Mehenga Tohfa - Part 5

Song : 'OK not to be OK' by Marshmello and Demi Lovato

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First Person P.O.V. (Male)

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The post I had read, worked it's charm. It was the lantern to light up my dull thoughts. It appeared to be so accurate at that moment, that I had to act upon it. It made me think that we hadn't gone to a single date in these 5 months. That's ridiculous! I wanted to surprise her too and then seek her help to put my mind's countless queries on hold. I wanted a romantic night with her. Her and me , chocolates, flowers , good food and heartfelt talks. I wanted to cherish her and have a special night with her.

I had taken a leave for today and awaited her arrival at home. I was a nervous wreck. After a lot of contemplation , I had booked an event planner to plan this home-date for us, who did half the tasks and half were carried out by me. Everything was prepared. But then my cute , chirpy woman whose sight my eyes craved to see for the past 10 days , appeared to be so annoying when she opened her mouth exaggerating all the expenses I had done. It was for her!

She turned to look at me. I was pissed , annoyed and overall hurt. Unclasping my arms from my chest, I looked at her and hissed , "Are you serious right now Mishti? Mene itna sab kiya aur tumne vo chhod kar economics kahan ghusa di? Hadd hai." ("Are you serious right now Mishti? I planned all of this and then you go around adding your economics in all of this.") I was fuming and then I knew I had a sad pout on my face. This was not done from her side.

As if understanding the blunder she made , she looked at me with wide eyes and then her rush was replaced with such a soft look , that I wanted to stomp my feet and complain about her unjust. It is the first time , I am acting so freely in front of her or any female. She does this to me , brings out the version I have saved for myself.

"Oh." she mutter and approach me. I am looking at my feet with frowned eyebrows, overthinking the very decision I took in the last 48 hours. She takes hold of my hand in hers and makes me sit on a nearby chair. "Give me two minutes." She runs towards the door and brings her phone and flats in hands, keeps them near the table and runs off in the kitchen. I hear the tap water running and assume shd must be washing her hand.

I hear her footsteps and then feel her hands taking hold of mine which are holding my head. I am frustrated and there is a hurricane of emotions which I control from lashing out. She takes me to the makeshift fort and we sit inside , cross legged. This setting feels so intimate. I had liked the arrangement and didn't care about the expenses.

Mishti sits in front of me and sighs. "I am so sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You did this for me?" She asks so softly that I melt. I don't even understand myself. One moment I am angry and then she speaks and I am ready to pour my heart. "Yeah" I utter , suddenly feeling shy. I don't want to look her in the eye.

"Hmm. I see. Mujhe laga aapne apne kisi friend ko diya h apartment." ("Oh I see. I thought you gave the apartment to your friends to enjoy.") She speaks and I look at her incredulously. Seeing my expressions , she purses her lips, "Nahi matlab , I always thought that we were more of hugs and cuddles wala couple. You have never given such expensive gifts before." ("No I mean , I always thought our relationship was more of hugs and cuddles type. You have never given such expensive gifts before.") Then , in a moment , she is sitting on my left thigh with her legs dangling sideways. She takes my face in her hands and bringing her face closer she speaks with so much affection that I am left grappling what happened. "Kya hua hai Mr.Arora? Kya chal raha hai aapke dimaag me?" ("What has happened Mr.Arora? What's going on your mind?")

Moving her hands from my face, I hug her. Arms around her shoulder, I take the feel of her being near me. But the turmoil in me grows. 'She understands.' Getting the courage , I murmur against her hair ,  "Pta nahi Mishti" ("I don't know Mishti") She rubs my back to give me the comfort. I ruined this too! Instead of making her open her heart, here I am. Coward!

"Hey!" She makes me look at herself. Seeing my crestfallen expression, she aks, "Shuru se shuru kare?" ("Let's start from the beginning.") And that does it. Someone willing to hear me, for once. The jolt of feelings I feel is too abrupt. But I decide to surrender in font of her, my wife , my companion. Like a farmer looking at the sky in search of rain , I search her face for answers.

"Aaj bhi sawaal vahi hai. Me hi kyu Mishti. In the ocean of people , you could get anyone. Why me?" ("The question is still the same. Why me Mishti?") Hearing my question, I expect her to lash out that I am being stupid, but she smiles and replies, "Aur mera jawab aaj bhi vahi h. Aap kyu nahi Mukul. Kya Kami lagti hai aapko apne aap me , jo mujhe nahi dikhti." ("And my answer is still the same. Why not you Mukul? What do you think is missing in yourself that I don't see?") I burst out, "Tumhe nahi dikhta? I am average. This average face , spectacles , not bold but introverted personality who doesn't interact much with people, not athletic , no muscles just a lean body , no exceptional achievements. The old boring IT guy whose days are spent working on laptop. Nothing like the movies. Don't you see? I am a failure... A f-failure to my own family.  I earn minimal. I will never be able to fulfill your desires. I'm not perfect DAMMIT." (" You don't see?")

