CHAPTER 9 - HOLD ME TIGHT

Walking up to my house, I could not help but notice it felt especially empty. It always did, but somehow that day seemed different. The house was quiet, almost spooky. Everything felt cold.

I checked to see if dad was sleeping, but he was not in his room. Peering in, I couldn't help but notice what an absolute mess it was. Clothing was everywhere. The bed covers were strewn about, and there was a staleness in the air. It looked like a physical representation of their horrible marriage, completely in shambles.

I pulled the door too and headed to my room. Flipping on the radio, I pulled my hair up into a sloppy bun. The house most needed more noise, and I needed to get comfy so I could start studying. Putting on my biggest t-shirt and a pair of thin cotton shorts, I looked in the mirror. It made me giggle that it looked like I wasn't wearing any pants.

Plopping down on the bed, my stomach growled, so I headed to the kitchen. That's when I noticed a note on the table. "Gone to talk to your mom, be back later," was all it said. That was odd, mom went to see her mother often but dad had never gone to see her while she was there.

She usually went after days of fighting with dad or after she had used me as a punching bag. Sometimes it felt like she was running away and hiding, trying to navigate around her own demons. There was something fishy going on and I wanted to know what it was.

Opening the fridge, I noticed that we had milk, and that made me smile. I found some oatmeal and put it on the stove to cook. Standing in the empty kitchen, I let my mind wander to Jake. He wasn't at school that day. He was probably sleeping it off at the cottage waiting for one of his friends to pick him up.

It made me smile to think about everything he said. He told me he loved me. Even though it was still hard to believe, he said it. At the time I was certain that he meant it, but I was second-guessing myself. I wondered if he would remember, he was drunk afterall.

Stirring the oatmeal, my thoughts continue to drift. As I was pouring it into my bowl, ready to eat up every spoonful, the door opened. I stopped and listened as it seemed to shut in slow motion. "Well, that was a dramatic door close," I thought to myself and moments later dad appeared in the kitchen.

He looked more weary than usual. His worn blue jeans hung on his hips and the plaid shirt he was wearing seemed threadbare. He had rolled his sleeves up quarter length as they always were, but there was something heavy in his eyes. Walking over to the table and taking a seat, he never said a word. His head was hanging, and he was deep in thought. I studied him as the silence lingered.

"How was your visit with mom?"I asked.  Before he even had time to answer I rambled on, "Why did you even go see her?" He let out a long sigh and looked up at me, the weight of a thousand pounds hanging in his expression.

"Not good Sky" he replied. He shook his head back and forth as if he is trying to push away whatever was invading his thoughts. Stiffening a bit, I knew that whatever was going on must be serious. I felt my heart race, not sure what it was, and took a seat beside him.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I asked, trying to look into his eyes. I thought if I could, they would reveal what was haunting him. He kept his gaze steadfast, making sure our eyes never meet.

"She's not coming back," he said with a pained voice. I looked at him in disbelief. There was no way she was not coming back. That was impossible. My brain tried to catch up with what he had said. I searched his face, trying to determine if it was real. He never flinched or faltered, his mind stayed trained on his thoughts.

He got up and pushed his chair under the table, exiting the kitchen. It didn't seem fair. She was a wife and a mother. How could she leave us? I caught up with him in his room. Grabbing a fresh shirt, he pulled it on and headed for the front door. Running behind him, the words in my mind spilled out, "What did I do, dad?"

"I have been asking myself that question for twenty years Sky." With those words, he walked out of the house, shutting the door behind him.

Standing in the living room, I heard his truck crank up and pull away. I felt my knees get weak and let myself slip onto the floor. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I tried to slow my breathing. I inhaled and exhaled so fast that I felt I might pass out. Resting my head on my knees, I tried to fight back the tears and calm myself.

When I felt I would lose complete control of myself, I heard a knock at the door. I looked up, not sure who it could be, and pulled myself off the floor. Pausing before I turned the knob, I tried to pull myself together. When I opened the door, I was staring into Jake's gorgeous eyes. As soon as I realized it was him, I flung my arms around his neck. I pulled him to me, fearing I might break him.

"Hey Baby, I am happy to see you too," he said. I didn't even flinch, my arms stayed in place and my face sought refuge in his shoulder. He realized that something wasn't right and grabbed my arms, pulling me forward to get a good look at me. When his eyes met mine, I fought to keep the tears from escaping.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?" he asked.

I hesitated for a second and finally replied, "I need you, Jake."

When he heard those words, he pulled me into his arms. "Well, you've got me, babe." He held me tight, and neither of us attempted to move. Somehow, he understood that at that moment, my heart needed his.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" he asked, breaking the silence. Not having the words, I shook my head from side to side. If I had talked, the tears would have come, and they may have ever stopped.

"Let's go to your room," he said as he grabbed my hand and lead me in that direction. He must have remembered me telling him I always felt safest when I was there.

"I passed your dad as I was pulling in, does he have anything to do with what is going on?" I nodded to confirm his suspicions.

"But you won't tell me about it?" I looked at him with desperate eyes as a tear ran down my cheek.

"All right then, you will tell me when you are ready," he said as he grabbed my hand and kissed it. He seemed to understand that whatever was going on was just too raw, so he changed the subject. It felt like I could breathe for the first time since my dad walked out the door.

The music was still playing in my room so he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, swaying back and forth. I did not protest because at that moment I needed him, anyway I could get him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I snuggled my face into it. He smelled so amazing.

"Thanks for being my hero last night," he whispered in my ear.

"Right now Jake, this hero needs a hero," I replied with ragged words.

"I'm right here, baby." He had so much sincerity in his voice that it made my heart ache. A tear trickled onto the bare skin of his neck and I could feel his body jar as it touched him. He reached one hand under both of my legs and scooped me up, placing me on my bed. It was shocking how smoothy he did it. I smiled when he laid down beside me.

Leaning up on one elbow, he faced me. First, he brushed my hair out of my face, then he wiped the tears from my eyes. He was so slow, so purposeful, never letting his gaze leave mine.

"You are so beautiful Sky," he said tracing the side of my face with his hand. I stared at him, thinking he must be crazy.

"Jake, I have no make-up left and my hair is in a bun. I would hardly call that beautiful."

"And you're still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Even with no make-up and a bun in your hair, you can still take my breath away," he said.

He bent down and gave me a soft kiss. As his lips met mine, another tear escaped as I realized that he felt more like home to me than anything else. As he kissed my tear away, I fought hard to hold the rest in.

"One day you will be mine, all mine and no one else's," he whispered.

"I pray that's true Jake but right now can you hold me and not let go for a while," I whispered back, craving his touch.

He kissed my neck, "I'll hold you as long as you'll let me, baby."

I drifted off to sleep in his arms and woke to an empty bed. Rushing into my dad's room, I saw him there. He was sleeping but still wearing worry on his face. I headed back to my room and checked my phone. It was earlier than I thought. Noticing a message from Jake, I opened it to see a picture of me sleeping on his chest, looking a mess.

The text read, "Still feel you next to me, right where you belong." I stared at the picture for a moment realizing that he was right, close to him was where I belonged.

"Thank you for being here for me," I sent back.

"Anything for you babydoll."

"If you only knew how much I wish that were true."

"Please be patient, baby. I will figure this all out and you will be mine."

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A/N

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