102 | ACT VII, SCENE XIII

P R E V I O U S L Y

'I love you too.'

CARLEIGH PALACE, SUNCAIRN, ELLESMERE

TRISTAN

"ARE YOU SURE?" I CAUTIOUSLY asked her as the wind blew softly, making a few strands of her hair escape as they framed her face.

Edwina looked at me quietly, a gentle glow on her cheeks. She clenched and unclenched her fists, feeling the velvet of her dress slide over her palms. She'd picked out a black gown with golden accents as we dressed quietly in the comfortable silence. Something in me had calmed down as I watched her doing a simple, mundane thing like brushing her hair or putting on her boots - something that reassured me that she truly was back, that she wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm... not sure."

I lightly squeezed her hand.

"We can go back home. You don't have to do this today," my voice was silent. I was afraid she'd be overwhelmed, that she might not be ready yet - but today was a holy night, and she insisted on meeting the others.

Edwina squeezed my fingers in return, eyes twinkling despite the weariness residing in them.

"I want to try," she said hoarsely, even as her grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly.

I smiled, pressing a soft kiss on her head.

"Come on."

The guards outside stiffened at once as they recognized us, faces going white with surprise as they saw the Queen.

Alive.

"Your - your Grace," the one nearest to me choked out, falling to his knees. "Your Grace."

Edwina gave them a knowing smile.

"Praise the heavens, your Grace," he whispered. "They have returned our Queen to us."

I clapped him on the back, and he nodded, and then the gates swung open.

A flood of sparkling lights drowned the lawns as lutes and drums played a soft, lilting melody. Above us, the sky was filled with stars. Laughter, champagne and heady conversations crashed into us like a refreshing wave, and at my side, Edwina let out a little sob of relief.

We took a step in.

And every person present froze.

• • • • •

EDWINA

The sea of faces looking at me was wide with wonder, surprise, and something that looked like... pity.

A wounded animal - a wounded, dying animal - that was what I was to them.

I stopped in my tracks.

My feet refused to move. To yield an inch. They forgot how to move.

There were tears in Amphitrite's eyes - in Halette's eyes, and Celinette's too. Llewellyn was a statue of horror beside his mother. The elder gods were frozen. Deimos lingered near the fountain, a glass of wine in hand.... staring right at me with - with sadness. Eric looked at me with understanding sympathy in the set of his face, and something snapped in me as I realized that his reaction, too - was pity.

Just pity.

I dared not move - not run - even when every instinct in my body screamed, pressing under the presence of hundreds of people around us, looking at me, looking right at me, and the weight of their gazes seemed to drown me.

"Oh, baby," Halette whispered softly. "I've missed you. But - but you - you-"

"She's alive," Tristan said, voice quiet. "She's alive. She's real. And she's certainly not a ghost."

"Oh lord," she raised a hand to her mouth, and soft gasps filled the air around me as person after person looked at me with disbelief and wonder. And around her, faces lit up in realization, with shock and awe - before breaking into happiness.

"What? How?"

"Turns out Eric has a lot of hidden talents," my husband said, carefully measuring his words to gauge my reaction. "He found a way."

"But... how?" Irina questioned, green eyes sparkling with only pure joy and curiosity as she looked at me. "How?"

Tristan and Eric looked again at me carefully, the latter touching my shoulder gently, grey eyes flickering with concern. He looked at Tristan -  who nodded ever so slightly before placing a reassuring hand on my back, his touch calm.

"They - he... found a way," I found myself speaking, almost mechanically, robotically. The voice that came out seemed not to be my own. All the strength, all the resolve, all of it just melted away into thin air, and I found myself regretting this decision.

Of course I did. I was - I was stupid. I was a fool. I was not the same person who had gone to her death with arms wide open. The initial joy, that immeasurable happiness I had on returning had melted into nothing as I looked blankly at those hundreds of faces looking at me for answers, for justice, for even a simple smile.

I couldn't utter even a complete sentence.

I wasn't fit for company.

I wasn't even fit to wear that bloody crown.

Something in me had broken - had been so fundamentally broken, it wasn't just as if a piece inside had been removed, no. Something inside had been twisted in some irreparable way. And I knew that I would never, ever get back what I lost in those eighty years spent chained to that iron table.

It was then that I realized that the two men at my side had been continuing the tale as they spoke, pouring the entire story out, replete with side commentary from my sister. Amphitrite lingered at Eric's side, dressed in finely embroidered gold - the gracious host and hostess. It seemed that he'd not been the only one to think about the Reincarnation potion; Helios had thought of it too, he added - but he couldn't find any, making him wonder where it went.

