Am I a Bad Person?

RAINEY

“Kendra and I, we used to be friends,” I start. “Not best friends or anything, but we knew each other. She was part of the group Riley and I hung out with sometimes.

“We first bumped into her at the seventh-grade orientation.

“We were grumbling about how dull the vice principal’s speech was, and she jumped in. She told us she’d heard he was a widower with four dogs and that his hair was a wig.

“We laughed at that. You know how goofy high school kids can be. I guess that’s how we started being friends, or something like that.”

Ansel is sitting across from me on the bed, listening intently. He nods, signaling for me to continue.

I lick my lips and let out a sigh. “We started hanging out more and more. She seemed so loyal, you know. She’d lash out at anyone who she thought was messing with me.

“She was cool at first, but then she slowly started to morph into this…wicked person.”

***

^ONE YEAR AGO^

^FREETOWN HIGH^

~“Last night was fucking amazing. Right, Monica?” Kendra kicked her feet up onto her desk, chewing gum and grinning like a Cheshire cat.~

~We were at the back of our homeroom, waiting for our teacher to show up so we could be dismissed.~

~We always sat together, and Kendra would throw a fit if anyone dared to take our seats.~

~Monica chuckled. “Yeah, we got so high I thought I saw God.”~

~“Where’d you guys go?” Riley asked, swiping a chip from my bag of Lay’s. I took a sip of my milk while I waited to hear the answer. These girls partied a lot, even on school nights.~

~“My Uncle’s club. Crypto.” Kendra smiled, twirling her gum around her finger. “There were so many hot guys there, and I’m not talking about teenagers.”~

~“I could never date a guy that much older than me.” Riley made a face, and Monica laughed, shaking her head.~

~“Teenage guys are a joke. If you want someone who isn’t always emotional and knows how to spend money, you need a man at least twice your age.”~

~I cringed a little at her logic. “Isn’t that illegal? You guys are only sixteen.”~

~Kendra chuckled. “You wouldn’t get it, Rain. You’re rich. We have to hustle for our money.”~

~She and Monica giggled while Riley and I exchanged looks. The more we hung out with them, the more we realized how different we were.~

~Selena, a girl in our homeroom who always got straight A’s and wore glasses, walked by my desk.~

~She was a bit bigger, so her hip bumped my desk and my milk carton fell over, spilling all over my jeans.~

~“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Selena gasped, rushing over to my side. She looked genuinely sorry as she tried to wipe the milk off my clothes.~

~“It’s okay.” I gave her a small smile. “You don’t have to—”~

~“It’s not fucking okay, bitch!” Kendra jumped up and slapped Selena so hard she fell onto the floor.~

~I gaped at her, shocked, as Riley narrowed her eyes. “What the hell, Kendra?”~

~Her reaction was completely over the top and uncalled for.~

~Monica laughed while her best friend squatted down, grabbing a handful of Selena’s black hair and yanking her head back.~

~“Bitch. This is our side of the fucking classroom. Don’t you know that? You knocked over my friend’s milk, you fat fool!”~

~“Kendra! Stop that!” I yelled.~

~She ignored me and tried to push Selena’s face into the spilled milk on the floor.~

~“People around the world have nothing to eat. So drink it! Drink it, you fool. You love to eat, don’t you? Look how fat and ugly you are. Drink it!”~

~Selena was crying as Kendra tried to force her face into the dirty liquid. No one in the classroom dared to intervene. They were all scared of Kendra. But I wasn’t.~

~“I said stop it!” I stood up and pushed her away. She fell back onto her hands as I helped Selena up. She was whimpering, her head down, and I sighed heavily.~

~“I’m sorry,” I told her. “I accept your apology. It wasn’t your fault, okay? I shouldn’t have been drinking now anyway. Lunch ended three hours ago.”~

~Selena didn’t say anything. She just nodded and walked away. Riley glared at Kendra while Jessica kept her head down, not daring to meet the bully’s eyes.~

~She knew what it was like to be called fat by Kendra. Because of Jessica’s wide hips and thighs, she often had to hear the same cruel words. Guys loved her curves, but Kendra thought they were ridiculous.~

