3.

Present

"Ok, time to go." I say to the guy I'd met off of Tinder last night. I don't even remember his name, but I appreciate the work he put in.

He rolls over sleepily, reaching for my body but I slip quickly out of the sheets and grab a t-shirt from the floor to pull over my body while giving him a little grin.

"You don't wanna cuddle?" He asks, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he watches me move around the room.

"Ah, see, I'd love nothing more, but I've got to get to work." I shrug apologetically.

He furrow his brows, rubbing his forehead. "But it's Sunday." He says confused. "I thought you didn't go in on Sundays?"

I bite my lip, turning away so he can't see my face while I grab a pair of panties out of the drawer and slip them on before slipping my legs into a pair of my scrub pants. "Right." I tell him, looking around for my bra. "But I've got to go in to finish some office stuff I didn't get to Friday." I turn back and smile at him. "Rain check on the cuddles, ok?"

He yawns and throw his legs over the side of my bed. "Ok." He says, finding his clothes strewn across the floor from where we had discarded them in a hurry last night when we got back from the bar. "Do you want to grab some breakfast?"

"Already running late." I say, swapping the t-shirt for my scrub top and brushing my fingers through my hair to put up in a bun on the top of my head. "Next time." I promise.

He finishes getting dressed and comes to me, pulling me in for a hug while he takes a deep breath in the curve of my neck. "Next time." He sighs, squeezing me a little before he releases me.

I swing the bedroom door open and walk out into the apartment, glancing back to make sure he's following me.

I take him straight to the front door.

I slip my feet into the sneakers waiting for me there and then I follow him out into the hallway. "Oh shit, I forgot my coffee." I say, opening the door again.

"I'll wait for you." He says. "I can walk you to your car."

"Don't be silly." I pat his shoulder. "You go ahead."

He frowns a little but then smiles. "I hope you have a good day at work." He tells me and I beam at him.

"So sweet." I nod. "Thanks!" I dip back into the apartment, closing the door behind me.

I bypass the kitchen and go straight back to my room, kicking off my shoes before I jump back into the bed, tugging the comforter up over my body.

I snuggle in and sigh.

"Another one bites the dust?" One of my roommates, Ella, laughs, coming into my room to sit on the edge of my bed. "What did you go with this time? Emergency?"

I pull the blankets back down to show her my scrubs. "Work, duh." I wink and she laughs, shaking her long blonde hair out behind her. "What?" I raise a brow. "Not all of us are madly in love with our high school boyfriends and planning a spring wedding, ok?" I tug my blankets back up. "Plus, you know I can't sleep with someone in my bed."

They always get in the way. They breathe too loudly, or so quietly that I spend the whole night wondering if they have sleep apnea and they just died in my bed. I'm either stuck trying to cover my ears to drown out snores or rolling over constantly to check for heartbeats. It's exhausting.

"It's a queen sized bed, Hayden, how hard can it be?" Ella asks.

I frown at her. "Queen sized with me in it means it's at capacity." I remind her. "Plus they always want to sleep like right up on me, it's annoying."

"God forbid a man try to snuggle you." She scoffs. "How terrible."

"Exactly." I nod with my eyes closed. "Glad you understand."

"I can't with you." She sighs, standing up. "You're never going to find a man like this."

I open one eye. "Who said I'm looking?" I point out and she shrugs.

"I just worry about you." She tilts her head, blue eyes scrutinizing me. "You don't want to be alone forever."

"I like my space." I tell her, closing my eye again. "Speaking of." I fake a big yawn.

"Omg, ok." She tells me. "Well, I'm going with Mark and some of his buddies to get food in a little while if you wanna join. He's got a friend I think you'd-."

I cut her off with loud snoring sounds, flipping over in my bed to face away from her.

I can sense her eye roll as she leaves my room, closing the door behind her when she goes.

I stretch out in my bed, fanning my arms and legs out wide and smash my face into my pillow, alone at last.

My bed smells faintly of sex and cologne. I'll need to wash the bedding later, but for now all I want is some uninterrupted Sunday sleep.

