Chapter 16 - Theories

Those two words is all it takes to make me freeze.

Actually, one word.

Tiny.

I haven't heard that in forever.

Holding my breath, I stand rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do next.

What even is the right thing to do in such a situation?

My sight is still blurry from the tears that are pooling in my eyes. Not that it matters, since my back is turned towards the entrance of the hall. And my back is also turned towards the person that has followed me. I am not courageous enough to turn around and look at him.

I prick my ears, waiting to hear what he is going to do next or for him to say something more.

All I am met with is silence. It is so quiet that after a few seconds, I start to doubt that I even heard what I think I heard.

Am I hallucinating?

Maybe that is a normal occurrence when you're going through what I've just been through. Sean would most likely have a rational explanation for that, too.

I take a shaky breath, hoping that this will help clear my mind. Counting to three in my head – and secretly waiting to hear something, anything more while I do that – I prepare myself to continue on my mission to bring some distance between myself and the heartbreaking tragedy that is Sam's memorial.

On three, I start running again.

"Tiny, please don't run away!"

This time, the voice sounds closer than before.

Or maybe my hallucinating mind has just turned up the volume to make me think that this is not just a figment of my imagination. I ignore the voice in my head and pick up the pace.

Somewhere behind me, I think I hear a door being shut. And more footsteps on gravel. That only fuels my determination to disappear. If my brothers are on to me now, my only chance to escape them is to make it around the corner of the building and dive behind a bush, or something like that.

I yelp when cold fingers suddenly wrap themselves around my wrist, pulling me to a stop. Almost losing my footing because the hand somewhat forcefully pulls me in the opposite direction from where I was heading, I stumble into the person who is standing right behind me.

"I see, I'm still making your knees turn to jelly," Finn jokes as he steadies me by putting both his hands on my upper arms, effectively forcing me to turn towards him.

I wordlessly stare up at the boy that I haven't seen in over half a year, still not really believing my eyes and ears.

"Ah shit, probably not the time for stupid comments. I get it," he remarks. "I'm sorry."

These last few words hold various meanings, it seems.

"I am so, so sorry about your brother, Lily."

So that's what he's sorry about.

And Lily?

I don't remember him calling me by my real name very often since we met. It has always been stupid nicknames. The worst, really. Even worse than Sean's and that is saying something. And still, Finn's nicknames have strangely grown on me as we got to know each other better. It feels kinda weird, to hear him say my name.

"F-Finn...?" I stammer uselessly, feeling stupid and overwhelmed and also quite lost all at once.

He looks at me with an unreadable expression on his face and while I'm still dwelling on why he is here and all sorts of jumbled things that are flooding my mind, he suddenly pulls me into a bone crushing hug.

At first, I stiffen at the unfamiliar sensation of finding myself in a boy's arms who is not Jayden or any of my brothers. But then I remember that the last time we saw each other, he also hugged me, and as these memories flash through my mind, I already melt into his embrace. My face automatically buries itself in the crook of his neck.

He smells nice.

Different from my brothers, where there is always a lingering smell of different types of after shave combined with their individual scents. Obviously, there is no after shave fragrance on Finn, since he doesn't need to shave yet. I detect a slight hint of coconut though and wonder what that is about.

"Hey, loser, get your fuckin' hands off my sister!" Will's angry voice harshly interrupts my random thoughts.

I jump at the volume of his voice and the rage behind the words. Finn instinctively starts to unwrap his arms from me which causes me to tighten my hold on him in return. I even lock my hands behind his back, effectively trapping him in the embrace.

"What are you doing?" he hisses.

I don't reply but hug him once again.

He chuckles and repositions his arms around me, demonstratively squeezing me back.

"Defiant, huh?" he comments quietly and I can hear amusement lacing his voice.

I don't even know why I am doing what I am doing. It just feels like the right thing to do. Because I couldn't care less what Will thinks. Actually, I feel like doing the exact opposite of what he expects from me. I don't have to listen to him, after all. I don't want to listen to him.

Not after how he treated me yesterday.

"Yo, you got a hearing problem? Let go of her!" Will demands, his voice sounding very close now, which causes me to instantly hold on even tighter.

He has no right to get involved.

"You're getting me killed here, I hope you know that," Finn murmurs.

"Are you afraid of my brother?" I whisper back.

"Umm... yes?"

Before I get a chance to tease him about this, Finn and I get separated rather roughly.

"Hey!" I complain, trying to pull my friend away from a furious looking Will.