~“You should have seen her face,” Monica laughed, and two other girls who hung out with them joined in.~

~I didn’t find it funny, and Kendra noticed the disapproval on my face. She smirked, leaning back in her chair.~

~“You’re too soft, Rain. People will walk all over you if you keep being that nice.”~

~“You didn’t have to do that to her. That was mean,” I said.~

~“How was it? The milk got spilled, and instead of it going to waste, I told her to drink it. It’s only fair. She’s the one who spilled it anyway.”~

~I glared at her, and she just shrugged. “Look, I’m very loyal. And I hate when people mess with my friends.~

~“Rainey, I consider you a friend. I’ll mess up anyone who tries to hurt you. I’ve got your back.”~

~Monica chimed in with a grin. “When Kendra says she’s got your back, she means it.”~

~They shared a knowing smile before Kendra turned back to me, a smirk playing on her lips as she snapped her gum.~

***

^PRESENT DAY^

“She always talked a big game about loyalty. She didn’t seem like the type to stab me in the back. Sure, she was mean to others, but she was always respectful to me.”

I shake my head, laughing bitterly. “Or maybe she wasn’t. Maybe I was just too blind to see her for who she really was. I didn’t see the betrayal coming.

“I thought she saw me as a friend. She would always tell me how happy she was that we were friends.” I stare blankly at the bedsheet while Ansel sighs.

“Maybe she was just hiding her true feelings about you. Were there signs?”

I scoff. “Plenty. I don’t know why I didn’t see them. She was always making comments about my money, my looks…”

***

^ONE YEAR AGO^

~“Malcolm says he’s into you,” Stacie announced, sliding into her usual spot in the cafeteria. She was one of Kendra’s friends.~

~She jerked her head to the left, and I followed her gaze to Malcolm James, a guy from my chemistry class, who was smiling and nodding at me.~

~I wasn’t interested, so I just shook my head at Stacie. “I don’t need a boyfriend.”~

~Kendra scoffed, drawing everyone’s attention. She lifted her head, her signature smirk on her lips. “Malcolm likes everyone. He even asked me out once.”~

~Monica furrowed her brow. “He did? Why didn’t you tell me?”~

~“Because”—she glanced at me, crossing her arms with a smug look—“it’s not a big deal. I’m not going to get excited because he asked me out. Malcolm likes everyone.~

~“If a frog in a skirt hopped by, he’d be into it. So, Rainey, I wouldn’t feel special if I were you.”~

~Riley frowned. “But Rain is really pretty. I can see why he’d like her.” She smiled at me, and Kendra laughed. It was a bit over the top.~

~“That’s because she’s rich. Money makes everyone pretty.”~

***

^PRESENT DAY^

“She was jealous of you,” Ansel says. “It’s pretty clear.”

I nod. “I was so naive not to see it then.”

He moves a bit closer to me, and I look up to meet his gaze.

“What did she do to you? Why did you have to leave?”

I sigh, looking down at the floor. “She set me up…in the worst way possible.”

***

^ONE YEAR AGO^

~“My mom is making me go. She even made me iron Bailey’s dress shirt. I hate family reunions!” Riley complained over the phone.~

~I chuckled, lying on my back and staring at the ceiling.~

~“Want to come?” she asked, and I quickly shook my head.~

~“No way. You know I hate family reunions and formal events.” I frowned.~

~She laughed. “Yeah, I know. So what are you going to do tonight?”~

~“Hmm. Probably just stay in and watch Netflix.”~

~“Oh, ~The Walking Dead~?”~

~“Yeah, I haven’t seen Rick in a while,” I giggled, referring to the show’s main character.~

~“Ugh, I wish I could watch it too. Stupid reunion. But anyway, Rick is too old. Carl is my guy.”~

~I deadpanned. “Riley, you do know you’re older than him, right?”~

~“No, we’re still on season two, and he gets a lot older in the later seasons, so don’t call me a pedophile!”~

~We both laughed, then I heard her mom’s voice in the background. Riley sighed into the phone, whining like a little kid.~

