twentythree - change

the art of change

- - -

"If Sacha comes near me, I will hit him with a metal stick. Don't test me."

"Drix-"

"I'll boil your fucking teeth, Tait. Don't mess with me."

"As unsettling as that sounds," I cut in, making Hendrix round her glare onto me. "We're actually trying to organize where we're going so if you'd be so polite as to shut up for five minutes, we can decide."

She blinked at me, mouth set in a straight line as she deadass said. "You'll be my twelfth reason, and my second choice."

Not even wanting to attempt to interpret that statement, I turned to Jem. Kareem and I were cuddled together on the coach, my arm falling asleep as we'd been arguing about this for the past twenty five minutes. "Any suggestions?"

"Anywhere she isn't." They nodded towards Hendrix, making her glower in response.

"And I actually considered you to be my favorite!" She tutted, feigning disappointment. "Looks like Sacha is my first choice now."

Noting my brother's absence, I bit back a laugh as Kareem shouted out in protest. "Hey! What about me?"

Hendrix looked at him blankly, as if she hadn't even considered Kareem in her internal ranking. She hummed for a minute before sighing and shaking her head. "Nah. You're automatically demoted through association to him." She gestured at me.

"Sacha's my brother." I deadpanned.

"Yeah, but he finds you more annoying than I do."

"Didn't you throw a spider at him last week?" Jem pointed out thoughtfully, "And put glue in his hair. And made him eat a burnt cookie by covering it in icing. And-"

"Okay!" Hendrix shouted, effectively cutting Jem off. "Point taken and denied. Sacha is my favorite, end of discussion."

"He said pink hair doesn't suit you."

"He's dead to me." She declared immediately. No room being left for rebuttal. She smiled widely, seemingly impressed with her choice. "Looks like I'm destined to spend my life alone. Blessed. Thank the Lesbian Gods."

"I don't know why you even attempt to argue with Sach. You're practically the same person." My eyes narrowed at Hendrix while she laughed, so clearly amused with herself.

It doesn't take a second for the laugh to die on her tongue, "Take that back."

"All Sacha needs is a pink wig and he'd practically be you."

Hendrix gasped with something of disgust and horror as she went to hit me. I jumped back, throwing myself out of Kareem's arms and across the couch before standing up. Just before her open hand dared to make contact, however, the door slammed open.

Sacha stood in the door frame, mouth agape as he held his phone tightly in his right hand. The hair on the back of my neck instantly rose as I took in my brother's shock, pushing past an open-mouthed Hendrix and moving towards him.

"Sach?" I started off, not quite sure what to say. His eyes were blank, completely empty as he began to shake his head. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Are you ok-" The words died on my tongue.

Everything was silent. The only sound in the door was our heavy breathing as we waited for some shred of detail on what had just happened. I needed to know what had occurred to make my brother look like that.

After what felt like a millennium, Sacha finally released a whisper. The words barely slipped past his lips, voice raspy. "We did it."

My brows furrowed in confusion as I took another step forward. "Did what?"

He threw himself into me, winding his arms around my neck. Sacha breathed out a laugh, tightening his grip as he sobbed out. "We got the record deal."

"What?"

"We did it. We finally fucking did it." My little brother pulled away, eyes filled with tears as he kissed my forehead. The smile on his lips was truly priceless. "They...They've just phoned me - Midnight Records. They want to sign us. We've got a meeting next Monday to discuss the contract. We made it, Saint."

This time it was me throwing myself onto him, shaking him in the midst of my excitement. He worked so hard for this, they all did.

"I'm so proud of you," I told him, my throat clogged as I felt my own tears begin to build up. "No one deserves this more than you. I knew you could do this."

Hendrix dived on him next, celebrating his achievements by throwing a dig at his arm as he cried out. The pain didn't last long as he threw himself back at her with equal intensity, jumping up and down as he celebrated this massive milestone that I knew he'd cherish forever.

I looked up, catching sight of Jem's delight and Kareem's complete stillness. His face was blank. I couldn't grasp how he was feeling.

"K?"

His eyes snapped to mine, sharp. His facade faded and he grinned. Warmth spread through me because that grin was genuine, it was the Kareem that I'd spent weeks trying to get back, to get a glimpse of.

Kareem headed straight towards me, his brown eyes pinned on me with a focus that sent shivers throughout my body. He circled his arms around me, spinning us around and hugging me tightly, like he'd never let me go again. Laughing, I tried to hug him back but he was far too enthusiastic for me to even attempt to get back onto my two feet.

"We did it, Angel." He whispered finally, my legs wrapped around his waist as he locked me so snugly against him. I couldn't find it in myself to even dare complain, my soul was content with having him so close and so happy.

I could stay like this forever.

With his eyes sparking, Kareem pulled back and allowed me to stand again. His usually sharp features softened as he smiled at me, leaning in to press a kiss to my nose.

"I love you." I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, laughing when he leaned in again for another. "So much."

"I love you to whatever end, Saint. Best thing to ever happen to me...meeting you." He whispered before he kissed my lips, "I never thought I'd ever be this happy. This is all because of you. You are my happiness."

