r u l e # 6

Rule #6 Keep it clean

Keep it clean on the bed by wrapping it up with a condom. Keep it clean out of bed by limiting messy emotional attachments to a minimum.

Here's a list of things you should avoid: questions about each other's whereabouts, questions about how many people they are seeing or sleeping with, their friends and family, events such as weddings and prom, intimate dinner dates, cooking at home, cuddling, sleeping over, sharing of overly-personal matter, or compliments including you're special and I want to learn more about you.

It's best to meet up at a luxury hotel room instead of your houses. It's classy, professional, and the bed sheets are always freshly changed. Do it quick and get out.

......

Ever since Jake had stupidly blurted out that he was attracted to Jessica, she had been atrociously avoiding him as if he had some form of STD—he didn't, by the way. Not-so-little Jake was healthy-looking, robust and functioning well, but it had sadly been out of work for a while.

Jake was a relationship virgin who had somehow managed to get himself dumped. He scrolled through his phone and looked at all the unanswered messages he sent her.

The first few ones were read but not replied to. The next few ones were unread. They accompanied him all the way from prom, to graduation, to summer vacation, leaving behind a lonely trail.

It was a hot and sexually frustrated July without her.

It wasn't too hard to get her address from Sean, who went there once for a party. However, showing up at someone's house unannounced bordered on stalker behavior, therefore Jake decided to show up unannounced at her hotel.

A hotel was a public facility after all. Anyone had the right to be there. He could stroll in innocently and ask if room 2046 was taken...or something. He didn't bother planning ahead, because whenever Jake thought of doing something, he just had to do it right away.

Turned out planning ahead was entirely unnecessary. Jessica Jiang was standing right behind the concierge counter in a dark blue blazer, a small golden badge pinned near her collar that said trainee. Her hair was pulled back into a bun—the professional kind, not the sexy, messy kind—and her jewel earrings shone demurely under the lobby chandelier, like giving him a secret wink.

There was no secret wink on her face, however. She greeted him in a perfectly clipped, information-desk tone. "Good afternoon. How may I help you?"

"Jess, what are you doing here?"

"How may I help you?"

"I thought your dad owned this place?"

As he was speaking, a door opened up behind the counter. A middle-aged man in a navy suit stepped out. He was solidly built, but it wasn't the only intimidating thing about him.

It was the way he carried himself. His stance. The way his gaze ran over Jake's face, giving him the impression that lying to him would be a bad idea.

"That I do," the man said. He had a voice of authority, like everything he said should be written down. "Are you a friend of Jessica's?"

This was Mr. Jiang. Her father.

"Hello, sir." Jake swallowed. "My name is Jake Lancaster. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Mr. Jiang had a firm handshake. Jake smiled his best smile as he withdrew his hand. He was in the middle of feeling like a thief caught red-handed, even though he wasn't entirely sure what he was guilty of, when Jessica interrupted.

"Dad, he's a friend of a friend. He's just leaving."

Jake blinked.

Mr. Jiang glanced at both of their faces. "Jessica, take a break. I don't see any hotel guests at the moment. You should try the melon soda at our bar." He nodded at Jake, and Jake nodded back, not knowing how else to react to this moment of kindness. Of the two, Jessica's dad seemed to be the friendlier one.

She reluctantly stepped away from the counter.

Jake followed her lead, and she walked all the way over to the elevator before she turned to face him. "So what's up?"

"I feel so welcomed, Jess. Aren't you going to treat me to some of that melon soda? I'm extremely thirsty."

Her gaze fell on him briefly. "I can see that."

She led him to the bar, and they sat down at the stools. Two glasses of the sparkling emerald liquid were set down in front of them. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

Jake deliberated on how he should handle the situation.

His friends thought he was smooth, but they didn't know that being smooth took practice. His dating agendas were calculated. He had some successful pre-planned packages that he kept recycling: food followed by dessert followed by a walk along the river, and then there it was, the perfect spot for a good night kiss.

He had some other secret romantic places he pretended to chance upon. He already learned which seats in the restaurant offered the best view. He knew what lines worked and what didn't, what jokes to repeat, which stories to polish up. He was well aware of when to smile, how to wink, and the sort of expressions on his face that would make them melt.

