Inner Thoughts

********

After everything happened, I couldn't bring myself to go back to my home. My mom wasn't expecting me back for at least an hour and I wasn't looking forward to divulging the events that had taken place.

Shock hadn't deserted me, as I walked around the same sidewalk I was on with my brother earlier. Except for this time, there was a twist. I was all alone. No one was around to communicate my feelings with and I was having so many of them that I needed to set free.

Did I think too much of him?

After the night we spent together and how well he had taken care of me over the past couple of days, I just assumed he would end things with her.

I knew what I said to my brother, but I truly thought their relationship was on a downward trajectory and ours was going upwards. Guess that was what I got for wishing bad on their relationship.

Jeez, how could he do that in the bed we cuddled in two nights ago?

Or maybe it was the other way around and he cuddled with me in the same bed that they fornicated in not long before. I hope he washed the sheets. I shuttered at the thought before I wondered if it was the first time.

I exhaled. It was very likely that it wasn't. He was my best friend and we've talked about sex before. But admittedly hadn't talked about much of anything recently. Since he and Liv got together.

Plus, she was known to be a bit promiscuous. I thought that's one of the reasons why she moved from her old school. He pulled away from me on her behalf but he did it so willingly. It didn't even seem like he was struggling when I was on the verge of breaking.

She was threatened by our friendship and told him to stop talking to me, and he didn't even put up a fight. So, am I crazy for thinking that there was ever something between us besides an amicable love?

Perhaps, all the signs I saw of him being interested in more than just a friendship were all in my head. We've been besties forever. If it was going to happen, it probably would have happened by now. I felt tears stroll down my face as I approached the park in the center of my neighborhood. I looked at our infamous tree.

That tree had gone from hosting my most beloved memories to some of my most torturous ones. My hunch was that it was transitioning into a multipurpose tree. I carefully climbed up the side of the icy tree and sat on a protracted, bulky limb near the one I usually sat on, also known as Jay's.

He was so stubborn when we're younger. Well, he still was too, but not as much. It was unbearable. We absolutely could've fit on the same branch but he insisted that he needed his own.

He went back and forth between two weird excuses. If we both sat on it the branch would fall or we physically couldn't fit. Even though both could be disproven very quickly, he insisted.

The memory made me laugh and then a frown fell on my face as I realized what I was doing. Thinking about good times to hide the bad.

He was presumably right back to what he was doing before I showed up. That's my luck though. I happened to walk in on it.  And there was something new to discuss when I didn't even get to talk about what I went to his house for in the first place.

Yesterday, he walked out on me. I know I said he should, but I just wanted him to fight for me, at least once in his life. The tears started coming down harder. Yeah, that's my life.

The tree was somehow still full of gorgeous red leaves and the park was empty of patrons. Likely because of the fresh snow from the night. On the good side, no one was around to hear my pathetic sniveling.

An hour went by before I could physically stop myself from crying. Snowflakes started falling. I felt like it was a suitable time to exit before it got unruly, the tears and the snow.

I knew it, but I still couldn't muster up the strength to move away from that spot. That tree, that limb, and that moment. The wet flakes swam through the stalks and leaves just to touch base on my face repeatedly.

One after one it just started cascading down on me. My face was icy and dripping. Dried tears and fresh snow didn't make for a good combination. It brought a little laugh out of me. I put my head back against the tree and threw my arms out to soak up as many flakes as possible.

"Hey, I heard it's going to get bad soon," I heard a male voice that I didn't recognize say from down below.

I looked down at him and noticed that it was a boy from my school. I'd seen a few times before, but never spoke to him. He was a senior and I could tell from the purple letterman jacket that he was on the basketball team.

"Yeah," I said wiping my face with my wet hand, as any smart person would. "I was just leaving."

I dropped down from the tree without caution and stumbled a little with the landing. He reached out and touched my shoulder with one hand. He was holding his umbrella with the other when I landed a little too close to him.

"I'm sorry," I said looking up at him for a second and then down. He was African American and I was surprised with how much taller he was than me. Still, there was something about him.

"No worries. Are you alright?" He was still holding onto me.

I huffed, "Depends on what you mean by alright. Physically I've jumped from this tree a million times so that's okay, but emotionally..." I paused and lowered my voice, "Not so much."

He nodded, "You want to talk about it?"

I looked at him with a blank expression, "Why would I?"

Stepping closer so we could both be under the umbrella, he said, "I've heard that it's easier to talk to someone you don't know about your problems because... well, you won't be around them long enough for them to judge you. That could all be bull, but we can find out."

Jointly under his umbrella, we walked towards my home.

After I gave brief cliff notes on what happened today, he said, "That's probably the most awkward thing I've ever heard." I didn't give full details and I skipped around the most important detail, but he was right. It did feel better to talk to anyone that wasn't myself.

His umbrella safeguarded us from the surge of snowfall that surrounded. I just shook my head with a little giggle at his reply. "Thanks, dude."

