Chapter 19 - Keeping You Safe

"If you don't close your mouth you're gonna catch flies."

Finn's voice very near my ear startles me but also brings me back out of freeze mode. I quickly clamp my lips together, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. Luckily, they're probably still bright red from my earlier embarrassment so nobody will notice anything different.

"Oh wow, it's the hot English chick," Will is the first to react, gaining everyone's attention.

"Oh dear, it's the black sheep," Jo instantly throws back at him.

The two of them share a grin and then Jo looks around our group, probably to see who else is there.

"What a coinci-," she begins but is rudely interrupted.

"If it isn't England's most beautiful rose," Jordan exclaims, approaching our group from the right with long steps.

I really shouldn't be surprised that he spotted her, too, but still it somehow annoys me. I remember only too well how he threw himself at her when I met her at the restaurant that night a couple of months ago. And how he barely paid any mind to my plans to set her up with Alex.

Alex.

I suddenly wish even more that he could have been persuaded to come with us today. Although I have very much neglected my match-making plans recently – for obvious reasons, I believe – I never completely abandoned them. And now that we so unexpectedly encounter Jo again, my resolve to get them together has immediately returned.

"And if it isn't the vainest person in the Western hemisphere," Jo replies, flashing Jordan a cheeky smile.

"Although, looking at you in all your swimming trunk glory, I have to give it to you. You're vanity is not completely unfounded," she adds after very obviously scanning his appearance from top to bottom.

Oh no, Jo, what are you doing?

"Well, you don't have to hide, either. Looking rather fine yourself, Joanna," my brother compliments her smoothly, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

I watch partially fascinated and partially in disbelief how he invades her personal space and throws his long arms around Jo, pulling her into a full on hug. She seems happy enough to return the hug, making me wonder how well they've gotten to know each other after that initial meeting at the restaurant.

I know they exchanged numbers and Luke has more than once hinted that Jordan met up with her, but until now I had no proper evidence that this actually really happened and it wasn't just Luke teasing me because he learned about my plans for Alex. But seeing how comfortable the two of them seem to be around each other, I guess they did go out, after all.

I really hope that's all they did.

Jordan made me believe that he had "gotten the memo" – as my brothers called it quite sarcastically when they learned about my plans – about her being off limits, but I am not sure that I can trust him when it comes to women and dating. His reputation precedes him and I have heard way too many stories of his "ways" with the opposite sex, let alone having had to witness it a few times myself, too. And although I know that he usually respects or at least pretends to humor my ideas, he might not have done so on this occasion.

I mean, who am I to tell him not to see someone?

I probably wouldn't mind me, either.

"How've you been?" Jordan asks once they have broken off their hug.

"Good, good, thank you. Busy, but what's new about that? What about you? How's that business of yours going?"

A shadow washes over Jordan's face at her question, but it disappears as quickly as it showed. I assume she doesn't know about Sam and maybe he wonders whether to tell her or not. I watch as he swallows hard and then puts on a somewhat fake happy expression. People who don't know my brother very well will most likely be fooled by it, but I can clearly tell that he is struggling to maintain a positive attitude.

"Business is going great, thanks for asking," Jordan replies with impressive ease. "We're considering hiring a few more instructors to meet the demand. Would have never thought that there's such a gap to bridge in that market in this city. Word's been getting around and people are literally beating a path to our door."

"Could have to do with a certain well-built instructor," Jo remarks flirtatiously.

I can barely suppress making a gagging sound when I catch Sean's eye. He almost invisibly shakes his head and steps forward.

"Okay, stop that, please. There aren't many rules in our family, but one of the few is that we do not willfully stroke this one's already hyper-inflated ego," he quips, catching Jo's attention.

"Oh hey, hello, Sean," she greets him with a bright smile and they exchange a quick hug, too.

My eyes grow big as I watch their interaction.

Have they met up, too?

There's simply no way she can remember all my brothers' names. Nobody ever does. Not, if you've only met them briefly. And I know that she didn't spend much time talking to Sean that evening. After he successfully did what I asked him to and distracted Jordan to allow Alex to get a word in – with limited success, I must add, because there were others hogging her attention and he unfortunately just isn't the kind of person to put himself in the spotlight – he spoke mainly with me.

"Hi, Jo. Good to see you."

"You, too. All of you, really. I have to say, I wasn't expecting to bump into you guys here."

"What makes you say that?" Sean wants to know.

"Well, you didn't give me the impression that you like hanging out at the beach and with that in daylight, all too often. Seeing as you're all so keen on partying into the early morning hours," Jo grins, looking at my three brothers in turn.

Huh?

This is news to me. Or rather, up until now, I have not really given much thought to what my siblings are up to when they go out. I only know that Alex and Ben, if they even go out at all, usually only get a few drinks with friends. But to my knowledge they don't stay out very late or go to clubs. Where there's dancing and stuff, I guess, which I simply can't imagine them getting into. And definitely not "into the early hours".

I admittedly also don't have any idea what Jordan and Sean like to do when they go out. They haven't been living with us for the longest time and for all I know, they might have gone clubbing every night in the past six years. Well, maybe not Jordan, as I doubt that there are many clubs and bars in the desert. Which would make it even more understandable if he enjoyed going out now that he's back here.

"You clearly must mistake us for someone else," Sean claims with fake innocence, exaggeratedly turning his head in the direction of me and my friends, throwing in some weirdly dramatic facial expressions.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to expose your secret partying personalities to your little siblings," Jo laughs, making quotation signs with her fingers when she says "secret" and winking at me when our eyes meet. "Hi, Lily, gorgeous girl."

