she was seated.

"So, I heard you beat up a kid?" George said looking towards the troubled teenager.

Hayden looked at her father for a moment and then turned her attention back to the window.

"Yeah." She spoke in a whisper and her father could see that she was ashamed because of her deed.

"And why did you do it?" He spoke in the exact same way she did.

"He said something bad about you." She now spoke looking at her father.

"Oh, and what was that?" He asked which got him a head shake.

"I can't say it." She said and her father raised an eyebrow.

"And why is that?" He asked her and she frowned at him.

"Because its something bad and I don't want to hurt you by saying it." Hayden answered and then turned her attention back to the view outside her window.

"Come on, you can tell me. I won't be hurt by it." George insisted and Hayden looked at him again.

"You promise?" She asked and George nodded eagerly to know what got the sweet girl to beat someone up.

"He said that since we're rich, you must be having an affair with mom. He said that all rich guy's cheat on their wives, and when I said that you would never do that. He said that you would and you are." Hayden told her father with tears in her eyes that were just waiting to fall.

"Was that all he said?" George asked her daughter gently wiping away the stray tear that fell from her eye.

Hayden silently nodded and George gave her a smile, a gentle and loving smile. He enveloped Hayden in a bear hug making the crying girl feel better than before.

"I'm happy that you defended me. I'm happy that you trust me. I bet you beat him up pretty good because I can't see any bruises on you." George said ending the hug and smiling at her daughter.

"Yeah. I hit him in the nuts." Hayden said with a smirk and her father's face twisted in pain as if he was kicked in the nuts.

Hayden laughed at her father's face and her father burst out laughing with her.

"Just remember this, Hayden. Just like this if anyone says something bad about the people you love, don't solve it with fists but with words. Violence is not always the answer. But nonetheless I'm proud of you and I'll always be." George said after their laughing fit had ended and Hayden nodded eagerly listening to her father's words and engraving them in her head.

"I'll always protect the people I love, dad." Hayden spoke and embraced her father.

"Good girl." Her father whispered soothing Hayden's hair.

.................................

I sat on the green grass with my eyes stinging but no tears seemed to fall from my eyes. The sun was starting to go down and I kept sitting on the grass looking at nothing in particular.

I had shut off my phone when I got here because I didn't have anything to say to anyone. I didn't want anyone to find out where I was because this was the one place where I always seemed to find peace, the only place where I believed that everything was the same as before and that it would stay that way.

But how wrong was I?

Nothing was the same as before, everything had changed.

I had lost my parents, the two people I could never replace. My safe place. My parents were my safe haven where I could find the solution to everything. Now I'm just lost.

The sun had gone down and now the place was filled with a silent darkness. The stars were up and shining like every other night. It was beautiful seeing the stars shine, and every time I saw the stars shine it would bring a sense of happiness to me.

I sighed aloud and laid down on my back on the grass, looking up at the stars a lot better than before.

Today was quite eventful, first Claire ignored me all day then Jordan had to come and ruin it more by his stupid warning, as he said it. What shocked me the most was the smile I had on my face when I was hitting Jordon.

When I was running out the school, I had looked at myself in someone's car window and I knew how much I freaked myself out.

No wonder why, Claire was so worried about me. Claire was worried about me?

Claire was worried about me. But I thought she was ignoring me.

Claire.

Every time I think about something, she always seems to pop up in my head. What am I really feeling for her?

"Hey, you there?" I heard somebody say from in front of me and I sat up in alarm to who it was.

"What are you doing here at this time of hour?" The old man said. He had a dog leash in his hand and I noticed that all the park lights were on now.

I stared at him and waited for him to leave. I didn't have to answer to this guy about anything.

"Aye, are you trying to ignore me?" He spoke with his eyebrow raised. With the park lights on, I was able to see this old guy's face clearly.

I blankly stared at the guy again and he still didn't seem to get the message.

I laid down again on my back and thought that maybe he'd go away now, but I was so wrong.

The old guy sat beside me on the grass and his dog sat in front of him. I saw him lay on his back as well and I ignored him the best I could.

"Got some teenage issues in life, huh?" He asked while looking at the stars.