~“My mom says I have to help Bailey with his pants, so I gotta go.”~

~“Okay, let me know how it goes,” I told her. She promised she would before hanging up. I put my phone down and grabbed the remote from my nightstand. I watched a couple of episodes of ~The Walking Dead~ before my mom knocked on my door.~

~She was leaving, and Jeff, her live-in boyfriend, was staying with me. I didn’t want to be alone with him, so I decided to go to the reunion with Riley.~

~I quickly texted her, hoping she hadn’t left yet. I was disappointed to find out she was already at the venue.~

~As much as I didn’t want to hang out with Kendra and the girls that night, I decided to, just to avoid being alone with Jeff.~

~So I got dressed and snuck out of my room through the window.~

~The girls met me outside the club, and Kendra pulled me into a tight hug.~

~“Glad you came, Rain.” She grinned.~

~“Where’s Riley?” Monica asked.~

~“At her family reunion.”~

~After my response, Monica and Kendra exchanged a strange look, but I didn’t think much of it as Jessica beamed at me. “You look nice.”~

~I smiled back. “Thanks.”~

~Kendra looped her arm through mine, her grin wide and infectious. “Let’s go have some fun!”~

~We sauntered into Club Crypto. I had a fake ID tucked away, but it wasn’t necessary. The bouncers didn’t even give us a second look.~

~Kendra explained that her uncle owned the club, and she could bring anyone she wanted without any security checks.~

~The club was wild. Neon lights flashed everywhere, and the music was so loud that the floor vibrated with each beat. People were packed in, dancing and sweating, while scantily clad girls gyrated on poles.~

~Kendra guided us to a table in the back, where two guys were already sitting. They looked much older than us.~

~Monica plopped down on one of the guys’ laps while Kendra nudged a hesitant Jessica towards the other. He wrapped his arm around her and started kissing her neck, and she looked anything but comfortable.~

~“Pete!” Kendra called to the bartender. “Two bottles of vodka, please!”~

~He nodded and quickly brought over the drinks. Kendra told him she’d settle the bill later. She poured me a glass, which I gratefully accepted.~

~I wasn’t in the best of spirits, mostly because I was forcing myself to be somewhere I didn’t want to be, just to avoid being around someone else.~

~Soon we were all laughing and drinking while Kendra told jokes. After a while, I started to feel tipsy. I’m not a lightweight, but I had had quite a bit to drink that night.~

~The bartender waved at Kendra, reminding her about the unpaid drinks.~

~After grumbling about how her uncle owned the club and threatening to get him fired for his impatience, she opened her purse to find it empty. She turned to me with a sheepish smile.~

~“Rainey, I’m out of cash. Can you spot me two hundred?”~

~I nodded and pulled out my purse. As I handed it to her, a wave of dizziness hit me.~

~I buried my face in my hands, hoping to shake off the vertigo.~

~When I looked up, Kendra was handing back my purse. The room was still spinning a bit, but I shook my head to clear it as she went to pay the bartender.~

~A few minutes passed, and my gaze drifted to Jessica. She was wincing as the guy she was with tried to slide his hand under her dress.~

~I wanted to say something, to stop him, but my tongue felt heavy and I suddenly felt too tired to deal with it.~

~Soon the guy stood up, pulling Jessica with him. Monica raised her eyebrows suggestively.~

~As they left the table, Jessica glanced back at me. She didn’t look happy about leaving with him, but she didn’t resist either.~

~“Someone’s about to get lucky!” Monica giggled.~

~I felt sick. It was time for me to leave. My mom was probably home by now. I cleared my throat. “Where’s Kendra?”~

~Monica shrugged as the guy she was with ran his hand up her thigh. “No idea. Probably off with some hottie.”~

~“I’m heading out. Tell Kendra I’ll see her at school tomorrow, okay?”~

~Monica frowned, distracted by the guy nibbling on her earlobe. “Why are you leaving so soon? Stay a bit longer. What’s the rush, Rainey?”~

