I Couldn't Stop

* Olivia Saint-Charles *

Watching him safely climb down the tree, I thought about him, my heart, and even Olivia. With these thoughts in the forefront of my mind I thought well, I don't know what I was thinking. I directed my head from his silhouette and onto the snow surrounding me.

As he landed in front of me, our eyes immediately connected, and our bodies grew closer. I felt his shaky fingers brush a stray hair from my face. It caused a slight giggle to accidentally fall out of my lips. I noticed just how close we were.

His forehead lightly crashed onto mine as I whispered, "We can't stand here forever. Take me away."

Slowly our faces drifted apart, and I took one more look at my lovely pearl in the sky. Then, I heard my front door open, and a voice coming from that direction. I didn't stay to see who it was or what they had to say as I ran down the street with Jay following behind.

"God Daya, when did you learn how to run so fast," Jay remarked to me as I stopped in front of the Daralus home.

I joked, "Years of running away from my problems," as we hunkered down on his front steps.

"Do you think they saw us?" I looked down the street to see if any middle-aged parents were scampering down the road.

"I think we're good," Jay retorted as he leaned against the railing on his front steps, panting.

"Come on! Is the little baby tired from running down the block," I quipped in a mocking tone and my bottom lip poked out.

He chuckled, "Ha-ha, I'll get you back for that later. I'm too exhausted to be witty."

Being in front of Jay's loving home was comforting to me, despite the resemblance to my discarded home. The same type of home watched me as watched it, waiting for a thought to come into my head. My attention then turned to the broken bricks beside me on the stairs. A broken entrance to a full home. How ironic I thought.

Jay had a beautiful, caring mom and dad and four energetic siblings whose faces lit up when they saw him. His siblings and he were all adopted from different places in the country; Arizona, Illinois, New Jersey, Alabama, and Jay was seemingly from Maine.

"Follow me," Jay said to me as he reached out for my hand.

I took his offer, "Hmm, acting like a gentleman today." He laughed and transported me to a door towards the back of his house. Being that we've remained friends for years, this path into his home was well-known to me.

Two years ago, he requested to move into the basement away from everyone. His parents were upset with his decision, as they should be, but they always checked on him.

His parents had always been outstanding to all of them and to me. And to repay them, Jay took advantage of how much they wanted to please him. They bought him a mini fridge, his own microwave, and anything that he asked for in hopes of showing him their love, unsuccessfully. I've tried to discuss it with him, but I believed it only drove him farther away.

"There's leftover spaghetti over there, Day," he pointed to the mini fridge in the corner. Lying on his bed, he turned on his stereo and listened to, "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. He played games on his phone, as he waited for me. I heated enough food for the both of us and we sat on his bed talking. All the while, we stuffed our faces with perfectly sauced spaghetti. He wiped his face with his shirt, as it had been taken over by the sauce.

Lightly, I brushed the remainder off his face with my hand and he mouthed, "Thank you."

With a sigh, I moved my hand away and whispered, "Olivia." I looked down at his hand and he went for mine. As much as I didn't like her, I couldn't do this to her. Nobody deserved to be acquainted with that particular type of pain.

"Day, I don't know what to do," he held my chin and brought my face in front of his.

"That's not good enough for me," I mumbled before I slowly turned around in his bed, only breaking eye contact at the last possible second. I caught sight of my bag, and grabbed it before walking into his bathroom, contemplating where I would sleep for the night.

Undressing, I stepped into his shower/tub combination and turned on the water. I washed all the hurt of my day down the drain. I listened to the water pitter-patter onto the bottom of the tub and the light hum of Jay's distant music.

That morning I wished for hope to come into the light. For all my worries to be silenced, but all I received were the tears that I prayed I ran out of. Tormenting me as they flowed like a heavy-hearted and never-ending river. I didn't want to feel this way anymore and again, I was physically and mentally tired of crying.

My walls, the walls that had been slowly deteriorating through my day completely flushed down the drain. I pressed my head against the wall as I shook.

My tears were honest and overtaking me. I couldn't stop. Why couldn't I stop crying? My back slid down the shower wall, and I wrapped my arms around my knees and sobbed. It seemed like hours before I heard the door open.

"Day, are you okay?" Jay asked me and I heard him walk into the bathroom. He stopped before the tub. I tried to repress my feelings and form words, but I couldn't.

The only thing I could do was whimper and feel like Dennis' phone, broken and shattered. I forced myself to stand. For aid, I leaned against the wall and held onto the curtain. Accidentally, I moved the curtain over and exposed myself slightly before covering up again, with only my face bare.

I expressed amusement, trying to cover my embarrassment with the self-deprecating sound of my laughter. My cheeks turned red to match my swelling eyes.

Before I could say anything Jay fetched a towel and gave it to me. I stepped out, fully concealed. I coated my arms around his neck, and his found my waist, pulling my body closer to his.

Using his move from earlier I mouthed, "Thank you" to which he replied, "Of course."

"I'm cool. Don't worry about me. I promise I'll be out in a minute," I whispered with a smile as I had to rip our bodies apart.

He nodded his head and gave me a lingering kiss on my forehead before leaving. After he left, I released the breath I had been holding since I heard him walk in. I got dressed, and couldn't help but think about what was happening at home or in my heart.

So much had happened that I couldn't process all the feelings and thoughts that I felt. Digging through my bag, I heard my anxiety medicine jiggling around, mocking me.

You can wait, I thought to myself, as took my hair tie out of my bag and onto my wrist. I dropped my bag before I changed into a pair of Jay's pajamas and looked at myself in his mirror. The person I saw staring back at me was hurt, damaged, and troubled, but had a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

With a smile on my face, I walked out of the bathroom and jumped next to him on his bed. Jay leaned over and saw it was almost eleven o'clock before he rotated to face me.

"Jay, can we talk for a minute?" He put the covers over both of us and nodded.

"With everything going on with my family, I think we need to talk about yours. They love you so much and you don't even go up there to see them. They gave you all of this. You hide down here so you don't have to deal with your feelings about being adopted. But they're here for you and they've raised you like you were born from them. And your little siblings need you. Dennis has been the best big brother to me, and these kids need you," he caressed my cheek with endearment.

"I... am so sorry Daya," before he kissed my forehead.

I could see in his eyes he wasn't ready. "You know I could talk to you all night, but I can barely keep my eyes open. We can talk about it tomorrow."

He deflected. I put my cocoa-colored hair into a messy bun. Reaching over him, I turned off his bedside lamp, enclosing us in the darkness.

Rolling my eyes at him, I laid my head on his chest and spoke a breathless, "Goodnight."

We've been best friends for years and had many 'slumber parties' together. This felt different, in a good way. He draped his arm around my waist, and we drifted to sleep, encased in each other's warmth. That was the day I got answers; no more wondering about what happened.

I knew almost everything, and that knowledge can be a curse. But I had my brother, mother, and Jay, the only friend I needed. Sometimes I felt Jay and I could take on the world. Sometimes I felt the world would take over me. Throughout my day, it had been harder than most to hold onto hope. Maybe I couldn't.

However, I knew right then, at eleven sixteen that very night, nothing else mattered more than the feeling I had in my tummy whenever I felt his touch.

* Hey y'all. This is officially the end of Day One. I hope you have been enjoying it so far and are looking forward to the rest of the week. Feel free to tell me how you felt about the day as a whole.  Please remember to comment, follow, and share. Thank you for reading. *