Chapter 1 - Weightless

The silence in my head is so loud, it is almost deafening.

Everything is dark around me.

It feels like I am floating.

Then I realize why that is. My eyes are closed.

I blink once and immediately regret it. The brightness of the sunlight almost blinds me. Instinctively, I squeeze my eyes shut again and allow myself to slip back into that surprisingly cosy darkness.

I am just about succumb to this weirdly comforting sensation when the silence is turned off like somebody hit a light switch and noise crashes over me like one massive wave. My body involuntarily twitches because of the attack on my hearing and my eyes automatically fly open.

It takes me a moment to figure out where I am and what is going on around me. Like on auto-pilot, I go through a mental checklist, which quickly tells me that everything is still in order – at least when it comes to any physical aspects.

I can feel all four of my limbs and none of them are hurting. My ears are working perfectly, too. And my eyes can see just fine.

But once my checklist reaches the item which is labelled as "brain", I wish that I could immediately go back into that blissful oblivion. Because as the wheels in my mind are steadily gaining speed, everything comes back to me and dread starts to fill my body from head to toe.

Sam!

Simultaneously to his name flashing through my mind like a neon sign, I take in my surroundings. It appears that I am standing amongst a group of strangers. None of them are paying me any attention though. Everyone's gaze is fixated on something that is happening further away, partially up the mountain.

Where is Hannah?

Wasn't she right next to me, only a minute ago, right before that weird feeling started?

A collective gasp escapes the people around me. I look in the same direction that all their heads are turned, but someone is standing right in my line of vision, blocking the view. I want to sidestep them, but my feet don't want to move. I feel like I am in one of these nightmares where you want to run away from something bad but you are rooted to the spot, unable to get away.

Nausea erupts inside of my stomach like a volcano when the details of what I witnessed probably only minutes ago – right before said darkness engulfed me – slowly start to come back to me. It is like a movie trailer playing on repeat in my head. The same snippets of information, over and over again.

The stranger standing across the road, giving me a creepy smile.

Sam racing past us, biking up the mountain.

That new guy in the ocean blue shirt, coming out of nowhere.

The same guy cutting off my brother's path.

Sam losing his balance.

Sam disappearing right in front of my eyes.

No! This can't have happened!

I must have imagined things.

Is there such a thing as nightmares during the day, while you're awake?

This is the only explanation I'll accept.

I am still musing over this, trying to keep down the bile that is gradually creeping up my throat, when suddenly the person obscuring my view steps aside. This finally allows me to see what everybody else seems to be focused on.

Like in slow motion, I watch how two men follow Hannah, who is running up the mountain trail the bikers went up just moments ago. She has already made it halfway to the point where Sam disappeared over the edge. That's when the men finally catch up with her.

I never knew Hannah was such a fast runner.

One of the men reaches out for her, attempting to stop her. He briefly manages to grab Hannah's wrist but she barely stumbles from the impact and with surprising ease pulls herself from his hold. I can faintly hear the two guys shouting something at her, but they are too far away for me to make out their words. It looks like they are yelling at her, probably to get her to stop.

My ears try to pick up pieces of conversation around me. The people nearby seem to be commenting on what is going on with Hannah but it literally goes over my head. It is like I have lost the ability to comprehend simple words.

This is all so very confusing.

It appears that they know something. Something important. I desperately want to know what it is, but it is to no avail. My brain cannot process the meaning of whatever they are saying. All that I am left with is watching things unfold in front of my eyes, trying to make sense of it myself.

The second of the two men has now overtaken Hannah and is forcing her to stop by standing right in front of her, blocking her way. The other guy grabs her wrist again, successfully this time, and quite forcefully pulls her back. A third person – a woman, I think – has meanwhile joined their little group. All three of them are talking at Hannah, but she looks like she's not listening.

My vision starts to get blurry again as I watch how she struggles to free herself from their tight grips – the woman is now holding her other arm – and aiming to slip past the guy in front of her. Hannah is screaming at them and she looks furious.

I blink away the tears just in time to see how my soon-to-be sister-in-law suddenly, unexpectedly falls to her knees. Immediately, the woman follows suit and drops to the ground next to Hannah, wrapping her arms around her.

This is when my brain finally connects the dots. The blood freezes in my veins and an ice cold shiver runs down my spine when I realize what happened and what this all must mean.

Sam!

A scream attacks my hearing, making me jump. I plead in my head for whoever is making this godawful noise to shut up.

Please stop!

But they continue to let out anguished shrieks, calling my brother's name.

Only when people around me turn towards me with wide-eyed, worried expressions, I notice that these sounds are coming from my own mouth.

Arms reach out to me.