Before I know what is happening, I find myself in a tight embrace. Immediately, her feminine scent fills my nostrils and I involuntarily inhale the mix of sun screen and delicate perfume. I don't understand why it has such an immediate relaxing effect on me.

"Hi, Jo," I whisper a bit awkwardly once she has released me from the embrace and is now holding me at arm's length, mustering me intensely.

"Are you okay, darling?" she ask sweetly. "Or are those boys giving your grief again?"

"Wh-what are you doing here? And... a-and how do you... did... umm... did you stay in contact with them?" I stammer, ignoring her question and at the same time hating myself for my unsteady voice.

But my main focus right now is to get more clarity on their friendship status, or whatever this even is.

Alex is still at the very forefront of my thoughts and I am not willing to just let that go only because she might be better acquainted with some of my other brothers than I expected.

Jo lets out one of her infectious laughs.

"Well, of course I did. We've been going out a few times, Jordan and I, haven't we? And your family's bad boy here has been hanging out with us every now and then, too."

She nods her head towards Will, who looks completely unbothered by the narrow-eyed look I am sending his way.

"And Sean was out with us after that dinner, when I first met you," Jo adds. "But you surely know that, don't you? Or why is there such a surprised expression on your face, Lily?"

She looks expectantly at me but I don't know how to react to this. All kinds of thoughts are swirling around in my head, making me feel pretty confused. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that my brothers have apparently been in regular contact with her and I didn't even know about it.

Have they forgotten our agreement that she is off limits to them?

Or do they just not care?

Then another thought hits me.

Maybe Alex has been going out with them, too?

It's not like I know what he does all the time. I mean, I always thought that when he is not working late, he is home with us. But who says that he couldn't have just been out clubbing with his brothers instead of being busy at work? It would certainly be his right to do that. It's not like he has to tell me everything he does.

"So, has Alex been out with you guys, too?" I ask before I can stop myself.

Immediately, everybody's attention is on me. I can feel more than see my friends' curiosity because they are standing to my left and slightly behind me. Meanwhile, my three brothers are looking at me with what I consider slightly guilty expressions. I can't spot Aidan anywhere but I have the feeling that he is somewhere nearby, too, probably waiting for an opportunity to jump in and make fun of me for being so awkward.

"Alex? Which one's that again?" Jo asks, her eyebrows knotted together in thought.

My heart drops.

That's definitely not the reaction I was hoping for. Actually, that's probably the worst reaction there could have been.

I can't help but shoot daggers with my eyes at Jordan, Sean and Will for their failure to stick to the mission and to at least talk to her about him, if they couldn't even be bothered to bring him along on their nights out. They're completely useless as matchmakers, so much has become blatantly clear in the past few minutes.

"Only, like, the best out of all of them," my best friend Gracie suddenly speaks up before adding: "Very tall, dark blonde hair, the most handsome out of Lily's brothers, works for the police?"

Jordan coughs audibly at Gracie's words, earning him an elbow into the side courtesy of Sean. I can't help but smirk at him.

I'm not sure, but I think Jo's cheeks turned slightly pink at my friend's rather superficial description of my oldest brother. But that's probably only me, making up things that I wish were happening and that are most likely just a result of my overly imaginative mind.

"Oooh, I'm sorry. Of course I remember Alex," Jo quickly assures me, giving me an apologetic smile. "How could I not? But next to the other rather boisterous members of your family that I met that night, he kept himself more in the background. I mainly remember his calm and reassuring presence. I'm almost a bit embarrassed that I didn't recall his name."

"With a family the size of a football team, nobody recalls all these names in just one evening," Anna offers. "I've known Lily for almost a year now and I don't know all of them by name, either."

I know for a fact that that's a lie because of how obsessed her and Lauren have been with the boys ever since they came to that barbeque event, but I am still grateful for her interference.

I also feel a bit bad for having put Jo on the spot like this about Alex. I blame it on the chaos of emotions that have been dictating my life recently. And it really annoys me that my brothers have never told me that they have been meeting up with her – not to mention that they have clearly done nothing to help my plans move further.

Looks like I have to do everything on my own.

Boys are so unreliable.

"So, what're you doing here?" Will asks, surprising me.

He isn't normally one to voluntarily start a conversation, even less so with people outside our family. Unless he has a go at Finn, of course, but that surely doesn't count as having a conversation but rather him yelling at my friend – for no reason, usually. However, Will has been more communicative around me lately, which I guess is to be expected, considering our recent history together. And we seem to give him plenty of opportunities to call us idiots for decisions we've made.

My brother must feel very comfortable around Jo to want to talk to her.

"Enjoying my day off. I mean, look at this weather! I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay inside on such a glorious day," Jo replies, enthusiastically waving her hands around.

"And who're you here with?" Jordan inquires curiously.

"Am I not allowed to spend some time by myself?"

I let out a breath of relief that I haven't even noticed I have been holding while waiting for her answer. I remember that she said she was on a date the night we met her and I am sure that she could easily have found a boyfriend since then.

"Feel free to join us – unless you're adamant about wanting to spend time alone. Which then would totally raise the question why you'd come to the busiest beach in town on a weekend."

Jordan gives her a smug look which earns him a punch to the upper arm.

"Don't you start with me, Taylor," Jo threatens playfully.

My brother is wearing a stupid grin as his eyes drift down to where she is sheepishly rubbing the knuckles on her hand that she used to hit him. She glares at him when she notices his stare and Jordan, being true to his personality, wordlessly flexes his biceps in return.

"Okay, okay, that's quite enough, you two," Sean, thankfully, interferes.