But showing up unexpectedly in front of a girl who didn't want anything to do with him—this was uncharted territory.

He drank the soda in front of him slowly, and then he pushed it away.

"A friend of a friend? Is that all I am to you?"

"Jake." She sighed.

"I don't even deserve an introduction to your dad?"

Great, he was as smooth as the lunar surface. Hookup artists don't whine. They negotiate with a smile that never waver and back off when the subject isn't interested. They certainly don't barge up and ask to be introduced, either.

"What do you want to me say?" Jessica's voice rose to match his. "Hi, daddy. This is the boy I've been screwing in your hotel suite, but don't worry, I always change the sheets myself and fill up the mini bar afterwards."

Jake bit the inside of his bottom lip and tried to control his breathing. He considered himself a sunny guy with a good temper, and he almost never got mad at girls. That was before he met Jessica, however, because this girl was beyond infuriating—especially since she was right.

She was absolutely right. He was nothing more than a fuck buddy and he knew it, but some things were just that much uglier when spoken out.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I don't mean that." Jessica brushed at an invisible loose strand of hair, even though her hair was immaculately done. "I panicked in front of my dad. He wouldn't like it if he knew I used the room without asking. This is my summer job, you see. I can get fired."

Surprise chased away anger right away. "Your dad wants you to work the front desk? But your family is loaded."

"My parents are rich but I'm not. I have to work for the pretty things I like," she said. "My dad gave me the job so I could understand a little bit of his business, but I'm expected to work my way up. Last week I was with the room cleaning staff. Speaking of which, people are such lousy tippers these days."

The way she talked reminded him of how she was with Russell. So candid and natural. It was ridiculous to feel competitive over a preteen kid, but it was a great feeling to see Jessica finally loosening up a little.

"See, Jess? You can talk to me too. I just don't understand why you have to push me away like that."

"You don't understand. Really?" She leaned back slightly so the space between them widened. "What would you do if some girl you'd been sleeping with told you that she was attracted to you and wanted to learn more about you?"

"If that girl was you, then..." He wanted to make a joke, a flirty one, but Jessica looked dead serious. He heaved a small sigh. "Fine. I'd avoid her and find someone else to sleep with."

She lifted her chin. "Well there you go."

"So is that it? You found someone else to sleep with?"

He wasn't the jealous type, he really wasn't. Jake told himself he was just curious.

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

At that moment Jake realized the downside of a no-strings-attached relationship. He liked that she wasn't allowed to ask questions, that she had no control over him, but this rule worked both ways. He had no right over what she did and who she did it with, either.

It hurt, and it hurt even more that he was in no position to feel hurt.

"Sorry, Jess. You don't have to answer. I don't know if this matters to you...I just want you to know that I haven't been screwing around with anyone else ever since we slept together. Not even a kiss."

He didn't know why he said that. It was the truth, but explanations were never required. Neither were apologies, loyalty, and obligations. They both knew what they sighed up for and it was what it was.

Jessica stared down at her drink, then after a long while, she said, "I haven't, either. Not even a kiss."

They returned to being silent, but this time it was the right kind. It was lighter, softer, and Jake felt a grin spread across his face.

"I'm kind of hard to replace, right? I set an impossibly high standard. I'm afraid you won't be able to enjoy sex ever again."

Jessica raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. "You can't make an assumption like that without hard evidence. Unless you've personally slept with every guy around this area, how do you know"—she smiled—"I don't even know what this is about anymore. What are we doing, fighting like a married couple? I thought we were better than that, Jake."

"So can we get back to how we were?"

"I'll consider the proposition."

"Come on, a good partner is hard to find, right? You have to admit you had a pretty good time with me."

Jessica shrugged. "You're alright. Passable."

"Passable?" He shook his head. "Jess-i-ca. That's not what you said when you were begging me to give it to you."

"I was giving you a motivational speech in hopes that you'd perform better."

Jake propped his forearm against the counter and leaned towards her. "I demand a reevaluation."

"Look, Jake. I think you're charming, but—"

"Jess, don't you dare give me that I'm a nice guy but you don't want to hurt me speech. Have some mercy on my fragile male ego."