~“Yeah, what’s the rush, princess?” the guy echoed, smirking at me.~

~I stood up, sighing. “I have school in the morning.”~

~“But Ian can drive you home later. Right, Ian?”~

~“Yep.” He popped the ~p~, grinning at me. His smile was more creepy than friendly.~

~“No thanks. I’ll take the bus,” I said. Monica sighed heavily and pulled out her phone. She tapped a few times, then slid it back into her bra with a smile.~

~“I just texted her that you’re leaving.”~

~“Thanks. See you at school tomorrow.”~

~I started to leave the table when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Monica giggled as Ian tickled her, and I pulled out my phone to see a text from Kendra.~

Kendra

Rain, I need your help! I am in the VIP room upstairs. Please come now, I think he raped me!!

~I frowned, and Monica tilted her head to see my face. “What’s up?”~

~“It’s Kendra,” I muttered, staring at the words on my screen. “She says she’s in trouble.”~

~Monica raised an eyebrow. “What kind of trouble? Does she need a tampon or something?”~

~“No, she says I need to come now. She thinks she was raped.”~

~Monica’s eyes widened, while Ian, who had been ignoring us, stared at her chest.~

~“I’m going to see what happened,” I told her. “She needs help.” I hurried off, leaving Monica and Ian exchanging puzzled looks.~

~I found the VIP room on the second floor and pushed the door open. The room was dark, and I stepped inside slowly.~

~“Kendra?”~

~The door slammed shut behind me, and I spun around as the lights flicked on.~

~I looked around, my eyes landing on two men. They were both muscular, dressed in black shirts and pants.~

~I blinked in confusion. “Where’s Kendra?”~

~The men laughed, and I squinted at them.~

~“There’s no Kendra here, baby,” one of them said, his voice rough and menacing.~

~A strange feeling washed over me, and I made a beeline for the door. But before I could reach it, a strong hand gripped my arm, pulling me onto a massive couch.~

~I tried to get up, but a harsh slap sent me sprawling onto the cold floor. I held my stinging cheek as one of the men loomed over me, his hand forcing my legs apart.~

~“Shut up!” he barked. “Or we’ll slit your throat when we’re done!” He tore open my shirt, and I gasped as the buttons scattered across the floor.~

~“W-what are you doing? Get off!”~

~He tried to kiss me, but I turned my face away, squirming beneath him.~

~“Get off!” I screamed, pushing at his face. He didn’t move, so I clawed at his eyes, and he howled in pain.~

~But it didn’t stop him. Instead, he punched me hard in the face.~

~Black spots danced in my vision, and my head spun. My eyes rolled back, but I fought to stay conscious. I couldn’t pass out now. I’d be done for.~

~“Get the hell off me!” I shrieked, kicking and writhing under his weight.~

~“Why are you just standing there? Hold her down!” the man with the injured eyes ordered his partner, who rushed over and pinned my feet to the carpet.~

~The man straddled me, and I felt sick as he started to unbuckle his belt.~

~“You little bitch. Don’t make me choke you, got it?!” he spat. “Be a good fucking girl, okay?”~

~I gagged, and my head spun again as I felt his hand on the button of my jeans.~

~I stared at the ceiling lights. They blurred, then focused, then blurred again. I could hear my own ragged breathing, my chest rising and falling.~

~My heart pounded in my ears, and my body tensed when I heard the terrifying sound of my zipper being pulled down.~

~I couldn’t find the strength to fight anymore as the man hooked his fingers into the waistband of my jeans, trying to pull them down.~

~Suddenly, the door burst open. A man dressed in black stepped in, flanked by two scantily clad girls.~

~The men turned to look at him, and he glanced from them to me.~

~“Is this what you use my VIP room for?” he asked calmly, but his voice held authority.~

~The two men looked scared. The one holding my feet let go. “Boss, we were just—”~

~I pushed the man off me and scrambled to my feet. I darted past the people at the door, not wasting a second more in that room.~

~I ran down the stairs, aware of people staring at me. My hair was a mess, and my shirt was ripped open.~

~I swallowed hard, fastening the one remaining button on my shirt and zipping up my jeans with trembling hands.~

