ThirtyOne - Ella

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ThirtyOne - Ella

Hunter didn't do a lot of talking, and I really didn't blame him for that. But I didn't want to leave him alone either. I stayed with him and Zero, hoping that instead of getting worse, her condition improved. Really though, it felt like we were watching the timer tick closer and closer to an explosion.

"I've been thinking," Hunter's voice broke through the silence, startling me. There wasn't a lot of emotion to his voice and I thought he'd probably worn himself out. I'd never seen a man break down like he did. Cry like he did. There was something infinitely more awful about seeing this huge, strong, usually happy guy sob to a point of exhaustion than it was to see them punch things or scream. I almost wished he would have stayed angry, the way he was when he first woke us up. It would have been easier to watch.

"She's gonna be okay."

"I hope so."

"No." He sat up straighter to have a conversation. "I mean I think this has happened before. To her."

"I know. She told me. She said she couldn't be sure."

"When Braces - he's gone now - but he saved her life. Found her, beaten up, looking awful. In and out of consciousness. He'd run off someone, Zero always thought it was some looters - some asshole - that found her; maybe she wasn't willing to play into their games so they beat her. Never really knew." He shrugged. "But she was unconscious, or barely conscious for a couple weeks before she woke up."

"You think she was bitten and reacted like this? Got worse and then better."

He inhaled a deep breath and nodded on the exhale. "She'll wake up."

I didn't want to tell him that two weeks was a long time to stay here, waiting and hoping she'd wake up. The guy who'd saved her was a saint, not many would take care of someone they didn't know for that long. I wondered what had happened to him, but ultimately, I knew that if I didn't meet him at the Inn, I never would. And the way Hunter's voice cracked a little as he said his name let me know the wound he'd left behind was still half-open. How many people had he watched die? How many more would he have to watch?

I didn't know what to say, so I smiled, hoping that would be enough.

And as I did, and Hunter half-heartedly returned it, a pit settled in my stomach. I had never asked for details, but Zero mentioned an accident and waking up with a messed-up memory. I knew that long seizures and high fevers could cause memory loss, but I wasn't sure to what extent. There was a chance - more than just a chance, I would bet - that if Zero had gone through this before, it was what caused her memory loss.

My smile dropped.

"What?" Hunter's brow furrowed, instantly aware of the change. "What is it?"

No way was I going to tell him that there was a possibility Zero didn't remember him when she woke up. Hell, no. If he hadn't gotten there on his own yet, I wasn't going to put a fear in his mind that I couldn't confirm. I shook my head and was thankfully excused from fumbling for an answer when Joel walked in the room, asking how Zero was.

"Why don't you head down," he said to Hunter. "Help keep Kyle awake."

Hunter shook his head and opened his mouth ready to refuse.

"He doesn't want to talk to Ella," Joel said before Hunter could suggest I go instead. "Ella will scream if anything changes."

Both men looked at me, so I quickly nodded. Finally, Hunter gave in and left the room though he looked like he was fighting to make himself walk away from her.

"Kyle's still that upset with me?" I asked.

Joel's lips spread into a grin as he walked further into the room and sat where Hunter had been. He shook his head.

"I didn't know how to get him out of here, but he needed a break."

Understanding, I nodded. Zero wouldn't have wanted him sitting helplessly by her. I may not have known her well enough to assume such things, but I was sure of it. If she hadn't wanted him to be the one to kill her if she turned, I doubted she'd be happy knowing he was refusing to sleep or eat because he didn't want to leave her side.

"You're a good guy, Joel."

His eyes rolled. "Was there ever any question?"

I was surprised by the genuine laugh that escaped my lips before I could even think to stop it. Joel lips twitched again and winked. "Maybe don't answer that," he corrected. "How are you handling everything?"

"I'm okay."

"Kyle said you killed one of those guys."

I was learning that Joel wasn't really one to beat around the bush. He was blunt and a little rough around the edges, even after significantly softening toward me. I'd mistaken it for him being a jerk or just standoffish, but he wasn't. He was in here checking on me. He was offering to listen if I needed or wanted to talk. He was just going about it in his own way.