And then all my senses stop, again like somebody has just hit a switch, and I fall back into that soundless darkness.

*******

A million of voices penetrate my consciousness.

Someone pats my left cheek. Then my right.

It takes a lot more strength than it should to open my eyes. I expect to be hit by blinding sun light once again, but that doesn't happen when I finally manage to blink a few times.

I stare at the unfamiliar faces that are greeting me when I have successfully forced my eyelids open. Two women are only a few inches away from my face, looking expectantly at me. When we make eye contact, one of them offers me a small, comforting smile. The other one, slightly younger and dark-haired, looks concerned

"Hi, sweetie. How're you feeling?" the woman with the short blonde hair asks me gently.

I just stare back at her, trying to figure out a reply. My brain feels like a big pile of molasses. It is almost painful to form a coherent thought in this sluggish state.

What is going on?

Where am I?

I open my mouth and close it again when I realize that nothing is coming out. Instead, I focus on the myriad of voices that have caused me to... wake up?

Wake up from what?

This is so very confusing.

I don't feel like myself at all. I don't feel good at all.

"What's your name, darling?" the woman continues to ask me questions.

Lily. My name is Lily.

That is what I want to tell her, but still, nothing comes out of my mouth. It is like the words are stuck in the back of my throat, itching to come out, but something is blocking them. I try to force them out, but it doesn't work.

I want Alex.

This random thought hits me like a freight train, making me flinch.

Where did that just come from?

It takes me another moment to notice that I am surrounded only by strangers. I cannot spot any familiar faces.

I am all alone here.

There are several people in my line of vision, and still, it feels like I am in the loneliest place on earth.

Where is everybody?

Where are Sam and Hannah?

Weren't they the last family members I was with?

I rack my brain to make sense of everything. It is unheard of that my brothers voluntarily let me out of their sight. It is always forced – by me. Like, when I run away, which I know has turned in a bad habit of mine lately.

Did I run away again?

Alex will be so upset with me.

Everybody will be upset, because I once again make them worry about me.

I blink a few times, wanting to get rid of the fog in my mind to figure out what is happening. Something feels very wrong, but I cannot put my finger on it.

And then everything comes back to me, like somebody triggered an avalanche, and I suddenly know exactly where I am.

I am on the mountain.

At Sam's duathlon race.

But how and why did I end up sitting on the floor?

"You fainted, sweetie. Does anything hurt?" the nice blonde woman wants to know, interrupting my troubling thoughts.

"I don't think she hit her head, at least not too hard," the other woman replies for me, still looking at me closely, observing me, like she is waiting for me to confirm her statement.

"I saw you collapse and tried to catch you in time but I was a split second too late. But you dropped down quite slowly. I don't think you hit the ground very heavily," she adds, interpreting my confusion correctly.

I nod when they continue to look at me, probably expecting an answer. I try again to get some words out, but my brain seems to have a mind of its own because it suddenly bombards me with one thought, over and over again.

Sam!

My brother's name, that big mental neon sign screaming at me in my head. It again conjures up these horrible images of his fall before my inner eye. I start to shake violently as I desperately try to get my brain to stop playing these images in a steady loop. I want it to shut up.

How is Sam?

Opening my mouth, I try to ask the women about what is going and where my brother and his fiancée are. I need to know if they are okay. But the lump in my throat is still very prominent and seems to keep growing, making it impossible to get a word out. Tears shoot into my eyes.

I have never felt so abandoned and alone before.

I want my family.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't cry, darling. Everything's fine," the older woman says, patting my shoulder.

Nothing's fine!

I want to scream those words at her. Luckily, nothing comes out still. Alex would definitely scold me for being rude to strangers who are only being nice to me and trying to help.

I swallow hard, wanting to clear my throat. All it does is making me cough though. Hands instantly start to pat my back, which does help a bit, but I still feel like choking.

Unexpectedly, I am being pulled onto my feet by the dark-haired woman and as soon as my body is fully upright, it gets easier to get air into my lungs. I feel a bit light-headed from the movement though and subconsciously lean against the woman kindly holding me up.

"I've got you," she tells me in a soothing voice.

In her hold, I turn my head to the right and find the blonde woman slowly getting back onto her feet, too. She was kneeling next to me when I was sitting on the floor. A warm, fuzzy feeling washes over me. It feels comforting to know that these strangers are looking out for me. I am not very good at doing it myself, it seems. Not right now, anyway, when my head is a complete and utterly confused mess and I don't know what is happening.

"S-Sam?" I finally croak out.

My throat is literally on fire and every letter hurts like I am swallowing pebbles.

"Is that your name, darling?"

What? No!