~I rushed to the back of the club, where Monica was laughing with Ian as he fondled her chest.~

~“M-Monica…” My throat was dry.~

~She looked up, her eyes wide as she took in my appearance. She laughed nervously. “Whoa, what happened to you?”~

~“Where’s Kendra?” I asked, panting.~

~“Oh, didn’t she tell you? She left earlier, said she was tired.”~

~I narrowed my eyes. “What?”~

~“She left.” Monica shrugged. “What? Did something happen—”~

~I stormed off, not wanting to hear any more.~

~“Rain!” she called after me. “Don’t you want a ride home? Ian can take you!”~

~I left the club and headed for the bus stop. My head was pounding, and I didn’t have the energy to think about the possibility that Kendra had set me up.~

~I reached into my purse and found it empty. My money and credit card were gone. I sighed and muttered a curse before deciding to walk home.~

~The next day, I went to school. My head still ached from the blow I’d received the night before. The memory of almost being raped wasn’t new, but it felt like a fresh wound.~

~Jessica approached me at my locker. She looked nervous.~

~“Rain, I—I need to show you something,” she said.~

~I turned to her, my brow furrowing as she pulled out her phone. She tapped a few times before turning the screen toward me.~

~A video started playing. It was Kendra, talking to the two men who had tried to rape me at the club.~

~She was outside the VIP room, telling them she was going to text me to come up soon.~

~She warned them to do as she said and not screw up, or she’d have her uncle fire them.~

~She told them to rape me as much as they wanted, and if I fought back, they could beat me senseless.~

~I gritted my teeth as the video ended, and Jessica looked at me pleadingly. “Please don’t tell her I showed you.”~

~I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to calm the rage inside me. “How did you get this video?”~

~“I was coming down from one of the upstairs rooms with a guy last night, and I heard her talking to the men. She mentioned your name, so I hid and recorded it.~

~“It was so cruel. I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. Did anything happen to you?”~

~I stared at the floor. I wasn’t surprised. After Kendra’s text and finding those two men upstairs, I knew she was behind it. But I wasn’t prepared for the betrayal.~

~“What’s your plan?” Jessica asked. I just shook my head.~

~“Nothing.” I decided to switch gears, my anger simmering just below the surface. “What about that guy from yesterday? Did you sleep with him?”~

~She nodded, a sad look in her eyes. “Yeah, I did.” She looked down, a hint of embarrassment in her voice. “I had to.”~

~I narrowed my eyes at her. “You didn’t have to. I thought you were saving yourself for someone special.”~

~“Kendra would have been pissed if I didn’t. Besides, being a virgin isn’t anything special.”~

~I looked at her, knowing she didn’t believe what she was saying. She pushed her hair back. “Just promise me you won’t tell Kendra I told you, okay? Please.”~

~“Why are you so scared of Kendra?”~

~She sighed. “You wouldn’t get it, Rainey. It’s complicated. I have to go to class. I’ll see you later.”~

~She walked away, leaving me seething as I headed to my last class of the day.~

~I skipped homeroom, texting Riley that I’d left early. I called my dad and asked him to block my card, then I went to the bank and reported it stolen.~

~I asked them to track its current location, and I was shocked to find out it was at Kendra’s address. She’d stolen my money and my card.~

~Setting me up to be raped, then leaving me to walk home alone in the dark was just too much.~

~I’d never done anything to her, so I didn’t understand why she would do this to me. I didn’t deserve it, and I wasn’t going to let it slide.~

~So, the next day at school, I stormed into the classroom. It was seven-thirty, and our homeroom teacher hadn’t arrived yet.~

~A few kids were sitting around chatting, and Kendra and her crew were in their usual spot at the back of the class.~

~Riley grinned when she saw me, waving her hand excitedly. “Rain, I’ve been texting you like crazy!”~

~“Kendra! You little bitch!” I yelled, causing everyone to turn and stare.~

~Monica narrowed her eyes, and Kendra tilted her head, a smirk playing on her lips.~

