Chapter 17: Where gifts of food are exchanged

“I’m joining the mine,” Thabias told me as he sat next to me after coming to smoke with my father. His face wound from his encounter with the Keeper had healed into a deep scar across his face, near his eye. Ever since that fateful day, he had become less irksome, or one to start a fight with me. Even though he was a year younger than me, he began joining my father’s evening smokes, easing his attitude even more, but not completely.

“You, too?” I said, my voice soft. “What about your apprenticeship?”

“My father’s friend has shown me enough kindness. But, my training will not be wasted, for I will join the smelting crew. Because of my experience, I was able to secure a pretty decent salary.”

“The forging and smelting is far different than blacksmithing. It’s hard, strenuous, and never ending. They work them harder than the mules. What about working with your father in the shop?”

“There’s not enough money. My family needs Den. I can either go to the farmlands or stay in Cedrus City and work at the mines. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“I just—“ My voice faltered, and I twirled my fingers. I knew that Thabias also faced the same choice I was forced to. Just one year ago I entered the mine. Now, Thabias was making the same choice. Who was I to judge?

“I was just hoping you’d find a way to continue your training, that’s all,” I finally said.

“Yeah? Well, you stopped your apprenticeship too.”

“Yeah, I know. I sometimes wish I didn’t. I miss the complexities of it all, the fulfilling concepts.” I gave a heavy sigh as I lifted my head to look above. “Money is helpful, yes, but slaving all day feels—unfulfilling. I just wish there was a better way.”

“Sometimes I wish that too.” Thabias looked also up into the overhead area. Several towering buildings loomed above, a bridge overhead, and up a further ways the branches of the giant cedar trees. Sometimes I imagined the stars above, and wondered, again, what it would feel like to live higher up in a place where no one could look down upon me but the sky itself.

“It’s hard work, but I hope you can utilize your training for a decent rise of ranks,” I said encouragingly, grabbing the ends of my white hair and twisting the strands with my fingers.

“Do—do you have a good position?” he asked. “Not much you can do with herbalism or finding food down there, yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s alright, just excavation. But, I don’t like my chief. He’s an asshole. Others are pretty quiet. But, sometimes there are some good things.”

“Like what?”

“Um—decent jokes, bantering, and some rocks are kinda pretty. I keep looking for my first crystal. Jamie says its magical.”

“You’ve always been good at seeing the bright side to any situation.”

“But, the money is nice. I can pay for my own things without my parents yelling at me about it.”

“Ha, that does sound nice.” The sound of foot steps came from the staircase and Thabias stood up. My father appeared onto the balcony, carrying his satchel, already smelling strongly of his preferred herbs.

“Ah, Thabias,” my father greeted him and placed his hand on Thabias’ shoulder. “Congratulations on joining the mine.”

“Thank you, sir,” Thabias said. My father grunted, then prepared his and Thabias’ pipe for their evening smoke. I moved inside, not wanting to stay any longer to hear my father rant about the glorious prospects Thabias has now entered.

I could hardly believe a year had past since I went to the allotment with Thabias, forever changing the coarse of my future as I left behind all hopes of anything other than entering the mine. Hours became blurred, days became conjoined, and only the consistency of peering up at the moon ever so often in the forest allowed me to remember my one day of happiness.

I began to understand why the world around me was always in survival, as if every effort from the previous days weren’t enough, weren’t sufficient to succeed survival for the following days. Everything and everyone was just trying to stay afloat in an overbearing system. Despite such disadvantages, having the security of a salary from the mine helped ease my mother and father’s anxiety towards our financial aspects, and also allowed me to spend less time working for my mother around the house.

She became bitter towards me, because of this, but my father treated me better. Over time, my mother finally accepted that she would need to do the housework, but she also had more freedom at home, especially since we had more money as a family. She became more social, relishing in being the envy of the neighborhood, especially now that she was treating her friends to delicacies I brought from the bakery.

Although we still relied heavily on the allotment for our weekly sustenance, it was now my mother’s job to go, which often led to her complaining about the Keepers and their treatment. I stopped reminding her that she once sent me as a young child to go, for it appeared that my experience was never comparable to hers since, well, I was a child and was treated better.