"W-where... i-is... S-Sam?" I stutter uselessly.

"Okay, not your name then, huh?" the blonde woman chuckles and wraps an arm around me. "How about we go over there and sit down? You're still shaking like a leaf and we don't want to risk you fainting on us again, and hurting yourself. – Do we have any water, somewhere?"

That last part, she addressed towards the younger woman, who is still holding me up.

"I'll get some. Can you take her to the bench or do you need my help?"

"I've got her. She's just a tiny thing. – Come with me, sweetie."

I haven't been called tiny in a while and, despite the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, another weird, comforting feeling briefly washes over me. However, it is quickly replaced by dread.

I still have no clue where Sam is.

I hope he is okay!

But what if...?

I let out a strangled sob as this awful thought invades my mind. I cannot think like that. I won't allow myself to have these kinds of thoughts. And I won't allow my brain to remind me of that fall my brother took, like, ever again. I will refuse to think about it until I can laugh about it with my brother later today. Full stop.

"Shh, darling, it's alright. You're fine. Here, sit down. Slowly, yeah."

I blink away the tears that have involuntarily filled my eyes and let the blonde woman gently push me to lower myself onto a hard surface. She hunkers down in front of me and places both her hands on either side of my face, wiping away some stray tears with the pads of her thumbs.

Just like Alex does.

Another sob escapes me, thinking of my eldest brother. I have never wished for him to be with me as much as I do right now. Alex would know what to do, he always does. He would tell me that everything is okay and I would believe him. Although this woman claims the same thing, she is just a stranger and she doesn't know anything.

The stranger!

I have barely finished that thought when the bile in my throat wins this round and forces its way out of my mouth before I can stop it. Just in time, I manage to turn my head away from the nice woman. Then I vomit all over the small wooden bench. I feel someone holding my hair back as I painfully empty my stomach.

"Aww, you poor darling. If only I knew what is making you feel so bad. Maybe too much sun? – There, there, you're okay," her voice filters through, but her words don't bring me any comfort.

It is like my mind is refusing to believe that I am okay. That anything is okay right now. It feels more like the world is about to end.

When nothing else comes out of my stomach, I force myself to sit back upright and shuffle around a bit to avoid sitting in my own sick. The kind woman seems to read my mind again and quickly helps me to the other side of the bench.

"Are you feeling better?" she asks me gently.

I nod and with trembling fingers accept the tissue she is holding out to me. I wipe my lips and almost gag at the gross taste in my mouth.

"How about you tell me your name now, sweetie? And then we'll try to find your family?"

At the word family, fresh tears shoot into my eyes, but this time, I manage to hold them in. Although I feel like breaking down once again, a small voice at the very back of my mind tells me that I urgently need to pull myself together if I want to end this nightmare anytime soon.

I have to find Hannah and Sam. I urgently need to tell them about the stranger and his dangerous friend in the ocean blue t-shirt. I promised my brothers that I would tell them if I ever saw the guy again. And now that he and his asshole accomplice very obviously attacked my brother, it is even more important that I tell someone.

"Lily," I whisper.

"Oh, okay, good. Good. That's great. You're Lily. I'm Martha, by the way. Now, let's see, maybe we can... oh, thank you."

I look up and find the dark-haired woman handing Martha a bottle of water. A second later she has unscrewed the lid and is holding it in front of my face.

"Here, drink that. It'll help make you feel better, Lily."

"Oh, so you got a name from her, finally? Great. And did you find out who she belongs to?" the younger woman questions Martha.

I take the bottle with trembling fingers and almost spill the water over myself in the process. Martha gives me an encouraging smile and grabs my other hand, wrapping it carefully around the cool bottle. She pats both my hands in a comforting manner and then turns towards the dark-haired woman. I take a small sip and relish the soothing sensation the water leaves in my burning throat.

"Not yet, no. We had a little... incident. Poor thing, she might have eaten something wrong. Or maybe hit her head when she fainted, after all?"

From the corner of my eye, I see Martha pointing at the mess I made on the other side of the bench. The other woman, whose name I still don't know, wrinkles her nose but quickly schools her features when she notices me watching them. I cannot blame her for being grossed out though.

"It looks bad, by the way," she then says in a low voice, probably so that I don't hear it, but I do.

"Oh, so you did get any news on... uhh... well, you know, that young man?" Martha asks her, just as quietly.

I have to strain my hearing to understand what they are saying. They have taken a couple of steps away and are now stood there with their backs turned towards me. Something tells me that they are talking about what happened with Sam and that other guy.

What else could it be?

I want to ask them what they are whispering about, because I want to know what they do but my brain, once again, refuses to form a sentence, let alone allow me to get any words out.

