It's a New Day

Day Two-December 4, Tuesday

Dear Dad, I don't know how to feel about you. I want to hate you, fear you, maybe even deny you. You told me who you are. Mom told me who you are, and I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I wanted severely to disregard the voices being issued to my ears. To believe that it was an enormous misunderstanding and that everything could be repaired, but maybe it can't. Maybe it's just a childish wish. I saw you with my own eyes, my father. I watched in fear. I sat like a coward.... like you. I guess it's a family trait, a mass of cowards throughout our violent lineage. A cycle of disappointment and hurt.

The night and yesterday were behind me and my eyes were directed onto a new day. I insisted that today would be better, it had to be. I had to take things one day at a time and be patient with my situation and myself. "Dinnnnggg," Jay's alarm yelled at us, causing him to jump almost five feet in the air.

"Good morning, sleepy head," I spoke as I ran my fingers through his wavy, brown locks.

"Hey, did you sleep okay," he questioned while he rubbed his eyes. I replied, "It was better with you here. Besides the snoring, I didn't miss that."

A slight laugh fell out of my mouth as he sat up in his bed. He stroked his fingers through his hair. "I'm going to take a shower. Do me a favor and don't mess up my room."

I accepted his demand, even though it was impossible. "Don't worry, I don't think it can get much worse."

A few minutes later, he was tucked, safely away in his bathroom. I comprehended my surroundings and grasped how I ended up there. I thought back on the events of yesterday, I relived every agonizing detail.

I paid close attention to my conversation with my dad and the moment he... he. I looked down at my hands and took notice of the fact that I was shaking fiercely. I threw those thoughts out of my mind and put my attention on getting dressed, eating, and my normal morning routine.

My eyes surveyed his room, looking for my bag with a change of clothes inside. Then I realized where it was, Jay's bathroom. I mean I could have waited, but I really needed to get dressed. I headed over to his bathroom, stopped at the door, and heard him singing, "Party in the USA." I took a mental note to tease him about it later.

"Jay, I'm coming in to get my bag," I said as I opened the door.

I heard him say, "Don't peek at me."

I quickly went in and out, being sure to grab my bag in the process. "I promise I didn't see anything."

When he walked back into the room, he went over to his mini fridge and made cereal. He brought it over for us to eat on the bed.

"Do you remember what you said last night?" I nonchalantly asked trying not to scare him from the conversation.

He looked at me suspiciously. "You wanted to talk about my family."

"Why do you treat them that way? They're not the ones who abandoned you. They took you in. There are so many kids in the foster system who would be begging to live with a family like yours," I tried to reason with him. "Could you imagine your life if you weren't adopted when you were baby?"

I saw his eyes welling up with tears, but none fell. "What if I could've known them, my birth parents? What if they love me and couldn't take care of me then but want to now?"

"Then it wouldn't have been a closed adoption. They chose to give you away. And those people up there-," I pointed at the ceiling. "They took you in. They feed you. They love you so much that they gave you all of this. If your birth parents want you, then where are they? Oh right, somewhere that you're not."

He looked down at his cereal and said, "Daya, I love you, but you're wrong on this one. I'm a liability to those people up there. I don't know who they are. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am. Am I African American and Caucasian or am I Mexican? Where do my hazel eyes come from? What culture do I belong to?"

"Your adoptive parents aren't the ones keeping that from you. And if you asked them, I know that they would give you a DNA test, so you could have those questions answered." The solution seemed easy to me.

He implored, "You don't understand, and you'll never understand because you've had birth parents all of your life. You can look at your dad and know where your eyes come from. You can ask him, and he'll tell you all about your Native American roots. I want that, and I can't get that from a DNA test. I want to sit down with her and see how we are connected. I want to ask her all about her life, and what led to her giving me away."

I tried to relate and spoke, "I can't do that with my dad anymore. He's gone and he's been replaced with a completely different beast. He's different now," I held the side of his face.

Jay placed his hand around my wrist, "You will forgive him one day and if not, you still got to spend sixteen years with him. I got about four minutes with mine that I will never be able to remember or get back. It's not the same, Daya."

Looking into his eyes, I asked, "Is it impossible for you to give them a fair chance? Because they are. They gave you a chance and look at how you've used it. You need to hear this even though you don't want to. I have never been your 'yes person' that tells you whatever you want to hear. That's not what a real friend does."

He sighed, "I appreciate everything that you're trying to do for me, but I need to make this decision for me. And if I'm not ready to give them that chance you were talking about, then so be it."

I finished my cereal and excused myself to my bathroom. I didn't know if I could believe that he felt that way. He thought I was wrong, and I felt the same about his views. How could anyone look at the people who have done nothing but love them that way? Despite my feelings, I tried to put myself in a good mood to see him again.

"Are you ready to leave?" He said as swung up the bathroom door.