It is to no avail. Within seconds, Will has Finn in a tight and very uncomfortable looking head-lock-type hold that the younger boy is trying – and miserably failing – to get out of. Will is a lot bigger than Finn, who has yet to hit his growth spurt, and even if Will is not quite the size of a wardrobe like some of our brothers, he is still pretty fit. Must be those freaky genes that were so generously given out to most of my siblings but seem to have run out by the time it was my turn to inherit some.

"Let him go, Will!" I yell as I try to help free my friend.

But Will is not having it. He makes it look way too easy as he holds Finn in a vice-like grip with one arm and at the same time uses that shitty sibling move where he puts his other hand on my forehead to keep me at arm's length and away from them.

"Stop it, runt. And you, asshole, quite struggling. I told you the last time that you're to keep away from my sister, Harris! What about that didn't you fucking understand, huh?"

Immediately, images of Will confronting Finn in the woods when I ran away and blackmailed him to come pick me up flash before my inner eye. I remember how proud I felt when Finn stood his ground and didn't let Will intimidate him. I wonder what has changed. Although, honestly, I would be afraid of him, too, if I were Finn. He looks even more furious now and I know that he could really hurt him. I am pretty sure Finn knows that, too.

I am also still trying to get Will's hand off my head and the longer he pushes me back the angrier I get. All the mean things he said last night in his drunken state are still very fresh in my memory and even though I did feel a bit sorry for him, since these are bad times for all of us, he hurt me when he accused me of being an entitled, selfish brat and a coward.

"Will, what are you doing? Let the kids go, for goodness' sake!"

I don't think I have ever been happier to see Ben. He hasn't come a moment too soon. Will doesn't instantly react but he also doesn't protest when Ben grabs Finn's shoulder and pulls him out from under Will's arm. At the same time, he finally takes his hand off my head. I don't know what makes me do what I do next, but before I go past Will to check on Finn, I stop right in front of my older brother, give him my meanest glare and kick him as hard as possible in the shin.

Will howls in pain and his knees almost buckle, which leaves me quite satisfied.

"Lily, what the hell?" Ben exclaims, sounding horrified by my actions. "Come here, right now!"

I send another angry look Will's way and he glares right back at me while awkwardly rubbing his shin. He attempts to swat me as I walk past him but I anticipated that and skillfully take a side-step to avoid getting hit. Over the years, growing up with all these boys, I've learned a thing or two and they are rather predictable in certain situations. I can't help but smirk victoriously at him before focusing on Finn, who is standing next to Ben, looking contrite.

"What's going on?" Ben asks, putting his attention on me when I join them.

"Will just showed up out of nowhere and attacked Finn!" I accuse my brother.

"He was getting all touchy-feely with her!" Will counters.

It sounds like he's talking through clenched teeth. I don't feel sorry at all. It is his own fault that I had to kick him for being an idiot.

"He only gave me a hug! Since when is that a crime?"

"That waste of space has no business hugging you!"

"Guys...," Ben tries to get us to stop arguing, but neither of us is having it.

"Finn is my friend and I haven't seen him in forever!" I continue, ignoring Ben. "We are allowed to hug!"

"No, he's not! I told him the last time I saw him that he's to keep away from you!"

"What part of we are friends don't you understand?"

"You can't be friends with a delinquent kid like him!" Will claims.

This is the last straw.

Who does he think he is?

"And you would know about that, wouldn't you? Is that why you don't have any friends, Will?" I scream at him.

The moment these words leave my mouth, I wish I could take them back. It is only brief, because he schools his features immediately, but I catch the look of deep hurt that washes over Will's face when my angry and hurtful words hit him.

"Guys, seriously, that's enough!" Ben orders firmly.

Even if I wanted to, I probably wouldn't know what to say, so I keep quiet and look at something somewhere in the distance behind Ben and Finn. I actually want to sneak a glance at Will instead, but the fear of what I am going to see when I do is too big, so I don't.

"Not another word out of you, hear me?" Ben reiterates.

I don't know why he said that. It's not like I plan to speak right now. Maybe because Will opened his mouth or something.

"There's nothing more to say," Will mutters almost inaudibly.

The next thing I hear is the crunching of gravel, telling me that he walked away. I feel the urge to run after him and apologize for my harsh words. Maybe even tell him that I love him and that my nerves are frazzled because of everything and that I didn't mean it. But my feet stay glued to where I am standing. Because, deep down, I know that Will would not accept my apology.

To keep myself from starting to cry again – this time due to my own horrible actions and not the current circumstances what with this being the day of my brother's memorial service –  I remind myself that he said those really awful things to me yesterday, too. And he hasn't yet apologized for that, either. Only problem is, Will doesn't usually apologize for anything. So I'll probably be waiting until I am old and gray if I am excepting him to say sorry.