This is so frustrating!

And why are my fingers suddenly ice cold?

I stare at the water bottle that I am still holding onto as if my life depended on it. This must be the source of the cold. At least, I am not shaking as much anymore. But I can barely feel my fingers. Then I remind myself that this is not important. I need to find out about Sam – and Hannah. The state of my icicle-like fingers should be the least of my concerns right now.

Glancing up, I find that the two women have put an even bigger distance between us and the nameless one is talking animatedly. Martha looks back at me, as if to check that I am still there, or that I haven't fainted again. When our eyes meet, she gives me a small smile and a nod. I can clearly tell that something is troubling her though, because she looks a lot less relaxed than a few minutes ago.

I am just about to get up from the bench and go up to them, adamant about finding out more, when I freeze in my movements at the sound of a very familiar voice.

"Lily! There you are, sweetheart!"

Before I know what is happening, strong arms wrap me up in a bone-crushing hug and my face is almost forcefully pressed against a t-shirt-clad chest. Even without his very audibly announcing his presence, I would recognize this hug and the accompanying smell any day.

Where is Sean suddenly coming from?

Once my foggy mind has made all the necessary connections, it is as if a dam breaks. All the pent up anxiety of the past agonizing minutes spills out of me at once and I dissolve into tears.

Sean puts one of his hands in my hair, cradling my head against his chest while his other arm stays tightly wrapped around my upper body, holding me as close as possible. I am a sobbing mess as I cling onto my big brother, hugging the living daylights out of him.

Sean moves us back towards the bench and sits down, pulling me onto his lap, where he continues to keep me cocooned in his comforting embrace. He rhythmically starts rubbing his hand up and down my back while whispering sweet nothings into my ear. The tears are still flowing freely, but his gesture helps me calm down enough to stop sobbing so violently.

"Shh, I've got you, baby girl. You're okay. I'm here," he says in a calm, level voice.

"S-Sean," I press out, sounding incredibly miserable. "Sean."

"Yeah, I'm here. Everything's okay."

This statement startles me and I pull away slightly, trying to look up at him.

How can he say that everything is okay?

My vision is still blurry from all the crying and I can barely make out his features. I blink a couple of times and his face gradually becomes clearer. I notice his trademark dimples, which has a strangely calming effect on me. Then his lips turn up slightly into a small but comforting and familiar smile.

"Hey, Lily Bug," he greets me gently.

This is when it hits me like a ton of bricks.

He doesn't know!

Immediately, all blood drains from my face and I start to feel light-headed.

No, no, no! No!

Please, don't make me be the one to tell him!

"Woah there, baby girl, what's going on?" Sean exclaims, tightening his hold on me. "You're as white as a sheet, all of a sudden. Do you feel okay?"

All I manage is a wordless shake of my head while trying to organize my thoughts. I need to figure out a way to break it to him that Sam has had an horrible accident.

"Where's Hannah? I heard people talk down by the carpark. They said that they had to interrupt the race because of an incident, whatever that means, and I was expecting you to be waiting here with her for it to continue. Maybe even with Sam, if he was nearby when they put a stop to it. – Did you get lost, again, Lily? If so, it's a good thing big bro here came to the surprise rescue," he chuckles. "But surely, this couldn't have been so bad to get you all worked up. Wanna tell me what upset you like this?"

This is too much. I can't...

"And don't tell me it's because you're so overwhelmed by me showing up out of the blue. We did plan to surprise you, obviously, but this kind of reaction is a bit over the top, I'd say," he continues, still completely clueless.

Please, Sean. Stop.

Don't make me do this.

"Lily?" my brother narrows his eyes at me, finally realizing that something must be very wrong. "What's going on? Talk to me, please. You're starting to worry me, sweetheart."

"S-Sam," I stutter miserably, almost choking on the three letters of his name.

"Sam, what? He is participating, right? I mean, I checked in with him beforehand and he told me what time they were starting. We wanted to be here for that but got stuck in traffic. However, I knew we'd at least make it in time to cheer him on once he gets past the finish line. – Hey, hey, hey, Lily, you're freaking me out. What is it?"

Hearing him talk about Sam's race and wanting to be here for when he finishes is unbearable. It brings back these horrible images of him disappearing over the edge to the forefront of my completely overloaded mind. And I wanted for them to stay gone.

"Sam... h-he... he is... he f-... he d-didn't..."

Why is this so inredibly difficult?

"Shhh. Take a deep breath, will ya? You're getting a worked up again and you're barely making any sense. It's okay, I promise," Sean tries to calm me down, but it has the opposite effect.

"No! You can't make such promises! It's not okay!" I yell, startling not only my poor, unsuspecting brother, but myself, too.

