a poem i hope you never see

i have cried myself to sleep

i have screamed at myself in the mirror

i have tried to run away

i have punched walls

i have cried in the shower

i have alone sat in darkness

i have written songs

i have had fantasies

i have written poems

i have stopped myself from calling you

i have wrung my hands

i have cried in my car

i have prayed for you

i have seeked help from the devil

i have lost faith in God

i have lost sleep

i have felt guilt too ugly to face

i have known the truth the whole time

i have bitten my fingernails

i have chewed my lips

i have tried to rip out my hair

i have had puffy eyes

i have looked in the mirror and seen UGLY

i have imagined us together

i have wanted to die

and you caused it all. all of this.

but i know you would be devastated if you were reading this now,

so this is a poem i hope you never see.