"You can tell me to fuck off if you want, but I know sometimes you gotta talk about it. Shit'll eat you alive. Hell," he leaned back, relaxing into the chair, "Hunter didn't before. Kept everything inside, ran away, didn't speak to any of us for a year - probably would have never spoken to us again. Changed his name to escape himself. They all did. Change their names and never talk about what happened to them, pretend like it didn't. It ain't healthy."

Maybe he was right. Maybe trying to give yourself a new identity was just a way of running from the past and the things you'd done. I wondered if it worked. Was Hunter at peace with whatever had happened before now that he was no longer Winston? Were any of them? To some extent, I knew that it must have helped. Not just changing a name but finding a group that didn't know or care about your past had to make it easier to move forward.

"Aren't we all sort of screwed up in our own special ways?"

Chuckling, Joel agreed. "Fuck yeah we are."

"He was calling someone for help," I said quietly. It was surprisingly easy to say to Joel. "I think... I think he was going to call for help." I couldn't be sure anymore. Maybe he was listening to Zero and going to do as she said; I would never know.

"It wasn't a chance you could take."

It hadn't felt like one at the time. I barely even thought about it at the moment. It was easy to go on after that, explaining to Joel what had happened. The screams. What Zero had done to the man I recognized. He was easy to talk to, a good listener, and I could tell he was actually, really listening. Talking back to. It wasn't just me venting, it was a conversation. But not where he tried to reassure me, instead he'd add a story of his own. He'd ask question too, details I was sure no one else would dare ask for, Joel didn't shy from. Answering him felt easier than telling it all to Kyle would have been, it felt less heavy. I didn't feel like I was burdening someone else with my problems. Joel didn't get angry for me. He didn't make what happened to me his problem. He didn't feel guilty for what had happened to me - not with getting taken, not with having to kill someone, none of it - in the same way that I could tell Kyle did, even if it was senseless for him too.

I had grown to like Joel, but we weren't close and this was really the longest we'd ever spoken. I think that we weren't close made it easier to confide.

"I'm sorry," I said finally. "You came up here to sleep and I've kept you up."

"Wasn't too tired," he said though the yawn that followed gave him away. Realizing that, he shrugged and leaned back, stretching. "You pulled some stupid shit, Ella. You're one of us now." Joel stood up and I thought he'd leave but he must have changed his mind because he rested his hand on the chair he'd been sitting in and looked at me. "I got a question for you."

"What's that?"

"After we get back to Hudson, what's your deal?"

I shrugged. I guessed I would stay there, help how I could...

"Ky mentioned you don't trust the people running that place. Why stay?"

"You suggesting I keep following you guys around?"

Laughing he turned, letting his fingers slip off the backrest of the chair. "Not suggesting that." He shook his head, looking at his feet. "Who knows, maybe we'll call it quits after this one. Helping save the world has got to at least earn some vacation time."

"At least a month."

"I'm thinking I need to take some time with Jamie. The church... they're good people, but I'm the only family she's got." He scrunched up his nose. "That stays between me and you, princess. I haven't mentioned it to the guys."

"I'm sure they'll understand."

"Maybe. Maybe not." He shrugged.

"I won't bring it up."

"Thanks, Ella." He walked to the door. "Try to get that girl to wake up. I'm ready to get the fuck outta here."

I'm sure my smile was more grimace than smile as he left and I drew my focus back to Zero. It had been more than an hour since we force fed her some fever reducers and I had hoped the fact that she hadn't had another seizure meant the Tylenol was working and her fever was down some.

Rubbing my eyes I stood and stretched limbs sore from sitting in the same position for so long. I walked over to the dresser where Kyle had lined up all the first aid stuff we had out. I ignored the gun he had not so discreetly left next to the medicine and grabbed the thermometer instead. I couldn't think that I - or any of us - would have to use that gun. Not yet.