"Jealous, baby bro?" Jordan teases him.

"Nobody wants to witness your desperate attempts at flirting, J, is all I'm sayin'."

"Definitely jealous," Jordan declares and turns back towards Jo. "Have you noticed how he's too insecure to take off his t-shirt when I'm around? I have nothing more to add."

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, would definitely be a blessing," Will interjects, throwing a towel which I recognize as mine, over Jordan's head.

My friends giggle at Jordan's offended expression once he has pulled it off again. Jo and Sean laugh, too, while I just look at them, unsure of what to make of this weird exchange. My three brothers and Jo seem to be very much at ease with each other.

"Anyway, as entertaining as it is to bicker with you boys, I'd actually love to spend a bit of time with your sister, now that we've met so unexpectedly. – Wanna go grab an ice cream, darling? You're friends are welcome to join us, of course," Jo invites me, motioning to Anna and Gracie. "I'm sure there's a lot for us girls to gossip about."

I catch her eye and she somewhat secretly shoots a quick glance in Finn's direction. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks again and quickly look down. Allowing my hair to fall around my face, I hope nobody notices me blushing.

"I'm all down for ice cream," Will announces and I feel a heavy arm fall around my shoulders, which is unmistakably his.

"What about us girls did you not understand?" Jo challenges him.

"Ever heard of gender discrimination?" he quickly throws back at her. "Do you really want to go there and exclude me? That's so last century."

Wow, I didn't know Will could be so dramatic!

"I'm sure you'll get over it, Will. I would really like to catch up with your sister without you guys breathing down her neck. If I remember it correctly, she hardly gets a chance to get away from all the testosterone. Plus, you can't deny that – once again – I found her at the receiving end of your pestering when I showed up. I consider it my duty to give her a little break from you."

"Well, that's too bad. I'm either going with you – or she isn't going."

Will's voice has adopted a no-nonsense tone and he seems to have completely lost his previously good humor. A shiver runs down my spine at the sudden change of atmosphere. When I glance up to get a look at his face and hopefully gather why is so adamant to go with us, I find him having one of these silent conversations with my two other brothers, which consists of them throwing meaningful looks at each other.

Eventually, Sean nods and not for the first time, I wonder how they do this, understanding each other without using words. Also, I never knew that Will has mastered this mysterious skill, too.

I watch curiously as Sean reaches out and gently puts a hand on Jo's upper arm to get her attention. She gives him a confused look but follows his lead and they take a few steps away, probably in an attempt to get out of earshot. I turn towards Jordan, ready to ask him what this is all about and find him looking at me with a sad expression. I narrow my eyebrows, wondering what has so suddenly put such a damper on their mood and he replies to my unspoken question with a small smile that does nothing to reassure me. I can feel the tension in Will's body because he is standing so close with his arm still draped over my shoulder.

What is going on?

Deciding to shift my attention back to Jo and Sean, who are now standing a few yards away, I quickly get my answer. I witness how she lets out an audible gasp and her hands fly to cover her mouth. Sean's facial expression is sympathetic but even from this distance I recognize the hurt in his blue eyes.

He told her about Sam.

Immediately, tears start to blur my vision. I am still not used to witnessing people's reaction when they find out what happened. Every time, it is like I am transported back to that horrible moment when Luke told me that Sam was no longer with us. And every time it feels like my heart is going to implode because it can't take that pain.

I barely notice the hand that has slipped into mine but then the person who took it squeezes it rather forcefully and I instantly know that it is Gracie. Her firm touch reminds me to breath which in turn pulls me out of my head and away from that dreaded dark place where my thoughts usually spin until I am feeling dizzy and want to throw up.

"You're okay," Gracie whispers from beside me.

As if that were his cue, Will tightens his hold on me and starts rubbing his hand up and down my upper arm. Despite how upset I was with him after how he acted at Sam's memorial, I suddenly crave his comfort, so I lean into him – only to jump away a split second later.

"Hey, what's...," Will starts but I interrupt him, my eyes wide.

"You're not wearing a shirt!" I exclaim, horrified.

My brother seems confused for a moment, then looks down at himself and back up at me again. His face has adopted his trademark sarcastic expression.

"This is a beach, you troll. Walking around with no shirt on is what people do around here," he remarks dryly. "Got a problem with that?"

"Yes! Yes, I do! I don't want to be hugged by my half-naked brother!" I scold him, a shudder running down my spine. "That's so gross."

"And you're pretty rude."

I ignore his remark because I know that, one, it is almost impossible to offend Will, and two, I am not really bothered to care about his feelings right now. My hate for being hugged by them when they are wearing sweaty t-shirts is one thing, but actually snuggling up against their bare skin is taking it too far for my comfort. Maybe I used to be okay with that a lifetime ago – mainly with Alex, who I guess is some sort of father figure for me, if that makes any sense – when I was a little baby. But definitely not anymore.

"What made you think I'd want to hug you like this?"

"Well, excuse me if I didn't even think about it at all, because I acted on instinct. Jeez, such a little drama queen. Sorry that I cared."

I open my mouth to defend my reaction but then my mind absorbs Will's last sentence. When I realize what he said, it instantly takes the wind out of my sails.

He wanted to look after me, comfort me.

There were clearly no ill intentions, rather the opposite. Will did what he thought I needed when the grief of losing Sam was once again threatening to overwhelm me. And instead of being grateful for his considerate actions, I blow up at him.

I wonder if this is how it is going to be between us from now on. Will getting drunk and frustrated and saying all sorts of hurtful things to me. And in return, me getting upset and angry with him and his actions when he least deserves it.