~“What did you just call me, Slate?”~

~“What the hell is your problem, Rainey?” Monica asked, looking at me like I was the crazy one, even though they were the ones acting insane.~

~“Why did you do that to me? What the fuck did I ever do to you?” I asked, as Stacie stood up and grabbed my arm.~

~“Calm down, girl. Why are you so angry?”~

~I pulled my arm away from her and stepped closer to Kendra, who was sitting back with a smug look on her face.~

~“What did you do to my friend?” Riley asked, squinting at Kendra, who just laughed.~

~“What did I do that was so wrong, Slate? I was just trying to help you get laid. Why am I the bad guy?” she chuckled, and I clenched my fist.~

~“You told those guys to rape me, then you stole my money. I want my fucking money back.”~

~“What the hell?!” Riley jumped up. “You can’t mess with my friend like that. I won’t let you!”~

~“I don’t have your money, Rainey.” Kendra smirked. “Did you see me take it?”~

~“I gave you my purse at the club to pay for the drinks. You must have taken it then. I went to the bank yesterday, tracked my card, and they found it at your address!”~

~Riley looked at her in shock, and Kendra just laughed. “I’m not the only one who lives at that address, Slate. Your evidence is weak.”~

~“Fine.” I shrugged. “Let’s prove it, shall we?”~

~I grabbed her bag off the desk, and she tried to grab it back, but I moved away and dumped everything out onto the floor.~

~My card fell out, along with a bunch of other stuff, and she sat back in her chair while Riley gasped.~

~“You’re a fucking thief, Kendra.”~

~I threw her bag down and picked up my card. “Isn’t this my card?”~

~Kendra swallowed hard, then looked out the window, guilt written all over her face as she crossed her arms.~

~“This is my card, and you stole my money too.” I sneered. “Why would you do that to me? What did I ever do to you?”~

~She squinted against the sunlight, her lips twisted into a nasty expression.~

~“Tell me. I want to know, Kendra. What did I ever do to deserve this? What did I ever do to make you send men to rape and beat me?~

~“Tell me! I want to know. Tell me, Kendra!”~

~“Nothing!” she shouted, jumping up from her chair. Her eyes were wide and red, the veins in her neck standing out.~

~“Nothing! You didn’t do anything to me. I just fucking hate you, bitch! There, I said it.” She laughed like a lunatic, spreading her arms wide while everyone stared at her in shock.~

~“I hate you, Rainey Slate! I’ve never liked you. I just pretended I did. But every time I saw you, I wanted to kill you.~

~“You always have money. Guys always like you. It’s not fucking fair. We’re all struggling to survive, but you get everything handed to you. That’s why I hate you.~

~“Why do guys always seem to notice you and not me? You’re not even that pretty. What’s so special about you? It’s infuriating. You’re infuriating, you spoiled brat!”~

~I shot her a hard look. “I’m not a brat. Don’t you dare label me that.”~

~She rolled her eyes. “You’re not? Who are you trying to fool? Your mom’s a brat, and so are you. No wonder your dad left you both. You’re both just pitiful!”~

~“Enough, Kendra!” Riley shouted.~

~“No.” I nodded. “Let her finish.”~

~“Do you think the world revolves around you? You think you’re superior to me, don’t you? Well, here’s a reality check: you’re not, Rainey! My life is far better than yours.~

~“At least my parents are still together, and I’m not sleeping with my mom’s boyfriend!”~

~Her words made my heart lurch. She had no idea how much those words stung. She had no idea how deeply they cut me.~

~“W-what?” I shifted uncomfortably, and she laughed.~

~“You and your mom are both sleeping with the same man! Two pathetic women who make me want to puke!~

~“I bet he’s already taken your virginity, yet here you are pretending to be innocent. You make me want to—”~

~My fist connected with her face, and everyone gasped as she fell hard onto the tiles. Kendra touched her nose and found blood as I loomed over her and landed another punch.~

~“Oh, God. Rainey, stop!” Monica cried, covering her mouth in shock.~

~A crowd of kids began to gather as Kendra tried to grab my hair. I caught her wrist and twisted it, making her cry out in pain as I slapped her across the face.~

