Chapter Fourteen

Yes! I am so pleased. I have finally finished the interview. It will more than likely need a few tweaks here and there, but yup, it's ready for Dex in the morning. With my self satisfaction giving me a momentary rush of adrenaline, my exhaustion feels almost bearable. But as soon as the rush subsides, tiredness comes for me really hard. Looking up at the clock, I realise why that tiredness has come for me. It's nearly eleven o' clock, no wonder I am so knackered. I haven't had a decent nights sleep for the last two days, so I'm praying that tonight will be different. Snuggled up on my sofa, I decide to watch a little bit of one of my fave films, The Holiday. If I go straight to bed, I'll probably just lie there and start thinking about things that I don't want to be thinking about. A little bit of Kate, Jack, Cameron and Jude will help me truly relax. I don't care if I fall asleep on the sofa, at least I will be sleeping. When the film begins, I pull a blanket over me and snuggle up more. In my polka dot onesie, my freshly bathed skin feels really good in it. This is about as content as I am going to get. It's been one hell of a weekend, and I think it's going to take me a while to emotionally recover from it. Oh no! I'm doing it again, aren't I? I am thinking about things. Thinking about Rhys.

No! No! No!

No thinking, only watching.

With a long, fed up sigh, I rest my head on a cushion and force myself to watch The Holiday. I absolutely love this film. I can watch it over and over again and enjoy it like it's the very first time that I have watched it. Only, tonight is different. I can't enjoy the film because I am emotionally wound up too damn tight, I just can't focus. I am so tired and drained, but can't relax enough to finally fall asleep. Everything feels different because everything has changed. Drawing in a big and frustrated breath, I fix my eyes on the television screen. I will watch this film and I will enjoy it just like I used to. The Holiday is at the bit where Cameron Diaz is having a major hissy fit. She's screaming and throwing things around. That's exactly how I feel inside, like one hell of a hissy fit is brewing. My emotions are all over the place, and now that I have time to think, I can't seem to handle those emotions. I am telling myself not to cry, but I cry regardless. My tears have a mind of their own. They fall even though I am trying to stop them. I cry for reasons that I'm not entirely sure about. All I know is that I need this. The tears need to fall and my heart needs to ache. Of all the aches I have ever had, Rhys Ryan is the achiest. As senseless as it is, it's totally true. In just two days, he has done the unthinkable—he has made me care.

Tap! Tap! Two gentle taps on my front door nearly scare me to death. It's nearly eleven thirty, who the hell would be knocking on my door at this time of night? Swiping my tears and sniffing, I warily decide to peep around my living room curtains. There's no way I am opening the front door, not until I know who it is. Trying to focus hard on the male figure who waits by my door, I notice a car is waiting just beside my house with its bright headlights still on. Oh my God, I know that car and I recognise the driver. That's when my stunned eyes dart right back to the shadowed stranger who is already tapping on my front door again. Tap! Tap! Swallowing hard with my heart wildly thumping inside of my chest, I lightly rap on my window because I now know who is knocking on my front door. Rhys looks up from beneath his baseball cap, looking relieved that I happen to be looking at him. Quickly closing the curtain, I rush to my front door. My bare feet not being as fast as I'd like them to be. With a calming deep breath, I slowly open the door. Looking adorably sheepish with his hands in his pockets, stands Rhys Ryan. "I'm sorry...I needed to see you." His eyes look back at me with hope that I'll allow him in.

There's no hesitation from me. "Come in." I quietly say, still a little dumbfounded by his being here.

Stepping into my tiny hallway, he watches me close the front door behind him. Then his eyes slowly move their way down the entire length of my polka dot onesie. By the time his intrigued eyes are back upon me, he is smiling. "Cute." His comment instantly breaks the ice, putting us both at ease.

Shyly, I smile back. "Thanks." Looking back over my shoulder at him, I walk into the living room and he follows. Pausing the film with the remote, I sit on the sofa, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Why do you need to see me?" My question is forthright. It's too late in the evening to be messing around with pleasantries and games. I want to know why he is here and not on a plane to LA.

Cautiously, he sits down beside my feet. "I figured some stuff out." Removing his cap, he runs his fingers through his messy dark blond hair before looking me right in the eye. "I have figured out that I am someone who doesn't want for anything...but I want you, Clara." His sage eyes penetrate me further. "I don't know how this might work, but I'm willing to give it a go, if you are?" I wear both a frown and an elated smile. His words keep playing over and over in my mind, yet I'm too stunned to even respond. Edging closer, he places his hands on my elbows that still cuddle my bent knees. "Say something." His stare deepens, trying to work out what thoughts are crossing my mind right now.

Lowering my knees and straightening them out, I sit up taller. "Are you wanting us to try and be together?" My voice trembles, trembles with excitement, doubt and hesitancy.

Rhys reaches for my right cheek, delicately stroking it with his affectionate fingers. "Yeah, I do." He starts to smile. "I can't go back to America without knowing that you're a part of my life, Clara." His hands then reach for mine, needing to hold them dearly.

