CHAPTER FOUR

Sakyja's Sweetening

Houston, Texas

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"I'm not finna play with you" Ky said laughing on the phone.

On the other end was Osama who she learned real name was Javier.

"Im just saying shorty. You real deal mean sometimes. Giving very much Massa, red heart" Osama said.

"I'm not. I'm actually chill with y'all" Ky said.

It had been a month since her and Liy went over there. She clicked well with them, well except one.

It was the day after Mera's birthday. June 8th. The sun was shining and it felt like a good day. Ky felt that was God paying her back because the hell she was put through yesterday was absolutely ridiculous.

Mera had a birthday get together at Juke's place. Well more of outside of Juke's place. Everyone was smoking, drinking, and dancing.

A yard party was what Ky would call it.

Ky said it was hell because the entire time she was there Mera gave her hateful looks upside her head. It had seemed that she was already in a bad mood from Tae's unconcerning attitude about her birthday. He told her happy birthday, "g-day" to be correct, and proceeded to leave and never come back.

Ky felt that wasn't the only reason Mera was in a bad headspace. She felt that Mera didn't want her there in the first place. Actually, she knew Mera didn't want her there but she failed to care. Everyone else loved her presence and  vibe so there she was, giving the people what they wanted.

"Come spend time with me lil girl" Osama said, Ky could almost see his grin through the phone.

"I'll see. I'll see if Jaliy wants to do something and if not then lucky you." Ky said walking into the kitchen and grabbing a green citrus tea.

"Damn. It always Jaliy. That's your girlfriend or something?" He laughed.

"Dude. Bye." Ky said laughing but actually hanging up.

Like she said, if Jaliy didn't want to do anything she was free to go out with him.

sama🧑🏿‍🌾.

what was that?

u just gone hang up?

while i'm talking?

that's the time we on?

like forreal?

i understood what you meant

on your first text. no need for 4 more.

and i didn't want to talk anymore.

Ky what's wrong with you? I'm trying and

you know that. You making it hard for me man.

I want to treat you good but you not letting me

bruh. What tf I gotta do?

just give me time osama.

im sorry.

read.

Ky wasn't really questioning about going with him because of Jaliy. Ky knew his feelings for her. She didn't know if she felt the same but she knew she felt something. She was confused. She was confused and now anxious and guilty about lying to him.

Being honest, Ky was scared to make a mistake that costed her something important. She was scared of becoming her mother. She didn't want to put trust into an older man just to be groomed and end up pregnant with no help. She had too much to grind for. Too much to possibly lose.

She knew she should just communicate her feelings but her anxiety was not helping. She felt at a constant battle.

Ky was cut off from her thoughts by her phone ringing that was sitting on the counter.

She leaned over it and watched the contact flash across the screen. Her stomach dropped every time it left and suddenly flashed by again.

Sama🧑🏿‍🌾

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the phone going silent and the screen going black.

She felt relieved as she let out a breath and dropped her shoulders that she did not know were tense into relaxation.

That all ended quick as it started ringing again, the same contact flashing across the screen causing her heart beat to speed up in nervousness.

"Hello" Ky said finally answering.

"Talk to me shorty" Sama said, voice just as calm.

"I'm scared. Okay? I'm scared Im going to mess up. I'm scared I'm going to make a mistake that's going to cost me my life. I'm in love with the thought of being in love but scared of love it self. I don't want to make stupid decisions because I strongly like a person. I also don't want to be stupid and not make a decision because I strongly like a person." Ky started off, talking fast.

"I heard you but slow down so I can hear you. I want to understand you" Sama said.

"I'm scared I don't know how to love. I'm almost grown and haven't even had a real boyfriend. Of course I've talked to one but never been serious. I dont even know how to properly take care of one of you things. Also I'm selfless. I don't want anyone taking advantage of me. I don't cuss, smoke, party, have sex... What would anyone want with me?" Ky said in a reasonable speed for one to hear.

"Look shorty.. I like you and I don't even like people like that. I'm not attracted to what you can do for me. I'm 19. It's nothing you can do for me that I can't do for myself. Sex? I got my right hand and Aveeno. I want you for you. You sexy as hell. I like when you wear lashes too but when you come just bare face, joggers, and a tee? dope. Your body shorty? DOPPEEEE. Your vibe? DOPPEEE. I fuck with you heavy. You don't try to give me the time though. I know actions louder than words so please... please let me show you? I swear I got you" Sama gassed making her faces go redder with each word he said.