"Are you okay?" Ben asks me.

I shrug.

"You worried me when you just ran out of there," he continues. "But I didn't except to find you in the middle of a fight like this. – What happened, huh?"

I don't feel like repeating it again. He already knows so I don't understand what he wants me to say.

"I saw her running out and decided to check on her. We hugged and then Will found us and, well, he wasn't exactly happy about that," Finn speaks up. "This is probably the worst time to get into a fight and to upset each other. I am really sorry, Mr. Taylor."

I almost choke on my spit when Finn's words register with me. Not only is he incredibly polite – and it sounds genuine, too, not like he's mocking him – but he also called my brother "Mr. Taylor". It always makes me cringe whenever one of my friends does that. I've never gotten used to it because it sounds just weird. And I also sometimes forget that Ben is a teacher at our school and therefore this is what he is known as to the students.

"It's okay, Finn, don't worry," Ben replies generously.

I know from previous discussions that Ben also has quite a particular opinion when it comes to Finn. He has warned me more than once to not associate with him, but he never gave me a proper reason for that. Now, he seems surprisingly at ease that Finn is here.

I wonder why that is. Maybe because he has realized that Finn is no threat at all. Or maybe he figures that they themselves are not the most reliable and honest people to be around. If any of my brothers were able to understand the hypocrisy behind all this, it would likely be Ben. He is one of the most reasonable people I know.

Telling from Finn's expression, he is surprised by Ben's kindness, too.

"M'sorry, too, for arguing with Will," I mutter.

"And for kicking him," Ben reminds me.

"That, too, yeah," I agree rather reluctantly.

Ben sighs audibly and shakes his head when our eyes meet. My agreeing to what he said must have not convinced him, and rightfully so, because although I am genuinely sorry for what I said to Will, I don't regret kicking him in the shin. He deserved that for treating Finn like this and taking advantage of his superior strength.

"Didn't you want to, you know, stay until the... end?" I ask slowly.

"They're wrapping it up now, anyway. And I needed to make sure that you're okay, princess. That's way more important than any service."

My heart jumps a little at that. And I start having a slightly bad conscience for running away. I know how badly the guys react whenever I do these spur of the moment things. Running from them is, like, the worst thing I can do. And still, I keep doing it.

Inwardly, I reason with myself that I only went outside to get some fresh air. I wasn't really running away.

Surely, that should be allowed.

And it was a good decision, too, instead of causing more drama by fainting in front of everyone, which I am almost certain would have happened. I don't even want to imagine how embarrassing that would have been.

"Lily, Finn!"

Gracie and Jayden are running towards us. The service must be over because people are coming outside in a steady stream. I knew there were a lot of them, as Luke demonstrated when he tried to distract me with his math skills earlier, but the way the area in front of the big building is quickly filling up is quite impressive.

I never imagined that so many people knew Sam.

Or, as Luke explained to me, there are also a lot of people here that came to show support to other members of my family. Like, for example, some of Jordan's old army friends or Alex's partner Giulia with her husband as well as other colleagues from the police station. Also, Luke's band mates are here. And practically the whole of last year's high school football team, which means Jack's old team. That kind of makes sense, since Sam is well-known amongst all the football crazy students, what with him having been the school's star player in his high school days.

I have also spotted some really huge guys who, again according to Luke, are Sam's old football buddies from college. Apparently, a few of them are still actively playing, which probably explains why some of the high school footballers are not so secretly gawking at them from a distance.

"Are you alright, Lily?" Gracie asks as she throws an arm around my shoulder to give me a side hug.

"M'fine," I assure her.

"You scared me when you suddenly left. I wanted to go after you but my mom made me stay. And then I saw Finn leave and... well, you know."

She winks at me and I look at her weirdly, not getting it. Gracie huffs and shakes her head.

"Come on, girl! You haven't seen him in forever. Surely, you're... haaaappyyy..." she looks suggestively at me as she drags the word out endlessly, "... to see him?"

I roll my eyes at her being so pushy and then shrug. I won't even dignify that with an answer.

"Man, I'm glad you made it," Jayden meanwhile greets Finn.

I shift my attention to them.

"What do you mean with that?" I ask intrigued.

"Gracie insisted that we tell him what happened," Jayden explains, his face adopting a sad look when he says that. "So she made me contact him."

"We didn't know if he would come or not, but I thought he should know," my best friend adds. "It's good to see you again, Finn."

