thirteen - democracy

the art of democracy

- - -

We arrived at Hendrix's apartment within twenty minutes, ringing through the security and using the elevator to go up to the eighth floor. The moment we walked into the room, I couldn't help but admire the interior decor, and was envious of how Hendrix's place was always so nice despite how chaotic she is. Her large windows looked magnificent when partnered with the sleek wooden, black floors. Hendrix's parents were extremely well off, and her residence showed it in the subtlest way possible. Jem's parents were more than happy to pay their half of the rent, so they could focus primarily on their studies.

Music was playing at a gentle, but noticeable, level and there was a small crowd of people in every corner of the room. I was almost glad that it wasn't packed, like it usually was, and I felt a lot more relaxed knowing that Sacha was right behind me.

"Looks like Jem's already started their politics lecture." Sacha mused, nodding towards the left of the apartment as I walked with him. I laughed lightly, completely aware of what Jem's infamous lecture consisted of.

Disrespecting the 45th American President? Check.

Evoking conspiracy theories that the 2016 election was rigged? Check.

Stating that, despite being the better of two evils, our lovely 46th American President isn't that great? Double check.

"Saint!" Hendrix cheered, throwing an arm around my shoulder. I waved and said hi to a few people in the open kitchen, smiling at them as Hendrix started talking. "Dude, you need to tell Jem that they need to lighten up. They've been shouting at everyone since they walked in."

I just shrugged, watching from the corner of my eye as Sacha balls his way over to his friends. They'd just started practising some new songs for their bar gig and I was so excited to hear the lyrics we wrote together get played live.

"Maybe you shouldn't be inviting Republicans then, Jimi."

We turned around as Kareem made his way over to us. My back straightened, gaze remaining on him as I took in his simple outfit of a black button up and black jeans. The leather jacket on top of his usual ensemble gave me a sudden urge to bite my lip as I took in how good he looked. Instead of the usual red cup that everyone seemed to have at gatherings like these, Kareem only had a sealed bottle of water in his possessions, which drew my eyes to the tattoos on his hands. Dark bracelets hung on each wrist, partnered with the thick rings spreading across his fingers. His eyes met mine, a cheeky grin reaching his face as if he knew where my thoughts had gone. "Hey, Saint. Didn't expect to see you here."

"Have you met Drix?" I deadpanned, eyebrows raised as I attempted to act as casual as possible. I still wasn't certain about where we stood, in terms of labels. I hadn't seen him for a few days, as he'd been busy with his sister and sorting out his finances. I still had no clarity on where I stood, and was becoming more and more worried about the eventual admission that I knew I'd have to give him. We'd been texting all day and he'd mentioned that he would be coming, but as usual my anxiety made me overthink everything until Sacha physically dragged me out of the house. "Plus, I could never say no to free drinks. It's not in my nature."

"Saint Nicolas, please tell this Zayn Malik wannabe to stop disrespecting me in my own home. Jimi, really?" Hendrix giggled into her cup, despite her words. "And it's not my fault that Jem is incapable of being a civilised-"

"You talking shit about me again, Drizella?"

"Nope." Hendrix said instantly, "So dramatic, Jem. That's why I love ya." She slurred her words slightly before hugging them. Luckily, Jem just rolled their eyes and accepted her hug naturally. They stumbled away together and Jem, upon meeting eyes with Kareem, sent him a quick nod before they disappeared into the crowd of people.

"I don't think I've ever seen her be this nice."

Kareem seemed to have moved beside me in the short time it took for Jem to come over here. I shifted away slightly, hoping that he didn't notice my sudden hesitance.

I rolled my eyes, "Drunk Hendrix is nice Hendrix, but we're not allowed to talk about it."

Kareem's eyebrows raised, amused. "First rule of Fight Club?"

"Never talk about drunk Hendrix to Hendrix, especially if you value your life."

"Noted," Kareem turned to face me fully as I diverted my attention solely to him. "What are you doing after this?"

I hummed, tearing my gaze away from his dark eyes before my head started spinning. "Going home and nursing my pending hangover, how come?"

"Stay at mine? I'll drop you off at work in the morning." He started speaking again before I managed to answer, "Promise I won't wake you up again."

Not wanting him to feel uncomfortable or think it was an issue, I decided to act as nonchalant as possible. Without reacting any further, I raised my eyebrows, "What makes you assume I'm opening the Bakery?"

Kareem snorted, pointing to Hendrix with his water bottle. "Because I know for a fact that she isn't."

