The Cold Light of Day

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Day Four - December 6, Thursday

Dear Dad, am I being fair? I think that because of your actions, I am unjustly accusing all men of being the same. I can't trust them. They make big shiny promises and make you feel safe for only a moment's notice.

Because, once you think they want to help you,  that they want to love you, they take all of that away. They leave you wondering, what did I do wrong? Is this my fault? Sometimes they can even make you believe things that aren't true like, he'll take care of me. It's my fault though. If this is what love looks like, I don't want any of that, not anymore.

Are you ruining me, Dad? Is it possible that I could go the rest of my life viewing the opposite sex that way because you decided that you could not keep your promises? What a terrible life that would be for me. And guess who I would blame for that?

I awoke for the second morning in a row wrapped up in my mother's arms. She was warm, but not like she had a fever. More like a cozy. Like I'm giving you all my body heat, so I can make sure you're okay, type of warm.

She believed that it was her sole duty in life to take care of her children. I wished that taking care of us wasn't such a stressful thing in her life. But I couldn't be more grateful for all that she's done for me, even when I felt undeserving.

There's no denying that women's love is not just for us but for everyone. I aspired to possess her qualities.

Looking over at her, I could see the worry lines splattered across her forehead. Her bob-style blonde hair was a mess. Her mouth was frowning and even though she was still asleep, her dire mood was tangible through the air between us.

I felt my eyes becoming misty as I snuggled closer to her. If I didn't know any better, I would say that she squeezed my back softly.

A few minutes went by as I brought myself closer to falling back to sleep, and then I heard my door creak. My body was turned away from the door, and my breathing quickened. I assumed the worst as I tried to calm myself down and pretended to be asleep at the same time.

Falling asleep proved difficult for me, but pretending to be asleep. Well, that wasn't a skill I was a pro at either. Especially, with having anxiety, I felt like everyone was going to know that I was faking it and I would just embarrass myself.

"Day, Mom, are... are you up?" I knew it was my brother whispering from the second I heard the first syllable.

Slowly, I peeked my head up from my mom's shoulder and tried to untangle myself from her embrace without waking her.

After a few seconds, I irreversibly got in a sitting position and tried to balance my weight, so the bed wouldn't squeak as I got out of it. I edged towards the door. When I crossed the barrier from my room to the hallway, I inaudibly closed the door behind us.

"Morning Denny," I tried to say as calmly as I could, still a little shaky from my anxiety getting the best of me from the squeaky door.

"Huh, let's go downstairs. Maybe we can surprise Mom with breakfast." He seemed oddly normal given the circumstances of what happened last night, but I just went along with it.

I frowned, "I didn't see a whole lot of groceries in the fridge. Are you sure we even have anything?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "It's not like the three of us eat a lot of food anyway. Mom will probably be happy if we put cereal and a banana in front of her face."

Dennis chuckled slightly at his own joke, making me laugh too. "I might want more than that though."

He looked back at me somewhat, "You want to make a run to the store? Oh yeah, you don't have a license."

We traveled through the archway from the living room to the kitchen. "Do you think that we're going to school today?" I asked him.

"I think it'll be our choice. She won't make us go. You remember what happened last time she tried to pull that?"

I nodded, "So the real question is, do you want to go to school today?"

We were both searching through the cabinets and fridge to see if we had any food.

"I am running on about four hours of sleep, so I'll have to think about it," I rubbed the side of my arm. A chill was running around the house.

He scoffed, "Yeah, we all are. And we both know that's not the real reason you don't want to go."

My mouth gaped open, "I... I – what do you mean?"

He looked at me with a knowing look daubed on his face as he pulled a box of oatmeal out of the cabinets. "You aren't good at playing dumb Little Miss. I know about last night."

I stopped moving and we merely looked at each other for a few paces, before he occupied the uncommunicativeness with words. He wheezed out, "You had us all worried."

He put the box on the counter and patted my shoulder with his hands, my attention gravitated to the one with the cast still on it. "Especially Mom and Jay. Though I tried to pretend that I knew you were alright, even I couldn't hide it."

My head fell as I inquired, "You aren't going to give me the whole, Jay cares for you so deeply spiel again, are you? I've heard it enough."

He turned around to look for a pot to start cooking the oatmeal in. "Oh, you haven't heard it the way I'm going to tell it." No, not a Dennis speech. He wasn't really the person I wanted relationship advice from.