A total lie—but, alas, one could never reason with someone like her.

Things were changing—I was changing. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed my hair growing whiter and my skin losing all sense of color, dulling into a stagnant gray. When I first noticed such changes, I could scarcely recognize myself and worried about looking older than I really was, but, after a year, I began to care less. Many workers had their color change. Many people bore the variance of gray colors mixed with their youthful strands still lingering upon their heads. I assumed it was the lack of sunlight, perhaps quality of air, either way, I stopped worrying so much and decided to only accept my fate and all the changes as something as natural as the changing colors of the sky.

After nearly a year, I finally felt relieved of the worries of supporting my family, to some extent. I no longer received lectures about wasting my time, and they no longer questioned my whereabouts, allowing me to move through the city with freedom once again.

I was making friends, being yelled at less at work, and feeling more accepted amongst the people in my team. I still had my time with Sable in the meadow, although I often forgot how different our worlds were in contrast to each other. When I returned to the forest, I always felt more at ease with myself. But, I was learning to accept all versions of myself, whether in the city, the mine, the forest, or in the meadow, or, at least, I was trying to accept whatever new season brought.

As I moved my hand along the green moss glistening under a morning dew, I felt energized. As I observed the animals scamper around or fly above, I felt connected.

It was my lifeline—a reminder of who I was beyond the glaring looks of others. The clearing outside the forest helped me see the mountains, the sun, and the vast valley below. It all allowed me to see things with a clear mind, a better understanding, and I looked forward to seeing clearly once again.

And Sable. I wanted to see Sable and hear his low, calming voice, and rest my head upon his ever so warm chest, listening to the steady beat that seemed to be the only thing in the world that allowed me to feel calm. Nature reminded me of life, Sable reminded me of warmth.

I packed a jar of jam and fresh bread dough Lara had given to me and was excited to share food with him again. Although my friends were generous, their obvious privileges in life caused them to be exceptionally giving, which caused me to feel inferior to their status.

With Sable, he was just happy to share anything with me, and I liked the way I felt while he looked at me—no longer like a helpless girl but someone to admire and think of new ideas of how to spend our once a month time together.

I exited the forest, entering the clearing, fully expecting Sable to rush over like normal. However, to my greatest surprise, he was pushing a giant boulder half his size, most likely entertaining himself while he waited for me. I dropped my items and walked closer to him as he exerted raw strength, pushing the giant rock with his back towards me. His wings flapped, helping him gain speed, and suddenly he went right over the edge, yelling a low growl of exertion, and catching himself in the air. He balanced in mid-air only for a moment, and then drifted back over to the cliffside, panting heavily and sweating profusely.

“That was intense,” I said, causing him to spin around, showcasing his black hair plastered against his forehead, and his wide, surprised eyes.

“I uh—“ he stuttered, still heavily breathing.

“What did that rock ever do to you?” I teased.

“I definitely did not like what it said about you,” he bantered back. He moved his arm across his forehead, wiping the sweat off his thick brows, and I couldn’t help but admire his figure—for, he did look ever so handsome.

“Oh? So, you’re defending my honor?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Then the boulder deserved such a fate, served by none other than my honorable winged hero.”

“And I would do it again, if it ever returned to slander your name again.” Sable bowed dramatically, causing me to giggle and return a bow. He looked at me with his tender grin and I walked back to my items, near our fireplace, and I began unpacking my basket and Sable skipped to my side.

“I’m going to gather firewood,” I said. “I have a surprise.”

“A surprise?” he inquired while I handed him the blanket.

“Yeah. You can set up the blanket and I’ll be back.” I entered the forest and gathered a good amount of wood. Upon returning, I encouraged Sable to try starting the fire himself. He seemed nervous, especially as the rocks kept slipping from his sweaty hands, and grunted as he struggled through getting the initial spark.

“Try to angle the rock in this hand,” I said while gently touching his left hand. He nodded and continued, eventually getting a spark.

“I did it!” he exclaimed while beaming with joy.

“Yeah! Now just aim it towards the kindle-wood I set up.” He nodded once again and followed my lead. A fire began after he sent sparks onto the shavings I created with my knife, and he leaned over and blew steadily to continue enhancing the flame.

