Chapter 55: Conflict and Communication

Communicate even when its uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal, is simply getting everything out.

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There were three weeks leading up to the start of college for Jaimie-mae and Fabian. Summer was coming to an end and they had done a lot of swimming and spending time with Mason and their parents.

Jaimie-mae was determined to improve on herself mentally. She wouldn't have been able to do it without Fabian though.

She attended a lot of therapy sessions and she did a lot of relaxing things. Fabian would sometimes randomly rub her body down with calming essential oils to help her sleep better at night, that way she would have a better day. She was beginning to think, however, that he was using the massages as an excuse to see her in just her sports bras and boy shorts.

She felt abosolutely beautiful with way he looked at her and loved her. She thought it was amazing that there were billions of other people on the earth that Fabian could have fallen in love with but he fell in love with her.

Jaimie-mae didn't doubt his love either. It was pretty clear. He made his love for her very obvious. It was at that point where he'd kiss her lips and grab her butt while his parents were in the same room. She hated when he did that, but she loved it at the same time. Well, as long as his parents didn't notice.

Fabian had apparently found an apartment thirty six minutes away from their college and it was mostly furnished.

Jaimie-mae and Fabian were both very busy with work the whole week, so they hadn't seen much of each other. Jaimie-mae had gotten a job at a bakery. She loved the work because she loved baking and she loved the smell.

Mason loved that she worked at the bakery as well because she'd sometimes bring little treats for him. Justin would sneak a few as well despite his wife nagging about eating healthy.

Jaimie-mae had gotten a call from Kacey saying she had gotten accepted into a school in New York for fasion designing. Jaimie-mae was absoultely estatic for her but she knew that she'd be missing her.

Kano and Bella were being seperated due to being accepted into different colleges. They hated being away from each other but they said they were going to try and make the long distance work. So they had been very quiet and distant because they were trying to get the most of the summer they had left with one another.

Jaimie-mae was grateful that she was starting college with Fabian even though they'd be in different classes and they'd have different schedules, they still had an apartment together.

They were spending their time at their little private beach spot with Fae, when Fabian thought it would be funny to throw her into the water. He just couldn't seem to keep his hands off her.

After they came out of the water, they picked up their stuff and made their way to Fabian's car.

When they got in, Fabian noticed Jaimie-mae was being quieter than usual.

"Jaimie? You okay," he asked as he put on his seatbelt.

"Hm? Oh yeah, i guess," she replied distantly.

"You guess?" He gently grabbed her chin and brought her face around so he could look into her gorgeous blue eyes. "There's something bothering you. What is it?"

"Um... why didn't you tell me about your mechanics job?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know. I thinks its just the fact that everything i enjoy, my parents were never really happy about so i'm just used to keeping things to myself."

Jaimie-mae nodded. "You don't have to keep things from me. Just in case you didn't know. You can talk to me, i'm not disabled."

Fabian was slightly caught off guard by her last comment. He furrowed his brows. "Disabled? Why would you even say that?"

"Because you don't come and talk to me and i know you do that because i have PTSD and i have my own 'stress.' People are always stepping around me and i hate it. They treat me like fragile china."

"I don't think your fragile. Your fuckin' strong and anyone who doesn't see that is blind," he said firmly. "Where is this coming from?"

"I was thinking." She paused and Fabian could practically see the gears in her head turning. She was debating something. "And i heard your Dad talking the other day."

Fabian's jaw clenched. "My dad?"

She nodded but didn't speak any further on the topic.

"What did he say?" Fabian asked skeptically.

She just shook her head.

"Jaimie?"

Her gaze floated out the car window and she watched as a sparrow landed on a patch of grass. Fabian shook his head out of frustration.

"Jaimie. How am i supposed to help if i don't know what happened?"

"I don't want your help," she said quietly. She said it so quietly that Fabian almost missed it.

"What?"

"Your help. I don't want it."

"What the hell Jaimie? Why are you being so... rude?"

Jaimie-mae ignored him and fidgeted with her wet hair.

"You know what. Your being a huge hypocrite right now. You tell me to talk about what i'm feeling, but you don't do the same."

"I do!" She burst out. "And that's the problem. I talk to you about these things, when really, only my therapists should be hearing them. I'm holding you back and i'm stressing you out. And i hate that!"

Fabian sat back in his seat, taken aback. She had never raised her sweet voice towards him. He turned his head to her as she continued.

"I think maybe we shouldn't live together," she whispered.

Fabian felt his heart sink. "W-what?"

"It's probably best that we don't live together." Fabian knew she was only implying that they shouldn't stay in the same apartment, but for some reason it felt like she was breaking up with him and he couldn't handle it.

"Why would you say that? I've already found a really nice apartment for us and its got enough room so that when we need our space, we can have it. I made sure."

She sighed. "Fabian. There are going to be nights where you might not get a proper sleep at night because i'll be keeping you up with my nightmares. I'd feel terrible if you went to class the next morning absolutely exausted. You can't honestly say that us staying together seems like a good idea."

"But then... who's going to keep you safe from your nightmares?"

A single tear slipped from his eye and down his cheek. He silently cursed to himself for being so sensitive.

Fabian also didn't miss the guilty look cross Jaimie-mae's face.

"Alright fine. I'll talk. I do worry about you. But i also think about you all the time. And most of the time i'm thinking about how beautiful you are or i'm trying to remember the first time i heard you laugh.

I've never told you this, but sometimes when you're not there beside me at night... i get nightmares."

Jaimie-mae's eyebrows shot up in shock and she grabbed his hands. That little motion was basically telling him those unspoken words. That she was sorry.

"I still get nightmares of that night i got hit by a car. But when you're there with me, i don't get them. And i get too embarressed to just call you up at night and ask you to talk to me until i fall asleep. I know you'd do it for me because you're such a... gorgeous person, inside and out. And i'd do it for you, in a heartbeat. I've called before and we've talked, but you didn't know it was because i had a nightmare.

You don't need to take that as a reason to stay with me at the apartment because its not a good reason. A good reason would be the fact that i'd be waking up next to you every morning or if not at least in the same apartment. I'd get to eat your bomb cooking and i'd get to kiss you everyday. I'd get to help you braid your hair in the morning and i'd be able to feel the softness of it before i go to class in the morning. Those are bonuses for me Jamie.

But really, i don't care about the fact that you have nightmares. You can keep me up, as long as i know your safe. I love you and whether you live with me or not isn't going to change that. Its just... i was really looking forward to having our own place together. With Fae of course. She's basically our child."

Jaimie-mae laughed quietly, her own tears pouring down her face in floods now.

"I-i didn't... i shouldn't have let what i've heard people say get to me," she said as she ducked her head.

"Yeah, you shouldn't."

"Its a bad habit."

"Yeah it is. But that's okay."

She smiled gently. "Do you know that i love you?"

He nodded with a smug smile on his face.

"Do you know how much though?"

He shook his head.

Jaimie-mae got out of her seatbelt and angled herself up to press a kiss to his jaw. He shuddered at her touch.

"I'm going to show you how much when we get to our apartment."