"She still could-" I trailed off when I noticed her pulling Jello Shots out of seemingly nowhere. "Okay, she definitely isn't seeing daylight for three to five business days. Jello shots are Drix's kryptonite."

"Good to know for future reference." Kareem mused, pulling a packet of chips from his pocket. "Want one?"

Scrunching my nose up, I shook my head with a polite, "No thank you."

He shrugged, popping a few into his mouth. "So how come Drix ended up throwing a party?"

"She was supposed to be spending the night at Aaliyah's, her girlfriend." I clarified, "But Ali got called into work last minute so Hendrix decided to get drunk instead. A couple of phone calls later and this happened."

"Glad to know that the Americans haven't lost their culture." He mused, before we both saw Hendrix strut up to the group Jem was with and fully embed herself into their debate. "Oh, that can't be fun."

"Not at all," I laughed, "I know how Hendrix seems...But she's mega smart. Like over 5.0 High School GPA smart, prospective Med student kind of vibe. She only went to NYU to stay close to her Grandmother, but she could've gone anywhere and done anything."

Jennifer used to talk about her all the time. I knew all about her darling granddaughter before I even met Hendrix. In fact, I distinctly remember being surprised that Jenny's pride and joy ended up being the tiny girl with rainbow hair and a right hook to match her internal fire.

Kareem raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Damn, I was barely passing at one point."

"Did you ever consider college?" I asked in lieu of acknowledging his statement.

"Not really," He hummed, cocking his head to the side as we watched Hendrix start to speak with her hands. "It just never seemed like it'd be for me, never mind the whole student debt and lack of funds. I doubt I'd ever qualify for a scholarship."

Nodding my head, I traced the rim of the plastic cup with my finger. "My parents always insisted on it. They didn't really care about much but they wanted their sons to go to college."

From the corner of my eye, I could see Kareem looking at me curiously. "What's their opinion on Sacha and the band?"

Snorting, I just laughed at the sentiment. "I'm pretty sure they don't even know. I don't talk to them and I don't think Sacha does either. They don't even know I own the bakery and I bought it with the money they gave me."

"They sound like idiots." He said bluntly. I might've been offended if it was anybody else disrespecting my parents but it was Kareem and he knew enough about me to secure the pass.

"Their loss." I shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe it'll bother me in a few years when I have children of my own but it's just how it is at the moment. Why should I let something bother me if I don't have the power to change it?"

"Do you want kids then?"

Having just realized what I said out loud, I nodded. "I used to want a whole soccer team's worth but I guess I'll settle for two or three."

"Not one?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.

"Don't want them to get lonely," I replied instantly, "Two's a good number but I'd like three."

"I think you'd be a good dad," Kareem nudged my shoulder with a knowing smile on his face.

My face softened, lips curving into a smile. "Thank you."

"You know who is a good daddy?" Hendrix barged into us, each of her arms wrapping around each of our necks. I let out a groan, not even surprised when I heard her say "Aaliyah."

"Is there anything good on Netflix?" Snuggling into Kareem's side, I watched him flick through the shows on display.

He hummed thoughtfully, "Drix said Young Royals is good but I'd rather we finish Grey's Anatomy before we move onto anything else."

"Let's watch that then," I suggested, feeling my eyes begin to drop as the episode started to play. Exhaustion seemed to hit me right in the chest at that moment, every ounce of sleep deprivation hitting me full force.

"Are you tired?" Kareem asked at last, an amusement present in his tone. My head had lolled onto his shoulder as I watched the screen through lidded eyes.

"A little. Drix had me open the shop this morning." I let out a quiet laugh, nuzzling my head on him. "She wanted to start the preparation early but I think it was just an excuse for her to get drunk."

His hand moved up to my hair fondly, running his fingers through the tangled mess as I let out a small sigh of contentment. "Get some rest, babe. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you stay awake?"

I tensed up. He stilled. Without realizing, I'd pulled myself up and out of his hold.

My eyes widened in surprise, my mind-to-mouth filter rendered useless. "Boyfriend?"

"I-" He blinked at me, panic and anxiety immediately consuming his eyes as he seemed to struggle for words.

Without him realising it, he sent a whirlwind of unease surging through me. Pure, undiluted panic made my lungs seize, and I inhaled deeply in an attempt to prevent myself from hyperventilating.

My eyes searched his, moving back and forth as I tugged my bottom lip into my mouth. That word, that casual tone - it made me remember one thing about myself that I hadn't told Kaz about, one thing that could change everything.

Debating internally on what I wanted to say, or how I wanted to say it, I couldn't focus on the way Kareem was watching me carefully. Looking just as nervous as I was. I had to tell him. I owed him that much.