What's his name had spent the entire night on my side of the bed while scooting closer and closer to me throughout the whole night. His body was too warm against mine, making me break out in sweats there was no way I was sleeping around.

I've got to stop brining guys back here. It's so much easier to go to their places and just hop up and leave when the fun part is over. But he lived too far away, and I didn't feel like making an extra long drive both ways for what I was sure wasn't going to be the best sex of my life.

Granted, he wasn't bad. He pulled a few tricks I didn't hate. Maybe if I talk to him again, I'll choose the drive next time.

But I know there won't be a next time.

There very rarely is.

I don't want to bother with the whole making a connection thing. It's pointless these days. You either meet the love of your life when you're a teenager like Ella did, or you spend years trying and trying, cycling through all of the damaged people there are out there, until you realize all of the good ones are already married. Then you give up and do exactly what I'm doing.

I'm just skipping the whole emotionally messy portion of that plan and jumping straight into the happily single, single burial plot type of life.

I've already bought my plot in the cemetery where my parents are buried at the funeral home I work at.

It's easier this way. I get to worry about me, and the rest doesn't matter. I don't have to worry about a whole other living breathing person. I don't have to protect feelings and obsess and dread the day they'll eventually be gone.

Love no one, and you can't get hurt.

It's a pretty simple plan and it's gotten me to twenty seven with no problems.

I have everything I need. I've got a job, a car, a place to live, and friends. Sure, I'm happy seeing them all with their significant others, and at times will let myself wonder what it would be like to have that kind of support to lean on, but then I think of all of the other stuff that comes with it. I'm happy for them, and I'm happy for me.

Being a third wheel has never bothered me.

The sheer amount of married men that end up in my DMs on the regular is red flag enough for me to know I don't want that kind of future.

I'm perfectly content with being a crazy non-cat having single woman. I get to have the fun I want, without all of the strings attached to my every move.

I'm free, and that's what I like.

I attempt to go to sleep, but I'm rather bad at sleeping, even when I'm alone. I get close a couple of times but I can hear the giggling of my other roommate, Gabby, and her girlfriend,Yehnifer, coming from the other room.

This is yet another reason why I hate bringing guys back here. There is always too much going on here come morning time and I'm ridiculously easy to distract and the way they keep laughing is giving me a serious case of fomo.

I guess I'm saving my sleep for tonight.

I roll back out of the bed and go into the living room with them. They've got the newest season of Love is Blind on Netflix playing on the TV and I sit on the floor in front of the couch tugging a blanket down to wrap around my knees.

"Catch me up, hoes." I tell them and they pause the show to give me the rundown on what I've missed the first couple of episodes. "I love the male toxicity." I laugh.

"This dude is seriously so ridiculous." Yehnifer says, the lilt of her accent always makes me want her to just keep talking.

I swat my hand over my shoulder to hit Gabby's knee. "Play with my hair." I demand and she sighs.

"You are so damn needy," she tells me and I nod, leaning my head back to her leg, bouncing it gently on her knees.

"Yes, and I needy you to do this for me." I tell her, watching the show in front of me.

She sits up and tugs the ponytail out of my hair and starts brushing her long nails across my scalp as I sigh, leaning into it.

"This is why you need a man, Hayden." She laughs, working a braid into my hair.

"Ew," I gag. "That's why I have you, silly."

"And what will you do when she's not here anymore?" Yehnifer asks with a laugh.

I lean my head back to look at her. "You don't want to take my Gabby away from me do you?"

"I do, actually." She winks and Gabby leans over to kiss her on the cheek.

"Evil woman." I narrow my eyes at her. "You have the upper hand here and I don't like it."

She nudges Gabby's arm. "You better keep doing it before she gets cranky and tries to bite me again."

I scoff. "That was one time." I protest. "I can't help it. You're just cute."

"She bit me more than once." Gabby reminds us and I turn back to the TV.

"That's right," I give a firm nod. "So best get to playing or I might get cranky again."

We watch a couple of episodes together, taking pauses to debate the validity to the people's sanity in the show before Gabby slowly pulls her hands out of my hair.

