Motherly Advice

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I knocked before I walked into my mother's dwelling place, shaken by the sounds I could still hear from Dennis. "Hey Mommy," I said as I shut the door behind me quickly so she couldn't hear it.

"Daya, you came home, baby," she reached out to hug me as I sat beside her.

"Of course, I'm home mom. I just went to the park to collect my thoughts." I tried to make it sound better than it actually was.

She exhaled, "Why do you keep running away? Is it something that I'm doing?"

I shook my head, "Leaving for a few hours isn't running away. There's so much going on with me and it's suffocating being in this house all the time."

"What else is going on," she questioned. "I know that things are difficult with your dad and me, but that's between us. I don't want it affecting you negatively."

"Boy drama, I guess," I said shyly.

"Is it Jayson again?" We had probably discussed Jay not liking me a million times since I met him. I wished it was that simple again.

I tittered, "Please, It's not just him though." I hesitated to continue.

"There is someone else. Wow, I'm surprised," she marveled.

"I'm a hot commodity apparently. I went from zero people liking me to three in less than a week," I joked.

She rested her head beside mine, "I guess everyone else is realizing what I already knew, that I have the most amazing daughter. Tell me about the other two options."

"You make them sound like deli meats. Um... at first, there was this guy named Brian. He goes to school with me and I meet him at the park. He was... well, he is cute and nice and all. I just felt stronger for the other two, so I let that one go," I simplified it immensely for her sake.

She teased, "My little heartbreaker."

"I wasn't trying to be. I was open to it at first, but then I met... Banks." I said his name slowly for dramatic effect.

"What kind of name is that?" She chuckled but it was perfect for him.

I laughed, "It's his last name and people call him that. His first name is Oliver. He and Brian are both on the basketball tea. That's why I went to the game. It's so confusing, but I do like him," I giggled.

"Jay is like a biracial, hazel-eyed cloud over that relationship. I told them that I just wanted time to myself. Jay's been extremely persistent, and Banks has been very respectful about the whole thing," I said and then immediately thought back to what he told Dennis.

"Doesn't Jayson have a girlfriend? Last I heard he did," she stated.

I negated, "No, they broke up yesterday. Even before they broke up, this whole week actually, he's been trying to mend things with us. I'm finding it difficult to forgive him given the circumstances and he just keeps messing up. He says the right thing and then immediately contradicts it."

"What did he do this time?" Over the years, he did a lot to me, but I always forgave him. Maybe I shouldn't have.

"Um... he um... didn't break up with her soon enough. He waited until I started moving on to leave her. He would try to kiss me, cuddle, and embrace me before he left her. I wasn't going to let him do that to either of us." It wasn't even about Liv or me even. Jay didn't know who he was and no girl was going to help him figure that out.

"How does Oliver fit into the situation?" My first thought was who? Literally, no one called him that.

I chuckled, "Ollie showed me that I didn't have to feel the way Jay was making me feel. He wanted to use me, and Banks didn't. Or I'm trusting that he doesn't. Against everyone else's warnings, I'm choosing to have faith in him. He just wants to be there for me and get to know me. Jay says he's not competition and that there's no way I would choose Banks over him. But Banks has been the best for me and I like that I don't know him. Part of the journey is discovering things along the way. And in the past couple of days, I've learned so much about him. It doesn't feel like I met him two days ago."

Inquisitively, she asked, "What do you know about him?"

"He lives in a single-parent household; his dad ran out on them. He has two little brothers named Eric and Jude. He ran away from home a few weeks ago and stayed... at a friend's house. He is extremely humble, and I wouldn't expect that from him. From far away he has every reason to be confident in himself. He's handsome and smart, not to mention athletic and exceedingly tall. He could date anyone he wanted to," I took a second before continuing.

"Yet, he seems almost insecure and can't take a compliment to save his life. He thinks no one would like him for who he actually is. At least that's how I see it. And he's so respectful of me and what I want. When I told Jay that I wasn't trying to date, he challenged me on it. I know what I said and what I meant. Yet, he questioned it. Banks accepted it and told me that if I needed to talk, he would be there." They were just so different that it was hard to make a decision, but after what I did to Jay that door may be closed forever.

"He sounds astonishing, like a decent teenage boy." He was, wasn't he?

I ran my fingers through my hair. "He is. But Dennis has a problem with him apparently. Plus, I have so much history with Jay, but with that history comes a whole lot of baggage. I want to help him and be around for him. I can't abandon him as he did to me. It would feel wrong. And, I do think that he genuinely loves me and wants to work things out. But, we're sixteen and have so much to work through. I can't date Banks and have feelings for Jay or date Jay and have feelings for Banks. I don't know what to do."

"I should've just picked Brian. I could have avoided all of this. Things would've been so simple and I just could've been adored by someone with virtually no baggage and that everyone likes. But no, I have to pick between my douchey ex-best friend and the guy who has the greatest potential to break my heart. Please give me some motherly advice," I spoke as I leaned into her side.

She sighed and honestly said, "Baby, I think you should keep doing what you're doing. Take your time and decide when things feel right for you. Maybe you could write a pros and cons list for them both."

"That sounds like something a seven-year-old would do when deciding which Pokémon is the best," I chuckled.