“You’re doing awesome,” I said as I stood next to him, and placed a hand upon his shoulder. I saw him smile, and as I gently caressed his shoulder with my thumb, his grin only widened. However, the thought of Jamie constantly pushing to touch me caused me to remove my hand, feeling slightly unnerved at my persistent touching—yet, I felt so drawn to feel his warmth.

Maybe that’s what people do when they care about others? But, why does it make me feel weird?

I sat back and observed Sable’s fire-making efforts as I unpacked my basket. He carefully maneuvered the sticks around, guiding the flame to grow, his eyes intentional and studious, as if making a fire was a skill in need of utmost attention. He then straightened up as he looked at the low flames, then, to my surprise, he untied the chord of his sleeves, and removed them completely and tossed them onto the blanket near me.

“It’s hot,” he said, then quickly returned to stoking the fire, and I stared intently at the curvature of his muscular arms, the left covered in sixteen triangular tattoos against his brown skin. In the past, he had only taken off his sleeves once before, but quickly drew the covers up again. Now, as he prepared the fire and was sweating as his hands moved the logs around, I could thoroughly admire the beauty of his exposed arms that appeared even bigger than last time I saw them in their full glory.

Doing nothing my ass. He obviously is doing something…But, what?

A cold wind blew through my hair, bouncing the flames and smoke around. I looked over at he mountains beyond, realizing the summits were covered in white snow. The cold wind sent a shiver down my spine and I moved closer to the growing fire, sitting near Sable who was kneeling in front of the fire now that it was properly made.

“Winter is nearly here,” I said. Sable gave a quick glance towards me, his eyes filled with a sense of conflict, and he leaned over and grabbed his sleeves, and slid them back on as he stood up.

“I brought fish,” he said with a slight hint of nervousness. “Can I use your knife?”

“Sure,” I said, and removed my hunting knife from my pocket. I helped him prepare the fish and we roasted it over the fire. The smell of sizzling fish caused my stomach to growl. I added some minerals I had snuck from the kitchen storage, and after all was said and done, we happily ate the river fish Sable had brought. Once again, he easily devoured three of the four fish, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was related to his obvious increase in activities.

Pushing boulders over the cliffside, eating three whole fish, bones and all—Sable is obviously busying himself with something different than last year.

“You sure eat a lot,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said and wiped the grease from the corner of his lip.

“Ha. I remember when you were younger. You would only eat one fish.”

“I actually ate some fish this morning, too.”

“Seriously? So, by the time you’re twenty, you might be eating ten fish a day!”

“Oh, I hope not.”

“Why not?”

“The bears will hunt me down for taking all the fish from the river.” I chuckled while twirling my hair as I imagined bears chasing Sable around for depleting their food sources, only for him to easily dart away and tease the bears from above while munching on the fish that was easier for him to catch than the giant beast of the valleys.

“So,” he said. “What is your surprise?”

“Oh! Yeah.” I unraveled a wooden bowl with bread dough, and he looked over with a puzzled expression. I explained we could cook it over the fire and proceeded to prepare the skewer sticks and dough. We both wrapped four snake-like shapes onto the sticks and proceeded to roast it over the fire until golden brown. When the dough was finished, I brought out the berry marmalade I had made with my mother, causing further excitement as Sable happily anticipated the mixture.

“Now, we can eat our bread,” I said while pulling apart the cooked dough, and I dipped it into the mixture. Sable watched my every movement with his curious eyes, then carefully followed my lead, and devoured the simple luxury of bread and jam.

“Lillie,” he said. “This is amazing!”

“I know, right?” I said, and took another bite. “My friend brought me the dough.”

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“Did you make the berry mixture?”

“My mother and I did. It’s called marmalade.”

“Did you gather the berries from the forest?”

“I did. There are many berry plants in the summer months. I gather every year and then I make marmalade with my mother. I really love the gathering part. I also like eating it, not so much the making process, though.”

“What’s wrong with the making process?”

“Oh…” My voice lowered, and that horrible stinging feeling caused my skin to crawl.

“It’s just my mother,” I said while sighing heavily. “She can be, well—quite difficult to work with sometimes.”

“How so?”

“Oh… she is just very critical. Seems like nothing I do is right by her.”