They exchange a quick hug, too. I am really glad that my best friends have so easily accepted him in our little friends group and that they seem to get along quite well, too.

"What is he doing here?" Aidan's angry voice interrupts my friends greeting each other.

"Aidan, leave them be," Ben immediately intervenes.

I watch as he steps right in the path of my second youngest brother, who is marching towards us at a very fast pace and with a determined expression on his face.

Aidan's behavior confuses me. Not the fact that he has a problem with Finn. Nothing seems to have changed there and that doesn't surprise me at all. Aidan isn't one to just let stuff go, even less so if he has decided that someone or something bothers him. But what I don't understand is why he has to make a scene right here and now.

He has barely spoken to me in the past week and if we did speak, it usually was a quick exchange about Noah because we're both really worried about him. He hasn't been the same ever since Sam died. But other than that, we hardly had any interactions after that first day when I came back from the cabin and we were uncharacteristically civil with each other. I wasn't excepting him to even acknowledge me today.

"I will – if he leaves," Aidan demands, trying to get around Ben, but the older of the two stands his ground.

"How about you go and find your friends instead and let Lily spend some time with hers? I really don't think this is the time for petty fights."

Ben keeps surprising me. I mean, I know that he is the most reasonable person in our family, but I still wouldn't have expected him to defend my friendship with Finn so vehemently. Nothing in the past has ever given me any signs that he might accept him as my friend.

For a moment, it looks like Aidan is going to argue with Ben but then he seems to decide otherwise. He throws Finn a hateful look before fixing me with a glare that I can't quite decipher. Then, he huffs and walks away.

"Thank you, Ben," I say sincerely.

To say that I am shocked how smoothly this went is an understatement.

"No worries. I'll leave you kids for a bit – unless you want me to stick around?"

The incredulous looks that he receives from all four of us easily answers that question. Ben plays it cool and shrugs it off, pretending that he didn't just ask the most ridiculous thing.

"I see how it is. Nobody fancies hanging out with a teacher from your school," he concludes breezily.

"No offence, Mr. Taylor," Finn says, which earns him an elbow into his side from Jayden and an eye roll from Gracie.

I try really hard to hide a smile and fail miserably.

Ben looks at me and his eyes clearly ask me if I am feeling better. With all the commotion of seeing Finn again and having two irrational brothers trying to start a fight with him in those first few minutes after our reunion, I have nearly forgotten what brought all this on and that I dramatically ran from the service in front of loads of witnesses. No wonder Ben is still a bit worried about me and it is sort of nice of him, too. I nod to answer his non-verbal question and mouth "I'm okay", hoping that this will put him at ease.

"We're leaving in about 20 minutes to go to the location where the reception takes place. Can you make sure you're at the carpark by then?" he reminds me, looking at his watch. "That's at 12:30pm."

"We'll be there on time," Gracie promises him.

"Great. Thank you. I'll be over there, if you need me."

My brother waves in the general direction of where everybody has gathered after the service. I spot a few of my family members there, talking to various people. Ben sends me a small, encouraging smile and finally leaves.

"That went surprisingly well," Jayden remarks once he is out of earshot.

"You weren't here when Will showed up," I grumble, still annoyed just thinking about his audacity.

"Yeah, you missed Lily's well-aimed kick to his shin," Finn grins.

"You kicked him?" Grace stares wide-eyed at me and I shrug.

"He had it coming."

"What did he do?" Jayden asks curiously.

"He attacked Finn."

"He did not attack me!" Finn instantly defends himself.

"What would you call it then? He had you in a head-lock that looked pretty uncomfortable."

"I could have gotten away if I'd wanted to."

This time I don't just smile but actually burst out laughing. This is ridiculous.

Why are boys like this?

I should be used to their big-headed behavior, but it still amazes me every time when I witness such a situation. Finn knows very well that, realistically, he was completely at Will's mercy and if Ben hadn't stepped in, it could have ended badly for him. Still, here he stands, claiming with a straight face that he had it all under control.

"So, Lily saved you by kicking him off you?" Gracie muses, winking at me as she says that.

She understands exactly why Finn's reaction had me laughing out loud.

"Whatever," Finn dismisses us.

He knows that we are not taking him seriously and I applaud him for cutting his losses.

"Well, in any case, it's kinda cool that we're together again, after all this time," Jayden remarks, lightly punching Finn's upper arm in what I assume is supposed to be a friendly gesture.

"And it's amazing that your bodyguards are backing off a bit, too," Finn adds, looking at me.

I go to protest and defend my brothers and their overprotectiveness, but Gracie beats me to it.

