Won’t Give up Without a Fight

I can’t believe he is going to leave over some cocaine. It’s my life—I can decide if I want to take drugs. It’s not like I’m smoking crystal meth. Back in England, it’s as common as drinking alcohol.

Anyway, there’s no way he hasn’t been involved with drugs at some point in his life.

“All because I took a line of cocaine?” I cry.

He shakes his head. “No. It pissed me off, but it isn’t that. You’re going back to England. You were never in this for the long haul.”

“Says who?”

“Your friends last night. Are you trying to make a decision?”

I nod my head. “My dad did say I could go home, but it’s you that’s stopping me. It’s because of you there is a decision to make.” I stand up on my unsteady legs and stumble toward him.

He pulls away as I get close. “It was never going to work,” he repeats.

“I love you, though,” I add.

“I love you, but we are just too different. The guitar, telling your friends how much I have struggled. It’s like I’m a plaything for you.”

“You’re not a plaything. How can you even say that to me? I got the guitar because I knew you wanted it.”

He shakes his head. “Yeah, I did. But I know I can’t always get what I want. That’s who I am—I don’t have daddy’s money to spend. You can’t buy me.”

I narrow my eyes at him. How dare he—he said he wouldn’t judge me for my money, and here he is throwing it right in my face.

“You’re being a dick. It’s not my fault your dad lost everything your family had.”

I regret the words instantly. I love Antony—I wouldn’t hear a bad word said against him.

“You’re not a plaything. How can you even say that to me? I got the guitar because I knew you wanted it.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to get you something nice. I can’t believe you’re being like this over it.”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR GIFTS. I JUST WANT YOU.”

His booming voice startles me, and I feel emotional again.

“I’m sorry,” I cry.

“And to think I was going to ask you to marry me. What a fucking idiot I’ve been.”

“No, you’re not an idiot.”

“Would you have said yes?”

I fiddle with my hands nervously. I love him, but I’m not sure I could give him that commitment so young.

Where I’m from, you don’t marry young. You have fun, travel, experiment, party, and then you get married before you settle down to have kids.

“I guess I am the idiot, then,” he says when I struggle to respond.

He turns to leave, and I leap to him and pull at his arm as he shrugs me away.

“Tobias,” I cry.

I can’t stop the tears. My heart feels like it’s being ripped out, and my stomach is tight like I have just been thumped.

“Please, Tobias, I told you I can’t say forever, but I know I love you. I love you so much, please don’t do this.”

I lean out to touch him again, but he shuffles back and shakes his head.

Am I really going to lose him like this?

“I’ve messaged Tanner. Him or one of the other guys will get you all back. Sorry, I can’t.”

He walks off and leaves me in tears in the middle of the hotel room. I look at the guitar I bought him, and the tears come faster. My legs give way, causing me to drop to the floor and hold my head in my hands in despair.

I cannot lose him, the one person who completes me, makes me feel like I belong. He’s gone, and this time I have a feeling it’s forever.

Once I scrape myself off the floor, I call Tobias. I need to put this right.

When he doesn’t answer, I text him. “Please Tobias, don’t do this.”

It doesn’t surprise me when he doesn’t reply; he will be driving for around forty minutes yet.

Once I’m ready, I head to Carla and Mia’s room. I’m surprised when they are both up and getting ready.

“Holy shit, what about last night. Crazy or what?” Mia comments as I wait for them to finish packing up the room.

“How’s your cowboy this morning?” Carla asks. “He was a right dick to us last night.”

“He left early,” I mumble as I watch my phone, willing him to message or call.

“Good, he was so rude, El,” Mia says.

“Doesn’t sound like Tobias, unless he has reason to be.”

Carla shoots me a dirty look. “Come on, who the fuck are you? These hillbillies aren’t for us. Yeah, they are good for a bit of fun with their hot bods, but come on, El, it would never be nothing more.”

I look at her. I can’t believe she is my best friend.

“Did you tell him I was thinking about going home?” I ask.

She smirks. “Like you were ever thinking about it, El—come on, really. What are you gonna do here? Live the simple life?”

“I love him. We would have worked something out.”

“Well, why did you get me here, then? I’m what you needed to see what you’re missing”

“If I’m honest,” I say, “it’s made me swerve more to staying. Having you here has made me realize how far I have come from being the spoiled brat I was.”

“So now you’re all down with the ranch hands,” Mia giggles.

“He’s not a ranch hand. It’s his family ranch, and he’s got more brains than any of the dicks we hang with in England.”

Mia laughs. “But the difference is they have the papers to say different. Being clever gets you nowhere, Ella. It’s what you do with it that’s the difference between us and them.”

I stand up.

This is bullshit!

“I can’t hear any more of this shit,” I bark. “I’ll wait outside while you bitches get ready.”

I call Tanner and see if he’s coming for us. “Hell yeah, give me ten,” he says too cheerily for my liking.

I’m glad he and Carla didn’t get past a snog last night. I hope he rejected her and not the other way around.

I head over to the shop and get myself a drink and something to line my stomach.

As I stand against the wall in the sun, I try to call Tobias again. I don’t know what I will say if he answers, but I call anyway, just so he knows I’m thinking about him.

I leave him a voicemail this time. “I’m leaving the hotel in a minute. The guitar is in the room. Shall I just leave it here, or what?”

He doesn’t call back, so I grab Tanner in the corridor near my room. I explain about the guitar and ask his advice.

Will Tobias be too stubborn to use it? Do I just leave it? What the fuck do I do with a two-and-a-half-thousand-dollar guitar?

“Fuck, if he doesn’t want it, I will have it. I’ve had my eye on a Martin forever.”

“Go grab it, then. See what he says. If he doesn’t want it, it’s yours.”

He smiles as he snatches the hotel card out of my hand and rushes off to my room.

The drive back is silent. I don’t want to speak to Mia and Carla, and they don’t appear to want to speak to me as they sit in the back of the truck scrolling through their phones.

They get out at Frankie’s, and I tell Tanner to drop me at Tobias’s place—I need to speak to him.

I hold the heavy guitar in my hand as I stand at his door. Do I walk in like every other fucker, or do I knock?

I take a deep breath and do a mix of both—I knock as I open the door. But I can’t see him anywhere, so I place the guitar on his sofa and walk into the kitchen where I see him.

He is leaning against the kitchen sink wearing only a pair of blue jeans.

“Tobias,” I say quietly.

He jumps at my voice and swiftly turns to see who it is. His eyes are red, and he quickly turns back to face the wall. I venture toward him slowly.

“Tobias,” I say again as I touch his naked back.

He shakes his head, and his body stiffens under my touch.

“Please, speak to me.”

He shakes his head again and wipes his face with the back of his hand. I wrap my arms around him from behind and rest my head on his back. He doesn’t push me off, but he doesn’t embrace it, either.

“Please hear me out,” I whisper. “You are the only man I have ever wanted to change for, the only man I didn’t have to question or google if I really liked you. I know I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I feel scared at the thought of not being near you, to not be able to touch you or kiss you, but I still don’t know if this will be enough for me. Nashville. It’s all so different from what I’m used to. Give me time to figure it all out.”

He sniffs and turns so his arms engulf me, and we stand and hug, my head on his shoulder, smelling his familiar scent as my fingers stroke his bare smooth skin.