The Guilt

ANNA

It was like neither one of us could get enough of the other. I fisted my hands in Gavin’s hair, and he pulled me onto his lap to straddle him.

His hands were everywhere all at once, and I was compelled to push myself closer to him just because I craved his touch. In turn, he held me tighter, all the while kissing me as though he were a drowning man in search of oxygen.

A deep need was building in my core, and I fought to hold myself back from grinding against his groin between my legs. My nipples were solid pebbles where they brushed against his chest, and I moaned when his strong hands squeezed my ass.

“Slow down, baby girl,” he whispered. “Or Sergei here is going to crash.”

I felt the color drain from my face. I’d completely forgotten about the driver less than two feet from me while I played tonsil hockey with my faux fiancé.

“He’s paid for his discretion,” Gavin murmured as hands trailed up my sides. “Isn’t that right, Sergei?” he asked a little louder.

“Yes, boss,” Sergei answered in an Eastern European accent.

Still, I felt awkward making out in the backseat with an audience. I started to slide back in my own seat, but Gavin’s firm hold stopped me.

“If you try to move away,” he whispered against my ear, “I’ll lay you down on that seat and fuck you on it.”

Despite my shyness, I couldn’t help the moisture that pooled between my legs at his warning. His eyes darkened as I leaned in to kiss him once again.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the car finally stopped, and Gavin carried me, still wrapped around him, out of it. He broke our kiss to get into the elevator, and I couldn’t help but suck his pulse at the side of his neck.

“Fucking hell, Annalise,” he hissed.

When the lift doors closed, he shoved my back against the wall and ground his hips into mine. I saw stars as his erection thrust into my sensitive core. His hands kneaded my bare ass where my dress rode up, and I mentally urged him to move more center.

I wanted—no, ~needed~—him desperately. It was a foreign feeling I couldn’t remember having with any of my past lovers.

The elevator dinged, and Gavin once again pulled away to take long strides through the house. At the stairs, I shifted to jump down, but he held me and all but sprinted up to the bedroom. He kicked the door open before laying me down on the bed.

Then, he was on top of me, his strong arms caging me in. His lips found mine and stole what little oxygen I had left. I pulled the back of his neck closer, and he growled in appreciation as his hands found my breasts. My back arched when his fingers expertly rolled a nipple through my dress.

“I need you,” I moaned.

“Just relax.” He grinned.

I reached for his groin and firmly grabbed the solid mass between us.

“Not tonight,” I insisted.

One of his hands took both of my wrists in his and pinned them above my head, while the other hooked my thong over his thumb. His fingers drew slow circles over my clit, and I pressed into him.

He continued his deliberate assault while I squirmed and moaned underneath him. I tried to pull my hands away, but he held me in place easily.

“Gavin,” I whined breathlessly. “Please fuck me.”

Suddenly, two of his fingers thrust into me, and I cried out. He continued to stroke me while circling his thumb over my sensitive nub. I rode him as I felt the tightness building in my abdomen.

His warm breath against my ear sent shivers down my spine. “I want to see you cum for me, baby.”

It was enough to send me over the edge. I shouted his name as my walls clenched tightly around him and my back arched off of the bed. All the while, he kept his pace to prolong the waves of pleasure washing over me.

When I finally wound down, he slowly slid his fingers out of me and let go of my wrists. I flung my arms around him and buried my nose in his neck. He ran his hands up my back and stopped when he reached the zipper of my dress, as if asking permission. As an answer, I ran my tongue along his neck before gently biting his ear.

He quickly stripped me and then lowered me back to the bed before leaning back slightly.

“Fucking flawless,” he said appreciatively.

I reached for his shirt and started to undo the buttons. He reached lower and slowly undid his belt. I felt my breath hitch as he sat back to kick off his pants.

When his cock sprang free, I swallowed. I reached between us to wrap my hand around it and realized my fingers barely touched. His breath hitched slightly as I started to stroke the smooth skin, and I grinned.

I loved that I could do that to him. He seemed to grow harder with every thrust before he finally pulled away and settled between my legs.