We headed towards the basement stairs to go to school. My classes hadn't been first-rate to me recently, but dealing with the trauma of my household was not equal in comparison.

We walked down his driveway in the twenty-four-degree weather that morning. I realized that Denny or Mom usually took me, and I would have to explain myself. At that moment, I questioned my previous innuendo about my day becoming better. Being with Jay erased my memory of what I did, but it's back now. I snuck out of my house and didn't come back. My mom must have been worried sick about me.

The light snow gently fell onto my face as I trekked through the snowy tundra in front of me. My body shivered as I contemplated yesterday.

I was frozen in my thoughts and didn't realize I wasn't moving until I was interrupted by a "Honk! Honk," mimicked by another, "Honk! Honk!"

I fixated my attention on my best friend Jay, who was in his used, red '55 Chevy Bel Air, showing it off to the world, as he so wished.

"Day, is it cold out there?" Jay asked me as he chuckled, already knowing the answer to his question.

With a sly smirk on his face, he smiled at me, warming me from the inside out. Sometimes I wished I could wipe his roguish grin off his face. But it would live there forever and without it, he wouldn't be the same.

"Why don't you make me?" I teased.

I coaxed as my zealous demeanor shined through. Scoffing, he leaned his head out of the car window, his face inches away from mine. "I don't mind letting you walk."

Without haste, he drove out of the driveway about three feet and then stopped. He scared me for a moment before I realized he was taunting me, as he'd done since we were children.

Shortly, Jay's welcoming voice entered my ears as he told me to get in the car. Like a mouse after cheese, I ran, submitting to his offer as I got into the passenger side.

Laughing, I was happy to be in his presence. As we sat in the warmth of his car, I listened to him speak about the dream he had last night. It was a sweet dream that started with him almost being eaten by a dragon and ended with him flying on the back of the same mighty dragon around a mystical kingdom in the forest.

To quote him, "No school, no parents, just me and Dargin, flying around without a care in the world." Listening has always been one of Jay's strong points. He was used to me ranting for hours but listening to him is always intriguing to me. We're different people, but hearing his thoughts and dreams reassured me of why I cherish him so dearly. "Damn it, I was supposed to pick up Liv this morning," he cursed under his breath.

"We can still go and get her. I don't mind." I lied because I really didn't want to be around her.

He shook his head, "Oh no! No way we can do that. I would have to explain to her why we were together, and we were just arguing yesterday. She would kill me."

"Why would she care that we're together?" Of course, I knew the answer to that, but I wanted to hear him say it, to confirm my thoughts.

"Oh, don't be mad, but she... uh wants me to spend a little less time with you. I know I should've told you sooner but... I just. She thinks its weird that we spend so much time together. Also, she doesn't believe that we, you know, are completely platonic," he said slowly like the words hurt as they escaped his mouth. I nodded even though I wanted to ask him if he truly believed that we were platonic. I left that part alone.

"Is that why you've been so MIA?" I looked down at my lap and played with my fingers.

"Yeah. I know it sounds bad, but she asked me and I didn't want to. Especially with the timing since your dad just left, but she's my girlfriend, you know. I don't know if it was the right decision but I do know I should've told you about it. I hoped you would have just noticed, I guess. I... didn't want to upset you." He was also looking at his hands.

His whole demeanor changed when the topic made him uncomfortable. He scrunched his shoulders and we both avoided eye contact at all cost.

"I noticed, but it's okay." I wasn't sure if I was being honest with myself but it was better than watching him squirm in his seat.

With his eyes on the road, he told me something that he has always recited to me, "A terrible morning can be the start to the most perfect day, the outcome depends on you."

I smiled at him as he removed his hand from the steering wheel and took mine. I saw him grin as our hands touched. As we arrived at school and parked in the parking lot my mind couldn't help but wonder about the ordeal happening at my home.

I was frozen in my thoughts but quickly snapped out of it when Jay placed his hand on my chin, turning my face towards his. I looked at his captivating eyes as they enraptured my soul and gave me the comfort that always accompanied his gaze.

He leaned into me and kissed me softly on my forehead, as a tear escaped my eyes.

"I wish... I could promise you no more hurt, but I can't. Day, I'm sorry," he uttered as he placed his other hand on my shoulder, his sight focused on me.

"I wish I could do the same for you," I vocalized and watched him get out of the car and come to the other side. He opened the door for me.

Jokingly, I said, "I guess your sense of chivalry didn't go away with the new license." He replied, "It never does."

Gently, he held my hand and warmed up my entire body as the chill of the air came into combat with his warmth. That was the moment when my day changed. I felt that maybe Jay was right in saying that it wasn't too late to change the outcome after all.

* I hope you enjoyed this part. Tell me what you think might happen next. Remember to comment, follow, and share. Thank you! *