I didn't answer and silence surrounded us. After a while he looked at me, with his eye brow raised.

"You don't talk much, do you?" He asked while his dog barked at maybe something it saw.

I nodded and he laughed aloud at me. I turned my attention back to the stars.

He's just here to make fun of my misery.

"Well, teenage years are pretty hard." He said and I saw that he was being serious.

I nodded again as to agree with his statement and he smiled from my answer, I guess.

"So, what seems to be your problem?" He asked and I just stared at him, not wanting to tell a complete stranger about what was bothering me.

"Okay, I'll guess then." The old man laughed again and I rolled my eyes.

"Is it concerning your studies?" He asked and I shook my head.

"How could it be that, kids don't even care about studies." He said and laughed again heartily.

"Okay, is it a girl problem?" He asked and I thought about it first.

Was it about Claire? Was I so much bothered because of Claire?

Come to think of it, I never got so much bothered by Jordan than I did today. The only answer I had for my outburst was that Claire was ignoring me and I assumed Jordan as a punch bag and gave him a good beating.

I found myself unconsciously nodding my head and the old guy smiled at me.

"Well, you should be happy because I too had girl problems when I was your age." The old guy stated and I noticed that, how did the guy know, I liked girls? Oh, maybe he assumed that I was a guy. I just let him assume as I nodded my head.

"Girls are like flowers, you see. They look beautiful, they smell beautiful and they know they're beautiful too. And men or boys in your case, are like the curious kids who pick flowers just like that. Girls deserve gentle loving which isn't in the nature of boys, but still they try. They try because when a boy is in love, he always tries. Boys pick these beautiful flowers with the intentions to admire them or sometimes to keep them away from others. But they forget that these flowers weren't made to be hidden, they were made to be loved." The old guy stopped and I nodded my head as to tell him to go on.

"I, too was like a curious kid and I was a heart breaker. I was like the bad boy in my day and age. Girls lined up to be with me and every girl had the intention to make me theirs forever but I didn't want to be limited to just a single girl. I wanted to stay in the field and bat as long as I could, but you see fate had other plans. One day, this girl came to this town and I targeted her as my new lover. I wanted to just stay with her till I got bored of her, and that I never did." The old guy again stopped and he looked at the stars. I could see that his eyes had unshed tears in them. I patted his back and he laughed at my action.

"You, kid, are just too interesting." He said and again laid down.

I shook my head at him and laid down again myself. His story had gotten me interested.

"Do you want to know what happened to the girl?" He asked me and I nodded my head eagerly for him to continue on.

He gave me a light smile and then looked at the stars. "She died."

My heart fell when I heard him and when a single tear rolled out his eye. He seemed to be pained by telling me about this.

"She died because I didn't tell her what I felt for her. She was not just a time-pass for me, she was an eternity. But I didn't know her value. She was priceless and irreplaceable, but I let her go. She found out about all the hearts I had broken and she thought that I was gonna do the same to her. She loved me and she couldn't handle what she thought was going to be a heartbreak when it was actually a confession of my love. She took her life and she took my heart with her." The old man was now crying and I felt the intensity of his sadness.

"So, you, kid, shouldn't let this girl go if you have one in your life. You shouldn't hurt her because you're gonna hurt yourself if you hurt her. I see somewhat myself in you and I don't want you to let that girl go. okay?" He had his hands on my shoulders and his tears were still falling.

I nodded my head with all the determination I had gotten form the old guy and he smiled in return.

"Well, I Gotta go now but it was nice talking to you, son." The old man stood up from his sitting position and I stood with him.

"Remember this, if the girl you like cares for you and makes it obvious, and still you can't seem to get her then you, my son, are the most quiet and oblivious person I've ever met, next to myself." The old man laughed heartily and I felt the side of my lips twitch and I felt myself smile.

I felt myself smile.

"Oh, look at that. That's the first smile you've given me the whole time I've been here. You should smile a lot more and do it in front of your girl." He said and then started walking away from me.

And the last thing I heard from him was 'Oh Christine, kids these days are like us. So oblivious and so in love.'

I smiled to myself at the guy's whisper which was not meant to be heard but I still heard it.

Now to go back home.

Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.

-Loretta Young