I really hope that that isn't what will happen. I don't want that losing someone that I love starts threatening to destroy my relationship with the other people I love. I don't want to turn into a horrible person who nobody can bear being around because all I do is hurt their feelings. I don't want anything else to change.

"M'sorry," I mutter, embarrassed about my silly outburst.

But instead of gracefully accepting my apology, Will simply walks away, making me feel even more like an idiot. His reaction is a stab in my heart and I have to remind myself that this is 100% my own fault.

"What's going on with you two, anyway? You've already been super weird yesterday," Gracie whispers so that nobody else can hear her – I hope.

I shrug, unwilling to elaborate on the complicated relationship between us. It's not like I understand it myself. All I know is that I have been acting unreasonable for a while now, but so has Will, and put together, it appears to be a pretty toxic combination.

A year ago, it would not have bothered me very much. Back then, we didn't have any kind of noteworthy relationship. We mainly coexisted as siblings. I am certain that he only considered me to be his annoying little sister, nothing more. I, on the other hand, always thought of him as my most mysterious brother. Enigmatic, as Sam once put it. Will has been the one that I barely knew anything about for most of my life, other than that he only spent time with us when he was forced to. And that he always came up with the most creative swear words, much to Alex and Ben's dismay and our entertainment.

I am so caught up in my thoughts about our rocky past that it startles me when I am suddenly and forcefully pulled into someone's arms again. My face gets smashed against a hard chest, but this time my nose hits fabric and not bare skin. A hand heavily lands on my head and starts messing up my hair while I try to turn my head so that I can actually breathe.

"Is that more agreeable for you, gremlin?" Will grunts from somewhere above me.

I wordlessly return his hug before looking up to see if he's still upset with me. But this only results in me letting out an involuntary yelp as his fingers painfully pull at my hair because they're still tangled up in it. My brother snorts at my misfortune and curses under his breath when he tries to untangle them, which proves to be a bit tricky.

"You're just making it worse!" I complain, trying to move my head away from his touch.

"Keep still! Why do you have such a rat's nest on your head, anyway?" he grumbles, unimpressed.

"It was fine, until you just had to put your fingers in it! How many times do I have to tell you guys that I am not a freakin' dog? Stop patting my head and touching my hair all the time!"

I glare at him and push his hands away once he has successfully removed them from my hair – with my help.

"Here."

Seemingly out of nowhere, Anna hands me a hairbrush. I gratefully accept it and start to brush out the knots that Will caused. I have quite a lot of hair, but the individual strands are on the thin side, causing it to get all knotty if I don't take care of it properly when I get it wet. It is always a pain when we are swimming and I forget to braid it, like today. At home, when I am washing it, I normally use a ton of conditioner to make it easier to brush through without bruising my scalp by pulling out hundreds of strands.

When I was younger, Ben or Josh would help me brush it after a shower because I couldn't do it myself. And even though they were as gentle as possible, I would sometimes end up crying because it still hurt when they had to brush out some of the bigger knots. It's safe to say that bath time often ended in a bit of a drama, not making it the most enjoyable part of an evening for anyone involved.

"Thank you," I say, handing the brush back to my friend and accepting a hair tie from her in return.

I make quick work of putting my hair into a braid and just in time as well, because a moment later, Jo steps up to me and pulls me into yet another hug.

"I am so sorry, Lily. It's... this is... darn... umm... I'm... I'm so, so sorry about Sam," she eventually presses out.

I am not sure if I am more surprised by how tightly she keeps me wrapped up in her arms or by the fact that Jo – the woman that comes across as so strong and confident – sounded so incredibly uncertain when she tried to find her words.

Taking a shaky breath, because I am getting emotional again only by hearing someone say Sam's name out loud, I return the hug.

"Thank you," I say quietly once she has loosened her hold on me a bit.

Jo clears her throat and hugs me once again before letting go. I can only guess that her eyes are searching mine, because she is wearing big sunglasses. But it feels like her attention is fully on me when she asks the one thing that I still struggle to answer, even when I ask myself the same thing in my head, every day.

"How're you holding up? Are you... are you... okay?"

I decide that a shrug is all I can offer at this point.

"Oh, darling. What a stupid thing for me to ask! This must be so hard. I'm very sorry you and your family have to go through this."

"Don't apologize – s'not your fault," I whisper sadly.

Jo takes a deep breath that sounds more like a sigh and straightens up some more. She grabs my hand and squeezes it in a comforting gesture, very similar to what Gracie did only moments ago.

"Alright. Just let me know if I can do anything to help. Anything, Lily. I mean it. I know you don't really know me, but I want to be here for you, if you need someone to talk to. Someone outside your family, that is," she offers kindly.

"Okay."

"Now... are you still up for that ice cream?"

I almost reply that I wonder if she is up for it herself, because she seemed quite shaken by the news. For me, nothing really has changed since she first asked me. I have been ready go with her then and I still am. Sam has died and I know that there is nothing I can do to change that.

I have had more than a week to start getting used to the thought of him being gone and although it's very hard, I try to do what Sean has told me more than once. That is to not let what happened keep me from having fun every once in a while and to do stuff that I like and makes me feel good.

"I'd love that," I tell her, offering a small smile and hoping that it will put her back at ease.

The last thing I want is for her or for other people to feel uncomfortable around me and my siblings. Unfortunately, as I have learned, that is something that happens when fate throws you a curveball like this. A lot of people don't know how to act around you. According to Sean, this is because they are worried to say or do things that could upset me. I can relate to a certain extent, seeing as I walked on eggshells around Josh for the longest time after learning about Sienna. Now, being in a similar situation to him, I suddenly understand what it means when your friends treat you differently because you lost someone close to you. It's not a great feeling, either.