I don't know what is coming over me, but I suddenly attack Sean with my fists, hitting him harshly in the chest. He flinches back from the unexpected violence. Eventually, he manages to catch my flying wrists and quite forcefully pushes me away from him. I almost fall off his lap but he somehow holds me firmly in place.

"Stop hitting me, Lily. There's no need for that," he says in a low, incredibly quiet voice. "Please calm down, take a few deep breaths and then start telling me again what's going on. Okay?"

At first, I want to lash out at him again because his calmness is not only soothing but irritating, too. Also, my inability to communicate properly at the moment is increasingly frustrating. But because this is Sean and he is some kind of miracle worker whenever it comes to erratic behavior on my part, his composed demeanor does the trick.

I force myself to take a deep breath and after a few shaky attempts, I begin to feel the relaxing effect that this breathing exercise has on me. Sniffling a few more times before I sheepishly glance up at him, I try to make eye contact, although I'd wish I could avoid it. Sean just looks at me with a kind expression and gives me a tiny nod when our eyes meet, wordlessly encouraging me to speak.

"They... they had to s-stop the race because... because of... of S-Sam," I whisper, still struggling to tell my brother the ugly truth.

I am surprised but glad that I managed to form something resembling a full sentence, at least.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He... he... oh, Sean, it's so horrible!" I cry, suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed with the situation.

"Lily, come on, I need you to tell me what you..."

"Excuse me, sir. Are you Lily's father?"

Both our heads shoot in the direction of the voice. Martha is standing next to us with the dark-haired woman right behind her. They are both scrutinizing us with unreadable expressions.

"I'm her brother," Sean replies. "Who are you?"

"We looked after her when she fainted earlier," Martha explains simply.

"What? Why? – What happened, Lily?"

My brother is clearly shocked by this news. His head swivels back and forth between the two women and me, a look of utter confusion on his face.

The dark-haired woman tells him in a few words what went on. They don't mention Sam's accident, which means that they have not yet made the connection, which I am kinda glad about. Actually, they tell Sean that I might have been dehydrated from the heat and the sun and that's probably why I fainted.

"Can you tell me about the accident? The racing incident, I mean," Sean asks them after an awkward pause where I guess he tried to make sense of it all.

"Umm...," Martha starts, sounding uncertain.

She looks between him and me as if trying to decide whether she should talk about this with me present. Instantly, that feeling of dread takes hold of me again. Their being so secretive must mean that it is bad. Again, her dark-haired friend takes the lead and informs Sean of what happened.

I wish she hadn't done that, because her next words literally knock the breath out of me.

"Word is that he didn't survive the fall."

It feels like walls are closing in on me from all sides while my mind slowly processes the meaning of her words.

He didn't survive the fall.

Sam is dead?

Black dots start dancing in front of my eyes as my brain repeats these two sentences over and over again. I blindly reach out to cling onto Sean. He is the only thing keeping me from drifting off into that rather inviting darkness.

But if I allow myself to go back to that weightless, silent, cosy place, I will never find out what is happening with Sam.

"Sam! No!" I gasp desperately, trying to anchor myself.

The moment these words come across my lips, Sean jumps up and places me on my own two feet. I sway dangerously but he holds me upright by my upper arms while he shakes me quite violently.

"What, Lily? What? Why do you keep repeating Sam's name like this? Tell me!" he orders firmly, almost barking the words at me.

I may be imagining things because my head is all over the place, but I believe I hear fear in Sean's voice. Swallowing the massive lump in my throat, I force myself to tell him. Because I know it is important and nobody else is going to take this burden off me.

"It's Sam. The accident, I mean. It's him. He's... he's dead, Sean. Sam's dead!" I wail.

My legs collapse underneath me as the weight of this new reality threatens to crush me. Sean still doesn't let go of my arms but sinks to the ground with me.

He shakes me once again, forcing me to look at him. My brother's face has lost all color. But instead of desperation and sadness, I detect a strange kind of determination in his expression. It is so unexpected that it immediately sobers me up.

"Lily, you gotta listen to me. There is no confirmation yet that it was Sam, okay?" Sean claims. "And if it was him, that he's... dead. Okay? You got that? Do you understand?"

I try to convince myself that if Sean can remain so composed, I should be able to do it, too. I owe it to him to be just as brave. Plus, I still have to tell him everything I saw. I need to be strong to do that. Just this once. Then, once it's done, I can fall to pieces and allow other people to pick them up and put me back together, if that is what it takes.

"I saw it. I saw that guy cycle into him, causing him to lose his balance. I saw how Sam fell and how he disappeared over the edge," I recall with a trembling voice.