My head snapped back towards my brother when I heard him talking. "I need to phone Bodhi and Isaiah."

"They're going to freak out," I let out breathily, not quite being able to comprehend what had just happened. "Shit." A few more seconds. "Shit."

It was hot in the bar. Fluorescent lights give off a purple hue as groups of people danced and loitered around the room, seats ignored in favour of actually communicating with others. The kaleidoscope of colors dancing across the floor made my head burn with the sharp intensity. The heat practically attacked me, making Kareem's leather jacket that I had rightly stolen stick to my skin uncomfortably.

I'd decided prior to our arrival at the bar that I wouldn't be drinking tonight. Jem and Hendrix would most definitely require a chaperone and I'd given my expressed permission for Hendrix to fund Sacha's drinks and deviated from the law for one night only, which meant that babysitting duties were in full force. I also didn't want to put Kareem in an uncomfortable position where he was left caring for us, especially given the past few weeks. He was especially emotionally raw at the moment, given this sudden deviation in thoughts. Everything had seemed to shift in priorities from the moment those words left Sacha's lips, and even I was left in limbo over what this would mean for us now.

"You okay?" Kareem mumbled into my ear, hand holding my waist.

"Yeah," I said back, loud enough so he could hear me over the music. "You want a drink?"

"Hmh," He nodded his agreement, nosing along my neck as I basked in the attention. "Water?"

"Yeah," I laughed as his tongue dipped out of his mouth, skimming my skin. "Give me a minute."

He grinned teasingly, flickering his gaze to my heated cheeks. "One minute. I'm counting."

Rolling my eyes playfully, I headed towards the bar mindlessly, not really taking in my surroundings. Every inch of my skin was still buzzing with an aftershock of the celebration because what the fuck. It was literally Kareem's birthday tomorrow which was why we'd planned to go out and then, boom, the band's got a record deal.

The full magnitude of the situation was only sinking in when I got the chance to think about it alone. A record deal. A management team, a label, albums and tours and a shit load of writing. If this goes right, everyone could be set for life. Sacha could do everything he's ever dreamed of, Bodhi could move his family out of Brooklyn and Isaiah could buy his Mom the sort of house they'd only ever dreamed of.

This could change so many lives.

Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't even realized that I wasn't alone anymore until a hand grasped my wrist, turning me around them as I instinctively recoiled back.

Before I even saw them, my heart began to race as I blurted out. "What are you doing?"

For fucks sake. Why is he here? Still? Now? What?

Am I being stalked? Someone call Hendrix fucking Dexter and tell her someone other than herself is trying to murder me.

How to get Hendrix's attention: 101. A mastermind piece written by the one and only Saint Clément.

New York Times' next Bestseller.

"I thought it was you!" Emery said cheerily, as if grabbing someone's wrist to check their identity was his version of normal. "Is this your local bar? I've been here a lot since I last saw you and you haven't been here once?"

Biting down an insult on my tongue, I forced myself to shake my head and keep an amicable tone. "No. I'm here with my boyfriend and my friends. It's his birthday tomorrow so we're celebrating."

Turning on my heels, I saw his hand reach out again from the corner of my eye and paused. Let's just get this over with.

He rolled his eyes, dismissing everything I said instantly. "So you live in the city now?"

"Now and for the past five years, yeah." I blinked. Someone hasn't done his research. "Whatever happened to Florida?"

"Football didn't work out," He shrugged nonchalantly but I remembered him well enough that I knew the slight switch in the corner of his lips meant that he was annoyed. "I'm a journalist now."

"Oh, really?" My eyebrows rose. I distinctly remember how much Emery mocked my notebooks, which was one of the reasons he never got the full story of what they contained. "That's interesting." Can I leave now?

"I do love it." He smiled forcefully, "Let's get a drink."

"I'd rather not." I said bluntly, "I'm going to find my boyfriend. Have a good night."

Before I could turn away, I felt him grab my arm again, grip tightening as I ripped my arm from his grasp. "The fuck are you doing?"

"You don't have to lie about having a boyfriend, Bambi. I'm jealous, mission accomplished. C'mon, let's go."

"I'm not lying," I scoffed out a laugh, "And stop trying to grab me. Don't flatter yourself, Emery. You're not that important."

"You're trying to tell me someone is actually with you? He's probably just waiting for you to put out." He scoffed spitefully, the smile still playing on his lips.

My mouth dried. "Surprisingly, not every man on this planet thinks with their dick. You broke up with me, remember?"

"Were you really that desperate for a relationship that you threw yourself at the first person who paid an interest?" The bastard fumed, as if he had any right to. He broke my heart. He broke that connection. Not me.

"I should be thanking you anyway," I added in, smirking. "If you hadn't taken that step, I'd probably still be with you and completely miserable. At least I'm happy now."

Emery took a step forward menacingly but I laughed. "Don't get smart with me, you fucking prude."

I didn't react because I truly didn't care. I knew what I had with Kareem was worth so much more than anything that I could've had with Emery. He was just bitter because I was happy now, away from him.