"Perfect. – Do you two want to join us?" Jo asks, looking first at Gracie and then at Anna.

Anna instantly agrees, looking intrigued, while my best friend glances at me questioningly. My heart warms at this considerate gesture. She wants to make sure I am okay with them joining before agreeing to it. I give her a tiny nod.

"I would very much like some ice cream, too," Gracie then says.

I go back to where my towel and bag lay and grab my sunglasses. Josh bought them for me earlier this year when we went shopping together and I think they look very stylish. As I stand up straight again, something soft hits me in the face and then falls down by my feet. I instantly recognize my beach dress with the colorful design on it. I got that with Josh, too, since he is the only one in my family who likes to go shopping with me and when we do, I usually try to get as much out of it as I can. It mostly works, too, because in his opinion, there's still a lot of room for improvement when it comes to my wardrobe.

Glancing to my right, I find Will standing there with his arms cross in front of his chest.

"Why do you throw things at me?" I complain.

"Put it on," he orders and when I stare back at him expectantly, he adds: "You're not walking around the boardwalk in only your swim suit."

I let out a long suffering sigh but decide against arguing with him when I see him glancing icily at Finn after telling me what to do. But I do roll my eyes at him being so annoying about this.

Actually, my brothers are quite relaxed when it comes to what I wear, as long as it is what they call "age-appropriate". Whatever that means in their eyes. They may act overprotective in a lot of ways, but they are not too strict with these kind of things, so I can't really complain.

I quickly slip into my dress and put my sunglasses on. When I return to where Jo stands, I find my two friends dressed similarly. Also, the boys have thrown on their t-shirts, causing me to look at them curiously.

"Where are you guys going?" I ask Jayden.

"Your very kind brother offered to invite us for a round of ice cream, too," he replies, motioning towards Sean, who seems to be in some sort of playful scuffle with Aidan.

I smile at the sight of them. My family is slowly starting to get back to the way we acted before it all happened with Sam and that makes me happy. I don't think we'll ever be the same again – of course we won't – but it feels good to see them joking around again and being more relaxed. These are small steps but I think they are important if we want to overcome this.

I only wish Noah would have come with us. But I didn't get to ask him myself because he wouldn't even let me into his room to talk to him, so I had to rely on Aidan to convince his twin. That obviously was unsuccessful because Noah remained locked in his room and refused to come out. I have no idea how hard Aidan even tried, but I can't blame him. It is very hard on him that Noah has more or less stopped interacting with any of us.

This is also the reason why Alex hasn't come with us to the beach, or at least that's what I've been told. I didn't get to speak to him or see him today, either. Apparently, according to Jordan, our oldest brother is staying home to ensure that Noah is not alone. As much as I would have liked for Alex to join us – even more so now that Jo is here – I totally understand that Noah is more important than a day at the beach. Although, I am not quite sure if Alex is the right person to help him get out of this funk, seeing as he himself is struggling a lot, too.

"Lils, are you coming?" Gracie asks, pulling me out of my rather depressing thoughts.

She grabs my hand and drags me after Jo, who has started walking towards the boardwalk with Anna right next to her, chatting her ear off. As we hurry to catch up with them, I feel another presence next to me.

Will.

"What are you doing?" I ask suspiciously.

"I am tagging along."

"Wi-i-ill," I whine. "Can't you, like, find your own friends?"

Gracie nudges my side but I hear a small giggle from her. I don't find this funny at all. Will's behavior is very strange, even for him, and it is starting to irritate me.

"Friends are overrated. I'd much rather spend some time with my favorite sister."

"You were not invited!" I try the more direct approach.

I won't let him spoil one of the very few chances I get to spend time in only female company – outside of school or my bedroom, where I spend time with my girlfriends.

"I told you that you're only going if I am going."

His voice has once again adopted that no-nonsense tone which he used earlier when Jo initially invited me to go with her.

"I thought you were joking."

"Think again."

"Why are you being so annoying?" I accuse him.

"Stop whining. That's annoying. Me, I'm just keeping you safe."

When Will's words hit home, my feet immediately stop working and I almost cause Gracie to stumble because she's still holding my hand. A shiver runs down my spine when my brain connects the dots and my brother's intention slowly start to become clear.

Images of the stranger on the opposite side of the road at Sam's race flash before my inner eye before I can stop them and shove them back into that mental lockbox at the very back of my mind.

Does Will think he's still coming after us?

This thought has never even crossed my mind, but now that Will has planted that seed, it suddenly becomes a possibility. Alex and Jordan and the others have hinted more than once that "someone" might want to hurt our family. And there seems to be a clear consensus that Sam's accident was anything but an accident. Not to mention their paranoia that they're not able to protect us, whatever that is all about.

"What?" Will brings me out of my stupor, shoving me. "Why are you just standing there like an idiot?"

I turn my head and blink up at him, still not at all sure what to make of the onslaught of thoughts that have invaded my mind at his previous statement. His features are neutral, as far as I can tell since he's conveniently wearing sunglasses, too, not giving me a chance to see what is really going on behind those dark eyes of his.

"Y-you... do you... I...," I stammer helplessly.

I have no idea what to do next. Part of me wants to turn around, pack up my things and leave immediately as to not give the stranger – or anyone else who has it out for us – a chance to hurt my family again. But there is also another part of me, one that feels angry. A part that wants to be out here and enjoy life just to defy that stupid stranger.

