xxviii

the setting sun cast a tangerine effulgence on his hair. his hands clutched the steering wheel and moved it swiftly. his eyes were fixed on the road. a playful smile on the edge of his lips. as if he knew an inside joke. he knew it whenever someone was thinking about him. he certainly knew it right now.

there was nothing i could hold on to. there was nothing sober in his presence. there was nothing that could save me if i kept looking at this boy. so i rolled down the window and leaned my head on the side and gazed outside.

a city of radiant green and lucid pink. citylights. sigh. sober. i prayed for sobriety under the citylights with a creature like him. i could not tell what sober was anymore.

a luminous dynamic. speeding past the hazy orange lines terminating into indefinite fuschia tinge. glowing trees. through the vague cigar smoke i could see distant scintillating apricot specks. like camouflaging fireflies. like molten honey ablaze. a vivid neon reflection on polished streets. like puddles of glittering stones. jump. jump in so you could find your sobriety.

i needed a signal. only a single cue. so i could tell myself that i was not doomed in this alluring place.

" so what's with them? "

his voice. i was doomed. indeed. in a beguiling manner.

" what do these citylights symbolise for you? "

" reflection. "

"reflection? "

" of me. " static under the shooting stars and airplanes. dazzling in a city of blue. vibrant. youthful. chirpy. yet solitary. incandescent. but solemnly dark when all this chemical brilliance burns out into soot covering the insides of shattered lightbulbs.

if this vigour could live forever. if this lust could stay forever. i could run. i could run wild into the diffusing violet glow. i could penetrate through a parallel universe of citylights. knock. scream. shout out. they might let you in. you belong here anyway.

he broke out a breathy smile. " that's why. " he looked my way momentarily and then again fixed those bewitching obsidians that he has for eyes back on the road.

" what? "

" that's why i admire you. " he again bestowed that look in my direction and i swear it still gave me a significant tingle down my spine. admire. yes i could tell what admiring is.

" you know yourself better than anything. you know who you are. what you desire. what you deserve. that's what i admire the most about you. "

he was only bluffing. he has this thing with words. he could fool you into believing all that charming hoax. so i tore my eyes from his face and looked outside again. he knew nothing of what i meant.

" no wonder the citylights reflect you. they couldn't shine so bright otherwise. "

of course he knew that i had forgotten that. he knew that much. i had forgotten that. but now he reminded me. and i believed. and the lights burnt just a little brighter then and there.

i looked at him. his smile grew wider. knowingly. he absolutely knew it in this moment. i wonder if he could smile even wider. i wonder if his smile could start dripping from his lips. heaven knows what i'd give just to savour a drop of it on the tip of my tongue. and i thought citylights could not be prettier.

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