"They mean well, you know", she says.

"And they're not really that far away, either," Jayden reminds us, nodding in the direction of where everybody is.

"So, nothing has changed while I was away? They're still keeping you on a super short leash?" Finn asks.

He doesn't say it in a mean way, more like curiously, but it still kind of upsets me that he seems to have such a fixed and negative opinion on my brothers and their ways. I almost start an argument with him but then I remember that he never really had the best experience when it comes to encounters with the guys. They haven't exactly given him a reason to believe that they only mean well. In their overbearing, sometimes rather annoying way, that is.

"They're not doing it to be controlling! They're doing it because they are worried that something – or someone – might try to hurt us. Like they hurt Sam," I blurt out before I can stop myself.

I am met with my three friends starting at me wide-eyed. Jayden gapes at me with his mouth literally hanging open and Gracie's face has lost all its color. Finn just stands there completely motionless and looks at me. His face is not giving anything away but his eyes look troubled as he processes my words.

Why did I do that?

Why can't I just for once in my life keep my mouth shut?

What am I trying to achieve by sharing this information with them?

"Oh my g-," Jayden starts, but is interrupted by Gracie.

"W-what's that supposed to mean?"

Suddenly, Finn is right in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. He looks at me with an expression that I have not seen on his face before. It is a strange mixture of curiosity and sympathy. The only thing that is absent is humor. The boy who always has a sassy remark at the tip of his tongue and whose eyes usually sparkle from badly hidden mischievous thoughts, now seems uncharacteristically serious.

"It wasn't an accident?" he slowly asks the dreaded question.

I just wordlessly stare back at him.

"Tiny, come on. Why would you say something like that? What happened?"

My mouth feels really dry all of a sudden. I swallow hard and look at each one of my three friends in turn, trying to find the courage to tell them what I have been so desperate to share with some like-minded people ever since it happened.

Jayden looks upset. Gracie looks like she is going to throw up any moment. And Finn looks a bit uncomfortable, probably because he is pushing me for an answer.

Well, I brought this upon myself, didn't I?

I am not even sure if I am allowed to talk about this. Nobody has said I wasn't. And it is an open secret in my family that Sam's accident wasn't an accident at all. Murder is what Will called it only last night. Even if he was drunk, he clearly meant it. And neither Sean nor Jordan corrected him. The same with Alex, when I said it at the police station when I was being questioned the day after the not-accident occurred.

"Lily, please, say something," Jayden's worried voice cuts through the fog in my mind.

"We... I... I saw it happen. I was right there when that guy came out of nowhere and pushed Sam off the side of the road and... and then caused him to ride his bike straight into the abyss. It was not an accident," I whisper.

A muffled cry comes from Gracie when my words sink in. I don't want to look at her, afraid of what I will see if I do. But like on autopilot, my eyes travel to her and my heart aches at the sight of my best friend's terrified face. She has her hands clasped tightly over her mouth as she stares at me with that deer-caught-in-headlights expression.

"No, that can't be. Never. No. Just no," Jayden murmurs, like he's in trance.

I don't know if he is trying to say that he doesn't believe me or if he is attempting to convince himself that such horrible stuff only happens in movies or fiction, but certainly not in real life.

Welcome to my new reality.

"Fuck," is Finn's reaction. "Are you sure that... no, I'm sorry, of course you are. You'd never just make up this kind of stuff. Jeez, that's just... unbelievable."

For the second time in less than ten minutes, I find myself wrapped up in his tight embrace.

"I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through all this. It's fucking unfair. And so fucking horrible."

A moment later, I feel another pair of arms wrap around me from the right only for a similar sensation to come from the left side. The aching in my heart slowly lessens as I share a group hug with my closest friends. It lasts only for a few seconds, but it is exactly what I needed.

The two boys take a step back while Gracie and I remain in each other's arms for a bit longer. She is sobbing really hard and I feel like I should apologize for dumping this information on her out of nowhere. I know how much she loves my family and hearing about Sam's death has already been very hard on her. She told me that it feels like losing one of her own family members.

Now, learning about the ugly circumstances must be such a shock for her. I have had more than a week to get used to the thought and, although it still hurts a great deal to think that somebody was evil enough to do this to my brother and to cause us all this grief, it is not as shocking to me anymore. It almost feels like I am getting used to the truth, painful as it is.

"Are you okay?" Jayden asks and I am not sure who he is directing the question to.

"Yeah," I reply, guessing that he did mean me.