If he's even really after us.

I don't know what to believe anymore and who to listen to.

"Hey, Gracie, Lily, what's taking you so long?" Anna calls out for us.

"We're coming!" Gracie yells back before turning to me and asking quietly: "We are still going, aren't we? Are you okay?"

I just nod, not trusting myself to be able to speak after all I managed earlier was some incoherent stammering.

"I agree with your impatient friend up there. Get a move on, you guys," Will says, a teasing smirk on his face.

He puts one of his hands on my shoulder and leans in until his lips almost touch my ear.

"Everything's okay, doll. I'll make sure of it," he whispers so lowly that Gracie, who is still standing next to us, can't hear him.

Will pats my shoulder and then kind of exaggeratedly shoves me towards where my other friend and Jo are waiting for us. I almost stumble up the couple of steps right in front of me at the unexpected force. But against all odds, I manage to keep my balance.

Still feeling a bit apprehensive, I let Gracie pull me away from Will. When we are only a few feet away, I involuntarily turn back towards him to check that he's still following us. If his uninvited presence annoyed me before, it now suddenly feels reassuring.

"What're you still doing here, Number 9?" Jo asks when we catch up with her and she spots Will standing a bit away, observing us.

"Number nine?" Anna looks intrigued.

"When we first went out together, I had trouble remembering his name so I asked which one of the Taylor's he was and he told me, he's number 9. It kind of stuck," Jo explains as Will huffs.

I do the math in my head and assume it refers to the order in which my siblings were born. This is when I realize that I am number 13, now that we have learned about Sienna. Not that I am particularly fond of this number, since it is often referred to as an unlucky one.

I am not very superstitious, but I can't help but feel a bit uncertain about it, even if it is silly. There is no denying that bad luck has been following me during the past year, ever since my 12th birthday.

Which marked the start of my thirteenth year of life.

A shudder runs down my spine.

"I told her to stop calling me that, but she won't listen," Will grunts, distracting me from that pretty creepy thought.

"Whatever, stop whining. – And just so you know, I have no intention of buying you an ice cream, if that's what you're after. This is supposed to be a girls only thing."

"I tried to get rid of him but he won't listen, either," I quip.

Although I am feeling slightly better knowing that Will is watching out for me, now that he brought the stranger's existence back to the forefront of my mind, I obviously won't admit that out loud. I don't want the others to know what is going on because it would not be fair to scare them, most likely unnecessarily.

So, while I don't mind if my brother is sticking around nearby, I'll still have to make sure he's out of earshot. I don't trust Anna not to start gossiping about boys and love interests and other such embarrassing topics again, and he definitely doesn't need to hear that, no matter what.

"Don't worry, ladies, I'll stay out of your hair. That one has already laid down the law, loud and clear," Will points at me with his signature smirk. "So, go and enjoy your treat and ignore me."

He makes a gesture with his hands to shoo us away and we don't need to be told twice. Jo shakes her head in what looks like disbelief before letting out a short laugh. Then, she starts leading us straight to the fancier of the two ice cream parlors on the boardwalk. I have seen Sean and the boys go to the other one and I appreciate her consideration to keep our distance from them, too.

Only about a hundred yards later we reach our destination and join the queue. I glance over my shoulder to see if Will is still there and find him casually leaning against the boardwalk railing, arms and ankles crossed. His face is turned in our direction but if I didn't know it, I couldn't tell that he was watching us. He looks just like any guy who is enjoying the sun while doing some people watching.

"What flavors do you girls want?" Jo asks. "I'll get them for you and you can go sit at that table before anyone else snatches it."

She points towards a small white table with four chairs that is just about to be vacated by a young family.

"I'll have blueberry and yoghurt, please!" Anna shouts excitedly and already takes off.

I watch fascinated as she slips into one of the chairs literally a second before three teenage girls, probably around the twins' age, can get there. Her courage is impressive. I don't think I would have dared to do this. Instead, I would have probably just turned around if I saw the three older girls aiming for the same space. The way she nonchalantly tells them that the seats are now "unfortunately" taken is pretty cool, too.

"Your friend sure is a force to be reckoned with," Jo laughs.

"And she's not even half as full on as our other friend Lauren, trust me," Gracie giggles. "I'll better go and help her defend our seats. – Oh, and I'll have peanut butter, if I may?"

"Of course. No second flavor?"

Gracie thinks about that for a few seconds.

"Well, maybe some dark chocolate to go with it?" she asks slowly.

"Perfect choice. Off you go, help Anna. It looks like the three other ladies are rather unimpressed by what she did."

I take a sidestep to see around Jo, who has moved into my line of sight and see Anna calmly replying to something one of the older girls is saying to her. She looks completely at ease and doesn't seem to be even remotely intimidated by the girl's somewhat aggressive stance. I know that I would give up the seats immediately if they'd gang up on me like this.

I find it difficult enough in school to not feel inferior to the older students all the time. I would never even think of talking back to any of them, even more so if I don't know them. I hope things will improve on that front when the new school year starts and we will no longer be the youngest on campus.

I may have gotten braver and also more vocal, standing up to my brothers and voicing my opinion, but so far, I've only used these new skills around my family. It feels like a safe space where I can test the waters and see how far it gets me. But whenever I am around people I don't know very well, I tend to retreat back into my shell, like the shy kid I have been all these years growing up. Being my brothers' shadow has definitely been easier than attracting attention by acting rambunctious and loud.

