Chapter 23

I had been completely surrounded by guilt the entire weekend so much so that I hadn’t seen or spoken to Dean at all. I chose to rather focus on Tommy entirely. The guilt that consumed me after ignoring Tommy for that brief time on Saturday had wrecked me. I felt like a failure to Maggie. She had entrusted me with her son and I repay her trust by abandoning him.

I may have overcompensated by never leaving his side but I felt deserved of no social life after my reckless actions. I had to stop once Monday came though. I wanted to skip the day’s lectures and be with Tommy but I had an assignment to hand in. The truth was that I was looking for any excuse to not have to see Kevin again.

His emails had increased and by Sunday I was receiving one every hour. They all said basically the same thing. He was sorry about withholding the truth and for leading me on in anyway. He also mentioned how much he cared for me and didn’t want to lose me. I wasn’t interested in any of it. The wounds were still too fresh and anger still oozed from me.

I had been dreading seeing Kevin so much that my mother had to threaten me with the wooden spoon before I eventually left the house. Say what you want but, even at twenty two I was terrified of getting hidings from my mother. I may be an adult but my mother didn’t care. Her philosophy was that you were never too old for a beating. I walked into the university filled with apprehension. I let my fingers play with the bracelet I always wore on my wrist. It had been a gift from Maggie on my twenty first birthday.

I found a seat far in the back of the lecture hall and ran my fingers along the silver charm bracelet. I smiled to myself while I traced my fingers around the delicate lettering engraved in the bracelet.

You’ll always have my love.

Each letter felt smooth and thick under my fingers. Attached to the bracelet hung three charms. Maggie had only attached three and had given me the instruction to add others every time I had an adventure. I hadn’t ever put my own on. I probably never would because I couldn’t see myself having adventures without Maggie to go on them with me.

One charm was the picture of a book which symbolized our first day at university. It was an adventure that we were supposed to embark on together; an adventure that set the course of the rest of our lives. The second charm was a car which symbolized the time we got our licenses and meant that we were finally free to be independent. The third and last one was my favourite. It was a small sandwich which Maggie had said was to remind me of the first day we met in high school and the start of the greatest adventure of our lives.

“I miss you.” I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek and hit the sandwich charm.

“Tori.” I jumped and wiped my face dry. I looked to my right where a tall dishevelled looking Kevin stood. He frowned and he leaned in and peered at my face. “Are you crying?” He asked.

“No,” I stammered. “What are you doing here? Go away.” I turned my back to him and pretended to dig for something in my bag on the floor. Kevin’s hand rested softly on my shoulder.

“Please let me explain. I’m going out of my mind not being able to talk about this.” He pleaded and I shook his hand off my shoulder. I turned in my seat and straightened my shoulders. “Why? So you can hurt me even more?” I barked.

He flinched, “I never wanted to hurt you Tori. Please believe that.”

“I’m supposed to believe that you hid the fact you were engaged for my benefit? That you flirted and kissed me while secretly engaged, all for my benefit?” I laughed bitterly. “Don’t lie to me so you can feel better about yourself. You made me fall for you and the whole time you knew I could never have you. Was I some kind of game to you? Some last hoorah before you signed your bachelorhood away?” I hissed and his face fell along with his shoulders. He looked pained and I glared at him. “Do us both a favour and drop it. I want to finish this project as quickly as possible and then.” I stood up from my seat and pushed up against him with a scowl on my face, “I want to never see you again.” I reached for my bag and stormed out down the stairs and out of the room.

The first thing I did as I left the room was place my assignment in my Professor’s office and then I ran to my car. Once I was in the safety and seclusion of my car, I cried. I sobbed loudly and uncontrollably and let my body shake fiercly against the car seat. How could my life turn so drastically? I was happy three months ago and then I lost my best and only friend, followed by my heart being broken by an unexpected love.

Life was cruel and I was tired of its games. I was tired of it all. I wanted to spend my days curled up in a ball, soaked in my tears and surrounded by darkness but, I had Tommy. He was my brightness.

Twenty minutes after running to my car, I felt the last of my tears dry up. I turned the car on and drove home in a frenzy. I needed light after the darkness had so easily consumed me that morning. Dean wouldn’t serve as a good enough distraction for this kind of darkness, only the pure untainted light from Tommy could pull me out.

He was all I would ever need.