20: Chapter 20

RYAN

Ryan started working again when Will was ten weeks old. It was hard to leave him, but she was glad to get to return to the job she cared about so much.

It felt like most of her first day back at the hospital was spent receiving congratulations and gifts from her colleagues and showing off baby pictures. She didn’t mind, though. Will was great; he deserved to be admired.

She and Marco settled into a new routine: Ryan would drop Will off with Connie in the morning, and Marco would pick him up after he got off work.

The only drawback was that she was back to spending a lot of hours at the hospital, so Will was already in bed when she got home some nights. She hated it, but she also loved her job, so she kept trying to find a middle ground that would work.

Marco hadn’t brought up marriage again since their first night together post-baby. She wondered about it sometimes. But they got so little time together lately; even if he wanted to propose, when would he do it?

Tonight was another night when she had missed dinner with Marco, along with bathing and putting Will to bed. Her stress level had been high too, and it was causing her milk to dry up.

When she got home she put what little milk she had pumped throughout the day in the freezer and then checked in on the baby before going for a shower.

“It’s late,” Marco reminded her when she walked in their room.

He had been missing her too, she knew.

“I know, I’m sorry. I had an emergency surgery.” She disappeared into the shower before he could say anything else to make her feel more guilty than she already did.

MARCO

Marco didn’t want to fight with Ryan; he knew that her job was important. He figured that after she spent a few weeks back at work, things would calm down and she would be home more.

He was wrong.

Months went by, months of her not getting home until late at least three nights a week. Slowly, Marco began to suspect that there was more going on.

Tonight, he had heard on the news that there was a massive pile up on I-80, so he knew Ryan wasn’t going to be home anytime soon. He played with, fed, and bathed Will, then put him to bed as he had been doing basically every night.

Afterward, he waited up for Ryan to come home.

He heard her come in a little before one in the morning. He listened to the familiar sounds of her opening the freezer to put away the breastmilk, peeking through Will’s bedroom door, and then quietly padding down the hall toward their bedroom.

She jumped when Marco turned the light on, whirling to face him. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“We need to talk, Ryan,” he said seriously. He didn’t often call her “Ryan” instead of “kitten,” and he could see her face fall a little at that.

“It’s one in the morning, Marco. I’m tired. I just want to take a hot shower and go to bed.”

He rubbed his temple. “When was the last time you helped me put our son to bed, or had dinner with me? Hell, when was the last time we had sex?”

“I’m trying to find a balance, Marco,” she said defensively.

Marco sighed. “You’ve been saying that for months now, and it has yet to happen. You’re never here.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” she snapped. “I can’t be here and the hospital at the same time.”

“I know that. And I know your job is important. But you need to do something differently, because this”—Marco moved his finger around to indicate the two of them, the room, the baby down the hall—“isn’t working.”

“What are you trying to say, Marco?” she asked, quieter now.

He felt defeated and heartbroken that it had come to this. “I’m saying that maybe we should take a break so you can figure out what it is that you want.”

Ryan looked like he’d punched her in the gut. She sank down on the bed, and there were tears in her voice when she asked, “Are you saying you want to break up?”

“No, I don’t, but you’re never here and I don’t know what else to do. I’m not trying to take you away from your job, I just…” He sighed. “Will misses you. I miss you. I want us to be a family again.”

He’d thought about this all night. “Me suggesting we take a break, it’s not an ultimatum. It’s…an offer.”

He took a deep breath. “If your job means that you can’t make time for me and Will, then maybe me and Will should go stay with my parents for a while. Give you space to think about things on your own.”

Ryan broke into sobs. “I’m sorry! I don’t want that at all. I’m trying to make everything work, and I miss being here too.”

It hurt Marco to see her cry, and he felt terrible for being the reason behind it, but it needed to be said. They were more like roommates these days than a couple, let alone a family.

She wiped away her tears and said determinedly, “I’ll cut back my hours. I love you.”

He pulled her into a hug, relieved. “I love you too,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

“The two of you are my world, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know,” he murmured, pulling back so he could look at her. “And that’s why I’m doing this; I don’t want you to miss the important things.” He kissed her forehead. “Let’s go to bed.”

She nodded in agreement, took off her scrubs, and put on one of his shirts before crawling in bed with him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “I know, kitten.” He leaned down to kiss her and it quickly deepened, full of emotions.

His hand threaded through her hair, and he pulled her closer for a deep kiss. She moaned into his mouth, and it went straight to his dick. He wanted to do so much more to her, but it was late and they both were exhausted.

“I love you so much, kitten,” he whispered, finally breaking the kiss and pushing her hair away from her face.

“I love you too,” said Ryan. “Thanks for the wakeup call. I needed this.”

Marco wanted her to know how much he loved her. He wanted to make passionate love to her all night, but he knew that wasn’t the answer.

He wanted her to stay because she wanted to, not because he was making her feel guilty. They’d talked about this before, and nothing had really changed. He hoped it would this time.