"I guessss.. I'll try Javier. Thank you for the compliments. I've never had any one say all those nice things about me. " Ky said blushing.

"I got you shorty. I promise." Sama said with a smile.

"I can come hang with you now if you want" Ky said twiddling her fingers.

"Ok. Just text me your address and I'll come scoop you?" Kash said.

"okay" Ky said then hanging up the phone.

Ky texted Sama her address then finished her tea before throwing the bottle away and walking into her room.

Jaliy was at work and so was her mom. Somewhere Ky would have been if Ms.Jackie didn't constantly dial in on her. It was many complaints about her taking off too many days during a month so she decided to quit before she would get fired and possibly never be able to get a job again.

Ky also felt she needed it. Working since 14 and not even working with people your age but grown people who think just because your a child you lack common sense was a stress in it's self.

"Soooo" Ky dragged looking through her closet to find something to wear.

"This is giving "trying too hard" but this is one is giving "i don't really want to be here"." Ky said holding up a fitted dress then a track suit.

"How about this?" Ky continued to talk to herself.

She pulled her black Tupac graphic shirt off the hanger and some grey tights that she had cut into shorts off the rack.

"This don't look to flashy but not to bummy either.. what shoes though?" Ky asked herself looking around the closet for some shoes, eventually getting frustrated and just grabbing her black 11's.

Ky laid her clothes on her bed, grabbed everything she needed for a shower and went into the bathroom.

Ky cut the shower on waiting for it to get hot. She washed her body before stepping out, wrapping her towel around her and walking to the sink to wash her face and brush her teeth.

After she was done with that she went back into her room and put lotion and her body oil all over her body. She threw her clothes, walking to the dresser and putting on her 2 pandora bracelets and her little anklets she always wore.

She had took her closure out so she was wearing her real hair for a while to let it air and breathe. She took the bonnet and durag off then combed her hair into a ponytail at the back of her head.

She topped everything off with spraying her favorite perfume which was a Vanilla Creme scent.

"Okay I'm ready. We got this. This isn't a date right? Just a hang out?" Ky prepped her self while dialing Javier's number.

"You ready shorty?" He answered.

"Mhm" Ky said, nervousness occupying her mind.

"On the way na. I'll be there in ten"He said with a light laugh. He knew she was nervous and he thought it was cute.

"Okay" Ky said, hanging up and letting go of a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.

Of course she had hung around Sama with the gang. A lot. She had just never been with him alone. Then after the conversation and knowing he liked her, she felt like she would constantly embarrass her self just from being nervous.

A horn beeped outside which shook Ky out her thoughts, causing her to jump and quickly grab her things.

She grabbed her wristlet and walked out the door locking it behind her.

"Hey" Ky said with a smile once she got to the car, getting in.

"What you on?" Sama greeted her back with a smile, staring her fit up and down.

He liked it.

"Nothing really" Ky said blushing at how he continuously eyed her, running his tongue across his bottom lip.

"That's coo, That's coo" He answered back, forcing him self to stop looking at Ky and pulling off.

Ky looked over at him and eyed him now. He had on a white tee from what she could see, some black pants, a black denim jacket to match then jeans, and the Lucky Green 13's. A green beanie on his head also to match.

He looked good and that made Ky not want to look away.

"You eyeing me like i'm a pack of hamburger meat on taco tuesday" Sama laughed, looking at her then back at the road then her again.

"You are so corny with your jokes dude" Ky said laughing and slapping his leg.

She liked his corny jokes though. They weren't funny but they always made her laugh.

"You so abusive shorty. Never can keep your hands to yourself" Sama said with a laugh.

"Boy please" Ky smiled looking out her window.

"I'm forreal" He said still laughing but slipping his hand into Ky's.

this nigger think he slick.

"But I can't keep my hands to myself?" Ky asked rhetorically, raising her hand which caused his to raise since their fingers were interlocked.

"This different thoug.." Sama said smiling.

"Its always different" Ky said back with a laugh, dropping her hand in her lap which caused his had to fall in her lap as well.

Ky scrolled through her instagram feed debating if she should post a picture as she massaged Sama's hand with her thumb unknowingly.

This was driving Sama crazy. He liked it that she was so subtle without even knowing.