Tears are streaming down my face like waterfalls but I have managed to keep my voice from breaking completely, which I am proud of.

"What guy?" Sean questions me, sounding alert.

I urgently need to tell him about the stranger!

My brother shakes me again. When our eyes meet, I believe I see a flicker of fear in his blue ones. But Sean is a pro at schooling his features, so it is gone before I can confirm that it was really there.

"There was this guy in... in an ocean blue contestant shirt," I whisper. "He came out of nowhere. Suddenly, he was part of the group of bikers and... and he caught up to Sam quickly and then rode his bike right into his path. He pushed him over the edge, Sean! He deliberately hurt Sam!"

I am full on sobbing now and my head feels like it is about to explode.

"Lily. It's okay. I'm right here. Shhh. I know this is hard for you, but you're doing great. So, so great. You're okay. It's f-fine... I..."

Sean's voice breaks slightly at the end and then trails off. My heart immediately starts hurting because I can feel the sadness rolling off him in waves.

He clears his throat and I watch through teary eyes as my brother squares his shoulders, almost as if he is bracing himself for what is to come. For what I am going to tell him.

"Please, tell me more of what you saw. This is important, Lily," Sean insists, sounding more composed now, but still slightly anxious.

He rubs his hands up and down my arms and this calms me down a bit. I wonder if it is helping him, too, concentrating his energy on keeping me focused.

"I... is... is Sam going to be okay?" I ask instead.

This is obviously my main concern and I need to know the answer to this before anything else. The stranger is important, too, I know that, but it can wait. He's long gone, anyway. They'll probably never find him and his evil friend, the one that hurt Sam.

"I don't know, sweetheart," Sean replies slowly, bringing me out of my dizzying thoughts.

My heart sinks at his honesty. This does not sound encouraging at all. But he also didn't say that Sam is dead, which is a big relief.

"You think he... he might be okay, still, right?" I ask hopefully.

Sean just looks at me wordlessly for a moment, probably trying to figure out how to answer this question.

"I honestly have no idea, Lily. It doesn't sound good, from what you tell me and what we've heard so far. But let's not jump to conclusions, yeah? Please, just finish telling me what you saw and then we'll go and find out about Sam. Deal?"

I nod.

"The stranger. He was here again," I finally reveal what has been haunting me since I first laid eyes on the creep across the road.

"The stranger?" Sean repeats, clearly confused. "Umm..."

"The guy from the baseball game at the school. And the gas station," I elaborate, remembering that I have never called him the stranger in front of my brothers, certainly not in front of Sean. "I saw him only a few minutes before it happened. He was looking right at me, from across the road, and then... then he smiled this super creepy smile and then he disappeared and reappeared only a few minutes later further up the road and... and I saw him talking to this guy in the ocean blue biker shirt... the one that, that p-pushed Sam. And then, then...," my voice breaks and I gasp for air because I have not taken even one breath while all this information spilt out of me.

I look up and see Sean staring at me with an unreadable expression. He looks shocked and confused and angry and worried and lost all at once. It scares me to see him like this.

Then he unexpectedly lets go of my arms and jumps onto his feet. The impact causes me to lose my balance and I fall backwards onto the ground, landing painfully on my butt.

His reaction reminds me of Jordan's last week, when he literally abandoned me at the gas station, rushing after the stranger. Panic instantly rises inside of me.

Please don't leave me behind!

"Sean!" I cry as he makes to rush off. "Don't leave!"

My desperate call stops him in his track and I watch as my brother remains frozen for a couple of seconds, his back turned towards me. He brings his hands up and rubs them across his face a few times before he lets them fall heavily to the side. His shoulders shake suspiciously for a moment before he deliberately squares them, straightening his body as he takes a deep breath.

Eventually, Sean turns around and walks back to me. He holds out his hand for me to take and I don't waste even a second before grabbing it. He effortlessly pulls me onto my feet and wraps a protective arm around my shoulders. I lean into his side and bury my face in his t-shirt, relief washing over me.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I didn't mean to push you. And I certainly wasn't going to abandon you! I'm sorry, if that's what... I was just... it's... I..."

This is the first time in my life that I witness Sean struggling to find the right words. It breaks my heart.

No, I broke his heart with what I had to tell him, and I hate myself for that.

"I know," I mutter to myself, but he must have heard me, because he once again squeezes me tightly against him.

"Let's go find Luke," he announces, his voice now sounding more confident than before.

"What? Luke's here, too?" I exclaim, shocked by yet another unexpected turn of events.

