Chapter 34 - Wenxu Jiang, Tell Me How Long I Can Live Without Love

Translator: Ruriko

The consciousness of Zhishu He was intermittent, and in the most painful time he was in a trance, thinking that he was dying. He couldn’t even cry in pain, with cold sweat on his forehead.

In fact, Wenxu Jiang was also uncomfortable in this process. He was painful in the dry and narrow place. He just wanted to bully Zhishu and make him more uncomfortable.

“Do you admit your fault?”

In the end, Zhishu heard this sentence. He slowly rolled over his tightened body with his gaunt chin resting on his knee. He did not speak, feeling that the residual heat gradually left his body with Wenxu Jiang’s movements.

“What’s wrong with me?” Zhishu was thinking and his eyes were dim, and nothing could be reflected in it.

“Speaking,” Wenxu frowned and bent down to force Zhishu to face him. He thought he had made a concession, but he was still totally ignored, “Do you feel not enough so you just lie there and wait for me?”

Zhishu’s face turned with Jiang’s strength. He could barely focus his eyes. Zhishu’s pupils were big and black, but there was no pure affection in his eyes anymore. The dark shadow of Wenxu Jiang was in Zhishu’s eyes which were full of overwhelming despair and sadness.

Wenxu Jiang’s heart suddenly shivered in pain. He raised his hand to touch the eyelashes of Zhishu, trying to confirm that the heartbreak he saw was just an illusion.

But as soon as he raised his hand, Zhishu totally huddled himself up. His face was covered with a red handprint. Suddenly, Zhishu coughed. His pale face showed his extreme pain. Then he coughed up dark red blood.

Wenxu Jiang’s face changed and his pupils suddenly contracted. He bent down to hold Zhishu, as his fingers trembled, “What’s wrong?? What’s wrong? Let me… Let me check quickly...”

Zhishu trembled more and more severely, and when he opened his mouth, blood slid down his lips. He grabbed Wenxu Jiang and his fingers whitened in pain, “Cold.”

Wenxu Jiang caught the sheet in a flurry and wrapped it around Zhishu. He turned over Zhishu and held Zhishu in his arms, but he touched much cold and sticky liquid under Zhishu. Wenxu Jiang was completely panic-stricken. The tearing wound in Zhishu’s intestine was still bleeding.

“It’s all right... You will be fine. Let’s go to the hospital right away. It’s all right,” Wenxu Jiang comforted not only Zhishu, but also himself. It was too rare for Wenxu Jiang to speak in such a panic tone. He was always like a strategist, calm and elegant.

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Zhishu said in a flat tone, but his voice was a little muffled. His mind was clear, so he repeated, “I will not go to the hospital.”

Wenxu Jiang stepped back. He quickly flipped through his address book and dialed a number, “Jingwen? Get the medicine box and come to my house now! ”

After hanging up, Wenxu Jiang hugged Zhishu tightly in his arms, “It’s all right. Jingwen will be right here. Are you tired? Sleep in my arms for a while.”

“Wenxu Jiang,” Zhishu’s voice was very husky and not so clear, but peaceful without complaint or affection.

Zhishu did not wait for Wenxu’s response. He laughed softly, “I still miss our high school and hope to reexperience those days again. At that time, Wenxu Jiang was outstanding and liked by everyone. But he only liked me. He has a bad temper and was impatient with everything, but he was willing to accompany me patiently. If someone mocked me, he would wave a stool to teach them how to talk politely. When he received an award on the stage, he would give his first gaze at me.”

Zhishu smiled reminiscently, but tears coursed down his face unconsciously, “When Wenxu Jiang was seventeen years old, he said that he liked me, so I decided to be with him. I believed he must love me and would take good care of me. When I was nineteen years old, I abandoned my family and future for him. I was not afraid of suffering as long as I was with him. At the age of 23, my parents came to Beijing to look for me and had a car accident. I had nothing left but him. At that time, I thought that as long as he gave me a home, I would not leave him anyway.”

The wetness on Zhishu’s face was covered with tears. Zhishu stared at the air and tried to suppress his choke firmly in his throat, “He was very kind to me and worked hard to make money. When he was young, he was so arrogant and rebellious, but he learned to cater to clients on the feasts, to toast, to drive the door for bosses… I know that he did all this for me, otherwise he would not break a hand of a big client who only said some dirty words to me. At that time, he not only lost the order, but was detained for a few days.”

Zhishu laughed in a gentle and bitter way when he said these things. His words were full of the uncontrollable affection.

“But I don’t know why the guy changed,” Zhishu coughed again. His mouth ached badly and was filled with the smell of blood.

“He scarcely goes home, and barely call me. Sometimes he went home drunk at night, and the clothes were stained with perfume. I don’t know what to do. I lived more carefully than a girl. I’ve been wondering why he doesn’t like me anymore. It’s because I’m not as pretty as I used to be. Or the meals I just learnt to cook were not as good as those outside. Or he just likes new tips of the young in bed.”n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

“It’s ridiculous. In the two years, I even watched GV with a serious attitude of attending high school classes, just trying to please him. But in the end, it’s useless. I don’t think I can learn how to tie a man’s heart with my body in my life. It’s not bad to stop crying or begging for mercy. How can I satisfy him on bed?”

“I’m so useless. He’s still afraid I’ll go out to seduce somebody else. How is it possible? I have exhausted all my heart for him all this life... If I do that, I will really be a fool.”

Wenxu Jiang hugged Zhishu fiercely and his voice was full of sadness. “Please stop… Don’t talk about it. Don’t ... It’s my fault, my dear. It’s all my fault,” Wenxu Jiang’s voice was choked, his heart ached and he felt he was suffocating.

Zhishu’s slender eyebrows furrowed, and he seemed to have not heard Wenxu Jiang’s words. His voice dropped and mixed with sobs in his throat, “When I went to school, I didn’t dare to learn to ride a bike, and it would ache for half a day if there is an abrasion of the skin on my leg… In high school, a recitation mistake led to a hit on hand on Chinese class. I was the only one in the whole class who was never beaten by our teacher. I was afraid of pain. Though our teacher just symbolically hit the palms of students a few times when most of our classmates slacked off in recitation... He knows it. Knowing that I am most afraid of pain, but he still slapped me across the face mercilessly. I knew at that moment that he did not love me anymore.”

“I’m wrong… Baby, I love you most. Stop talking, wait till you recover your health and hit me back... I’m really wrong.” Wenxu Jiang became more and more nervous, as his heart trembled with fear and pain. He could clearly feel that once something was said, it would be impossible to go back to the past.

Zhishu listened quietly to Wenxu Jiang and did not respond to him as if he had heard nothing, “For others, the relationship might be easily cut off. But for me, you’re my only love in the 14 years and the only one I rely on. I’ve tasted all sweetness and pain engraved on my heart.”

Zhishu pulled Wenxu Jiang’s clothes. He looked up at the man’s deep eyes and smiled gently, “So the first time you hit me, I wouldn’t go. When you were drunk and called me Zui Shen, I wouldn’t go. When you were in France with your lover and fooled me, I wouldn’t go. When you suspected that I have an affair with another guy and raped me, I wouldn’t go. But Wenxu Jiang, tell me how long I can live without love…”

Wenxu Jiang’s body quivered. Something was out of his control.