Ky decided to just post the picture.

liked by thedonsaun and 3,047 others

sa.kyjasenai never was the hater, always the one hated on.

thedonsaun you ugly on my mama.

sa.kyjasenai i see why she dead. always lying on her.

thedonsaun 😮😢😔.

chiliy my 4l .

sa.kyjasenai yours 4 ever and ever.

deere.deere 😍😍😍😍🥰😍😍

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"You hear me?" Osama asked looking at her. They were in the parking lot of Urban Air.

"No. Say it again" Ky said back, shutting off her phone then giving him her full attention.

"I said I got you. If you want some tell me. I bet not see your wallet out at all" He repeated in a calm but demanding tone.

"I- I hear you" Ky said. He made her nervous which caused her to stumble over her words.

"Alright" Sama said getting out and walking to her side and opening her door.

Ky grasped his hand as they walked wanting to feel him close. They walked in and he payed for their things. Ky put on the socks and jetted to the trampolines.

"A child" He said laughing at her.

"Shut up. It makes me feel free. Jumping in the middle of the air and feeling like i'm floating over the entire world." Ky said before doing a backflip.

"What sport you do?"Osama asked sitting on the trampoline while Ky was jumping. Her jumps were barely making him bounce.

"Cheer and volleyball as of now. I also did track in middle school" Ky answered plopping down. She got tired fast, being out of shape.

"So that's why your so small?" He laughed.

Ky's heart dropped.

"Umm.."Ky stammered over her words, trying her best to find an answer.

"I mean you got a booty though. That's fye."Osama said still laughing, poking at her butt.

Ky felt like that would have made most feel better but for her it didn't. Even if she did meet the beauty standard of slim with a booty, that didn't make her any less insecure.

"Why you looking like that?" Osama asked her pulling her into him.

"I don't like my body." Ky explained to him, sighing, leaning into his embrace.

She wanted to go. She couldn't control her emotions and she felt vulnerable. She felt bad that she had ruined the date for them because everything triggered her anxiety.

"Let's go to the car. We can get ice cream and just chill in somebody's parking lot" He suggested, picking Ky up and walking to the lockers their shoes were in.

Osama set Ky on the bench and grabbed her shoes putting them on her feet as she stared off into space. He put his shoes and grabbed his stuff, pulled his sagging pants up, and picked Ky up again. He felt her snuggle her face into his neck, sighing again.

"I'm sorry. I made you waste your money just because I can't control my emotions. I swear i'm sorry-" Ky babbled into his neck.

"Shut up. I got you. Just talk to me" Kash said cutting her off, opening her door and dropping her in the seat and walking to his side and getting in.

"Whats going on?" Osama asked.

"This the second time today you have just shut down on me" He added rubbing his hand down his face.

"I'm insecure. Even if I do meet the "beauty standard" I still can not like my body." Ky started.

" I also have a disorder..." Ky said, her words trailing off.

"What that is?" He asked with a scrunched up face.

"Anxiety. Me shutting down is not because I want to but it's because I can't help it. I feel like when people look at me they can see my anxiety. They can see everything in the inside. I've never really had a real anxiety attack but Ive had minor ones and they are not one to play with. I can't imagine what the real ones feel like. I'm sorry if you feel like I shut you out. I just need my space sometimes" Ky explained grabbing his hand and rubbing her thumb against it.

Since she had a hard time speaking and communicating her feelings or just things in general she would try to spread her energy through touch. Touching was definitely her love language.

"I'm sorry if you get weren't ready to tell me that or felt forced. I didn't know and I'm not good with reading body language sometimes. If I seen any discomfort in you I would have never you know.. I'm really sorry. I want you to know I'm trying. It's been like a month since I met you and your the only thing on my mind. Your the only person I want Ky. I swear by you I'll never hurt you intentionally. I really like you" Osama said gripping her hand and staring into her eyes.

"I hear you Javier." Ky said back with a big smile, butterflies filling her stomach.

"Ewww government"Osama said feigning attitude as he mushed her head back.

"Ice cream?" Ky asked looking up into his eyes.

"Yea... Icecream" Osama said smiling cranking the car and pulling off

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"Ma I slick blew it" Ky said with a frown.

"What you mean? You said y'all had fun" Sakina asked.

Ky was back at the house and she was currently sitting on the couch and gossiping to her mom about her date.

"Yea for a lil while before and then after. I shut down like as usual. That's embarrazzinggssksksk" Ky said laughing at the situation now that it was over.

"Girl fuck you do that for?" Sakina asked looking at her daughter with a "what the fuck" face.

"He called me small. That was the second time. It seem stupid to say now but you know I'm really insecure about that Ma." Ky explained twiddling her fingers, a bad habit of hers.