He smiled at me. "If you asked me, I would pick you over Liv."

I scoffed, "No need to lie to me. For some reason, everybody likes her. The one person I wanted to choose me just ran his '55 Chevy Bel Air car all over my heart."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a bit much?" He laughed, so I guessed he wasn't trying to insult me.

I mouthed, 'Wow.'

"Said the guy who just told me that was the most awkward thing he's ever heard. You've probably heard ten times more awkward stories." I nudged him.

He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before finally saying, "That's called hyperbole or exaggerating. You said he drove his car over your heart."

"So, I speak in metaphors. Is that a problem?" I shoved him with my shoulder again.

I saw his lips slowly curve up into a smile. "Some people might say it's cute. Not me or your man, but some people."

"I've never seen you in this neighborhood before. Are you my guardian angel or something? You showed up at the perfect time," I cooed as I linked our arms.

"My little brother got a job shoveling snow out of driveways. I was wandering around while he made his money. And it just so happened that on my way back to him, I saw you... crying in a tree," he pointed down the street where I could see a middle school-aged boy indeed shoveling snow from Ms. Englebert's driveway.

I joked, "So... part-time guardian angel then?"

"I guess you can say that," he gave my hand a little squeeze.

Biting my lip, I said, "I can see my house coming up."

He nodded, "So does that mean you want to me turn around and go somewhere else? Why? You don't want someone to see me?"

He winked overdramatically, "No, I'm just pointing out this little talk will have to end soon."

"I get it. You're tired of me already?" I could only presume he was kidding.

"Oh, I'm entirely over this whole popular kid with a soul act you got going on." I mocked him.

He chuckled slightly, "Good, because I'm over the whole I'm not good enough for anybody act. Just because one guy screwed you over doesn't mean we all suck."

Looking upwards at the inside of the umbrella he said, "You seem like a great girl. Don't let one stupid dude get to you. He's not worth it."

A vast breath left my mouth, "He's my best friend who before today I thought... liked me. He knows me better than anyone. If I don't have a shot with him then who?"

"You can't let that affect you," he said smoothly.

"That's so easy for you to say. Everyone knows you and you could swing any girl you like. It's not the same and you and I both know it." I spoke bluntly and from my heart. Maybe I was deflecting.

"You don't know me," he pulled our arms apart and turned to face me.

"I've been cheated on, dumped, rejected, the list goes on and on! It happens to everyone and it's not like you're some special little snowflake and only bad things happen to you," he started to monologue.

"Relationships go wrong for some people and good for others. And then one day you're sitting by yourself and it can unexpectedly be flipped on its head. The popular guy who can do no wrong gets dumped, and the girl with a hard life gets the world." I couldn't do anything but stare in the face of his harsh but true words.

"You don't know everything that'll happen in your life. Just try to be a little more open to what comes your way!" Wide-eyed and mouth agape, I took in that I was just roasted by a star basketball player in front of my whole neighborhood.

Blankly, I looked up at him while we stood on the sidewalk in front of my house and I tried to register the advice he gave me. All that could be heard was snowfall and his heavy breath.

Then, that sound was taken over by my front door swinging open. In my peripheral vision, I knew exactly who it was. Still, I hoped for anyone other than him to be standing there.

Nonetheless, I looked over to see Jayson Daniel Daralus with his eyes dead set on me.

"This your dude?" He pointed at Jay.

I could feel my breathing getting heavier, as I nodded to his question and stared up at him with pleading eyes. It was evident that he took notice of my wishes when he grabbed my shoulder and asked, "You alright?"

I had to act quickly and I nooded, breaking free of his grasp. I ran towards my house and propelled myself past Jay.

Everything felt like it was in slow motion as I moved by him. We both looked at each other for a brief second. I couldn't read his expression to see if he was distressed or infuriated. Maybe he was bewildered by my new-found friend or he was outraged at him for yelling at me, even though I needed to hear it.

I didn't take the time to register any of those things. Between those concise seconds, his hand brushed my arm. I knew he was trying to grab my wrist, but I wasn't around him long enough for him to.

When time went back to normal, I heard him say my name in almost a whisper. I didn't stop though, in fact, I sped up until I got to my room and could lock the door behind me.

Leaning against the door, my breathing increased rapidly and then I started gasping. I heard a thud against the other side of my door as Jay ran into it.

"Day, we have to talk. Let me in, will you?" He wriggled the door knob.

I crossed my room as quickly as I could and pressed myself into the window. I turned myself around to look out into my snowfield of a neighborhood. My breath slowly appeared, vanished, and then emerged again on my glass window. Reaching out, the glass was cold to the touch.

"Daya, please. I'll sit here all night if I need to." And I believed that he would.

*Hey y'all, I decided to update early. I'm enjoying this and I hope y'all are too.

What do you think of our new character whose name will be revealed later?

Please remember to follow, comment, and share. Thank you for reading and staying with me!*