Thinking of my brothers, I do a quick check to see if Will is still there and find him where I last saw him. A girl is now standing right next to him, very much in his personal space, but he is not paying her much attention. She appears to be speaking to him, but his mouth hasn't moved yet so I guess he is either completely ignoring her or he is treating her to a dose of his not very charming grunts and hums.

"Hey, Lily, are you in there?" Jo's voice filters into my thoughts, startling me.

"Umm, what?"

"It's our turn, darling. What do you want?"

"I'll have chocolate, please," I reply and when she continues to look at me like she's waiting for more, I add: "And coconut."

"Awesome."

With that, she turns her attention back to the teenager behind the counter and places the orders. A few minutes later, the two of us wander over to where Gracie and Anna have successfully defended our seats. I hand my best friend her cone and plop down next to her. Jo lets out a satisfied sigh as she takes her own seat. She then holds her cone out into the middle of the table, like one would do with a glass of wine.

"Cheers, girls. To a lovely Sunday and even lovelier company!"

We all echo Jo's cheer and then get to work on our sweet treat before it starts melting away.

"Hmmm, this is heaven," Gracie sighs happily.

"By far the best ice cream in town," Anna agrees. "Thank you, Jo."

"Yes, thanks very much," I tell her again, as I had already thanked her when she handed it to me at the counter.

"You're very welcome. Thanks for joining me. It's not every day that the young generation wants to spend time with old farts like me."

"You're not old!" Gracie immediately protests.

"How old are you?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"Lily!" my two friends gasp.

"You don't ask a woman that! What have your brothers taught you?" Anna snorts, shaking her head.

"To speak my mind?" I counter, not in the mood to have anyone question my upbringing.

Also, I just remembered that I had asked Jo that very same question in the bathroom when we first met, but I don't remember that she ever answered it back then. I have no idea if that was on purpose or if we got distracted. Either way, I am still curious since my unwavering plan is to get her to like Alex – and vice versa – so it would be interesting to know if they are even remotely the same age.

She does definitely look younger than him, but then again, she didn't have to raise a whole house full of kids like he did,m. That sure must have left its marks, at least if I can believe what Josh usually complains about when we touch on the unpopular topic of age.

"Calm down, girlies. It's completely okay to ask me anything you want. And I'll decide whether to answer or not. Plus, this is a legitimate question, even more so when we're amongst us. By the way, if you ever want to watch a guy squirm, ask him to guess your age. Nothing can put them more on the spot than this challenge. It's pretty hilarious to see the panic in their eyes when you're fixing them with an expectant gaze. It is very entertaining, to say the least. – And to answer your question, Lily, I'm 31," Jo reveals with an easy smile.

That makes her younger than Alex, and between the older twins and Sean in age. Perfect for my oldest brother. And definitely way out of Will's league, in case he for some odd reason had any thoughts of being interested in her. But I got the feeling earlier when they were talking to each other that their connection is the friendship kind, nothing more.

Thinking about Will, I quickly cast yet another glance in his direction and see that he has successfully gotten rid of the girl that was bothering him earlier. He is still standing in the same spot, seemingly completely unbothered by all the people bustling around him on the boardwalk. A sense of relief washes over me at his continued presence.

"That's cool. Alex is 35," I tell Jo and when she looks at me kind of curiously at that random bit of information, I quickly add: "And Jordan and Josh are 33 – Josh is Jordan's twin, in case you don't remember him – and Sean's just turned 30 last month."

Gracie nudges my foot under the table, probably wanting to make me aware that I am babbling.

"That's cool, too," Jo says slowly, like she is still trying to figure out what to do with that information.

"What she wants to say is that we're used to being around people your age. Lily more so than the rest of us, obviously," Gracie once again helps me out by trying to give those random facts a bit of context.

"Well, since we're already knee-deep into personal questions: tell me all about that Finn guy. Any chance you're finding him cute?"

Jo looks expectantly at me. Her eyes sparkle in anticipation of my answer and I instantly feel the heat rise in my cheeks. Quickly turning my face down, I attempt to hide behind my hair only to find that not working since I braided it earlier.

"Oh, she's so into him!" Anna exclaims, way too loudly for my liking.

I hope Will didn't hear her, but I think the distance is big enough for him to be out of earshot, even if the volume of my friend's voice surely must have attracted the attention of some people nearby.

"Can you tone it down a bit," I snap, sending her a pointlessly threating glare from behind my sunglasses.

"Well, I can't blame you, Lily, if that's the case. He's very cute, for a kid. I'd have been totally into him, too, if I were still your age," Jo agrees, making air quotes with her fingers when she echoes Anna's wording.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I protest, but even to my own ears this sounds strangely lame.

When the realization of what I have just been thinking hits me, I almost fall off my chair in shock.

So far, I have always denied it when my friends suggested that I might have a crush on Finn. I denied it so vehemently that I made myself believe it was the truth. That he is only a friend, just like them. Nothing more. But after all the teasing today, I am suddenly feeling tired of fighting against them when they start with these ridiculous allegations again.

Maybe I do like Finn more than just as a friend?

This is a pretty scary thought. I don't know if I am even ready to think about entering such a new phase in my life.

"Darling, there's nothing wrong with liking a boy," Jo encourages me.

I hesitantly look at her, kind of expecting her to wear the same teasing expression that my friends usually confront me with when they are getting all excited about this topic. But instead of amusement, Jo's face mainly reflects understanding, immediately putting me more at ease.

"I know. But that still doesn't mean that I like Finn," I claim, despite the confusing things that are going through my mind right now.

Other than not feeling ready to have a crush on anyone, I think I am even less ready to share that most recent insight with the girls here. I am not even sure if that is really what I am experiencing.

What does it feel like to have a crush?

