Heal Me

RAINEY

Lea’s gone now, leaving Ansel and me alone in his room. The silence between us is heavy, filled with unasked questions.

“What happened with Jeff?” I ask, my eyes focused on my hands in my lap.

Ansel sighs, his gaze fixed on a poster across the room. “Rain, I don’t think you want to know.”

“I do.” I turn to look at him, seeing the uncertainty in his eyes. “I really do, Ansel.”

“You might see me differently. I’d rather spare you that.”

I turn to face him fully, trying to convince him. “Ansel, I’m the girl who cracked another girl’s skull open. I don’t think it gets much worse than that. I won’t judge you, I promise.”

He lets out a sharp breath, running his fingers through his hair. It falls back onto his forehead as he looks at me again, his eyes softening. “Alright. I beat him up.”

I nod.

“And I shot him. Three times.”

I swallow hard, not because of what he did, but because of the potential consequences. I don’t want him to get into trouble because of me.

“Where did you shoot him?” I ask, hoping for some detail that might make this all seem less terrible.

“His knee, shoulder, and stomach. I also broke his hand and beat his face until it was unrecognizable.”

I let out a soft breath, my eyes dropping to the dark blue sheets on his bed.

~Oh, God.~

“But that’s not all, Rain. I also dealt with Greg.”

I look up at him, shocked. His eyes are hard, almost inhuman.

“You knew about Greg too?”

He nods. “Yeah. I just didn’t want to bring it up until you were ready.”

My throat feels dry as I try to process everything he’s telling me.

“Okay…but where did you get a gun?”

Ansel taps his finger against his knee, biting his lip. He seems hesitant to answer.

“Ansel?”

“I have a gun, Rain,” he finally says, scratching his forehead.

~He has a gun. How does he even—~

I shake my head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why not?” He looks confused.

~Yeah, Rain, why not? You saw him pull a knife from his shoe and cut a man open. You know he can shoot a gun.~

But maybe I’m just looking for something to hold onto, some hope that he didn’t hurt those men and won’t end up in jail.

“I just don’t.”

Ansel sighs and stands up, moving to the side of his bed. He pulls out a shoebox and opens it.

Inside is a gun and some cash. My breath catches in my throat.

~He has a gun. He really does have a gun.~

He picks up the gun and sets it on the bed, looking at me.

“Do you believe me now, Rain?”

~How can I not? It’s right there.~

I nod slowly, my eyes fixed on the gun.

He puts it back in the box and slides it under his bed. When he sits back down next to me, he looks unsure.

“Rain…I’m not exactly a good guy—”

“I don’t care what you did to those men. You’re still a good person to me,” I interrupt.

Ansel looks surprised. “And I appreciate that you stood up for me. I just don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

I look at him sadly, and he moves closer, taking my hand.

“I won’t. I thought everything through before I did anything. I know what I’m doing, Rain. Trust me.”

~I do trust him. He’s smart, and I know he wouldn’t be reckless.~

I nod, and he smiles, kissing my hand. Suddenly, I sneeze, and he looks at me with concern.

“Sorry.”

“Damn, I should have given you dry clothes when you got here. I completely forgot.” He stands up and walks over to his closet.

My throat feels scratchy, and I’m shivering. But what did I expect? I walked here in the rain, like I was in some dramatic movie.

It’s twilight now, and it’s still raining lightly. The moon is trying to shine through the dark clouds.

The world outside is shrouded in fog, and a cold breeze comes in through Ansel’s window. The lights from the houses nearby are barely visible through the mist.

I wrap my arms around myself. It’s getting colder, and night is falling quickly. His room is dim because he hasn’t turned on the lights yet.

“You can wear these.”

I turn to look at him as he hands me some clothes.

“Thanks.” I stand up and take them. It’s a white T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

“The shorts might be a bit big. You’re pretty slim.” He rubs his neck.

“It’s okay. They’ll work.”

I flash a grateful smile and head to the bathroom. I quickly peel off my soaked clothes and pull on the ones he gave me. I can’t help but chuckle a little when I notice the shorts keep slipping down my waist.

