The Broken Flaws

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We both walked back to the lunch table and sat down with the rest of the group's eyes on us. Brian had seemingly rejoined the group. At first, there were three girls and two boys. Then, there were four boys and one girl. That girl being me.

Brian stood up as Banks and I approached. Brian put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.

I looked at Banks as he sat down. "Brian, can I pull you away for a moment?"

He nodded and followed me outside. "Where've you been?" My heart was racing as I leaned into Brian. But not from my feelings for him. It didn't ignite me like when Banks touched me.

"Michy stopped me in the hall. She's really upset about dumping your brother." He said back. "Where were you?"

As I thought about what to say Brian spoke up, "Is there something going on with you and Banks?"

I held myself awkwardly. "Maybe, we apparently got caught together this morning. Did you hear that?"

The thumping in my heart increased as he communicated, "Yes, I didn't want to believe it but I guess it's true." He looked genuinely upset.

I reached for his hand and he let me. "I'm not really ready for a relationship right now. I just want to take my time before making any decisions. I hope you're okay with that."

He squeezed my hand with care. "I am. I just want to know if I'm still on the table?"

My answer should have been no. But with the puppy dog look on his face, I just couldn't. "Yeah, just give me a few days."

Banks looked us up and down as we rejoined the table still holding hands. I ended up sitting in between Brian and Banks.

"What's Cece mad about now?" Banks asked in a detached manner.

Neo said, "You, big boy."

"It's always me. What did I do this time?" He stuffed his face with cafeteria macaroni in the most nonchalant way. Like Brian touching me didn't bother him at all. I squinted my eyes at him and shook my head.

"She's mad because she thinks I like you. And particularly offended at me for allowing you to even look at me for too long. You're acting like it's just a typical Thursday." He smiled with food still filling his mouth.

His reaction annoyed me more. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"All I'm hearing is that you like me," he mocked right in front of Brian. I whacked his arm, "Banks. This is serious." He poked his fork around his plate.

"I'm being serious. She was bothered about it then, she's bothered about it now, and she'll stay bothered about it until she decides not to be. I can't do anything to make her feel better. It's almost been a year since we broke up and we only dated for a few months. The relationship wasn't that serious, at least not to me," he huffed and scrunched up his face.

"Am I supposed to walk on eggshells around her forever because of it? I've spent so much time worrying about Celia and her precious little feelings. I'm going to do what I want and she isn't going to stop me anymore," Banks nodded physically displaying that he was certain about his words.

Neo shook his head. "Man, you know I don't give a shit about who you're with. But I'm going to need you to fix it because Piper's pissed. And when she's not happy she likes to take that out on me. So, you better get it right," Neo said like he was over the whole thing.

"Has it really been a year?" I asked Brian, needing clarity.

"Pretty close," he confirmed. I looked over at Mark and he nodded back. Celia sure left that important little detail out.

"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?" I exclaimed in Banks' direction.

"I just met you." Brian looked between Banks and me disdainfully.

Ten minutes went by and Piper and Celia still hadn't come back. "I can't wait here any longer. I'm going to check up on them." Within the next second, I got up and headed towards the one place I knew they would be, the bathroom.

I knocked on the door before I slowly opened it and peered my head in. "Hey," I implored softly.

"Do you know what privacy is?" Celia said to me as I entered the area. That was a deep cut given all the information she knew.

Piper asserted, "Come on Ce. We can't let this break up the newly formed girl gang."

"Am I the only one who cares about my feelings?" Celia wept as she leaned over the sink in agony.

"You know that's not true Cece, I love you. You're the best friend I could ever ask for," Piper wrapped her arms around Celia's shoulders. "I just need you to try and see things the way everyone else does."

"Celia you weren't completely honest with me either. How long ago did you date him?" I questioned her.

Celia looked at me with severity in her eyes. "Does it matter Daya? You still betrayed me!"

"Celia," I paused, "Has it been a year? For real, and you're not over it?" Throughout the confrontation, she hadn't looked at me for longer than a second.

"Over it! I don't have to get over anything and it's none of your business!" She yelled.