"To be honest," Nyx clapped her hands, "I did suspect something was amiss when I noticed it missing, with Amphitrite literally nowhere in sight."

"Only the three of us knew," Rosalva said softly, her touch exceedingly gentle as she kissed my brow. "Eric, Amphitrite, and I. To keep track of newborns, you know. You were adorable as a baby, by the way," she gave me a conspiratorial smile.

I looked blankly at her, matching her smile with a barely convincing one of my own.

A loud crash reverberated in the air, the sound of glass shattering.

The crowd scattered to reveal Aidon's white face, paler than ever.

"Oh - god - Edwina," he whispered, "oh lord... gods-"

He reached out to hold me-

Panic rose up in my throat, hard and fast, with sweat racing down my brow.

-and I recoiled in panic, two steps back.

He looked at me with nothing but sheer horror, pain breaking out on his face as something in me splintered. I did not know if it was the raw shock of seeing him again - seeing him alive, seeing him whole, this other man that meant so much to me.

The misery in his eyes broke my heart as his eyes glanced at my slumped shoulders, my teary eyes, my clenched fists.

"I - I'm so sorry," I whispered, "I - I was - I couldn't-"

"You... don't need to apologize," he said softly. "I shouldn't have - I just... got carried away - that was wrong," he stuttered, voice breaking.

I cut him off before he could continue, quickly reaching out to hold his hand and lacing my fingers between his - letting him feel the steady, racing warmth in my palms. My brother shook violently, and a strangled sob broke out of him as raised my fingers to his lips, pressing a tender kiss on the back of my hand, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Relief flooded my veins.

"Edwina-" he croaked, "what - what happened to you? What did they do to you?"

I didn't speak. I couldn't answer that.

Behind him, Amphitrite and Helios looked at me, worry written over their faces. My brother looked at Tristan once, twice, and then at me. I could feel the weight of the faces around pressing down on my neck with every passing minute, threatening to strangle me, to choke me.

'Do you want to talk to them alone?'

I nodded.

'Will you be okay?'

I nodded again.

Tristan looked at the others, his face a warning, before silently stepping aside as Aidon put a hand on my back to lead me away from the crowds. He found a quiet spot of the lawn with a bench and sat down beside me as Amphitrite nervously lingered around us.

"Eighty years," he said. "Eighty years being tortured."

"Seventy eight," I muttered under my breath.

He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"You - lords, Edwina. You - you don't stop at anything, do you?"

"I didn't have a choice," my voice was cold. "She made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Couldn't refuse?" he snapped, almost a screech. "Edwina, they fucking tortured you! They killed you and chained you to a table and tortured you and made mother and father watch as you screamed! You think that's okay? You think that's okay with us? You think that's okay with me? That's the offer she made you, yes? You like being tortured? Do you have any - any idea-"

He stopped short in his words.

I almost began to cry.

I felt my tears seeping into my words, and hurriedly wiped them away before they could roll down. The pain was like an old wound, like a phantom, like a ghost - rotting and collapsing inside of me. I knew not how it would ever heal, but I saw sure of one thing - I couldn't touch it, not now, not when the memories and recollection were so fresh in my mind. My brain had still not wrapped itself around it, and I knew it was going to be a long, long time before I got better.

If I ever got better.

"No-" he whispered. "No, no, no - shit - no, lord, no," his eyes filled with tears as he grasped my hand tightly, squeezing my fingers as he desperately begged me for forgiveness.

"Aidon," Helios pulled him back, golden light filtering from his palms, "don't be so fucking insensitive-"

"I didn't mean... gods, Edwina, I didn't mean to say that - I just... I just missed you - fuck, I fucking missed you so much-"

"She gave me a choice, Aidon," my voice was soft. "Five lives. Five lives in exchange for mine. How... how could I refuse? How could I refuse, how could I live knowing that I could have brought five people back, but didn't? Could you live with that? Could you?"

More tears streamed down his cheeks as he clasped my cold hands in his warm ones.

"I'm so sorry," he said at last. "I - what you did - I don't think anyone alive... could have done what you did. I just - I couldn't believe - it just came out the wrong way. I - after what happened to you, Edwina - I... I don't know what to say. I am so sorry. You never deserved such pain."

Something almost snapped in me at the mention, and decades worth of fear filled me up, leaving that bitter taste of bile on my lips as I tore my eyes away from him and looked at my feet, unable to meet his gaze. Horror consumed me at the very thought of those vile hands on my body - doing what they did best, as an eternity of pain wrecked over me like a tsunami.

