Chapter 50

Christmas break passed like a car with serious issues; sometimes going so fast you didn't even know or so slow even a snail could beat it. Days spent with my family and Asher passed in the blink of an eye. The other days, it went so agonizingly slow, I couldn't help but noticed her empty presence. Those were the days where my not so long buried demons and monsters decided to pay me a visit; but it was better now, because I knew how to banish them and I had Tom. We started texting and talking a lot, with me trying to help him get back up and him keeping me from drowning.

It was nice talking to someone who missed her as much as I do, understanding her the way no one ever had or will. It was good to let it all out.

At least now Tom was eating regularly and gained back the weight he lost, and his sleep schedule improved. He was trying, and that was all that mattered.

It was time for school again. I couldn't decide whether I should be thankful that I had something to do again or annoyed that I had school.

The first day back was weird, people knew about Asher and I yet they still stared at us like we grew two heads or something. I was happy that Tom finally joined us for lunch and for once he actually filled his sweater and he smiled. No one was surprised at Tom and I's friendship, maybe it was true that death brings people closer. But I wished I didn't needed this way to be brought closer to other people.

Things were actually going surprisingly well, as well as it could be without her. I dared say that I became friends with my lunch table, I actually had friends. I missed her a lot but it became more bearable, and Asher was great. I swore he was the perfect boyfriend, I knew I was being cliché by saying this but it was true. I was still surprised by how he was still with me after everything, when he could literally have anyone.

But if he doesn't pick up my call right now I am so going to break up with him, I thought as I called him for the thousandths time. I was going to be late if he didn't arrive soon.

With no other choice, I called Tom, "hey do you mind picking me up?"

He sounded surprised, "Sure,"

I thank him before hanging up, giving one last try, I texted Asher again.

Well if you are not picking me up I'm calling Tom to pick me up, you better tell me why you are not answering your phone.

Asher wasn't in school that day, I tried to not think about it too much but my overthinking self couldn't.

If he is sick he could have texted me, I mean he wouldn't be in an accident right? Okay Laura stop jumping into conclusions. What happened then? His brother again? I just hope he is okay.

School couldn't have ended fast enough. During lunch everyone reassured me that he would be fine, that there was no need to worry. I put on a smile and told them I was not.

Right after school, I tried to get a ride to Asher's house. I should really get a car.

I couldn't find Tom anywhere and the first person I saw was Grace.

"Hey will you mind driving me to Asher's house?"

"Yeah sure no problem,"

"Thank you so much,"

"It's nothing,"

The car ride was filled with mindless conversations that did nothing to distract my running-all-over-the-place thoughts. When we arrived I thank her again.

"How are you going to get back home?" She asked worriedly.

I gave her a reassuring smile, "I will be fine."

"Call me if you can't find a ride?"

"Okay, thanks again."

"No problem," and she drove off.

I called him one last time before ringing the door bell, he still hadn't pick up.

What if I'm crossing a line here, I mean it hadn't even been one day since he replied my text or calls. Am I being crazy? I'm not trying to be those crazy clingy girlfriend or anything I'm just worried. Is this too much? Am I too paranoid? But what if he is in trouble or an accident? What if-

The door cracked opened just the slightest, "What are you doing here?" A familiar yet cold voice answered.

"I'm just worried, are you okay?" I ignored his icy tone.

"I'm fine," he tried to sound gentler, but he was trying too hard.

"Are you sure?" I was definitely not convinced.

"Yes," he started to sound more impatient.

"Can I see you?" I had to make sure he was okay, I had to look into his eyes and see it for myself.

"Tomorrow okay? I promise I will text you later. Please just leave," the desperation in his voice was scaring me.

Uneased but still respecting his wish, I told him, "okay, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"I know," and the door shut.

Oh shuck, I have no ride back home.

I got out my phone, but my fingers hovered over my screen.

I don't want to bother Tom or anyone again.

I turned off my phone.

Guess I'm just going to walk 50 minutes home, exercise right?

Then screeching tires were heard and a very badly driven car parked in Asher's house driveway. I frowned.

Asher's brother got out, his steps wobbly and I could smell alcohol radiating off him even from the porch. I froze, like a deer being caught in the headlights.