Sable already knew about my struggles, and I hated bringing her up after all these years of complaining about my mother. How could he ever know anything close to my pain, especially since his parents had left him feeling independent and capable on his own.

What did my parents make me feel?

Nothing like that, even if it were true.

I looked at the faraway mountains and the snow-covered peaks over the cliffside. I thought about the upcoming winter that was fast approaching. I thought of another winter without visiting Sable. Although I was making friends with those in the mine, building new connections with others, I suddenly longed to see Sable more often. I liked the way he treated me, even when I didn’t always understand his simplicity. Even now with his obvious developing interests and working on other things beyond my understanding, I was growing ever so fond of him and couldn’t believe I would spend the whole winter season without the comfort of his presence.

Sable, as if he could sense my discomfort, moved closer to me. He softly caressed my arm with the back of his hand, causing my heart to race, but I imagined the steady beat of his, allowing the comfort of his ever so gentle hand to remind me of his enticing presence. So often, I felt uncomfortable with others touching me. With Sable, it felt lovely. His touch was gentle, his movements graceful and, dare I admit, loving.

“I think you always do right,” he said, his deep voice rolling softly from his mouth. “I wish your mother could see you the way I do.”

“Yeah, and how is that?” I asked, slightly scoffing at the concept of my mother ever thinking like Sable. “A silly girl running through the woods to escape life’s obligations?”

“A girl capable of accomplishing anything in spite of the burdens of her reality.”

Like what?

I looked towards Sable, meeting his gentle gaze as he spoke so intimately, causing my cheeks to flush, and his jagged black hair swayed around his sun-kissed face no longer covered in beads of sweat. I felt his hand leave my arm and slide into my hand.

“I wish I could see myself that way,” I whispered as I looked away, but allowed my fingers to enclose around his, and pulled our interlocked hands onto my lap. “Thanks, anyway.”

“You are so much more than just the burdens you carry.”

“Yeah? Good to know.” I wanted to believe what he said, and perhaps part of me did, but it felt as if his words landed upon the numbness I had created around my heart, incapable of ever believing so much about myself.

I could sense Sable wanting to say more as he sat next to me in deep thought, but, for whatever reason, words seemed to fail as his breathing became uneasy, and his fingers slightly tensed between mine. But, as usual when he struggled to speak, he looked away and settled for a heavy sigh. But, I didn’t mind so much.

In a world where people were often attempting to get the last word, or spew as much as possible, regardless of their ill-effects, I was thankful that Sable was wise in his choice of words. It probably saved him from ever feeling regretful of what he said, for that was always happening to me, and I wanted to be more like him.

It also made his words more impactful, for I knew that he meant what he said, even if I couldn’t fully believe it myself.

“Winter is almost here,” I said, breaking our silence and I heard Sable swallow hard.

Was he also dreading the separation due to winter?

“Another tattoo, huh?” I said as I gently caressed his hand with my thumb, and his thumb began to reciprocate the loving affection.

“Yeah, it will be my seventeenth,” he replied, still gazing at the fire, and I thought about his strong arm next to mine, and wondered if he would continue to remove his sleeves more often.

“Seventeen—I remember first meeting you. We were only twelve.”

“Seems like yesterday, yet…”

“…a lifetime ago.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“So much has happened in that time—well—for me.”

“Me too.”

Sable looked at me. I glanced up at him and he grinned. He turned to face the fire once again and I looked down at our hands. His hand was larger than mine, yet his slim fingers held plenty of space for my fingers to slide easily between his. His beautiful, soft brown skin felt comforting, but reminded me of how much my own skin had changed since I began working in the underground.

“I remember when I was actually as tall as you,” I said with a chuckle. I released his hand from our intertwining embrace, and began caressing his fingers with both my hands, moving each finger at a time, examining the curves and crevasses of his lovely, soft hand.

“I remember as well,” he said with a chuckle.

“Now, you’ve grown much taller than me. Hardly seems fair, especially since we are the same age.”

“Mmm. I guess it doesn’t work like that after all.”

“I guess we aren’t children anymore.”

“No, not anymore.”

“Sometimes I wish we were…”

“Why?”

