8. Pessimist ♔︎

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| King of Hearts |

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By: Janae Destiny

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"Kiara?" Luna, her younger sister, came knocking on her bedroom door the next afternoon.

"Bruh Luna, go awayyyyy," Kiara groaned, still half asleep in her bed.

"Girl, it's time to get up," Luna still walked in anyway, despite the fact that Kiara just told her to go away. "You won't get rid of your hangover by just laying in bed all day."

"Luna, bruh why are you even here?" Kiara very reluctantly sat up against the headboard. And in that very moment, she was extremely appreciative of the black-out curtains she recently invested in because bright light was the last thing she wanted to see after the type of night she just had.

"I'm here because you got drunk as hell last night. I had to bring you home cause you was beyond gone- like you was out of it. And since I was already here, and also covered in your nasty ass vomit, I decided to shower and just stay in case you needed anything."

"Oh my God... I'm so sorry you had to see me like that."

"You're good, sis. We all been there."

Kiara rubbed at her temples before she continued talking, "I don't even feel like I drank that much. Like how the fuck I get that drunk last night?"

"Maybe cause your ass was mixing dark with clear liquor knowing that shit fucks you up every time. You was really showing your ass last night."

"Please tell me I ain't do no wild shit. Tell me I ain't do nothing crazy."

"What's your definition of crazy?"

"Like anything outta character that I wouldn't do sober? Cause you know I don't be getting lit like that. I don't remember the last time I got drunk let alone got this fucking drunk."

"Nah, you ain't do nothing crazy. You was pretty chill actually. The only thing you did that was outta the norm for you was follow that Monique girl into one of the private rooms for whatever the hell reason."

"Shit," Kiara mumbled under her breath, realizing that what she did with Monie was in fact not just a dream. "I really did that?"

"Mmhm," Luna hummed. "And you had bitches talking about that the rest of the night. Cause tell me why House Mom Darci said that a lot of the girls was talking shit about the whole situation in the locker room afterward."

"I swear those bitches get on my last fucking nerve," Kiara said as she threw her blanket off of her and finally got up out of her bed and headed to her bathroom.

"I mean... you did follow Monique back to a private room. And as the club's owner? I'm sorry to say it sis, but that looks real unprofessional on your part. I'd be talking about that too, cause what even happened in there?"

"Nothing happened," Kiara immediately turned on the water in the shower stall so it could warm up while she brushed her teeth.

"Nothing, as in...?"

"As in nothing," Kiara just repeated, hoping that would make Luna stop pressing her about it.

"Aight Kiara. If you don't wanna tell me, that's fine," she shrugged. "Just hurry up and get ready, cause we got an hour before we gotta head out."

Kiara just silently nodded her head because she was still brushing her teeth. Luna left the bathroom, and Kiara finished up at the sink before stripping out of the clothes she doesn't even remember changing into and then stepping into the steamy shower stall.

"Nothing happened last night," she told herself as she stood under the direct stream of the hot water. "Nothing happened between me and Monique."

And when Kiara says that nothing happened, she's not lying- well, not really anyway. Because from what she did remember, nothing out of the ordinary happened. But as she stood in the shower, trying to piece together the parts of her night that were a little foggy in her head, the more she realized how very untrue that statement was.

** The previous night **

"King, do you want me to take it off?" Monie asked her again.

"Yeah..." Kiara slowly nodded her head. "Go ahead and take it off for me..."

Monie slowly reached around to her back and tugged on the strings that were holding the very small triangles of sequenced fabric securely against her body. And once the knot in the middle of her back and behind her neck was undone, she pulled the top away from her chest.

Her breasts dropped from the lack of support from the top, but barely though. Even after having a whole baby, you wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at her because her body was just as fit and toned as it was before she got pregnant at 16 years old.

"Damn," Kiara mumbled under her breath.

This sort of thing doesn't usually affect her. She sees half-naked women all too often for it to have any type of effect on her.

But something about Monie felt different in that moment. And it wasn't the fact that Kiara had quite a few shots beforehand. She could blame this very out of character behavior on the liquor working in her system if she wanted to, but she knew that wasn't what it was. She might have been drunk, but she wasn't that drunk.

'Maybe I do like her...' she told herself in her head.

And that feeling, the feeling of liking someone, Kiara hasn't felt in a long time. A very, very long time.

'Or maybe it's just because she's new... and it's different,' she told herself. 'Come on, King. You barely even know this girl to like her.'

She was trying hard to convince herself of it. To convince herself that the practically naked woman sitting in her lap had no effect on her whatsoever. To convince herself that she doesn't actually like Monie.

"You look nervous," Monie whispered as she moved her hips around in slow, small circles on Kiara's lap.

"I'm not," she lied.

She definitely was nervous though. And not for any other reason than she wanted so much more from Monie in that moment than her just grinding on her lap.

"You weren't lying when you said you don't do this very often," Monie stopped moving and was just sitting still on top of Kiara.

"I told you that."

"How you run a strip club but get nervous around half-naked women?" She genuinely asked. "That don't really make sense to me."

"I don't ever get nervous. I... I think it's just you," she admitted very truthfully.

"Oh?" Monie sort of blushed.

"Mmhm," Kiara nodded her head.

"You can touch me if you want to," Monie whispered.

She doesn't normally allow people to touch her, but what was going on in that private room was clearly not normal for either of them. It went far past a regular dance the second Kiara accepted Monie's hand and agreed to follow her in there.

"Nah, I can't," Kiara shook her head while simultaneously moving her hands around Monie's waist until they were resting on the small of her back.

"Yes you can," Monie couldn't take her eyes off of Kiara for even a single second. So much so that when Kiara tried to look at anything but Monie, she gently grabbed her chin and turned her head back forward so they were looking directly into one another's eyes again.