"Yeah, the two of us figured that we didn't have any plans for next week and thought we'd come up here to take over from Sam and Hannah. Spend a few days with you, enjoying the mountains or just hanging out at the cabin while these two go home to prepare for their wedding and everybody else is busy. We thought it'd be great fun, just the three of us...," Sean's voice trails off at the end of his explanation.

I wiggle out of my brother's rather tight embrace and lean my head back to see his face. Our eyes meet and the uncertainty and sadness in his blue ones almost bowl me over.

This is not good.

Despite what he said before, the way he looks all conflicted and hurt, he must think the worst.

I swallow hard and bite my lip, trying to ground myself. I urgently need to man up right now, just like my siblings have told me to do uncountable times all my life. This is the moment where it could really matter how I act, so I definitely cannot freak out. Today, I've already cried and panicked more than enough.

What matters most now is that I am here for Sean, just like he is here for me. We need to go and find out together what happened to Sam. And maybe Luke can help, too. It is probably a very good thing that he is here.

We'll need all the support we can get, because if Sam's hurt really badly, somebody needs to stay with him and perhaps look after Hannah, who will be distraught and super worried. Also, someone will have to talk to the doctors and do all the other stuff adults do when there's a "situation" or a "crisis" or whatever this is. I wouldn't even know where to start, let alone what to do if I were here all by myself. So, my two brothers showing up so unexpectedly is a great thing, for sure. It might even be the sign that everything will turn out fine and it should definitely be enough to keep me from panicking. It should make me strong. Maybe I could...

"Lily?" Sean's voice pulls me out of the chaos that is my overactive mind.

I take a few short breaths in quick succession and count to ten in my head to focus, never even once breaking eye contact with him. With this gesture I am also trying to send him a wordless message that I've got it under control.

"Where?" I eventually ask, my voice slightly hoarse from the lump that is still irritatingly prominent and lodged in my throat.

I am definitely not going to make anyone believe that I will be of any help if I continue to act weak. Or if I appear to be on the brink of breaking down.

My brothers need me to be resilient and strong!

At least until we know that everything is fine.

"What?" Now it's Sean's turn to look at me confused.

"Where's Luke?" I clarify, happy that my voice sounds a lot firmer now.

"He met a few people he knows from previous visits here and stayed behind at the car park to catch up with them. He said he'll join us up here in a bit. – Let's go look for him. And we'll also try to find someone who can tell us what is going on with... with Sam. And we need to find Hannah, too. And then, once this is all sorted, we urgently need to get help to find the person responsible for this mess. I mean, you need to tell someone what you saw and we'll go from there."

Sean is talking and at the same time leading me away from the bench. This is when my ears pick up a new sound.

Rotor blades?

My head automatically moves to look up at the sky. At first, I don't see anything because the sun is causing me to squint. But when I turn my gaze to the right, up the mountain road where the race took place, I suddenly spot a helicopter approaching fast and growing bigger by the second.

Sean must have heard it, too, because from the corner of my eyes, I see his head swivel in that same direction. I feel his body stiffen next to me.

"Why is there a helicopter?" I ask.

"It's the mountain rescue," he replies in a monotone voice.

I don't know what to make of this information.

Is that good or bad?

Rescue does sound positive, no?

They only show up if there is somebody to save, right?

"Let's hope that's the case," Sean says neutrally.

I must have spoken my thoughts out loud without meaning to.

My hand subconsciously grabs my brother's, looking for comfort, and I flinch when I find his ice-cold fingers. Then I notice that mine are freezing, too, despite the warm weather. Nevertheless, I wrap them tightly around Sean's, squeezing his hand for comfort.

"They'll help Sam," I state firmly, for both our sake.

"Yeah."

I hate that Sean doesn't sound even remotely as assuring as he did earlier. I need him to believe that our brother is okay, just as much as I believe it. It will come true if only we don't give up on thinking positive.

I won't accept another outcome and I refuse to believe that Sam could be anything more than injured. Now that I know that nothing has been confirmed yet, this is what I am going to have faith in.

"He's okay," I once again claim confidently. "This is Sam, remember? He has spent more time in the mountains than any of us combined. He did mountain tours and stuff, so he knows exactly how to be safe up here. He has done survival training courses and all that, Sean."

I may have only found out that Sam is trained as a wilderness guide on our trip last week, but right now, this knowledge is the one thing that gives me the necessary hope that he will be okay and that everything will turn out just fine.

"I really hope you're right, baby girl. I'm just...," Sean starts.

My heart instantly clenches at the defeated sound of his voice.

"Sean! Lily! Finally!" Luke's frantic voice interrupts our brother's reluctant statement.

It also, thankfully, saves me from preparing myself to hear the worst, which I am definitely not ready for. It would defeat the whole mental pep-talk I gave myself only minutes ago.