She smiled. "No, I was just going to say that I'd love to keep flirting with you, but I have to get back to work now."

"So we're cool?"

She stood up and threw a dazzling smile his way, one that sparkled like the melon soda in front of him, and he felt his stomach bubbling with hope before all the bubbles popped. "As long as you don't say anything stupid again."

......

Jake was lying in bed when a streak of lightning flashed across the sky. The light danced on his eyelids and woke him up. When the thunder went off right overhead, he saw that his phone lit up.

River: Tell me a dirty joke

He picked up his phone and typed. What do the vagina and the weather have in common? When it's wet, it's time to go inside.

Jake stared at his phone screen. He waited for twelve minutes for her to text back. Another bolt of lightning split across the sky. Thirteen minutes.

River: I'm terrified of thunder

Jake got up, threw on a pair of jeans, and grabbed his car keys.

......

The front door was pulled open with caution, like the person behind was trying to be quiet. It probably didn't matter since the rain was pouring outside, interrupted intermittently with thunder.

Jake stood with his hands in the pockets, completely drenched from head to toe. His blond hair matted down his face and was still dripping with rain when Jessica's face appeared through the door crack.

"You're crazy." She grabbed his forearm and gestured for him to come inside.

"No, I'm spontaneous." He looked up at the spiraling staircase in the foyer and uttered a gasp. "Wow. Your house is huge. It's just like in the movies."

"Now is not the time to marvel over my house," Jessica whispered. "You're so wet."

Jake shifted his gaze from the room back to her face and grinned. "I never thought I'd hear you say that back to me, Jess."

She glared at him before telling him to stay right where he was and remain very quiet, then she got him a fluffy white towel. He wrapped it around himself and followed her upstairs to her room.

"What are you doing here?" Jessica asked as soon as she shut the door.

"Because you texted me?"

"I didn't ask you to come over! I was hoping you could distract me with more dirty talk, that's all."

He started pulling off his shirt. His clothes were completely soaked. "But I can distract you better in person."

Her gaze only lingered on his stomach for a second before she glanced away.

"What's wrong? You've seen me naked before. In fact, I'm naked every time we see each other," he asked as he shimmied out of his jeans.

"Yes, but this time you're in my room."

"So?" He tousled dry his hair and started walking around in his boxer briefs. On one side of the wall, there were lots of framed pictures. They looked like children's drawings. Some were done by crayons, other by color pens. "Did you draw these?"

"No." She pulled open the closet and rummaged through the drawers. She didn't have a lot of clothes, or a walk in closet, like he imagined. "Look, I don't think I have anything that'd fit you here," she said.

"That's okay, I'm good." He lifted the duvet on her bed and slipped under.

"Are you staying over?"

"You're not going to send me back, are you? It's still pouring out there."

A spark of lightning ignited outside and Jessica flinched.

"Come to bed, Jess."

"I don't...It's that time of the month. I can't have sex with you."

"Who said anything about sex? I'm not here for that."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because you texted me? Jess, we've been over this two minutes ago. Will you please just relax?" he asked. "I'm not going to try anything. I just want to be here for you."

"I don't need you to do that."

"But I want to. Because you're special." The words were out before he could put a stop to this ongoing disaster. "I mean it."

Jessica frowned. She was the weird type of girls who actually got offended when they heard something nice. "Don't say that."

"Listen, I'm not asking to be your boyfriend, okay? You don't need to freak out just because I told you you're special. Come to bed, please."

His words didn't seem to convince her, and it took a few more bouts of thunder to finally send her in bed. Jessica looked visibly stricken.

"Why are you afraid of the thunder?" he asked. He wanted to hug her right away, but he waited.

"I don't know...it's the way it seems to crack the sky wide open. Like it's the apocalypse."

He laughed. "But we're inside and you're safe."

"Jake," she said. "I move around a lot when I sleep. My sister says I grind my teeth and I hog the covers. Maybe I should get you a spare blanket?"