I haven't had enough time yet to analyze this properly for myself. Therefore, I will definitely not be pushed to admit anything to my overly curious friends, who would surely be drawn to such a confession like moths to the flame. They'll know no boundaries and never let me hear the end of it.

I have to keep this to myself until I have made sense of everything.

"She's in denial," Anna meanwhile explains to Jo. "All the classic signs are there."

"Like you're such an expert and would be able to tell that," I challenge her, if only to shift the attention away from me for a bit.

"Hey, I've had my share of crushes, just so you know. Including a broken heart, once or twice. I know that love is complicated business," my friend defends herself with that incredible air of confidence that she sometimes exudes and that always leaves me speechless.

"Hear, hear," Jo laughs. "Sounds like you dove head first into your teenage years already, Anna. Assuming you're in your teens, that is."

"Oh, we've all turned 13 a while ago. Jay and Lily are the real babies in our group of friends," Gracie informs her. "By the way, Finn's 14 already, if I'm not mistaken."

"He's only just had his birthday," I say without thinking.

Immediately. I want to take it back, but it's too late. Of course, this piece of information triggers another round of teasing. It looks like I am the only one who knows when his birthday is and apparently that is yet another sign that I am "hopelessly in love", according to Anna.

"Let's leave her alone now, girls, okay? I remember when I had my first crush and my friends found out. I was horrified at first and it took me a while to realize how much fun it actually was to talk about these things with girlfriends. Not to mention that I was very glad to have them when it turned out that the object of my desire didn't reciprocate my feelings," Jo shares with us.

"Oh no, what happened?" Anna wants to know.

"I was even younger than you girls, when it happened. He was my older brother's best friend, three years my senior. Obviously, he was not interested in me, but it took me a pretty long time – and a few embarrassing love letters, I admit – to figure out that he only saw me as his friend's annoying kid sister. I was heartbroken and convinced that I would never be able to love anyone again. And yes, before you ask, I have a tendency to be dramatic."

We all laugh at the way Jo tells the story. I honestly can't imagine her being a teenage drama queen, because she appears to be such a grounded, strong and independent woman. Someone who exudes confidence and knows exactly what she wants. I remember how she was on that disastrous date when we first met and how she took it in her stride when that guy abandoned her at the restaurant.

"So, any other crushes worth mentioning around here?" Jo then curiously asks Gracie and Anna.

Gracie instantly denies that and now that I know that her and Noah are just good friends and there is nothing more to it, I believe her. Also, I think I would know if she were interested in a boy and she hasn't mentioned anyone to me.

Anna, on the other hand, happily takes the bait and starts telling Jo all about her latest "love interest", who is a boy she met while they were on their family vacation. Apparently, they have been spending every spare minute together after they met. And since she got her phone privileges back, now that their trip is over, she has been constantly messaging with him. The only downside is that he lives in Florida. Something tells me that this "love story" won't have a happy ending.

Jo then starts asking us all kinds of silly questions about boys, like, who else we find cute in school and why. She adds her own funny stories every now and then, making us giggle like a bunch of crazy girls at times.

I feel kind of relaxed for the first time in what seems like forever. I haven't had this much fun ever since that dreadful day of Sam's accident. Still, I don't contribute much to the conversation, preferring to listen to the girls' animated banter instead.

My mind slowly starts to wander and with it my eyes travel around, too, subconsciously taking in my surrounding. From the corner of my eyes I see Will, which fills me with a strange sense of relief. I usually hate it when my brothers act overprotective, but for some reason, his presence today is reassuring.

I muse over this for a bit, with the result that only snippets of my friends chatting to Jo filter through my consciousness. I hope for a brief moment that they don't realize that I am not really paying attention to what they are saying because I know that my behavior is a bit rude. But I seem to be unable to concentrate on them right now.

That's when a flash of something colorful catches my attention.

Ocean blue.

Within a spilt second, my brain connects that specific color with a very, very bad memory.

The stranger's accomplice on the mountain.

The one who rode into Sam and pushed him off the road. He was wearing a shirt exactly that color.

My breathing stops and at the same time my heartbeat accelerates hundredfold. As if they were glued to him, my eyes follow the movements of the person wearing that ocean blue t-shirt. It feels like everything else around me is either frozen in time or has changed to slow motion while said person – a averagely sized guy that I can only see from behind – makes his way across the beach towards the shore.

A hand engulfs mine, making me realize that I must have jumped to my feet. That is the only reasonable explanation as to why I can even see all the way down to the waterfront from where we are.

"Lily, where are you going?" someone asks.

I ignore them and forcefully pull my hand away from whoever is holding it. Before I consciously notice what I am doing, I have pushed my chair back and started running towards the railing that separates the beach from the boardwalk.

I can hear loud voices shouting things, but I am unable to understand individual words. I don't know if they are addressed to me or if it is just background noise from all the people here.

And I don't really care, either.

The moment my body crashes rather painfully against the raining, my eyes zero back in on the man in the blue shirt. And then, as if drawn by an invisible force, my head turns slightly to the right and I immediately recognize someone swimming in the water a bit further out in the ocean. The neon orange color of their trunks paired with the bright yellow flippers that they are wearing on their feet are unmistakable.

My mind goes into overdrive and my blood runs cold as I watch the blue-shirted man discard his t-shirt just a few yards away from the water's edge and then starts to wade into the ocean, heading in the direction of my brother, who is out there snorkeling with seemingly no care in the word.

All I can do when the reality of what is going to happen any minute hits me is scream out his name:

"Aidan!"

A/N - Merry Christmas, everyone!