She pats me on the top of the head as Yehnifer turns off the show.

"You coming to eat with us?" Gabby asks, getting off of the couch and stretching.

"With Ella and her man friend?" I ask, standing up and taking her spot on the couch.

"He's her fiancé, Hayden." Gabby laughs. "They're getting married. I think it's time to stop calling him her man friend."

"Whatevs." I shrug. "Who all is going?"

"Them, us, some of Mark's friends and a couple of people from Yehns work."

I scrunch my face. "Ew, people." I stick out my tongue.

"Yeah, and these ones are alive and have real names, not just the fake ones you like to give to people."

"People think that's charming of me." I say.

"You called my ex Purple Pony for the entire time I dated her." She reminds me. "She did not in fact find you charming."

"She's the one who made the life decision to get a purple pony permanently tattooed on her body." I point out. "Anyway, I didn't like her either. I was waiting on Yehnifer."

This gets a smile out of both of them. It's mildly true. I've never been a fan of any of Gabby's other girlfriends.

"So are you coming?" Yehn asks, eyebrows raised with adorable hopefulness.

"I don't feel much like being social today." I shake my head. "Why don't you guys stay here with me and we can make our brains melt with more reality TV that makes us feel poor and ugly?"

"As very appealing as you just made that sound," Gabby grins. "We promised we'd come."

I roll my eyes and kick back on the couch. "Fine." I cross my arms over my chest. "Bring back food."

"You're literally a child, you know that, right?" Gabby shakes her head.

"I'm your child." I pout my bottom lip. "Now go, I'm hungry later."

They grab their things and head out of the apartment and I lay on the couch staring up at the ceiling.

For someone who likes their own space as much as me, I kind of hate being alone.

The apartment is so quiet when Gabby and Ella aren't home. I like hearing them moving around the apartment. I like smelling their perfumes and hairsprays when they are getting ready. It's comforting.

I think how much quieter it's going to get in a few months when Ella moves out after the wedding.

I'm happy for her, but sad for me.

I've lived with her since I dropped out of college after my parents died. I don't like the idea of her moving on without me, but it's not anything I'd ever admit to her. I know she feels responsible for me. Gabby too. They're my only friends and they're both getting serious with their lives while I still stay up until three every night wasting my time then spend all day at work.

They've always thought my job was weird. It wasn't something I actually imagined myself doing with my life, but the opportunity just kind of presented itself.

Most people think working for a funeral home is weird. Being around so much death every day and seeing and speaking to people who are at their absolute lowest on a daily basis could be draining for some people.

But not for me.

The woman who handled my parent's funeral services and helped me and my Aunt Bec with the whole process changed my life.

I didn't know what to do, and neither did Bec, but Shelia was right there with us every step of the way. She and the staff at Moundville Memorial went so above and beyond for us when we needed it most.

I enjoy getting to help people through the worst part of their lives.

It's not about the dead people for me, it's about the ones who have to keep living without them.

My job doesn't pay well. I struggle to meet a third of the bills and rent around here and it's going to get even harder once Ella moves out, but I like my job. I never dread going in, and I never carry the weight of it with me when I leave.

I hate the thought of having to find another job, but I'm not sure how it will work keeping it logistically unless we find another roommate.

I'm spiraling into worry when my phone starts ringing in my bedroom where I'd left it. I don't want to get up, but if it's Gabby asking what I want from the restaurant, I also don't want to not answer.

I rush to my room to grab it before it goes to voicemail but I don't know the number.

It makes a pit form in my stomach as I stare at the screen. I can practically feel the rush of the truck hitting me from behind and the weight of the words from the other end of the phone when they told me my parents had died.

I almost hit ignore, but I swallow the lump in my throat and accept.

"Hello?" I ask warily.

"Yes, am I speaking with a Hayden Maxwell?" The woman's voice says on the other end of the line.

"Yeah." I say back too quickly.

I'm praying it's a debt collector.

"Hi, Miss Maxwell, my name is Yolanda Porter, I'm calling about your sister."

My sister.