He realized that she was nervous. She had obviously never slept, literally, with some guy overnight before, and the thought made him smile. "It's okay. I'm a really heavy sleeper. I go camping a lot and—"

His words were interrupted by the sound of loud thunder. She closed her eyes. He put his arms around her and pulled her against his body. He knew he should stop this insanity, and in his head he could practically hear the screeching of the tires when the brake was stepped on too hard, like a warning, but he just couldn't.

They had pounded against each other in every position possible, but this was new. This was cuddling. Jake was simultaneously scared and turned on by it.

She wasn't wearing a bra under her loose tee and she smelled like all kinds of wild flowers. Jake concentrated on summoning all the serene things he could think of.

Calm ocean waves. Willow trees by the river. A field of rye blowing in the wind. A smiling Buddha.

"Jess, do you know any stories about thunder? Aside from Thor."

"Yeah, there is one." She shifted against him. A small ball of fire flicked on in his groin.

A field of rye blowing in the wind. Blowing. Blowing. Damn. A field of rye rolling in the wind.

"Once upon a time, there was a Thunder Man. He was the god of thunder and was in charge of punishing bad people on earth with his bolts of thunder. He looked over them from up above. He was very impulsive and often made mistakes, because he always jumped to conclusions.

One day, he was making his rounds from the sky when he saw a girl dumping rice in the river. How dare she waste food like that! He struck her with a bolt of thunder right away and executed her. Turned out she was a very kind girl who saved good quality rice for her family, while she hid in the kitchen and ate rice bran herself. Rice bran is the hard skin of unprocessed rice and is hard to swallow, and what she was actually doing was throwing away what she couldn't finish eating.

When the Thunder Man knew he made a mistake, he was very remorseful. The Jade Emperor, who's the ruler of all gods in Chinese mythology, a bit like Zeus in Greek mythology, decided to make the girl the Lightning Woman and let them work as a duo. She was equipped with a mirror. Since then, she'd always flash the mirror, light up the earth, so Thunder Man could see clearer before he struck. This is why the lightning always goes off before the thunder."

"Cute story," he mumbled, quickly falling asleep.

"Yeah."

Jessica's breathing slowed beside him. Her body wasn't as rigid as before.

It was so wonderful lying together like that.

Her voice came from far away. "Jake, did you put on cologne before you came over?"

"Of course, Jess." He could barely talk now. He was so sleepy. "For you."

The last thing he remembered was Jessica whispering softly beside him. "Are you asleep?"

He was too tired to answer, but his senses weren't completely cloudy yet. Jessica's fingers were brushing at his hair. They lingered there for a while, and then he felt her lips on his cheek.

......

"Jay-Jay. Wake up."

"Huh?" He couldn't open his eyes. It was too comfortable.

"You need to get up now."

"No..." He pulled her back in the covers when he sensed her getting away. He circled her waist with his arms, his chest against her back, and pressed his face between her shoulder blades.

Was this spooning? It was so nice. "Ten more minutes," he mumbled.

"Five."

"Seven and a half."

"Two minutes."

"Jess, that's not how you negotiate."

She laughed. "Okay, ten more minutes."

......

"Get up. Get up now!"

This time he knew it was serious. She was shaking him on the shoulders, hard. "We're dead. Dead. We overslept. My parents are getting up now, and shit. You're still naked!"

"I'm not just naked. I'm naked with a morning—"

"Jake! I don't have time to joke right now! Put on your clothes and I need to sneak you out of the house before they get up."

Jake sat up and rubbed his eyes. Jessica was too adorable when she was flustered. He watched her collecting his strewn clothes and thrusting them in his arms. "Come on, move, move, move!"

"Okay, okay." He pulled himself off the bed, and that was when a knock sounded at the door.

They both froze. Jessica's eyes widened with panic, and then she recovered and shoved him in the bathroom.

Jake barely had time to steady himself when he heard a door being opened, followed by a string of Mandarin sentences. It was between Jessica and her dad. Mr. Jiang sounded as intimidating as the last time, but not particularly angry. Jessica even laughed.

He didn't understand a thing, but it sounded like they weren't quite dead yet. He let out a slow, quiet exhale, and then, he caught the one sentence that stood out, bright as the sunlight streaming through the windows,

"Jessica, when your friend of a friend is ready to come out, tell him he's welcomed to join us for breakfast."