"I'm kidding, I won't rehash it if you don't want to hear it. Take my advice and at least give him a chance to explain himself." The way he expressed it made my heart race. Please, tell me Jay didn't tell him what happened.

"What do you know?" I asked him as I got some bananas from the counter, a plate, and a knife to begin cutting.

He deadlanned, "Everything. We're kind of friends, you know. I've known the kid for as long as you have. Mom didn't hear anything though. Tell me, what part embarrassed you the most."

"Guess," I tried to call his bluff. He babbled it too quickly for me to be able to fully trust him.

He scoffed, "When... hah, fine you got me. He didn't tell me. You know you used to fall for that all the time when you were younger. You can trust me with this, Little Miss. If you ever wanted to talk about it, the offer is there," he pointed at a random tile on the floor.

I continued to cut the bananas into small slices, "I didn't even tell Mom what happened. It's personal, and not just for me but for him as well. It could betray his trust and I don't want to do that to him."

He nodded his head in my direction. "You could spare me the gory details and just tell me how you feel about it."

I looked up at him as I saw him walking closer to where I was standing. "Since when do you want to talk about feelings?" I put extra emphasis on the word feelings.

"I think it happened at the exact time your life turned into a teen Netflix movie," I rolled my eyes at the bananas. "Seriously though, I'm attempting to be, what did you say, emotionally available."

"Dennis, I cried my eyes out. He broke my heart. I don't know how to face him after what he did." I unintentionally pointed the knife at him.

He looked surprised. "I get that it isn't easy. I still haven't talked to Michy about us, but -"

I interjected, "Don't say it."

He started using his hands to be more expressive, "I can say it, Day. The two of you have so much love and history that you just have to forgive him. Isn't that in the best friend code or whatever."

I slammed the knife down onto the table, "You have no clue what he did to me," I scowled.

He sighed, "Yeah, I know that. But, you still have enough respect for him to refuse to tell me what he did. Did he hit you? Curse you out? Steal your lunch money?"

"He hit me emotionally," I pouted. "He broke my trust and every bit of my being. I locked myself in my mind because that was better than having to see him and face the reality of his actions. Things can't go back to the way they were. Even if I wanted it to," I whispered the last sentence to myself.

Dennis leaned against the island. "Daya, you're being excessively overdramatic. It can't be that bad."

"One, I'm so tired of being told I'm overdramatic! And two, yes, yes it can be that bad! What am I supposed to say to him?" I was huffing smoke clouds at that point. "That whenever I see him or think about him the visual of them sprints into my mind."

He looked like he had an ah-hah moment. "Them, you said them. Does this have to do with his girlfriend? Daya, I forgot she even existed. I told you not to worry about her. Did he say something stupid like he loves her?"

I shook my head no profusely. "Please don't make light of this, Denny. I don't want you to know what happened. I wish I could forget what happened, so stop trying to guess!" I picked the knife back up and pointed it back in his direction.

"Woah, Little Miss," he put both hands up.

"It's my job as an older brother to pry," he motioned for me to lower the knife. I obliged.

"But, if you don't want to tell me at least promise me you'll talk to someone about it. I can tell it's affecting you negatively and you can't hoard all your feelings. At least we shouldn't anymore." He said referring to both of us.

I looked up at him with hazy eyes, "It's too much for me to handle myself. I can't burden anyone else with my problems, and I definitely can't talk to him about it. I just need time."

"I didn't ask you for all that. Promise me you will talk to someone about whatever happened." The next thing that appeared in my vision was his lone pinky finger. Connecting our pinkies I said, "With time."

"Do you want to take it to her or get her to come down here," Denny asked after we finished making breakfast. "She's probably still tired. I mean she hasn't even woken-" Dennis was cut off by mom ranting incoherently and stammering down the stairs.

"Daya," was the one thing I could hear her yelling clear as day.

Dennis beat me as we raced to the staircase to see about her. She grabbed Dennis by the arms and said, "Daya, she, she's gone! She... was in bed... beside me and, and then...she was gone again! My, my baby... she ran away again!"

Dennis tried to shush her and wailed, "She's fine and she's here."

I was leaning against the stairwell and gazing at what I had wrought. This was my fault. I hadn't put it together until right now. My dad just picked up and left without discussing anything. I selfishly did the same thing. I guess Dennis wasn't the only one dangerously similar to our father.