~He wasn’t kidding. They’re huge.~

Thankfully, his T-shirt is long enough to cover that up. With my short hair and Ansel’s clothes, I probably look like a very unattractive boy right now.

But that’s not a problem, right? He’s seen me at my worst so many times—just yesterday being the most recent example.

I step out of the bathroom, and he’s just pulling on a fresh, dry shirt of his own. A candle now flickers on the nightstand.

“No electricity?” I ask.

“Nope.” He looks at me. “Remember I told you last time that the power always goes out when it rains.”

His voice trails off as he looks me over, a serious expression on his face.

I shift uncomfortably. “What?”

His eyes sparkle under the soft glow of the candlelight. “Nothing. It’s just…that T-shirt is a bit thin.”

I glance down at my chest, realizing he’s right.

In my haste earlier, I’d left my house without even putting on a bra, and now my breasts are clearly outlined against the fabric.

Even in the dim light, they’re hard to miss.

“Oh.” My cheeks flush as I cross my arms over my chest. Ansel just smiles at this and opens the top drawer of his dresser.

“Maybe this one will do?” He pulls out a black T-shirt and hands it to me. I thank him and quickly turn around to change shirts.

I’m not aware that his eyes are fixed on the tattoo on my back as I slip my arms through the sleeves and pull the shirt over my head.

As I adjust it over the oversized shorts, I feel a warm breath on my neck, causing me to shiver slightly as strong arms wrap around me.

I catch my breath, wondering how I hadn’t heard him approach.

His lips start to pepper soft kisses along my neck, his hand slipping under my shirt to caress my bare stomach.

Even though he’s now my boyfriend, I can’t shake the nervousness that comes whenever we’re this close. I melt against him, his touch alone enough to undo me.

He doesn’t say a word. His actions say everything.

And as his hand starts to move higher up my chest, my heart pounds so loudly I can hear it in my ears.

Ansel cups one of my breasts, his thumb stroking the nipple until it hardens noticeably.

I’m instantly turned on and press my thighs together as he uses his other hand to give the same attention to my other breast.

A heat builds in the pit of my stomach as I bite my lower lip. Ansel removes his hands from under my shirt and takes my hand in his.

He steps back, closing the latch on his door, and I blush even more at the implication. He meets my gaze, a fiery look in his eyes.

He sits down on his bed and pulls me toward him, his blue eyes looking up into my nervous ones.

“Sit on me,” he whispers. His eyes are filled with desire, his cheeks flushed as he places his hands on my waist.

Doing as he says, I straddle his lap, and his hands immediately move to cup my butt. A soft sigh escapes my lips as he gently holds my neck, guiding my head down to meet his lips.

His tongue gently explores my mouth as his hands guide me, moving me against his hard length so that I’m grinding against him.

I can feel him completely through the thin fabric of his shorts as his lips move urgently against mine.

As the kiss deepens, his hands slip inside my shorts to grip my bare butt. I jerk slightly in response, and he quickly breaks the kiss, his eyes filled with concern.

“I won’t touch you if it makes you uncomfortable, okay?” His voice is barely above a whisper, and I shake my head.

I didn’t pull away because I didn’t want his touch. I want him to touch me, but my body seems to instinctively pull away from such contact.

I climb off his lap, and he watches me intently as I lie down on my back. The love in his eyes shines brighter than the candlelight as he looks at me in slight confusion.

“I want you to touch me,” I say, watching as his face turns even redder. His flustered expression is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen as he reaches up to scratch his forehead.

“I…I don’t want to make you relive that terrible memory or—”

“If I don’t face it, it’ll haunt me forever. I need to move past it.

“I can’t live in the past forever. It’s gone, and I need to focus on the present so I can move forward. Please help me do that.”

Tears well up in my eyes, and his gaze softens as he moves to hover over me.

His voice is as soothing as the gentle patter of rain against the window when he speaks.

“I’ll help you forget it all, okay?”

I smile slightly and nod as he wipes the tears from my eyes. He leans down to kiss me again, our lips meeting in a dance of desire and passion.