“Seemed more simple back then. Was easier to manage through life, for I had little expected of me. Now, it’s all about other people’s expectations and what role I am to fulfill.”

“Mmm.” I continued to play with Sable’s hand, tracing the lines in his palm with my finger as the fire died down into coals and the sun began to descend behind the mountain. I waited for as long as possible before packing my items, for I knew winter was coming and my time with him was coming to a halt and the cold freezing months would keep him from me, and his ever so gentle touch and steady, beating heart.

***

Winter was fast approaching and I dreaded the day of the full moon, even if it were the only day I truly anticipated during those blurred days. However, this visit would be our last before spring. I knew that it would be just like every year, saying goodbye to Sable as we parted our separate ways, he to the mountain, I to the forest.

Last year, I felt resentful towards him. This year, I felt drawn to our growing affection, and ever so desiring to be close as we discovered more methods of cooking together.

I didn’t want to say goodbye—not this time. But, what else could I do?

Nothing—there was nothing for me to do but bring the stashed jars of marmalade, some honey, and a fresh loaf of bread to gift to Sable, hopefully to only encourage whatever was sparking his new interest to the world beyond the mountain.

After I entered the meadow, and the rush of cold wind sent a chill down my spine, I looked around, but didn’t see Sable.

I hope he doesn’t get caught in a early winter storm.

I moved back into the forest and gathered what sticks I could find, and returned to set up the fire, and a sensation of anxiousness overwhelmed me as I kept darting my eyes at the cloudy, grey sky. I stepped back as I peered at the hidden mountains beyond the cedar trees, and fear of Sable being detained by weather conditions caused me to shiver. I grabbed the folds of my ratty woolen cloak, realizing the mending I attempted to patch the holes were already coming undone, and I should probably seek out a new one before the cold causes me to get sick.

“What if he doesn’t come?” I said out loud, the racing of my heart ever increasing. I looked around the clearing, noticing the seeds of the grass stripped bare, and the flowers long gone as the winter frost settled upon the area. I walked over to the edge of the cliff, and peered below, noticing the glistening rivers weaving through barren trees, and wondered if that was the river Sable would hunt from.

As my eyes drifted around the grey area, further from the distance, I saw a black shadow in the sky bouncing in the distance.

Sable.

His black wings were massive as he ascended. He spotted me watching him as he grew closer and he shot high into the air with astonishing speed I hardly expected, and I watched him block the sun for a moment. He then slowly circled above me and came down swiftly. He landed near me, the air from his extended wings swept my loose hair in different directions, and I couldn’t help but gasp as the cold, piercing wind permeated with crisp air I longed to also breathe like the mighty Teraganes of the skies.

I wish I could fly like him.

“Hello Lillie,” his deep voice purred as he adjusted the layers of his cloak. “You’re here early.”

“I didn’t want to get caught up with morning chores,” I said while slowly moving closer to him. “It’s my day off. The only day I’d rather not work.”

“You deserve to have a day of rest,” he said and reached his hand out towards me. “Let me take your basket.” I had forgotten I was still wearing it, and felt disappointed his reaching hand wasn’t for me.

“I can carry it,” I said with an air of stubbornness. I walked towards the fireplace where I had dropped the collected sticks and branches and I began unpacking my items now that Sable was here. He stepped to my side, and took the end of the blanket, and we both laid it down next to the stone circle.

“Oh, I brought you something for winter,” I said after settling down on the blanket.

“For me?” he asked, and crouched down next to me, and I pulled out the jars of marmalade, honey, and a loaf of bread.

“I know it’s not much, but you can at least enjoy it for a few weeks or something like that.”

“Lillie, this is amazing. Thank you for the kind thought. I—uh—brought you fish too.” He quickly removed the satchel at his side that always smelled strong, and he pulled out fish, handing them to me.

“Oh, my parents will be shocked that I brought fish home.” I took the fish and placed them in my basket, feeling slightly overwhelmed at our exchange.

“Why?”

“Well, we don’t really have access to fish. Actually, most people in my neighborhood don’t even know how to gather fish, and the allotment never has any. I don’t think anyone is fast enough to catch the river fish, or willing to take the long journey to the lake. Maybe some hunters—fishmongers.”

“Then it will be something you can impress your parents with.”