The ground almost slipped from under my feet, and I felt my grandfather put an arm around me as another pang of sadness shot through me. My father - if he had been alive - he would have done the same. Aidon lightly squeezed my wrist.

"My brother - is a monster. And my sister too. I feel ashamed to call Thanatos and Ambrosine my siblings," Helios continued, his voice not more than a whisper. "And... we tried. So hard. To - to find them. I would have... killed them. You know that. They never showed up again, you know. Thanatos and Ambrosine. The last time we saw them was - was then. They stayed in their lair all these years. Didn't even show up at the Ball today."

"Yes."

"But you are back now," my sister dropped to her knees, reaching up to touch my cheek. Her delicate finger gently wiped the moisture glimmering in the corner of my eye. "And we're going to celebrate, okay?"

"Everything will be fine," Helios clasped my shoulder lightly, "and we all are here for you now. You're not alone."

But I am alone, I wanted to say. Nothing is fine. And nothing will ever be fine again.

"We're just so glad you're back," he whispered as his face glowed with happiness, yet something in his gaze was sad. "Without you... gods, this place has been hell. And Tristan-"

"Edwina," Amphitrite said softly. "He broke. He broke - completely."

"I've never seen him like that," Aidon chimed in, eyes darkening. "The worst pain in the world is when you can see someone being so heartbroken... and you can do nothing that can help them."

"It was worse than Elodie's death," Helios said. "So, so much worse."

"I know," I said quietly. "I know. And it hurts me... so much."

He gave me a tight lipped smile, hands on my shoulders as he gave me a paternal look.

"We don't have to talk about this right now," my sister's voice was gentler than the poems my mother used to sing to me when I was a child. "We'll speak more later. You take your time, okay?"

I nodded again.

"You saved my babies," she leaned in to press a kiss on my head. "I owe you everything. My life."

"I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you and Eric."

She smiled softly, tucking a strand of her rich mahogany hair hair behind her ear, her eyes shining like periwinkles after a summer rain. Such a glorious, lovely color.

"Those three... they're perfect. They're just perfect. They're here today because of you - of what you did. You saved them, and Elodie, and Tristan. The world keeps on taking and taking from you, but you never stop giving. You - you are a beautiful person. You deserve the world. And I am so, so proud to call you my sister."

And despite the misery thriving in my heart, a tiny smile bloomed on my lips.

She carefully hooked an arm around mine.

"Shall we go and see what you saved?"

A nod again.

My sister artfully maneuvered me through the crowd, past tearful smiles and hearty greetings, skillfully interrupting conversations before someone tried to hug me, to touch me, to speak about what happened.

Llewellyn bounced on the balls of his feet as he eagerly hugged me, unable to control his excitement. His nose had turned pink, yet his eyes shone brightly with such happiness - such pure happiness - that it made me come undone.

"I've missed you," he croaked. "So, so much."

"And so did Miriel's kitten," Vanessa stifled a giggle after embracing me - and I pulled back, startled to feel-

"You're pregnant, Ness!"

She blushed a deep pink, more giggles spilling out of her rosy lips as she lovingly cradled the slightly swollen bump. Llewellyn grinned, draping an arm over her, pressing a kiss on her cheek. Warm happiness flooded me as I saw them look at each other with nothing but pure love in their eyes.

"Four months," she squealed.

"About the size of a turnip," Amphitrite quipped at my side, her smile making her face glow.

"I can't wait for my tiny turnip to come out so we can play," Ness beamed bright, her laughter full and joyous, so full and pure with love. "We also have a picture in our bedroom!"

"I look forward to seeing it," I said softly, touching her shoulder. "You deserve to be happy."

"And so do you," Llewellyn quietly clapped me on the shoulder, a gentle smile on his face. "Home has been... so empty without you. And Tristan was-" he sighed deeply, sadness flickering in his eyes as my heart clenched, threatening to make more tears spill out of my eyes.

Something got stuck in my throat as I tried my best to hold the emotion in, looking over the faces of the crowd to find the man I loved talking to a young man with a sharp jaw and a ruddy stock of messy red hair. He turned to find me grinning at him, before clapping the other god on the back as they both came to me.

"You know what... We'll talk later at home," Llewellyn muttered into my ear, and I nodded at him, with something like comfort settling into my bones.

Home.

I had a home. Family - I had family waiting for me at home. What a strangely normal concept it was - seemingly mundane.

Home.