Gracie doesn't say anything but she releases me from her grip to wipe her eyes with one hand while the other searches for mine. She wordlessly grabs it and squeezes it tightly. Whether it is to offer me comfort or whether I am a sort of lifeline for her, I don't know.

"I'm sorry for just springing that information on you like this," I decide to apologize.

"Nonsense. You should be able to talk to us about this kind of stuff. We're your closest friends," Jayden immediately reminds me.

"It's just so... shocking," Gracie whispers. "Why would anyone do that?"

"And what did you mean when you said that your family is worried that someone is trying to hurt you?" Finn reminds me of what I blurted out at the beginning.

"I didn't say me, specifically. But us, as in my family," I correct him and then look at Jayden. "Remember that day when we returned from that desert trip and I came to your tree house, wanting to stay the night?"

He nods, wordlessly urging me to continue.

"I was upset about my oldest brothers lying to us, like, all the time. And about stuff that I had overheard them saying. Like, that they are worried that someone could hurt us and..."

"...and we also speculated about him," Jayden interrupts me.

"Who is him?" Gracie wants to know.

"That's what we couldn't figure out. At least not for sure. But I suggested that it might be..."

This time, I interrupt Jayden: "My father."

"Your father?" Now, my best friend is giving me an even more incredulous look than the one she gave me when I revealed that Sam's accident was anything but an accident.

"Jay was just throwing that theory around, nothing more," I quickly placate her.

I am still not feeling very comfortable with that thought at all, although Alex confirmed that all the FBI stuff and the worries they have are connected to our dad. Jayden obviously doesn't know that yet and I am not sure if I should tell them.

"Maybe he's right," Finn mumbles.

I turn to him and fix him with a glare. Despite everything I have found out by now, this whole father theory doesn't sit right with me. Maybe because I don't want it to be true. I mean, I only learned less than a year ago that the guy even exists and I have no idea where he lives or what he does, other than that he has been involved in some not so good things, according to Alex. But the thought of him being responsible for my brothers' lies as well as their paranoia, if I can call it that, is not something I am comfortable with.

"What? Don't give me that look, Thumbelina. Or did you find out anything about him that would suggest it's not related to him? What about that private eye plan? Did that ever go any further?"

This time, it is Gracie and Jayden's turn to stare at me questioningly.

"What does he mean?" Jayden asks.

"Ya know, the thing that I needed the money for that I was trying to get from that... umm, drug dealer?" I try to jog their memory.

Immediately, their facial expressions change as it dawns to them what we are talking about.

"But you didn't actually get any money from that guy, right?" Gracie tries to make sure.

I shake my head.

"You know I didn't."

I told them as much when we met up in the tree house right before my brothers and I went on our trip to the desert.

"Well, with you, one never knows... maybe you tried again," Jayden shrugs.

"After she got busted by her brothers?" Finn chuckles. "Yeah, right."

I shoot him an offended glare. Like that would stop me from trying again. Well, maybe it would, but I like to think that I'd have the courage to do anything that I set my mind to. I believe that I have proved that plenty of times over the past year.

Before all this kicked off, I have been a boring, timid, goody-two-shoes. But not anymore. Some of my previous innocence – or naivety, as my brothers like to call it – has definitely been crushed.

"Shut up," I retort lamely.

Finn just grins at me, appearing quite proud of his achievement of getting under my skin once again.

"So? Any reason why that mysterious him should not be your father? Did your lovely brother Will find out anything interesting?" He says lovely really sarcastically and after Will's behavior today, I can't even blame him. "Or did he leave you guys hanging and never even went to the East Coast?"

"Of course he went!" I automatically defend Will.

It's one thing to be annoyed with him for his overprotectiveness and his stupid behavior. But I won't allow people to talk bad about my brother. He has more than come through, going there twice and finding out a lot of interesting and probably useful information.

"And?"

I try to lift my hands only to notice that my fingers are still intertwined with Gracie's. With a sigh, I pull away from her and rub my eyes before running my hands down my face, trying to gain some time to think.

I am not sure if I am supposed to tell my friends what Will found out. Well, obviously, if I asked him, he would tell me in no uncertain terms that I better shut up about this and that it is nobody else's business.

Ever since this all started to unfold, my friends have been the people that I could confide in about everything that I found out. They already know most of what I know about my family and their secrets. Plus, I only just told them that Sam was murdered. It really can't get much worse. And it helps me if I can share this burden with them, because I trust that they take this as seriously as I do and that they'll be there for me if needed.