"Baby I understand. You gone be able to cancel out and ignore all that stuff in a minute. Just keep pushing to it. Your battle won't last long" Sakina said pulling Ky into her lap like the big baby she was.

"I think I like him." Ky blurted, completely but unintentionally changing the subject.

"Huh?"

"I think I like him. He makes me feel protected when I'm with him. He listens to me. I get butterflies every time he looks me in my eye. He opens doors for me like a gentleman. He put my shoes on, carried me to car and put me in. He let me tell him all about my stuff and he listened. I didn't feel judged or anything. He took me for ice cream and all. I know I like him.

"Awnn my bookie. Your growing up on me" Sakina said pinching Ky's cheek.

"But he gets really tense when I touch him sometimes. His energy falls. What should I do?" Ky asked, wanting to be the best version of herself and to make him happy.

"Ask him about it. He probably has some childhood trauma or some recent trauma. You never know so you ask. Just like he asked you" Sakina suggested.

"Okay, I'll ask him" Ky said with a smile. She liked the thought of her first "boyfriend" even though he hadn't really asked her out yet. He did establish that he really liked her so that was something right?

"So how's Isaiah been to you?" Ky asked being nosey.

"He's nice to me. He brings me food at my job with cute little sticky note letters. I stick them in my drawer and read them when Im having a hard time or just a bad day in general." Sakina said blushing and smiling.

This caused Ky to smile. Ky hadn't seen her mother genuinely happy about something other than her child or herself, ever. It felt good to know that she was happy.

"Awnnn. That's so freaking sweet. What them co-workers be saying?" Ky asked.

"Hoes gone hate regardless" Sakina answered, referring to all the glares she got when her handsome man walked in to bring his lady lunch.

"PERIOD!" Ky exclaimed, swiping her hand under her chin.

"City girl style killing these hoes. Bitches is executed. Dead." Sakina said back smacking hands with Ky.

"You know it. Up 5000." Ky said getting out her moms lap to grab the remote then sitting back down.

"What you wanna watch?" Ky asked.

"Sp-" Sakina started before getting cut off.

"Criminal Minds? That's what you said? Okay" Ky said fast and putting it on.

"You get on my damn nerves sometimes. You know that?" Sakina said, mugging her daughter real hard.

"Yes but I don't care. Respectfully, red heart" Ky answered in an unbothered tone. Her job as a daughter was to be the most annoying piece of shit to ever live. She was going to fulfill that desiring prophecy.

"Girl fuck you. You talked to my daughter?" Sakina asked. It was rare for them not to be together or at least holding up the phone.

"Yea, it was earlier though. She was with my cousin, probably at the house now." Ky said.

"And who is your cousin" Sakina asked with a eyebrow raised. Ky didn't know any of her family members.

"Juke. Isaiah's nephew"

"Ohhh. That mean you like Isaiah." Sakina said.

"Yes. I like that he makes you happy." Ky said with a smile.

" I know. I do too." Sakina said blushing at the thought of her handsomeman.

For the rest of the night they sat there watching Criminal Minds, making small conversation here and there. It felt like good ole times. Just them, peace and quiet, and God to protect them.

——————————-

Anyways.... I know, another sentimental chapter but I want y'all to know Ky so y'all will understand her personality and why she will do some of the things she will do in the future.

Also, If you are having problems with insecurities and body positivity, I am always here. I can reply to comments or you can pm me on here. My dm's on Instagram are also ALWAYS open.

I want to say never let anyone invalidate you insecurities. We are all different and we all think different. Today I would like to give a big shout out to the skinny girls in particular who are battling body insecurities. I know everyone may think "but you have the standard body. All the boys like your body" or "skinny girls can't be insecure". YALL CAN. Y'all have every right to. I know you may see those big boobies on TikTok and feel like you have to be like that but you don't. I know you may see the big booties and feel like you have to start gaining but you don't. You're perfect. Don't feed yourself more than your stomach can hold to look like some else who probably don't even like their body their own damn self. Love yourself, you are worth the time and effort.

This one is for ALL of my girls. Don't look for male validation. Ever. You will stress your self the fuck out. They change like the seasons baby . One minute they want a petite girl with a cute voice and the next they want a girl with a big stomach they can lay on. Love yourself for you or guess what? Imma beat yo ass.

Love you, bye😘.

3550 words btw.

happy readings,

pooh🌟 .