I don't even realise that there are tears streaming down my face, my breaths are laboured and my wife, instead of rubbing these insecurities on my face like my first ex-girlfriend Sakshi , takes me in for a fiery kiss. My heart stops , we have gone far more than a kiss , but this feels like comfort. Her plump lips on my thin chapped ones. It feels like she is giving me reassurance. After a few seconds , she pulls back. Her are glassy with unshed tears. They mirror the same hurt as mine.

"I am gonna kill those who hurt you." The words she says with a killer passion. The first person who can feel my pain. She sees even what I don't show. "No one is perfect. Sabke paas flaws hote hai. Mere bhi hai. Mukul , society sets standards based on unfair assumptions. Insaan ki pehchaan society achievements se karti hai , par jo apne hote hai vo aapke character ko pehchante hai. You have a gold personality jaan. Mujhe farak nahi padta ki aap kin departments me average hai. Average is not bad. I am so grateful that I didn't marry someone who is disrespectful , who objectifies women , who is irresponsible. You are chosen not by me , but by fate. And I trust my fate." ("No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. I have it too. Mukul, society sets standards based on unfair assumptions. Society identifies a person by your achievements, but those who are close to him recognize your character. You have a gold personality jaan. It doesn't matter to me in which departments you are average. Average is not bad. I am so grateful that I didn't marry someone who is disrespectful , who objectifies women , who is irresponsible. You are chosen not by me , but by fate. And I trust my fate.") Each syllable uttered by her was a declaration. Her words each a drop of rain , which falls on the smog of my insecurities, blowing them away.

"Sabki life me bohut log aate hai. Some be with you, some teach you lessons, someone hurt you so that you can rise above it. Ye kalyug hai. It is supposed to be nasty with cruel humans. You don't let them affect you. You're not a failure. Your achievements are yours, no one can snatch them. You're enough for me." ("There are many people in everyone's life. Some be with you, some teach you lessons and someone hurt you so that you can rise above it. This is Kalyug.It is supposed to be nasty with cruel humans. You don't let them affect you. You're not a failure. Your achievements are yours, no one can snatch them. You're enough for me.") Her words were not a motivation speech scripted to perfection , but a lullaby to sooth my aching heart.

"It'll be okay. You'll be fine, always. Me hoo na." ("I'm here right.") Hearing her, I cry again. She is truly a gem. "And who said you are not aspirational. You took this job because you like doing this and I know that you want to save as much as you can to travel the whole of India someday. That's why you chose a second hand car , even after having a decent salary and lived in a bachelor pad." I pull bag and look at her surprised. How did she know?

Mishti rubs the tear stains from my face and speaks , "Dev bhaiya had asked me once , looking at my Fb profile which had travelling quotes on it, if I liked to travel. I had said yes. And then he had told me your secret. Said only they knew about it. That it is your passion to explore full India." I was speechless. She knew so much about me.

I remain silent , taking it all in. She plays with my fingers, drawing patterns and then says , "Aur bhi hai na jo aap soch rahe ho." ("There's more that you are thinking about.") I will never be able to run from her. "Hmm. Why do I feel ki hum close nahi hai?" ("Why do I feel like we are not close.") "Kyuki hum nahi hai." ("Because we aren't.") She replies back wittily. I look at her with raised eyebrows. "See, we know each other but not really. Naya rishta hai time to lagega." ("It's a new relation. It'll take time.") 'Toh me ese hi overthink kar raha tha.' ('So I was just overthinking?') I wonder.

"But you know so much about me." I say being confused. "Hmm. You'll do too. Give yourself sometime." The ever smart wife replies back. "Lekin hame time kahan milta hai saath me." ("But when do we get time to spend with each other.") I ask the question which was bothering me so much. Ruchi had broken up with me in initial months of my new job, citing my hectic routine as the reason for the failed relationship. 'She cheated on you with the boss of your previous job.' My brain interjected.

"Time to kabhi nahi milega." ("We'll never get time.") She said back , stradling me lap by keeping her legs locked on my back and hands around my neck. We were so comfortable already! "Huh?" ("What?") I asked. "Haan. Life aage badhti rehti hai. Hame samay kabhi nahi milega. Nikaalna padega ek doosre ke liye. Routine set hone me time lagega. We'll take vacations once in a while , go on dates. With joint efforts sab ho jaega." ("Yes. Life continues to move forward. We will never get time. You'll have to take out time to spend with each other. It will take time to set a routine. We'll take vacations once in a while, go on dates. With joint efforts everything will be possible.") Not once has she complained about my overthinking brain. She's so unique.

"Tension mat lijiye Mukul. You're enough for me." She said , tracing her inder finger on the mole under my eye. "Kaise kar leti ho ye sab?" ("How do you even do it?") I ask. "Kya sab?" ("What?") She retorts quizzically. "Samjhana , samjha na." ("Making me understand and understanding yourself.") She tilts her head and says loving , "Pyaar se. (With love.) Love gives you the strength to conquer anything." 'Love?'

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Haste haste kat jayenge raste...