In the past, Noah and Aidan have been my other allies that I relied on just as much. But ever since this happened with Sam, I haven't spoken to either one of them about any of this. Other than telling Aidan about Tom, that is, but meanwhile they officially know about that since Tom and Josh talked to them after they had that chat with me in the garden. However, the twins have no idea yet that our brothers changed their name at some point.

"He found out how Sienna died," I start slowly.

"I thought she drowned?" Jayden recalls.

I nod and then tell them about her body being found in the trunk of a car that was found submerged in a lake. And that it was treated as a murder. My friends' eyes grow bigger with every bit of new information that I reveal.

"Holy shit," Finn mutters, shaking his head. "What the hell is your family involved in?"

This earns him another elbow into his side, courtesy of Jayden.

"What? You know I'm right!" Finn defends himself, returning the glare he received from Jayden. "Or do you know any other families that had two of their family members killed?"

"Finn!" Gracie hisses. "Don't listen to him, Lily."

"He's right though," I admit quietly. "And there is more."

"Please, no," she whispers.

Gracie's face has lost all its color in the past few minutes and I am starting to wonder if this is too much for her. But I can't stop now. It feels strangely relieving to be able to talk about this with people who don't judge or tell me to stop digging. Also, the next part I am going to reveal is not nearly as gruesome as having to talk about my siblings' deaths. If anything, it is highly intriguing and mysterious.

Maybe they can help me make sense of it.

"Apparently, Tom is an FBI agent, but nobody ever bothered to tell us this. And Will went back to the East Coast a second time. And you'll never guess what else he found out." I pause as if for dramatic effect and when I have all eyes on me, I say: "Apparently, our last name has not always been Taylor."

I think you could have heard a pin drop from how speechless my friends are once I said that. The constant buzzing of people talking in the background, however, helps to make this a bit less awkward, even though the three kids surrounding me are once again staring at me like I am growing a second head.

"Yeah, that was my reaction, too," I remark sarcastically when nobody says anything even a minute later.

At least it was my same reaction until I started freaking out on poor Will over the phone, wondering if just about everything about me, my family and my existence is a lie. Not to mention illegal, since they apparently also lied on my birth certificate about who my father is.

"Let me get this straight: your brothers changed their last name to Taylor?" Finn recaps what I just told them.

"Yep," I confirm.

"Are you sure?" Jayden asks cautiously.

"Of course I'm sure! I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't. Also, please don't tell anyone. I don't think the twins know and maybe Jack doesn't either."

I have no idea if Will told him, but since he is so protective of Jack, he might have not said anything to him yet. I kind of doubt he would even have told me if he had known about how Sam died before he revealed his newest finding. Actually, I am still surprised that he was so candid with me about this information. Maybe it confused him, too, and just like me, he needed someone to share this with.

"Do your oldest brothers know that you know?" Finn asks the next logical question.

I nod.

"Will got them to confess it last night, when he came home drunk and got into a horrible argument with Jordan."

"So it's all still fresh," Jayden muses.

I look at Gracie and try to catch her eye because she has been strangely quiet since I revealed that latest secret, but she is staring at her feet, standing there completely immobile. I feel bad for exposing her to all this information without a warning. I have had a few days to get used to it and it still feels very disturbing and confusing.

I can just about imagine how she feels. Just like me, she has always looked up to my oldest brothers and Alex is basically her hero. Hearing all these things that they have kept from us must be incredibly difficult for her, too.

"I don't think anyone other than Sean and Jordan – and of course Will – knows that I know about this. Alex has not been himself ever since this happened to Sam and they seem to try everything to keep any additional stress from him," I explain sadly.

Gracie lets out a whimper, making me feel like the worst friend on the planet for causing her so much hurt, especially on a day like today. I reach out and grab her hand again. It is ice cold to the touch. Squeezing it to reassure her, I am glad when she doesn't pull away.

"Did they give you an explanation as to why they changed their name?" Jayden wants to know.

Finn snorts at that, causing us all to look at him, even Gracie. Her eyes are red-rimmed, giving it away that she must have been quietly crying. I squeeze her hand again.

"What? It's not like they've been very forthcoming with information. I can't imagine that they just sat her down and told her all she wants to know."

I hate to admit it, but Finn is, of course, right with his assessment of the situation.

"They didn't," I confirm.

"Did Will give you an explanation for it then?" It's almost cute how hopeful Jayden sounds.

Unfortunately, if I have learned anything in the past year, it is that no information is ever gained easily. If anything, it is like getting blood from a stone.

"Nope."

"I have a theory," Finn says.

Of course he does.

"Which is?" Jayden's curiosity is clearly piqued.

"Easy, if you ask me. They're in witness protection."