She gushed, "It's so nice to see you smile and laugh. I've missed seeing a happy look on that face of yours."

I sighed, "I miss it too. Everything was miles simpler before Dad left. Well, for me. Maybe not for you," I tried to backtrack my statement.

"It was easier to pretend that everything was alright," her face fell.

A question was in my mind that had to be answered. "When was the last time you spoke to him? Like, really talked to him about the relationship or us."

She firmly pressed her lips together. "We talked a few days ago when he came to the house. However, I'm guessing that's not what you meant."

She paused, "I think it was the night he told me he was moving out. We made a prior agreement to stay in the home together for your sake. It was unbearably awkward. We tried to sleep in the same bed and keep doing things as a family. We wanted it to look and feel as normal as it possibly could. We didn't succeed." I swung my feet off the ground.

"It worked for a little while. I didn't notice anything was wrong until I woke up one morning and he was gone." I tried to make her feel better.

She wrinkled her nose, "It was surprising for me too. After we filed for separation, he became more agitated with the circumstances and me. It was still my intention to try to work it out. It broke my heart to even think about the two of you being in a fatherless home. You don't deserve that," her posture slumped.

"Did you know he was leaving that night?" I paused between every word in fear of what I was asking.

"Lord no, I thought he was exasperated and wanted to spend a night at a hotel. I certainly did not expect him to disappear without a word. He has responsibilities, not just to me, but to the two of you. It could have been handled more maturely. It should have been. We could have sat the two of you down and discussed it all. Instead, he left me to explain it to you myself and I couldn't bear it," her voice broke.

"It was dripping with cowardice. From what I gathered, he was an insecure and small man who took out his insecurities on you." Maybe I was still upset with him, maybe I was projecting from someone else, but I still said it.

In a sharp tone, she said, "No, Daya you will not speak of your father in that manner. He loves you and he has always been there for you."

I shrugged, "He was, he was there for me. Where is he now? You don't get to walk out on your family and then act like everything is okay."

My mom held my hands and gazed into my eyes, "You're looking for someone to blame. I understand that, but it was not anyone's fault. I know that it's unfair and it would be easier to assign blame to one single person."

I huffed, "Last time I checked you didn't hit him. I am pretty sure it was the other way around. It seems like there is an obvious person to blame here."

"We both did things wrong, but in the end, I can't blame either of us for not working things out," she crossed her arms around herself.

"You don't want to blame him, so I can have an easier time forgiving him. That's not going to work," I turned away from her.

"Daya, I want you to have a father in your life. What happened was between him and I. I want you to give him a chance at redemption." I got off the bed and stood in front of her television.

"Why are you dead set on protecting him?" I heard the bed shift as she stood up.

Carefully she said, "If I can forgive him, so can you."

"Why do you forgive him?" She rested her hand on my shoulder, "It is the right thing to do. I can't spend the rest of my life holding a grudge against the man. Samuel and I weren't forever and that's okay," I could see her nod in my peripheral vision.

"Does any of this even matter then? What's the point of falling in love if you get crushed no matter what?" I felt defeated. Everything around me was falling apart.

She closed the space between us and put her hands on my shoulder. "I still believe in love, romantic love, the unconditional love of family. Without him, I wouldn't have you." I turned my face away from her.

"Without him, you never would have gone through any of this. I wouldn't have gone through this, and it still isn't over." It was never going to be over.

Words of wisdom came flowing out of her even if I wasn't ready to hear it. "Over the twenty years we were married, I had some of the greatest experiences of my life. That will never change. I don't regret meeting him, loving him, or seeing him develop over the years."

I asked, "Even knowing what happened in the end?"

She turned my face to look at her slowly, "Even then."

I leaned into her welcoming embrace and laid my head heavily on her shoulder. "Daya, I told your brother this earlier today."

She lifted my chin, "Your father and I are having our first court hearing later this month for the divorce. You're welcome to come, but I understand if it would be too difficult for you."

My mouth fell open, yet I couldn't speak. "You don't have to answer now, you can take your time."

"Does this have to happen?" I managed to tremble out.

She nodded, "It does, but I will do whatever I can to make this easier for you."

"Is Denny going?" I wasn't sure if he could even handle being in the same room with Dad again.

She shrugged her shoulders. "He's thinking about it too. This isn't a decision that you have to make today. But it's officially happening. You know there's a custody issue. Dennis is eighteen so there's not much to do there but.... you. He wants you."

"So it's all on me?" I murmured as I looked at the ground in dismay.

She said, "Whatever decision you make I will support."

"I'm staying here! Is that like a weight lifted off your shoulders? Or are you upset? Is there anything I can do?" I started to ramble with a shake in my fingertips.

"No Daya, all you need to do is be my brave little girl," she put her hands on the sides of my head.

Seeing my mom be so kind despite everything made my eyes well with tears. "Are you going to be okay?" My entire face shook as I cried.

She pulled me into her chest, "I'll be just fine. We'll all be fine in due time."

*Thank y'all for sticking with me through all of this. I'm so grateful for every single one of y'all.  I'm starting to feel like I'm just writing a script with all the dialogue, so tell me if it's too much.

Our girl needs some advice. What advice would you give Day if you were in her position?

Please remember to comment, follow, and share!*