"Monique," Kiara wasn't really sure what to follow up with after that.

Kiara's mouth and her brain kept saying not to touch Monie, but for some reason that was not registering with her hands as they slid down lower and lower- barely moving a couple of millimètres at a time until her hands were gripping firmly onto Monie's ass.

"King?" Monie very instinctively moaned her name when Kiara lightly squeezed on her ass. "Should we be doing this? Whatever this even is?"

"No," Kiara shook her head. "We shouldn't even be in here right now."

"You don't look like you tryna leave though."

"Cause I'm not," Kiara's mouth said much quicker than her brain was able to stop her. Because at that point in the night, it was definitely the liquor talking. And she was saying all of the things she wouldn't be able to if she had been sober.

"What else you tryna do then?" She wrapped her arms even tighter around Kiara's shoulders, getting even closer to her face.

The gum Monie was eating in the locker room still lingered on her breath, even after the shot of Don Julio she'd taken. And Kiara weirdly liked the fresh smell of her breath that ticked her nose from how close Monie was talking to her.

"What I'm tryna do?" Kiara repeated her question.

"Mmhm," Monie nodded her head.

Monie was the one who leaned in closer to Kiara, but Kiara was the one who actually initiated the next very unexpected thing they did. She was the one who grabbed Monie's jaw and closed the already decimal gap between them, bringing their glossy lips together.

And of course, Monie kissed her back. They both knew how wrong it was, and how many lines/boundaries they were crossing with that one little kiss, but it didn't stop them, because neither of them pulled away.

In fact, Kiara held her hand on the back of Monie's neck, deepening the kiss even further...

***

"Fuck," Kiara slapped the palm of her hand against her forehead as the steaming hot water beat down on her back and all of her events from the previous night came flooding back to her memory.

"Why the fuck would you kiss her?"

She forgot all about that kiss. Maybe because she couldn't believe she actually did it. Or maybe because she didn't want to believe it was real. But either way, it happened, and she couldn't take it back- no matter how bad she wanted to.

But Kiara didn't even want to focus on any of that at the moment. She just hoped to God that Monie would be cool about it the next time they see each other and act like it had never even happened in the first place.

She finished taking her shower and getting ready to leave her room and see Luna was standing by the front door putting on a pair of platform heels.

"We're just going home. Why the fuck you wearing heels?" Kiara stopped by the fridge to get a bottle of water to take a couple of Tylenol, hoping that would help with her hangover headache.

"Mom and dad said to look nice," she stood up straight after doing the straps on her shoes.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not getting dressed up just to have dinner with mom and dad."

And she meant that wholeheartedly because they weren't getting anything more than the pair of distressed jeans and graphic tee she was wearing with a pair of dunks.

"You still mad at them?" Luna asked.

"I was never mad. I just don't understand why they been lying to us. Just a few days ago they was telling us some bullshit ass reason about why they getting a divorce like we're kids and not grown ass fucking adults."

"People really do grow apart Kiara, so I dont know why you can't just accept that."

"I can accept that. But I can't help but feel like there's more to it."

"Fine, then what you think it is? Since you think you know every damn thing."

"I think we both know," Kiara mumbled, not really wanting to say it out loud.

"Don't even say that shit Kiara, and I'm not joking. Daddy ain't like that."

"I don't wanna believe it either, but what other reason could it be? He was an NBA superstar... let's be real here Luna."

"You're always so fucking pessimistic," Luna was visibly getting upset with her sister.

"Am I being a pessimist? Or are you just being ignorant to the truth?"

"Why do you always see the worst in every fucking body? Even our own father? Just cause your life is lonely and miserable as hell don't mean everyone else's has to be."

"I'm not lonely or miserable," Kiara argued.

"You keep saying that. And at this point I think you're trying to convince yourself, cause you sure as hell ain't convincing me. You got your heart broken Kiara, I get that. But you act like you've grown from it when we both know you haven't. Not really anyway. All it's done is made you a bitter ass bitch."

"Oh so now I'm a bitch too?"

"Yes. A bitter, pessimistic ass bitch, because why would you insinuate that they're getting a divorce because dad cheated on mom?"

"Because it's most likely the truth. You just don't wanna accept it."

"I can't stand you," Luna was even more upset now. "I really can't."

"And when I'm right, don't come crying to me with your overly sensitive ass. That's all I'm saying."

"Showing emotion doesn't make you sensitive. But acting like you're unaffected by everything because you've closed off your mind and heart from being affectionate towards anyone or allowing yourself to experience any type of love... do know what that makes you?"

"You gonna call me a bitter, pessimistic ass bitch again?" Kiara huffed.

"No. It makes you broken," Luna answered barely above a whisper. "And I wish you would actually heal from your past instead of just pretending for everyone else."

"You think you have me all figured out, don't you?"

"You might think I'm just the 'stupid little sister', but I know you better than anyone else Kiara. You're still hurt over something that happened like seven years ago... and I'll never understand why you won't admit it so you can finally move past that shit."

"Luna, I already have a fat ass headache. We're done talking about this right now," Kiara shook her head.

"Then when can we talk about it?"

"Never. Let's just go before I don't feel like leaving the house at all."

"See," Luna scoffed. "That's your fucking problem. Always avoiding real ass conversations. You don't ever wanna talk about shit unless it concerns your fucking club."

Luna couldn't do anything but just shake her head at her older sister. She loves Kiara to death, she really does. And she looks up to her like you wouldn't believe. But when it comes to being open, vulnerable, and honest- Kiara is the absolute worst.

"Bruh, can we just go?"

"I don't even wanna go nowhere with you anymore. Drive your own fucking car, Kiara," Luna snatched her purse up off of the kitchen counter and stormed out of the house.

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