"What? No! Why?" It breaks out of me before I can give this even a second's thought.

"Why not?" Finn throws the question right back at me. "Think about it. They've clearly got a shit ton of secrets, some of which tie to that mysterious father of yours and to a sister that was killed, what, fifteen years ago? They're involved with law enforcement. Your brother's lover is secretly an FBI agent, for god's sake! And now you find out they used to have a different name? Call me crazy, but that sounds like a rather reasonable explanation for a lot of this shit."

"Don't you think they – I mean the kids – would know if they were in... witness protection?" Jayden challenges Finn's theory.

"Why should they tell them that? The whole purpose of it is to start a new life, with a new identity, in a new place. Seems fitting for the Taylors, from what we learned so far," Finn argues.

I want to say something, too, preferably give him several reasons why his theory is complete bullshit, but my mind draws a blank. I can't come up with any useful explanations that would contradict what Finn says. Fortunately, Jayden is happy to step in and take over that part.

"Wouldn't they have been split up? I mean, look at the size of the family. Surely, it's not possible to get such a big number of people into a witness protection program," he claims.

Why does it look like my two guy friends know a lot about this topic?

I have never even thought about such a scenario and, frankly, I know nothing about witness protection.

And why should I?

Surely, that's nothing normal kids our age would occupy themselves with.

"That does sound a bit odd, I give you that," Finn, surprisingly, agrees.

"What do you guys even know about this stuff?" Gracie finally speaks up and I am grateful that, apparently, we have a similar thought process.

"I read," Finn states.

"I watch crime shows," Jayden says at the same time.

"Awesome. But that doesn't make you experts. So, please, stop throwing around such ridiculous ideas. I don't want to hear any more of this. And neither does Lily."

Now it is Gracie's turn to squeeze my hand and I can't deny that I am glad she took it upon herself to get the boys to stop. All their arguments and them summarizing painful facts about my family are starting to give me a headache. I need some time to let it sink in and then consider Finn's theory in peace. And I certainly can't do this here and now.

"What time is it?" I ask, changing the subject.

"12:34," Jayden informs me.

"We should go. Ben said to be at the car at 12:30," I remind them.

"We're already late," Gracie states the obvious. "Let's go. – You coming, too, Finn?"

When I look at him, I find him still looking rather contemplative. It is pretty obvious that he is not yet willing to let his conspiracy theory go. And maybe neither am I, but I don't want to think about it any longer, at least not for today.

Today is about Sam, and remembering him.

I can start trying to figure out more about my family's past tomorrow.

"Finn?" I ask when he remains silent.

"I need to go home," he eventually replies.

"You're welcome to join us, you know?" I try to convince him.

I am not yet ready to say goodbye to him, not knowing when or if I will see him again. I don't even know how long he'll be in town. Maybe he has to fly back tomorrow already.

"I don't think your brothers would be very happy about that. And I don't want to cause trouble. – I'll see you maybe later this week?" he suggest and my heart strangely jumps at that prospect.

"You're staying a while?"

"I'm staying indefinitely."

No way!

"Wow... I didn't know... how?" I stammer stupidly.

"That's a story for another time."

For the third time, Finn pulls me into a hug.

"Thanks for coming," I whisper into his shoulder.

"Always," he whispers back. "Again, I'm very sorry about Sam. Take care of yourself, tiny."

He pulls away, waves at my friends and walks away. After a few steps, he stops and turns back around.

"I'll be in touch."

I wordlessly watch him walk through the thinning crowd and grin when I witness how he skillfully makes a wide berth around any of my brothers that are still mingling with other people.

"Do you think he's really gonna be back for good?" Jayden wonders.

"As in, he'll be back at our school?" Gracie adds.

I shrug and turn back towards them.

"I guess we'll find out eventually," I reply breezily.

Inwardly, I can't help feeling kind of happy, despite everything. Although I have only known Finn for a few months before he moved away, because of all that we experienced together, he has gained himself a special place in my heart. I am glad that he is back.

Maybe he can help me get to the bottom of a few things regarding my family. There is still plenty to uncover and, as Finn said, my brothers don't usually voluntarily offer any useful information. I can't help thinking that more digging will be necessary on my part. Any support I can get there, I'll take.

How will my siblings react to me hanging out with Finn again?

This should be interesting.

A/N - A somewhat belated Happy New Year to you all! I hope you're well and enjoyed this update.

Looks like Lily's most resourceful partner in crime is back in town. Will they be able to uncover a few more (uncomfortable) truths before Alex finally cracks and comes clean? And are Will & Lily going to make up?