“My parents are very difficult to impress. If I bring home fish, they will only demand for me to continue. Can’t really do that over winter, you know?”

“Then, don’t share it with them. Keep it only for yourself, or share with your friends.” I looked up at his expression of conflict, and I hated that I could never allow myself the privilege of accepting other people’s gifts—would it always be like this?

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something,” I said, forcing a nervous laugh. I stood up, and moved slightly away, adjusting my skirt and avoiding eye contact.

“Please, I don’t want to cause you more problems,” Sable pleaded and stood up next to me.

“Oh, Sable, you don’t cause me any problems.”

“Okay, but please, if the fish will be problematic with your family, then let us just share it here, right now.”

“It’s fine, really. Don’t worry. I’ll think of something.”

“Lillie, please.” I looked up as he was leaning towards me, but his hand curled as he hesitated. Yet again, I found myself bringing nothing but confusion for him. I was sick and tired of causing him problematic concerns. He was so innocent, undeserving of my messy world. I tried looking away, realizing the funny feeling in my throat rising, and the tears welling in my eyes.

I just wish to stop causing him problems!

Suddenly, Sable overcame his hesitation and slid his arms over my shoulders, his hand embracing the back of my head as he pulled me against his chest.

Ah, yes, the steady beat I desperately wanted to hear drummed against my ear as I released a quiet whimper, unable to hold back the tears. But, the more I relaxed and gripped his cloak from the back, the more my body began to tremble, and I hated feeling like nothing but a burden to Sable whenever we share moments of happiness.

Yet—was I burden to Sable? Did he hold me like this because he felt that way?

Or—

“We’ll be fine,” I said, and pushed away as I wiped my face with my arm, unwilling to prolong the sadness to the start of our meeting any longer.

“Will we?” Sable’s calm voice echoed. I looked up at him as he also wiped a tear from his cheek.

I hate when he cries over me. It’s not fair to him.

“Oh Sable. It’ll be okay. I’ll be alright.”

“If you say so.”

“But…” I looked down at the ground. “Thanks for holding me.” I felt his hand underneath my chin and he lifted my head for our eyes to meet.

“Always.”

Yes—I am more than just a burden to Sable.

“Shall we make a fire?” I finally asked, feeling breathless as his finger drifted across my chin.

“I’ll do it,” he said, and lowered his hand. He bent over to start the fire and I finally felt my fluttering heart settle. I sat down as he successfully created a flame and started the fire, causing me to only feel more enamored by his growing abilities and confidence. I brought other bread to share and we cooked only two fish over the fire, and I failed at ignoring the pestering thoughts of what to do with the other two Sable had given me.

I knew that it would entice questioning from my mother, especially of its rarity, and she would instantly demand for me to gather more. I knew that Sable would be willing to bring me more if I were to ask, but I had no intention of seeing him as just another person in my life to strike a deal. He was the only one in my life who I felt I never had to fear of deeper motives from others, including myself.

Well—and I wanted Sable for myself. I wanted him protected from my life. I did not want him involved or corrupted from the miserable way of the Tamarine life in Cedrus City. I wanted him to be my one reason to leave the forest. At times, I did wish he was involved or would come visit me. But, I also liked how separate our lives were, for he was untouchable if others didn’t know he were around to lay their greedy hands upon.

He was the one person who didn’t have alternative motives to keep me around, other than our relationship—I assumed. Our friendship was beautiful. It was special, and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. I did not know what the future held, what his expectations were, but at that moment I did not care. I only wanted to know that after winter, I could expect to visit him every full moon once again. I wanted to know that no matter what happened in my mundane, depressing life, I could always come to the meadow to visit him.

I looked over at him as he stared into the fire. He was leaning backwards, holding his position with his arms on the ground, his large black wings relaxed and folded. I admired his changes, physically and emotionally. I liked the sense of safety his arms provided, the softness in his deepening voice, and enjoyed his exploration of what it meant to share things together.

Time moved too quickly as we spoke about plans for spring, including venturing into the forest again to look for mushrooms, and I offered to bring potatoes, knowing that we always had plenty at the end of winter. Before I was ready, the sun was already setting, and my time with Sable was fading like the grey skies already swirling with winter clouds.