Piper almost unnoticeably nodded in my direction. "I'm not trying to date him, Celia," I appealed. "We were just talking. I think you're overreacting and trust me, I know what overreacting looks like," I said earnestly.

"Stop with the bull! I saw you with him this morning! He was all over you!" Well, she had me there, but it wasn't like I meant for any of that to happen.

"He has a right to be with whoever he wants to be with! You have no ownership over him! And I have a choice in the matter as well! I'm not emotionally ready to date anyone and I told you that," I ranted with emotions flying all over the bathroom.

Celia tried to walk over to where I was but Piper stood in the middle of us. "Just stay away from me," Celia spat in disgust.

"Come on Cece," Piper groused. "She has a point. It's been a year and he's made no effort to be with you again. Plus, she's not the first girl he's been with since you."

She waved her hand dismissively and grimaced at the both of us. "Be on her side then. Both of you can leave me alone," Celia snarled.

"Celia, she's my friend but so are you. I'm just trying to do what's best-" Celia stopped Piper before she could complete her thought.

"You don't know him the way I do, so stop acting like you do! You want to do what's best for Daya, then tell her to stay the hell away from him. And not because of me, but because this is what Banks does to the people who love him."

She was talking about me like I wasn't there but peered into my eyes. "He's been screwed up for his entire life. Believe me, he was incredible to me while we were dating, but I could see all of his flaws breaking through to the surface. You think you can fix him but you can't. I thought I could too."

Celia pushed Piper out of the way, stepped closer to me, and put her hands on my shoulders. I could see how the tears she had because of him. "He doesn't know how to love. The only thing he knows how to do is hurt. And he will hurt you. Give it a couple of months and you'll be where I am right now. And that's me being generous," she scowled.

"I still love him, even though he took my virginity and then broke up with me a few months later. What makes you think you're different from all the other girls he's fucked and dumped?"  I was shocked at her confession but I tried to hide it.

I pushed her grimy hands off of me, "When you can be mature about this, tell me," I walked out of the bathroom feeling no better than when I walked in.

Banks rushed my way when I walked back into the cafeteria and I was walking on coal stones. "She's so wrong! She has to be!" Immediately he brought me closer to his chest and rubbed circles into my back.

"Hey, let's get you some air," he whispered in my ear and I nodded in reply.

I saw Brian looking at us in the cafeteria. I hoped he realized I was choosing Banks. But I knew we'd probably have to talk again.

We walked out into the courtyard, behind the big tree in the middle. The brisk air flew past my oversized shirt and caressed my skin as soon as I stepped outside. Behind me was Banks with his hands squeezing my shoulders. My head fit cozily under his chin as I smiled at his touch. We stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes as I collected my thoughts and attempted to calm down.

Was there any possibility that Celia was right about him? Jay said something similar about him too. Plus, Liv's comments struck a terrible sting in my side. What was I not seeing?

I turned around in his embrace and enveloped myself around him.

"I don't know what to do," I whispered into his chest.

"Why do you have to make a decision right now? You can take your time on some things," he articulated in a soothing voice.

"You sound so wise," I looked up at him with a smile gracing my face just because of him.

He pressed his forehead against mine as I swooned. His forehead was then replaced with his lips. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

I really didn't want to but with Celia, Liv, and Jay all giving me a similar spiel about Banks, I knew that this conversation had to be done.

He made me feel like it was real and that I was safe. But Celia said he did that with her too. There was no way it was all just an act, right?

"There's actually something I need to discuss with you," a slight frown came over me.

He joked, "Okay, that's your serious face, noted."

"It's probably nothing, but I've been told a lot of things about you and you said you would be honest with me..." he leaned against a picnic table as I sat down beside him.

"Celia and I got into an argument and she said some unfavorable things about you. And in class today, Liv commented on... me always picking up her "sloppy seconds." You don't have to tell me anything, but..." my words drifted off into oblivion.

It felt like forever until he finally took a deep breath and said, "I'm in the hot seat now, okay? Liv and I, yeah, we had sex. It wasn't long after I broke up with Celia."