I breathed the word in, satisfaction washing over me.

I was home.

"Woman," Tristan came to me with a crooked smile, the blue of his eyes brighter than ever as he dragged a hand through the curls of his hair. "Someone's been waiting to see you."

Verona jumped at me, throwing herself into my arms as I squealed with surprise, her LeVane eyes a clear grey as she looked at me with delight.

"Aunt Edwina!" my niece sang, her voice such a lovely lilt that it filled my heart with delight. "I missed you, gosh - I missed you so much."

"You look beautiful. Let me have a look at you," I breathed, pulling back.

The gangly limbs and thin frame had gone, leaving behind a slender, beautiful woman. The innocence and trust was still there in those big, clear LeVane eyes, and her hair fell around her shoulder in gorgeous golden curls running through with streaks of bronze. Verona had grown into one elegant, graceful goddess.

"Ronnie," my sister chided, yet her tone was playful, "manners?"

"Oh, I forgot -" she grinned, turning back to the young man she'd been talking to moments before, shyly bringing him forward as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She blushed heavily, cheeks turning a wild shade of pink.

Aidon's messy red curls. Irina's bright green eyes. And that mischievous smile.

"Aunt Edwina," he said softly, his voice reverent, almost worshipping.

"Dustin," I whispered, still not able to breathe, to believe. "You look so much... so much like-"

"My mother's eyes and my father's hair," he muttered under his breath.

"I bet you hear that a lot."

He threw back his head and let out a hearty laugh.

"I do," Dustin let out a throaty chuckle, eyes sparkling. "I do, aunt Edwina. I do. Father said you'd say the exact same thing if you ever saw me!"

"The last time I saw you, you were bawling your eyes out," I chortled, "so... my, have you grown. Mmm?" I looked at Verona, who turned an even deeper shade of red, trying to hide a shy smile as Dustin laced his fingers with hers.

"We're just... friends," she murmured.

"Special friends," Tristan corrected darkly, rolling his eyes.

"Ugh," Ronnie threw her hands up in exasperation. "I need another drink. Come with me?" she asked her cousin, dragging him off before he could do anything more than laugh and whisper something into her ear.

"Children," Amphitrite commented, amused.

And despite myself, I found it in me to laugh.

She looked back at me, eyes twinkling as she led me deeper into the center of the Ball, dodging an earful of insults from Erida after spilling her wine by accident. Sarette only looked at me with a cold smile, lips tightly pressed as she strutted about in a velvet green monstrosity. Cymbeline was all gentle words and whispered greetings, claiming she didn't want to ruin her voice before her solo performance. At last, we came to a stop before the bar, where Fayette was trying to steal some of the appetizers before the buffet was served in the great hall.

"You don't have to harass my staff, you know," Eric crossed his arms, chiding her with a stern look on his face.

She shot him a look of pure loathing before sauntering away with a bottle of his favorite vintage.

He only shook his head and sighed, walking up to us with a smile as he excitedly clasped my arm, leading me by the hand.

"Did you meet the triplets?"

Hope shot up in me, pure and warm and loving, filling me with kind of happiness I didn't even know existed. The triplets. Those three, tiny precious lives - such tragic pasts and such bright wills to live. I inched towards that hope, holding to it as if it were an anchor.

Hope. It did exist.

And before I knew it, we came to a stop near the walls of the palace, where Tristan and Amphitrite waited with me as Eric called someone over, his voice carrying through the crowds.

Those three - those three.

"Edwina," Eric beamed from ear to ear, "meet Aurora."

I found myself looking at a young woman with lush brown hair, and stormy blue - grey eyes that threatened to sweep me off my feet with their sheer intensity. A crown of flowers rested on her hair as she toyed with it, while a laugh rested on her rosy lips. Her features were very delicate, as if made of the finest china marble.

"This is Atticus-"

The second was a youth with the palest stock of golden hair, and a gaze that mirrored the ocean, deep and unsettling in its strength. His smile was wide, joyous, yet a bit nervous too as he looked at me with nothing but admiration.

"And this is Alexander."

The last was a tall, handsome man with a soft five o' clock shadow on his sharp jawline, a sleek glass of wine in hand, his eyes alert and shining with the pure light of wisdom. He put down his glass at once, reaching out to touch my feet-

"No," I whispered. "No."

"If it weren't for you, aunt Edwina-"

"-no."

"We'd still be dead if it weren't for you," Aurora trembled, her voice breaking into a soft sob as tears gathered in her eyes, making her shoulder shake slightly.