“Ready for winter?” I asked while allowing myself to look intently upon him as we sat close together.

“Yes,” he said as he adjusted his position, sitting with his legs crossed, leaning forward, and I noticed his intense stare as he most likely was lost with unsaid thoughts.

“Another winter, another tattoo, yeah?”

“Yes, another winter, another tattoo.” Suddenly, a grin crossed his face that reflected the glowing flames of the dying fire.

“What?” I asked, sensing a sudden change of his thoughts.

“Huh?” He grunted while turning his head slightly towards me.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Oh, I just have new plans for this winter.”

“Oh? Like what?” I leaned against his arm with mine, and raised my brows as I bounced my shoulders. “Huh? Like what?”

“I asked a friend to visit me.”

“Really? Can you do that during winter?”

“He doesn’t live far. It’s a short flight. Can be done in calm weather.”

“Aw, that sounds nice for you.”

“Yes, I hope he accepts.”

“Is—is it rare for winter visits from your friends?”

“It is—unheard of.”

“Oh, that’s—“ my voice broke. I remembered how lonely Sable’s life seemed. Yet, here he was making invitations to his friend during the winter. I felt proud of him, yet his mysterious life suddenly felt even more distant. “That sounds really brave of you.”

“Hmm,” Sable huffed. “I don’t think it’s brave.”

“What do you mean? You just said it’s unheard of. It is brave of you to step out of your normal routine, brave of you to venture out of the mountain to visit your friend.”

Sable’s eyes darted around and his smile disappeared, thinking of untold concepts he did not share. The crackling sound of the dying fire filled the air, and the smoke bounced around as the wind blew harshly. The clouds still covered the mountain and I wondered if I would ever see the peak, or if it would always stay hidden behind the clouds; would it always stay a mystery, like Sable’s life on top of it?

“I need to go,” I finally said as the last of the coals burned to ashes. I began packing my items and Sable moved the ashes around with a stick, confirming it for sure had died completely. I couldn’t help but feel the last bits of comfort as we worked together to make our meeting spot safe for us to meet again.

“Be sure to eat the bread within a few days,” I reminded him as he secured his satchel on his leather belt over his cloak, and the rare fishy smell permeating from my basket only reminded me of my unusual task of giving away fish before my mother found it.

“Okay,” he said. “I—uh—don’t know if there’s a time limit on fish. I usually salt mine to preserve for winter.”

“Yeah, I know that much,” I said, and I nudged Sable with my elbow and he gently grabbed my arm. The wind blew harshly and caused both of us to move the hair from our faces, keeping our eyes locked as neither wanted to take the first step.

“Sable,” I finally said, causing him to shiver.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I’ll see you in spring?”

“When the air is warmer, the snow is melting, and the first snowdrops begin to bloom. I’ll be here.”

“You’ll be alright, alone in the mountains?”

“Yes, I’ll be alright.”

“Okay…” My voice lowered and my eyes darted away, looking at the mountain range beyond the cliffside, and for a moment, I wished I could be a Teragane leaving to hibernate upon the mountain peak.

“And you? Will you be alright?”

“Of course. I’ll be fine.” I lifted my eyes, and forced a smile as I remembered his earlier statement. “I always am. Since, you know, I’m a girl capable of accomplishing anything in spite of the burdens of her reality.”

“That you are.” Sable smiled, but he began to shiver, and his jaw suddenly clenched.

“Okay. See you in spring. When the first snowdrops bloom.”

“Yes, when the first snowdrops bloom.”

As he stiffly stood with eyes filled with conflict, I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his waist, and allowed for a final listen to the beating of his heart. I felt him slightly relax, and then rest his head on top of mine as he breathed heavily, obviously embracing our last goodbye to the best of his ability, and I heard him distinctly smell my hair, enticing me to wonder what else he thought about me.

A shiver ran down my spine, either from the cold, or the connection I felt with Sable pulling me closer. All the years we embraced for a moment never felt as intimate as that one, especially as the discomfort in my throat rose, and my heart skipped a beat one too many times.

Again, I wished ever so much that I was the one with wings, so that I could fly us both away from the forest, and to the safety in which I believed the mountain provided for the Teragane people.