He saw me before I could run away, squinting his eyes. A creepy smile crept up on his face, I tried to leave before anything could happen but he stopped me before I could get down the stairs.

"Aren't you the girl that my little brother is heads over heels for?" He sneered.

"Yes, now excuse me." I tried to get pass him but he grabbed my arm.

"No, I don't think so," he turned me around so I faced him.

I tried kicking him but quick reflex apparently ran through the family and he stepped back, "feisty huh? Didn't know that's my little brother's type."

"You don't know anything about him," I hissed at him, clawing at his hand but it didn't seemed to affect him.

He barked a laugh, "I don't know anything about him? I know he killed my mom and is the reason father couldn't look at us anymore. I know enough."

"He did not, he was just a baby, he did nothing."

"If he wasn't born, mom would still be here," he snarled.

"It was your mother's choice, not his! Stop blaming him for that, it has nothing to do with him." I tried punching him with my free arm but he caught it before it could punch him.

"His whole existence is the reason," he said it like the words put a bad taste in his mouth.

He is clearly delusional, how could Asher ever put up with him?

"Fine whatever, can you please let me go?" Reasoning and fighting was definitely not going to go anywhere with him.

"Why should I?" His grip tightened.

With no other choice but to scream for help, I screamed as loudly as I could, "ASHER!" While still trying to squirm away.

He loosen it momentarily, but it wasn't enough for me to break free, just enough distraction for me to kick him with all my strength. He cursed under his breathe but he still hadn't let go.

The door slammed open seconds later and the fury on Asher face was not what caught my attention; it was the bruise on his left jaw and his bloody knuckles.

No wonder he doesn't want to see me. What happened? Is he okay?

This was the first time I had ever seen Asher this angry, angry didn't even began to justify it. He was trembling with fury, his fists were so white, and his eyes; his eyes were like a thunderstorm, the moment right before lightening strike.

I would have felt fear if it was directed at me, but his brother just grinned, like a boy who got in trouble on purpose for attention. He pulled me closer towards him to spite Asher.

I tried stepping on him but he moved away.

"Let. Her. Go." Asher said each word with malice slowly, letting it sink in.

"Why should I?" The crooked grin widened on his brother's face.

"She did nothing wrong," Asher growled, he came between us and pulled me away from his brother.

His brother let go immediately, too easily, I frowned. Asher pushed me behind him, shielding me. I refused to and stood besides him.

"No, she did one thing wrong, associating with someone like you," his brother spat the last word out with venom, "who deserves none of that."

I cut in before Asher could reply, "No, the only thing I did wrong was not associating with him early."

His brother laughed, "Did you even know him before he changed school, he was just like me. You wouldn't even befriend him. You would have hated him. All those girls, alcohol and fights. He would have even joined me if he hadn't met you."

"That was the past, he changed and that's what matters. And you are no better than him, you are in no position to judge him."

"No I am not, but at least I don't act like I'm better than how I actually am. At least I know how shitty I am and doesn't act all mighty. Like him."

"Gods you are delusional, stop taking your anger out on him and-"

"Stop talking like I'm not here," Asher cut in, sharp as a knife.

"Why?" His brother said mockingly, "that's how you treated all those girls, after you used them like rag dolls. Wonder when will she," he pointed me, "be treated just like that." He ended it will a twisted sneer.

Asher took a slow step towards him, like a man walking into a suicide mission, "You will not compare them to her, she is different."

"That's what they all say, 'I am different, he said I am different' and then the next day they were nothing." He stared down at Asher.

Even though there were only a slight height difference between them, in that moment he towered over Asher like a giant.

Asher faltered, he hesitated and like a predator, his brother sensed weakness and he pounced on it, "When will you leave her like how you left all of them? Are you done using her yet huh? Is she going to be your other victim like mom? Or Callie?"

Asher took a small step back, shrinking trying to cower from him, "no," his voice was just a mere whisper.

"Oh yes," it was like seeing Asher's demon became alive and cornered him, "it's just a matter of time before you ruin her like how you do with everything else, or maybe she will realize and leave you."

This time I had to come between them, I pushed his brother away and he surprisingly stepped back, "Stop, stop feeding him lies and-"

"Are you sure those are lies?" His brother interrupted me.

"Yes,"

"The best lies have truths mixed in it, I think you know what I said was truthful."