He keeps our lips locked as he shifts slightly to the side, his hand gently stroking my thigh as he kisses me deeply.

His hand moves higher, and as it nears the place between my legs, my heart rate quickens.

Slowly his hand slips inside the waistband of my shorts, tentatively moving into my panties. His fingers touch my sex, and I close my eyes tightly, my body shaking with fear.

“Rain…” He rests his forehead against mine. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

I do as he says and find him looking at me with nothing but love.

“Keep your eyes on me, okay? That way you won’t have to see those bastards.” His voice is gentle and caring, and I nod, swallowing hard as I grip his bicep.

Ansel plants a kiss on my forehead, and then his hand starts to move. It’s a simple up and down motion, but it feels so good. ~Is it supposed to feel this good?~

I’m still nervous, but I remember Ansel’s words.

~“Keep your eyes on me.”~

I do exactly that, and he doesn’t look away from me either, as if breaking eye contact might bring back the bad memories.

“You’re doing great, Rainey,” he whispers, pressing his thumb to the top of my sex. I gasp softly.

My hands clutch his shirt, my lips parting as he moves his finger in a circular motion. I don’t know what he’s doing, but it feels amazing, and I don’t want him to stop.

The painful memories are gone, replaced by this new sensation that Ansel’s giving me.

He can tell I’m handling it well, so he kisses me while his finger keeps moving at a slow pace.

“Do you like it?” he asks, his words muffled by our kiss. I nod, feeling a tight sensation building inside me.

His middle finger slides along my vulva, and with a gentle push, it slips inside me. I gasp, biting his lower lip without thinking.

He groans a bit but doesn’t stop, easing his finger inside me. There’s a slight discomfort, and I wince.

“You okay?” he asks, starting to stroke me slowly.

The small sting fades as my breathing quickens. I manage to nod as he sucks on his lower lip where I bit him.

His thumb moves against the sensitive bud at the top of my sex while his middle finger moves inside me at the same pace.

~What is he doing to me?~

My breath catches in my throat as I look into his eyes, the sensation growing stronger every second.

I can hear my arousal as his finger moves in and out of me, and he kisses my neck, whispering against my skin.

“You’re so wet, Rain…so responsive.”

His voice is so sexy that I feel my body rushing toward climax. A soft moan escapes my lips as his finger curls inside me, touching a spot I didn’t know existed.

“Ansel…” I’m gasping for air.

“Mm? Cum for me, Rain.”

He lifts my shirt, and his lips close around one of my hard nipples. My back arches off the bed, and my chest rises and falls rapidly as his hand becomes more insistent.

“You feel so good,” he says, and everything starts to blur as my body nears an earth-shattering orgasm. I squeeze my eyes shut, my body shaking.

“Look at me, Rainey.”

I open my eyes to see his, and the desire in them is incredibly intense.

“I want you to keep your eyes on me when you cum, and I want you to replace this moment with all the bad memories. Can you do that for me?”

I manage to nod, biting my lip to hold back a moan. He keeps our eyes locked while his fingers speed up, his other hand coming up to knead one of my breasts.

That’s all it takes for a powerful wave of pleasure to wash over me. My body shakes uncontrollably, and Ansel keeps stroking me as I ride the wave of pleasure.

I find myself saying his name over and over, and he blushes, kissing me deeply as my legs tremble beneath him.

The moment is pure bliss, a heavenly experience that leaves me panting and gasping for breath.

He pulls his hand from my shorts and wraps his arms around me as I breathe heavily against him, my body shaking as sweat trickles down my forehead.

As I come back to earth, my eyes feel heavy, and my body is weak from exhaustion. Ansel brushes wet hair from my face as he smiles down at me.

“You did so well, Rain. I’m so proud of you.”

He kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes, managing a tired smile.

If I were to die right now, I’d die happy. My soul feels at peace, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I grew up thinking being touched was evil, that it was a way to control and manipulate someone.

But Ansel just showed me that it can be beautiful, that not all touches are bad, and that I can finally move past the memories that have been holding me back.

He healed me.