"Mom please, she's right there," Denny said bringing me out of my self-deprecating mindset and back to my mother. He turned her around to look at me.

Her incoherent ramblings stopped and we both stared at each other in pure disbelief. I pointed at myself, "I'm right here." My heart was beating out of my chest like it needed to escape.

She shook her head with slight movements. For a second, I thought she didn't believe it was really me.

"I'm here," I sniveled before she ran over to me and held me like I would evaporate if she let go. I hated that look on her face.

Dennis must've seen it before. When I snuck out, when I locked myself in the room. But it was a first for me. Or at least the last time was so long ago I couldn't remember.

She put both hands on the side of my face and fresh tears were laden all over us. "Thank you for being here," she blubbered.

Confusion crossed my face for a small moment. Of all things to be thankful for, she was grateful just for my presence. But I got it, that was all she needed from me. Not to be her perfect princess, but to... to just be there and safe.

I could see Dennis cringingly standing behind us, trying not to ruin the moment. I motioned for him to come over. "We've been having a lot of group hugs recently," he said dryly.

After a few seconds, we all semi-awkwardly broke apart. "I think we left the stove on," Denny walked backward into the kitchen. Mom and I soon followed.

Mom then stood over the oatmeal on the stove, "Smells wonderful, so how are my kids doing this morning?" It was like a light switch. She was smiling, aka masking her pain with a friendly face, but I could still see leftover tears on her face.

"Fine," I half-lied. I was fine at that very moment, but overall I was breaking inside. "Great. Dennis?" She was still smiling, just now it was in his direction. He bobbed his head up quickly as if he was lost in thought and Mom's words interrupted him.

"Huh, yeah, I'm good. Do you think I'm going to be able to take this cast off soon? I don't think it's necessary," he ran his fingers through his long hair.

"Hmm, let me see." She put his hand in hers and flicked his knuckles with her thumb and index finger. His face scrunched up a little, but he made no noises, then she popped his hand slightly and he quickly pulled it away.

Her face was angry. "Dennis, you broke your knuckles and the doctor recommended that you keep that on for a few weeks. It's barely been three days. Have you been putting your ice pack on it?"

She seemed concerned. "For twenty minutes every two to three hours, yeah I've been doing it for a little while. I get it, it stays on," She moved his bangs from his forehead, and planted a kiss in the vacant spot.

"I love you so much, Mom," she smiled and rubbed his shoulder. "I know son. I love you too. Well, we don't want the food to get cold. Let's eat."

We all sat together at the table in the same order that we always did. My mom and I sat on one side, Dennis on the other. The air in the room felt so weird to me, but they were acting kind of normal so I tried to let it go.

"So, is school on the agenda for today?" Dennis and I shared a glance before he said, "Yeah, I'm going. I think my face looks a little better."

Mom nodded as I joked, "As better as it possibly can. Plus, if anyone says anything, they'll know you won the fight and won't mess with you."

"Yeah, yeah I can pretend I'm seven again and get everyone to sign this thing," Mom laughed slightly at his remark. "There's almost no space to write on that, and if someone presses down too hard, you'll jump ten feet in the air."

He shook his head, "Detail, details, I'll be fine. Are you going, Daya?" A knowing look was given in my direction.

Without looking up from my bowl I murmured, "Um, yeah, I guess I can go since Denny's going."

My mother gave me an odd look but said, "That's great honey. Are you sure though? You can stay home for as long as you need to. You as well as Dennis."

Taking a deep breath, I spoke, "I can't avoid Mrs. Harrison's class forever. Dennis will be there for me and I'll be fine."

"Yep, that's all you've been avoiding," I cursed at him with my eyes. Jay, of course, was who he was talking about. Honestly, I thought he would've shown up by now after hearing how adamant he was about it last night. I didn't even know if I wanted him to show up or not.

Either way, I would be fine. There would be nothing to worry about. "Okay, you both go get ready, I'll drive," Mom responded.

* It's crazy that we're on day four out of seven! The rest of the days are longer and a bit of a diversion from the beginning. We have new characters coming and school scenes on the way.

How do you feel about how Daya is dealing with the situation?

Who do you think is the most flawed character and what are those flaws?

Remember to comment, follow, and share! Thank you again for 4K!*