"I'm ace."

The words slipped out before I had even a moment longer to hesitate. They're quiet, barely audible.

Kareem's eyebrows furrowed, "What?"

I should've told him before this all started. Now, he's got every right to leave. I led him on. Emery didn't even hesitate before he upped and left. It took one admission to make him turn every loving kiss into a vicious ridicule.

I'm not ashamed of it. It's part of who I am; it's me. But I wasn't ignorant to the societal expectation regarding sex, the influence that reality TV shows have on sex appeal and the overwhelming emphasis on having sex. I might've had a relatively easy coming out given my parent's nonchalance, but the response to my asexuality from my peers still left me breathless to remember.

I might be fine with who I am but I'm not ignorant to the fact that others aren't.

"I'm asexual." I repeated, louder. Clearer. The couch that I was on seemed to start swaying as my head got dizzy.

"Okay?" He sounded confused, head tilting slightly as our stare didn't falter.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, my nails scraped along my palm as I tried to relax. "Is that.." I took a deep breath, slowly, words coming out gentle. "Is that a deal breaker?"

This time it was Kareem's eyes to search my own, his gaze flickering back and forth as he took in my expression to the entirety. His face softened, eyes warm.

"Never."

The word left his mouth so quietly, so gently, that I almost believed that I imagined it.

My lungs exhaled. In that second, all traces of panic that had dominated my entire being dissipated.

He's not leaving.

He's not Emery.

"Then I like the sound of that, K." I said softly...happily, falling back into him. The title had so effortlessly slipped past his lips - natural - and I loved the way it sounded. The implication.

Boyfriend.

Kareem Murad is my boyfriend.

"Oh yeah?" He asked quietly, as if waiting for me to change my mind. But he relaxed now, continuing running his fingers through my strands. "Is it okay?"

"More than okay." I nodded, moving my head slightly as if it would bring us closer together. When my secret mission failed, I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist. Kareem leaned down and kissed the crown of my head from where it lay on his chest. Every cell in my body was simmering with excitement.

He's here. He's really here. He won't leave.

Maybe things will be different this time.

A part of me still burnt, a tiny niggling sensation within my chest that craved the validation and the security that I'd so forth been denied. I needed him to be sure. I needed him to want this as much as I did because I don't think I could survive him changing his mind.

My eyes flickered to his face. I took a deep breath as Kareem turned my hand over, massaging slow circles onto my palm with his thumb. I leaned in, hand cupping Kareem's cheek as I pressed my lips to his. Kareem's soft mouth opened on top of mine, letting out a moaned breath as he held the side of my neck.

"Officially, yeah? You're sure?" I whispered as we pulled away. My heart was facing. The rush of his skin touching mine felt so sudden. I couldn't even begin to form words to express the feelings floating around my brain. "Me and you?"

"You and me, Angel." Kareem kissed my cheek, kissing back to my mouth as his fingertips lightly brushed against the skin of my neck. He moved, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as I dropped a kiss to his neck. "It's been us for a while. We just...didn't give it a title."

"You're sure? Kareem..." I repeated, trailing off. "Are you?"

He pressed our open lips together as an answer, tilting his head as we snuggled closer together on the couch. I breathed out a happy sigh into his mouth. "Please." He breathed out, voice shaking. "I want this."

The smile illuminating my face was uncontrollable as Kareem attacked me with a whirlwind of quick kisses, I let out a bubbly laugh at the feeling.

As if sensing how quickly my body had relaxed, Kareem's strong arm held me close to him, hands rubbing over my lower back. I kissed his covered chest, resting my ear over his heart as I smiled. His heart fluttered as I looked up, googly-eyed, back to Kareem's mushy and emotional face.

"I've got you, okay?" He rested his forehead on mine, nestling against our skin against one another's. "Please don't doubt that. I'm here."

"Me too," I promised, "Good and bad, okay?"

"They'll be a lot of bad," His eyes fluttered, crinkling as his lips turned into a frown. "I hate admitting it but it messed my head up. All of it."

"Then we'll get through it, okay?" I searched his eyes, needing him to trust me the way that I'd decided to trust him. "You deserve to feel however the fuck you feel. You've been through a lot, but you're not alone anymore. We're both in this together. Me and you."

"You and me." He finished off, eyes closing as we held onto each other. Tightly...but scared. Scared because we were so young, and he'd no doubt seen so much pain that he never wanted to remember. But we'd get through it as a team because, as far as I was concerned, this was it for me. I was falling for him relentlessly and I trusted him to catch me.

A/N:

thank you for reading!