~“What do you know about me? Nothing!” I shouted, tears welling in my eyes. “You don’t know me! You never did! You never will!”~

~She tried to grab my arms, but I lifted her head and slammed it onto the tiles.~

~“Oh, shit. Rain, stop.” Riley tried to pull me away, but I shrugged her off and lifted Kendra’s head, banging it onto the floor again.~

~“Don’t talk about me like that! Don’t you dare! What the hell do you know?! You have no idea what I’ve been through!”~

~Stacie tried to pull me away, but I easily shoved her off and grabbed Kendra’s head again.~

~Her hair fell across her face as she cried out, hitting my chest, but it didn’t stop me from slamming her head onto the floor over and over.~

~“You told them to beat me up! Do you know how it feels to be beaten up? This is how it feels!”~

~Her friends screamed as I continued to slam her head onto the floor. My rage didn’t let me stop, and soon her resistance faded as she weakened.~

~I didn’t stop, though, until Monica screamed out, tears streaming down her face. “She’s bleeding, Rainey! Shit…stop!”~

~Riley buried her face in her hands as blood pooled around Kendra’s head. I looked at my hands, stained with her blood, as she lay limp on the floor, unconscious.~

~Riley grabbed my arm. “Oh shit. Rain, we need to go before—”~

~“What is happening here?!” The principal’s voice made everyone scatter to their seats.~

~But I was still sitting on top of Kendra, staring at my bloody hands while Riley stood next to me, running her fingers through her hair in panic.~

~“Rainey Slate!” the principal shouted in horror. “What have you done?!”~

~I froze, my mind spinning and my vision blurring. Footsteps rushed towards me, but I didn’t run. There was no point. This was it.~

~And I didn’t regret it. I had too much pent-up anger. And even though it didn’t make me feel better to crack Kendra’s head open, I owed it to myself to fight back. I owed it to the ten-year-old me.~

***

^PRESENT DAY^

Ansel looks at me, taking a moment to process the story. I watch him nervously. I don’t want him to see me differently now. I couldn’t bear that.

I keep this story to myself because it hurts to talk about it, and the judgment I faced after it all happened, even from my own mother, made me bury the memory deep inside.

It hurts. It still hurts.

“I know what I did was crazy.” I shake my head, and Ansel moves closer to me, his expression softening.

“It wasn’t. What ~she~ did to ~you~ was crazy, Rain. I can’t believe she’d—” He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, they’re shiny.

“I can’t believe she’d do that to you. What she did was really messed up, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

I half-shrug, looking at my hands. “Can you be honest with me? Do you see me as a bad person, Ansel?”

I feel vulnerable asking him that, but I care about his opinion of me. Everyone else can judge me and criticize me. But Ansel? It would hurt me deeply if he saw me the way most people do.

I glance at him from under my lashes as he quickly shakes his head.

“No way. I don’t, Rain. Why would you think that?”

“Because”—I cover my face with my hand, sighing heavily—“I cracked a girl’s head open.” I drop my hand, blinking back tears as I look up. “Who does that?”

“No, no. She deserved that, Rain. What she did to you was so cruel. It’s okay.”

I drop my head into my hands, shaking it back and forth. “I’m not any better than a criminal, Ansel. I’m just so screwed up.”

The mattress shifts as he scoots closer to me. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re not screwed up, Rain…look at me.”

He gently pulls my hand away from my face, cradling my cheek in his palm. He tilts my head up to meet his eyes, and his forehead creases when he sees the tears welling up in mine.

He inhales sharply, his eyebrows knitting together. “It’s okay, really. Please don’t cry.”

A single tear slips free and lands on his knuckle, and I close my eyes, letting out a soft sob. The bed dips as he leans in closer, and I tense up when I feel the soft press of his lips against my forehead.

The tears stop as if on cue, and I slowly open my eyes. The sensation of his lips on my skin is nothing short of heavenly.

He pulls back, and I lift my eyes to meet his.

The tenderness in his gaze makes my heart fill with so much love, and before I can stop myself, I close the gap between us and press my lips to his.