"Luke!" I call, holding out my arm towards him, inviting him in for a welcoming group hug.

However, he completely ignores my gesture, simply offering me a meek "hello" before focusing on Sean. It is only then that I notice how pale he is. He is wearing sunglasses and their dark shades are a huge contrast against his almost paper white skin.

"Sean, I've been looking all over for you! I've tried to call you l like a thousand times. It's Sam and... and it's really bad, man. I'm... I... I mean, he... oh, fuck this!"

Luke pulls the sunglasses off and my breath hitches at the sight of his red rimmed eyes.

Are there tear tracks on his ghostly pale cheeks?

I am so shocked by the devastated expression on his face and his disheveled appearance that all I can do is stare at him, completely frozen in place. My eyesight slowly starts to become fuzzy as darkness forces its way into my field of vision. I fight this with all my might and try to remain focused on my two brothers, who are now standing a couple of feet away from me.

When did Sean leave my side?

Why can't I hear them speak?

What is this loud noise?

I blink frantically, willing my brain to keep up with what's going on.

"... found Hannah by an ambulance..." I recognize Luke's voice.

"... a complete mess..."

"... gave her something to calm her down..."

Luke is still talking. I don't know what Sean is doing.

Is he just staring at him in disbelief, too?

It looks like his mouth is moving and then I also hear sounds again, but he might as well be speaking in a foreign language. My brain isn't processing anything. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my fists against my ears, aiming to find some peace and quiet to calm down my frantic mind. Maybe, if I give it a break for a few seconds, it'll go back to normal.

"... you sure? Is it confirmed?"

I feel partially relieved when I can finally tune in to Sean's voice again and understand him. But something seems off. The tone of his voice is all wrong. Not calm and collected, and smooth and comforting.

It is bordering on panic, breaking a couple of times even if he has only spoken very few words.

"Yes, god damn it, Sean! How many more times do you need me to repeat it? Sam is dead! Our brother died on this freaking mountain, in front of his fiancée's eyes, less than an hour ago!" Luke shouts really loudly, startling me.

In front of his sister's eyes, too!

This is what I want to scream at them but again, I cannot seem to get a word out. Instead, I continue to stare wide-eyed at my two brothers. I don't understand anything that's going on anymore.

The darkness is creeping in, more adamant than ever to invade my mind, gaining speed at an alarming rate. I feel my body sway from side to side. I reach out to hold onto something, anything, to keep me from slipping under, but all I can grasp is thin air. Sean and Luke are here, right in front of me, but at the same time so very far away, they might as well be on a different continent.

Focus, Lily, focus.

"... she saw something... yeah, that creepy ass stranger... gotta get her to talk to the police..."

Sean seems to be catching Luke up on what I told him. I cannot give in to the darkness yet. I have to stay strong and tell the authorities everything I saw.

This is important, Lily.

Maybe it'll help Sam. Maybe it'll all turn out to be a big mistake and they'll find out that my brother is fine, after all.

Stay strong, for Sam's sake.

"... need to call Alex."

When these words from Sean's mouth reach my consciousness, my resolve to stay strong immediately crumbles to pieces.

No, don't tell Alex!

"Lily?"

Two very concerned and very pale faces appear in my line of vision.

Did I say this out loud, again?

I blink at my brothers as panic surges through every fiber of me, taking hold of my whole body and practically paralyzing me.

I want to keep them from telling Alex. I need to hold them back. If they do, it'll make this all real and there won't be a way to turn back.

They are not allowed to tell him that another one of his siblings has died. It will break my biggest brother and it will be all their fault.

We can't do that to Alex.

I open my mouth, wanting to lay it all out for them. Wanting to make them understand that this is the worst plan ever. Wanting them to stop this disaster from happening. Wanting them to do anything to protect this family from any more pain.

But before I can say what is on my mind, the darkness successfully sweeps in.

"Hey, honey! Hey, look at me!" Luke.

"Lily, sweetheart, breathe." Sean

Then their overwhelmed faces morph into a single white blob and their voices become one scrambled mess.

This time, I welcome the oddly comforting silence the darkness is offering. I feel almost weightless as I allow it to pull me in and swallow me up.

A/N - We made it! If I pretend to live slightly further west (2 hours should do the trick), I can claim that this was posted in January still, and I am mighty proud of this achievement LOL.

I hope all of you are still around and enjoyed this first chapter. It was a bit sad, I admit that, but not too bad yet, I think. Also, that was to be expected after the ending of book #2, no? I hope you are ready for the upcoming (slightly bumpy) ride that is Lily's life. I am certainly excited to be back after my "creative mini-break". I missed you readers a lot!