A slight panic fluttered in my chest. I’d never been with a man nearly as big as he was. He seemed to sense my hesitation. I felt him deliberately guide himself to my entrance. There, he slowly probed my slickness with the head before propping himself up on an elbow to watch me.

“Eyes on me,” he said, and I nodded slowly. Then he kissed my lips once. “Just tell me if it’s too much, baby.”

I took a deep breath, and he slid inside me. I cried out and tried to squirm away, but he held my chin so that I was forced to meet his gaze.

“Relax, Annalise,” he said firmly. When I finally did, he kissed my nose. “Good girl.”

He thrust to the hilt, and my eyes rolled back. “You okay?” he asked as I adjusted for his size.

“Yes,” I breathed. “Move, Gavin. Please.”

And he did. At first tentatively, but as I moaned in pleasure—and a little pain—he was spurred on. A pressure once again built in my abdomen, and I begged. For what, I didn’t know. Not until he changed his angle so that he was hitting my clit on every thrust.

He sped up slightly, and all at once, my orgasm overtook me again. I gripped his shoulders like a lifeline as my pussy clenched around him.

“Annalise,” he said through gritted teeth. “Are. You. On. Birth. Control?”

His words echoed through my haze.

“Yes,” I gasped.

His warm seed filled me in the next second, and he ground against me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me, where he rested as we both caught our breath.

“You’re amazing,” he murmured.

I shook my head, trying to clear the haze and focus. “Are you just saying that?” I asked. “Or is it always like…~that~ for you?”

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling with a deep frown.

“No, Annalise,” he said quietly. “It’s not always like that.”

I scooted to cuddle into his side, but without warning, he stood and walked toward the en suite. I stared after him as he shut the door without a backward glance.

A million thoughts bounced around my mind. More than anything, I worried my earlier anxieties had come to fruition, and despite his saying otherwise, I’d somehow disappointed him.

Perhaps I hadn’t lived up to his expectations, and he was going to ask me to let him out of our contract. Just as I was starting to spiral completely, the shower turned on, and I frowned.

~Did he plan on avoiding me?~

Despite my insecurities, I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Regardless of the premise for our marriage, I wasn’t going to let him shut me out if there was a problem.

I stood on shaky legs but straightened my shoulders and marched toward the bathroom door. When I pushed it open, he was standing under the spray and leaning against the wall with his eyes shut.

I padded quietly across the cool tile and stepped behind the glass next to him. He looked startled when I placed a hand on his back.

“What’s wrong?” I asked hesitantly.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I laid my head against his chest and listened to the steady beating of his heart.

“Nothing’s wrong.” He shook his head.

“You seem upset.”

He stroked my hair where the water ran through it.

“I just needed a minute,” he answered softly.

“Did I… Did I do something wrong?” My voice sounded so small, even to myself. I hated being so vulnerable with him.

“Fuck no,” he said and pulled back to look at me. “Absolutely not, Annalise. You are incredible in every way. Sometimes I just feel…”

He trailed off, and I watched him swallow.

“Guilty,” he finally murmured.

He kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes, reveling in his touch and trying to unpack his admission.

“What do you mean, ‘guilty’?”

“It’s just—” He cut himself off and shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

Before I could press him for answers, he continued, “I’m sorry I left bed so quickly. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s hard to know where I stand with you,” I admitted. “Tonight was amazing, but I can’t help but wonder if it was all for show.”

He tilted my chin so that I was forced to meet his gaze.

“In every way, you will be my wife, Annalise. Always,” he said firmly. “Tonight was for you. I told you I want to give you every experience, fulfill any wish—”

“What if my wish is to love and be loved?” I blurted out.

I could almost see the wall come up behind his eyes. Even as he offered a tight smile, I could tell I’d veered over an invisible line.

“I’ll do what I can,” he said before letting me go and turning away to grab the soap.

We spent the rest of our shower together in silence. There wasn’t anything to be said.

Both of us had agreed our relationship would be one of convenience. It was only my heart that had yet to catch on.