Before I could reply, his brother went back into his car and drove off. I let out a big sigh of relief and turned back towards Asher.

"Are you okay?" I looked at Asher, he couldn't look me in the eyes, he stared down at his fists.

"Hey," I brought his face down to look at me, the windows to his soul was shut, but I could still see glimpses of years of hidden pain, anger and regret.

My fingers brushed gently over his bruise, "Are you okay ?" I asked again, as if he would answer this time.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, leaning slightly into my open palm. When he opened his eyes again, all I could see was pain, guilt and shame. He stepped away from me and turned back towards his house, "I'm fine."

I ran in front of him and stood between him and the door. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, "you are not, come on let me help."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"You are not, I'm your girlfriend, I have the rights to help you."

The corner of his mouth lifted up slightly when I said girlfriend, but it disappeared as soon as it did; I almost thought I imagined it, "you don't have to Laura, you can just leave. No one will blame you,"

"Do you honestly think I will leave you just like that?" I said incredulously.

"You can, it's fine I understand," he still wasn't looking into my eyes.

"What part of me staying and helping you do you not understand," I said frustratedly, "why do you keep thinking that I will just leave you? Because of what your brother just said? "

"Yes and why wouldn't you leave me after what you had heard, I would have left me,"

"Luckily I'm not you, and I don't care. I'm staying and that's final. Let's go in and let me look at your knuckles."

He finally looked into my eyes in defeat and the intensity burning in it was almost too much. A tornado of shame, regret, pain, anger sadness and a lot more was swirling in those blue eyes and he looked away once again before I could interpret more.

He moved passed me and opened the door, he didn't closed it in my face so I took it as an invitation and went inside. I didn't know what I was expecting but the house looked normal, very normal, just like any other house. The only thing was that there were no family pictures nor much decoration. It made it more of a house than a home. I followed him up the stairs and into what I assumed was his room.

It was very tidy, spotless even, and like the rest of the house it didn't had anything that made it homey. It could be anyone's room, the only thing that actually made it his were the teddy bear that I won for him on our first date was on his bed and the photo that we took on our first date was stuck on top of his desk, it was the only photo in his entire room.

He sat down on the edge of his bed wordlessly, I stood there hopelessly for a few seconds before I muttered, "I'm going to get you an ice pack and something to clean your knuckles."

He didn't looked up, I wandered around the house trying to find a first aid kit and the kitchen. The kitchen and bathroom were just like the rest of the house, very ordinary.

I went back into his room, he hadn't move. I sat down next to him and hand him an ice pack. He took it silently and held it to his bruise, he still wasn't looking at me. When I took his hand, his fists finally unclenched.

I began cleaning his knuckles, wiping away the blood stains, he didn't winced once. The wound was already healing so I didn't bandage it. After everything was done, we sat there in heavy silence.

Should I start the conversation? Or do I wait for him to initiate one? I will not leave him just like this, but what do I do now? How can I comfort him? What do people even normally do in these situations?

I looked over at him helplessly; he was still looking down at his lap. His expression scared me, or more like his lack of expression scared me. His face was as blank as his walls and I couldn't really see his eyes so I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked dumbly, I mentally facepalmed, sometimes I wondered what was reading all those books for when I still couldn't have a simple conversation with people.

"Or you do you want me to give you some space now? Or maybe-" I began to ramble but he cut me off.

"I'm sorry,"

"What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything wrong,"

"I'm sorry you had to see that, and I will understand if you want to break up,"

Hold the fuck up what?

"What is wrong with you?" I asked incredulously, "whenever something related to your brother happen you always expect the worse and expect me to leave you? How many times do I have to show you that I won't. I won't break up with you just because of your past actions. Stop suggesting that or else I might actually consider it because it's getting tiring."

"You changed and that's what matters, who cares what your brother still thinks or says. The past is called the past for a reason, it's in the past, it's before, not now. You are living in the present so put your past behind you and just live in this moment." I finished, hoping it somehow made sense to him and he actually listened.

He finally looked at me, for the first time, I could see glimpses of hope shining through the pain, "I- I, you really think that?"

No I said all of that for fun, I thought sarcastically.

"Yes, why else will I say all of that?" I said instead.

"You wanted me to feel better about myself?"

I rolled my eyes, a small smile surfaced on his face and relief washed through me.