The aftertouch of his fingertips gently touching my cheek, wonderfully still lingers. I know I care, I'm just terrified about caring. My heart has no escape plan from him, no emergency drill to put into action. He has entered my life like a thrilling tornado. I find myself mumbling out all of the reasons why our being together just won't work. "You are leaving, Rhys. I thought you had already left, but now you are here. But soon, you'll be leaving again. We barely know each other. When would we see each other? I live here. You live there. I work here. You work everywhere!" That's when I stop, to really look into his attentive sage eyes. "You're Rhys Ryan." Squeezing my fingers tightly around his hand, emotion makes my voice quake. "We have so much against us, Rhys."

He decides that words alone won't give me his answer, he uses his yearning mouth instead. Kissing me, so hard and with so much need, he kisses away all the questions that infest my mind. He kisses away the doubts and the reasons why we shouldn't be together. As his mouth persuasively moves against mine, nothing matters. All that matters is that his lips are passionately on mine. I shouldn't want more of his urgent kiss, but insanely, I do.

His, is the only mouth that I want.

His, are the only hands that I want to be touched and held by.

His, are the only eyes that I want looking at me.

Him, I want all of him. I want all of this. I want it for as long as possible.

It's crazy.

It's insane.

It's reckless.

But I still want him.

This feels right.

We feel right.

Throwing myself into his arms, I break our kiss but seal our fate. Rhys holds me tight, knowing that I need to be held tight. Then from out of nowhere, my tears start falling. I cry because I am happy. I cry because I am afraid. I cry because I want to. Hearing my silly sniffles, Rhys draws back. Seeing me cry hurts him, really hurts him. "Why are you crying?" His cherishing fingers lightly wipe away my tears with their tender tips.

Sniffing softly, I smile before lowering my head. "I'm okay...just emotional, that's all." My head remains low, trying to get my stupid falling tears under control.

Cradling my face within his concerned hands, Rhys slowly lifts it so he can look at me properly. "The tears in your eyes tell me that you're not okay." Leaning in closer, he then whispers. "Tell me the truth, Clara?"

"I want this to work, Rhys, really I do...I just don't think it will." My honesty comes out quiet and is suffocated with so much sadness.

Eye to loving eye, Rhys quietly says. "Hey, there's no never in happily ever after." What he says is said with sweet meaning and a smidgen of humour. He's desperately trying to make me find the positive side to our complicated situation.

Unable to stop myself, I giggle between soft sobs. "That is so cheesy!"

He frowns, pretending to look mortally offended. "I don't care if it sounds cheesy. You're my girl, Clara Thorn. I'll do everything I can to make this work." His lips come down on mine, kissing me with a smile upon his sumptuous mouth. When the kiss comes to a loving and lazy end, he smiles again. "In a world full of faces, yours is the only one that I want to look at right now."

And just like that, I am laughing because he has successfully flicked on the switch to all of my accepting emotions. I accept that this is really happening. I accept that things aren't going to be easy. I accept what I feel for Mr Mega Famous. Equanimity quickly floods my veins, restoring calmness to my inner storm. "Okay." I say with a serene tone.

Rhys quickly holds me by the shoulders, boyishly grinning from ear to ear. "Okay? Meaning, you will give us a try?" His rushed and excited question spills from his grinning mouth, along with his rich American accent as he quickly removes his jacket and throws it on the back of the sofa.

My own grin refuses to be contained, it's wide and natural with happiness. "Yes." I keenly tell him.

Sweeping me up in his arms, he falls backwards on the sofa with me still pinned on top of him. As our laughter gradually dies down, he holds me tighter against his chest, rubbing our noses together as he sighs with the same happiness that I feel. "You know what, Clara?"

"What?" I breathlessly ask, loving how his nose feels against mine.

Rhys looks back up at me, squeezing my body with his strong and secure arms. "I want to sleep with you." My heart suddenly drops, about the same time as my mouth does. If he thinks for one second that his being here means that I will now have sex with him, he is sorely wrong! Realising how bad his comment must have sounded, Rhys quickly tries to redeem himself with an awkward smirk. "As in, I want to actually sleep with you. I want to get into your bed, hold you in my arms, we both close our eyes and we fall asleep...together." Closing his eyes, he leans up for an unhurried kiss. Tiredness seems to have cocooned us both, even our kiss is tenderly tired. As our sedate lips move against each other's, relief warmly flows through my veins. I honestly would have been gutted if I had thought he was only here to bed me and then leave. That would have left me feeling like I was just another one of the many vaginas that he's had the pleasure of meeting. The fact that he's telling me that he only wants to cuddle me in his arms and fall asleep together, that says I mean so much more to him than just sex.

Completely put at happy ease and feeling incredibly tired, I whisper to him. "Let's go to bed." My body removes itself from him, standing on my feet with exhausted but happy bones. Holding out my hand to Rhys, he takes it with a weary smile. "No snoring, right?" I tease him, as we're walking up the creaky old stairs towards my bedroom.

"I'll try not to snore if you promise to keep your hands to yourself. This body has a desirable effect on women, you know?" He's looking down at himself, pulling up his T shirt over his sexily ruffled hair before throwing me a wicked little grin.

Rolling my eyes, I laugh. "I'll really try." Is my heavily sarcastic reply. And you know what? I really do think I am going to have to really try to keep my hands all to myself.