Sex didn't make a relationship. It'd concocted so many thoughts in my mind, stigmas enforced by social labelling and expectations and my own fucking boyfriends closed mindset. So many thoughts that I convinced myself that I was an anomaly, that I'd been built wrong.

They were the messed up ones, not me.

"Shit, is that him? God, that's embarrassing."

Through all the chaos, I hadn't noticed that we were no longer alone until I heard a familiar voice. My lack of reaction to Emery's taunts didn't extend to my friends. Jem burst out laughing, clutching their stomach as Hendrix let out an amused scoff, making Emery turn his attention to her.

"Was that supposed to be insulting?" Hendrix continued mockingly, eyeing Emery with disdain. "God, Saint, you never told me you had a comedian for an Ex. Someone call James Corden, there's someone trying to take his job."

His face flickered, taken aback by her tone. Hendrix had the ability to make people feel awful when she needed to. Not a lot of people would willingly go against her, but at least Emery could say he tried. "I don't know, I think it's pretty insulting to be that desperate for a relationship."

And miserably failed.

"I'm sorry, Ellis, but desperate? Really?" She snorted, tilting her head to the side. I knew she'd found out what irritated him the most by the look in her eyes. Her complete dismissal seemed to piss Emery off further. "I think that's funny coming from a guy who's so obviously desperate to get his ex back because he fucked up the first time."

"Do you really want me to break your nose?" Emery snarled, taking a menacing step forward as Hendrix's eyebrows shot up, a smirk decorating her face.

"You're joking, right?" I cut in, shocked by his blatant callousness. Hendrix's condescending nature tampered with his narcissism, so he was acting out in the only way he knew how. "You're not going to touch her."

"She's got a mouth on her." He huffed, as if it explained and justified his threat. "But I can break your nose as well-"

"Go for it and I will beat you with my bare hands." Kareem said calmly, eerily. He seemed to appear out of nowhere. Eyes set on Emery. "It's going to be hard to sprout your bullshit when you're choking on your own blood."

Emery gulped and finally looked towards my boyfriend, who was leaning against the wall and gazing right back at him. I'd never heard Kareem utter a single threat but his tone told me it wasn't his first. I don't doubt that he'd follow through with his promise if he so needed to.

My ex boyfriend seems to realize this as he shuts his mouth, looking away.

"Bit of advice," Hendrix held her finger up, smiling sweetly. "This is my sexually incompatible soulmate Kareem. Also known as Saint's completely compatible life partner. He knows how to assemble military style guns within seconds. I wouldn't try to go against someone like that." She baited, her smile beginning to look threatening. She didn't blink. "Personally, I would walk away, Honey. Now. While you can still walk."

Emery seemed to heed her advice, glaring at all of us equally before walking away.

"Damn, Jimi, you're fuckin' scary."

"Thank you."

Kareem turned to me, hands outstretched slowly as if waiting for my reaction, my consent. I nodded silently and fell into his hold, entwining my arms around his waist and resting my head onto his shoulder. His head nuzzled mine, chin scrapping over my hair and I breathed him in, thankful. So immensely thankful.

Things were so different now. I was so different now, especially to who I was at seventeen. My life had changed dramatically and I knew it was going to change again. But instead of being concerned about that shift, I was excited. I was about to start a new journey of my life with my soulmate. A whole new adventure together, as a family.

Emery was irrelevant. His existence or presence caused nothing but complete nonchalance on my part. He was nothing to me.

We used to lie in bed and talk until the sun came up, about our childhood, our wildest dreams, our biggest regrets. I used to appreciate how Emery was always so powerful with his words, always knowing the right thing to say. We'd lie there for hours, cuddled together, talking. It used to make me feel safe, but thinking about it now just left a sour taste in my mouth.

It was weird looking at him now and feeling absolutely nothing. He used to be my favorite person. My favorite person to look at, and talk to, and listen to, to be with, and love. He was everything to me. I wanted to share my life with him, make memories with him that we could look back on thirty years into the future and laugh about. I wanted to build a home with this man, and now I feel nothing.

A part of me knew a lot of my thoughts were unrealistic. We were just kids in High School and Emery Hood was my first love. Of course, that would mean I'd fallen completely. All these unrealistic and insane fantasies that I'd conceived in my mind were all shattered by his actions. The belittling. The disappointment.

I spent so long heartbroken, feeling like the burning in my chest would never fade away. When Emery left me, I felt like I'd been dragged into a current. Water consumed my lungs, ripping and tearing at the tissues of my lungs until I was left simply breathless, exhausted and hurt and barely able to suck in the air surrounding me. He ripped me apart and left me to repair my broken pieces.

I thought I loved him. I thought I would never love anybody like I loved him again.

I loved him with every inch of my soul and he did nothing but make me feel guilty for who I was; He made me despise the parts of myself that I couldn't change, and trust me I tried.

I'd always known deep down what the truth was but him standing before me just now solidified it for me. I was never the problem.

Now when I think of my future, when I think of giving everything I have to someone, Emery's face is not the one I see.

Once upon a time, I truly thought Emery and I were made for each other. But then I met Kaz, and Kaz is perfect.

When I think of my future, he's the only person I envision it with. I want it all with him.

A/N:

Thank you for reading :)