He placed his hand gently on my face, "thank you for understanding and not leaving me." He said softly.

I kissed his lips softly, putting my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. No matter how many times we had kissed, I would never ceased to be amazed every time.

His arm circled my waist, then he pulled away long enough to murmur against my lips, "I love you, I have no idea how someone like me can be with someone like you. I love you so much, Laura Clark." those blue eyes stared at me with the same thing that I couldn't interpret before, but now I knew that it was love. So much love in it that it was the only thing I could see.

I froze, this was the first time he had ever said I love you to me.

"You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know," he said close to my ear, placing kisses all the way from my mouth to my jaw.

I tilted my head back to give him more access to my neck, he began his way down from my jaw to the collar of my sweater, kissing all the exposed skin.

I pulled him back up to kiss his lips, then pulling away slightly to said, "I love you too, Asher Hunt, and I too have no idea how you would be with me, but I know why I'm with you, because you are you and I wouldn't have you any other way."

He leaned his forehead against mine, searching my face to see if I meant it, "I love you so much, I really don't deserve you," His thumb drawing circles.

Heat rushed up to my face, and I scowled at him. He laughed, he knew how much I hated blushing and he loved making me blush. A small smile eventually made it's way onto my lips, I loved seeing his eyes twinkled with genuine happiness.

I kissed his lips again, and then placed one right below his ear, "if you don't deserve me then you are too good for me,"

His arm around me tightened and then he pulled me onto his lap, kissing me harder. The hand on my face slid into my hair, tangling themself in it.

I buried my hands in his luscious hair and accidentally pulled them; he made a deep groan in the back of his throat and pulled me even closer; resulting in us falling back onto his bed and I ended up straddling him, but then he flipped us over and he was on top of me instead. He braced his elbows on each side of my head and looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time.

"No really, I don't know how you choose to be with me, you deserves so much better," he said softly, prepping kisses all over my face.

I held his face in my hand and looked into his eyes, trying to tell him what I knew my words couldn't get through his thick head, "No, let's stop this, maybe we both deserves better, but who wants perfection anyways? Let's never debate this ever again because obviously I am the one that don't deserve you."

He opened his mouth to protest but I cut it off effectively with a kiss. In between kisses he managed to say, "okay but I still have no idea how you can love someone like me."

"For the same reasons why you love me," I replied matter-of-factly.

"Impossible," he said stubbornly.

"Then maybe because we are the main love interest in each other stories and we love each other for no reason,"

He raised an eyebrow, "What if we are just a side love interest? Just a subplot, a past for a bigger plot in the stories?"

"We have control over our own lives, we can make each other the main love interest. It's not like our fate is written down in some author's laptop. Not everything in life have answers to it, some questions are better left unanswered."

"Have I ever told you how wise you are? And that I love you so much?" He looked at me as if I harvested the moon for him.

"I love you too," and we kissed again.

"Seriously how can you thought of that?" He asked after a while of making out.

"Well, I saw a post on tumblr. Where it said that we are all protagonist in our own stories and antagonist in others. So that means we must also be the love interest in others stories. And I just hope you are the main one in mine."

He laughed, "only you can make book related love confessions and still make it work,"

I kissed him again. I would never get tired of kissing him, or our stupid and random yet meaningful conversations, "and that's one of the reasons why you love me," I said jokingly.

"True," he smiled that genuine smile that lit up his eyes, and the amount of sincerity in one word was overwhelming.

I pulled him down once again and brought his lips on mine. And we kissed and kissed, murmuring in between kisses how much we loved each other, our confessions echoing in each of our touch.

If this is a story I really hope it ends here, I thought, my eyes still shut.

"What did you just murmur?" He asked, nibbling my earlobe.

I repeated what I thought and he asked why.

"Because if it ends here it means that we ended on a happy note, so we will have a happy ending and according to stories, it means a happily ever after."

"I don't really get this logic but I do hope our story is a happy one and I do end up with you," he said amusedly, playing along with me.

I laughed, "yeah same, if only real life's a story." I said with a longing sigh.

"Who say it isn't?" He was now nibbling on my pulse.

"Yeah who knows," was all I could mutter before all coherent thoughts vaporized and nothing existed except for him and that was the only thing that mattered.