"Don't say that," I whispered. "Don't."

The three of them dropped to their knees in unison, before I sank down to the ground beside them, shaking on the inside.

"How - how can we thank you?" Alexander asked softly, his words gentle, yet devastating. "How can we ever - ever thank you?"

"You thank me," I murmured quietly, "by living. You live your life, children. You live, and you enjoy it to the fullest. You never know when it'll end. So you live. You fight. And that is an order."

Atticus gulped quietly, moisture glimmering in the corner of his eye, before nodding.

"Thank you," Aurora whispered, her cheeks pale and lost of any color. "Once again."

"Lord," I said quietly, my voice hoarse. "Come here."

I wrapped my arms around the three of them, holding them close, holding them tight. That strong, oppressive fear seemed to have lost its grip on me. This  - this was life.

This was what I saved.

This was what I fought for.

This was what I bought with my life.

And it filled the pitch black void of my being with a ray of the purest light.

When I pulled back, I found my lips curled in a smile. My chest filled with warmth as I looked back again at those young, grateful faces, shining brighter than the sun.

Eric looked at me with hope in his eyes, and despite myself, I let a laugh slip out of my mouth. He grinned as Tristan put a gentle hand on my back.

"Valmont," I said quietly, turning around.

He looked right into my eyes, into my heart, into my treacherous, broken soul, and he knew.

"Are you ready?"

I had to be.

"Yes."

I smiled one last time at the triplets, who smiled back nervously as Eric looped an arm around his youngest daughter's shoulder. He nodded approvingly at me as my sister looked on happily.

I let Tristan lead me further in, fully trusting him to keep me away from the devious stares and the more unpleasant immortals. He shot glares and cutting looks at every person who looked at me with even an ounce of displeasure, and I sighed.

If only - if only it were the old days again.

Nevertheless, I found Deimos smoking in a corner, settled in a cushioned seat against the wall as he looked at the moon. His gaze turned to me as he caught sight of us walking among the crowds, and the white face seemed to snarl, twitching with anger. Purple eyes flared in vengeance, and they all but reminded me of the last encounter we had a century ago.

I knew it. Three hundred years spent hunting you down, only for you to die like a rutting coward. You shame me. You shame yourself.

His voice was almost real, real enough to make me flinch.

"Don't you dare, Everly," Tristan hissed, his voice a silver threat, cutting sharper. I had never heard him use that tone.

"I haven't moved an inch," Deimos jutted sharply, lighting another cigarette as he crushed the stub under his foot.

He was still looking at me, eyes darkening. Of course he was angry. He was furious. And beside him, Emerick sulked in a corner, a glass of sangria resting between his white fingers as he kept shooting glares at me.

I tried to kill you for more than half a century. Don't you fucking dare die like a bloody coward.

And I did.

Tristan's hand lingered on the hilt of a very sharp blade that I hadn't noticed before. And beside him, I felt the beginnings of mighty power rumble, threatening to crush every atom to pieces. His jaw tightened as I felt it reel in, the dark, ancient feeling of undiluted thunder, so pure, so potent, I could almost taste it on the tip of my tongue.

I shuddered. And it wasn't the cold.

He took off his cloak, putting it around my shoulder. I almost melted at the warmth of his hand as he clasped it around mine, that scent of leather and metal and thunder and home wrapping around me.

Gods - I fucking missed this.

Maybe I really was cold.

After what happened to me - I didn't want to believe it. Couldn't believe it.

But I had never felt the cold before.

We were nearly in front of the dancing pavilion before Tristan halted, seeing someone in the distance. My fingers tightened around his as I looked at the deep blue depths of his loving eyes, searching for an answer.

He only raised my hand and kissed it softly, marble against marble.

"Thank you, Edwina. Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you from all of us you saved. And promise me that you will never, ever do it again. Your life is just as important as mine. And you don't get to throw it away for me. You don't get to say that you're insignificant. That you're small. That you don't matter. That you don't deserve love. You get to make your own choices, yes. But promise me this, woman. Promise me that you'll never, ever make yourself so small again."

And I - I - this wretched thing - I could not speak - could not answer, not for the life of me. There was so much. So much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to tell him. But the most important of all -

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you more than the night loves the moon. More than the sun loves the sky. And know this, Valmont - if I had to bring you back, I would do all of this again. All of it."

His eyes were full of tears.

And there was a woman - a woman standing right in front of me.

"Elodie," Tristan's voice shook, trembled even - "meet my Queen."

• • • • •

Seeing Tredwina like this breaks my heart :(