"Oh," I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I wasn't on my best behavior back then. It was a one-time thing. It's not like it meant anything to me at the time. I've had my fair share of sex in my life and that's all it was."

It's not like he should have had any allegiance to me before we even met, but I still didn't like it. "Really, with Liv?"

"She wasn't like she is now. I can tell you the whole story if you want." I could appreciate how open he was about her, but I did notice how he chose to speak about Liv rather than Celia.

I shivered just thinking about the two of them together. "Yeah, I want to know. Please spare me the gory details though."

Banks was taking care with his words. "It's a crazy story. It's probably going to sound a little bit like rambling, but here I go." It really showed me how serious he was.

"I didn't know any of this would happen, but she's not a terrible person or wasn't. I can't really speak on her now. There's a part of me that is always going to feel sympathetic towards her. She was that ostracized girl that everyone was talking trash about and I stood up for her when no one else would," he seemed uncomfortable with what he was about to say.

"Before she moved here, I met her at a party in Point Beach. We had a game out there and I knew some of the guys so they invited me to an after party. Shit was going down with my friends at the time so I went by myself. That's when I saw her there and I was asking one of them about her because I thought she was cute, you know," I nodded but wouldn't look at him as he continued with the story. Liv was beautiful, it was probably her best quality.

"I hate having to talk about this," Banks muttered.

I reasoned, "You don't have to."

"No, if you're curious about my past, I want you to know. It's just that she said she wanted to leave this in the past and pretend none of it really happened. I literally haven't told a soul," he was pondering whether or not he should tell me but ultimately he did.

"But anyway, this guy, his name was Elliot or Everett, it doesn't matter, he said, "Oh, you don't want to get involved with that, she's a slut." And he was going on and on about how she screwed the whole swim team and how easy she was. I was feeling uncomfortable but you know how guys talk sometimes so I just let it slide." Again, his honesty struck a chord with me. I didn't feel like he was leaving elements out to make himself look better.

He continued, "Then, he calls his friends over and one of them pulls out this picture of her fully naked and they were making vulgar comments about her that were so sickening that I'm not going to repeat them. I told the guys to stop saying that shit and he said, "Do you need more proof that she's a hoe?" So, he shows me this video of her.... engaging in a sexual act and said, "This is what a slut looks like," and they were all laughing at her and we could all tell she noticed."

I honestly felt like gagging at the thought and it took me back to what I saw in Jay's basement. "So, another guy grabs the phone and runs over to her and shoves the phone in her face saying, "Liv, is this you?" That was when it went way too far. To make it worse, he was trying to grab on her and force himself on her. It was one of the most horrible things I've ever seen in my life," we both shared a similar disgusted expression.

"I ran over there and I pushed the guy off and he started trying to fight me and at the same time yelling in her face, "Treat her like the slut she is." Maybe she was, but no one deserves to be talked about the way I heard that night. She stopped me before I could beat his ass and she made me go outside with her to calm down. One thing led to another and we did the deed in her backseat." I guess that was him skipping over the gory details.

He took another pause before saying, "During pillow talk after, even though there weren't any pillows, she told me that rumors were going around that she was the school pass around. Anyone could tap that if they wanted to. Pictures of her were sent everywhere and videos. A lot more than what I had seen that night. So many people saw her at her most vulnerable and they tore into her for it. I think that's why she moved here, to start over."

"That's.... so messed up," was all I could manage to say. Without a doubt, I felt commiseration for what she went through. Still, it was Liv and it didn't excuse what she had done to me. Was it wrong for me to feel that way? Yes, it was insane to me that something that sickening would happen to her and cause her to leave, but it was Liv. I think he could hear that in my voice but he didn't speak on it.

*Hey y'all, sorry if this is a weird place to cut it. Originally, this one and the next one were put together but it was over 4,000 words long.

This part was very Liv heavy. What do you guys think about Liv's story and her and Banks having a past?

How do y'all feel about what Celia had to say about Banks? Does either of these things change your opinion on him?

Thanks for the support! Please remember to follow, comment, and share!*