Don’t Leave Me Here

MRS. FORBES

Spring is usually a season of joy and renewal. The weather is mild, with a gentle warmth that blankets the earth. The grass takes on a soft green hue, tinged with a hint of blue, and the air is filled with the sweet scent of pollen and blooming flowers.

But for Rainey, it might as well be winter. Her heart feels cold and empty, and not even the bright May sunshine can warm her soul.

“Slate?”

“Rainey.”

“Rainey Slate?”

She pulls her gaze away from the window to find Mrs. Forbes looking at her over the rim of her thick glasses. She shrinks back a bit as the teacher leans against her desk.

“What’s logic in mathematics?”

She’d drifted off again. Her days have been like this lately, her mind constantly filled with thoughts of Ansel. It’s become her new normal over the past three weeks, and it seems to get worse with each passing day.

She glances around at the many faces staring at her, including Riley’s. Her friend gives her a small, encouraging smile.

“Slate?” Mrs. Forbes prompts, her lips pursed in expectation. But her expression isn’t stern this time. There’s a hint of patience and kindness in her chestnut eyes.

“Do you know the answer?”

“Uh…” Rainey stares at a piece of graffiti on the desk, rubbing her palms together. “Logic is the foundation of mathematical logic and all of mathematics. It formalizes valid reasoning and defines what constitutes a proof.”

Mrs. Forbes nods in approval. “Very good, Slate.”

Rainey quickly turns her gaze back to the window.

Riley, sitting just a row away, watches her with sad eyes before turning her attention back to her notebook.

“That’s it for today. Don’t forget to study for the end-of-year exams next week.”

As Mrs. Forbes gathers her papers and the class starts to chatter, she turns to Rainey. “Slate? Can I speak with you?”

Rainey sighs softly and reluctantly picks up her bag. She walks slowly to the front of the room, slipping her arms through the straps of her bag.

“Yes?”

Mrs. Forbes gives her a small smile. “You weren’t here last week. We returned the group assignments. But since Ansel King—”

She stops abruptly, and Rainey looks down, her heart aching.

“Anyway, I thought you might want to keep the paper.” Mrs. Forbes picks up a thick brown binder from her desk and adjusts her glasses. She flips through the papers as Rainey glances back at Riley, signaling that she’ll be there in a minute.

“Here it is. You both did very well.”

Rainey takes the paper from Mrs. Forbes. It’s the math group project she and Ansel had worked on together. She stares at his neat handwriting, and memories of that day in her room come flooding back.

~“This has got to be wrong.”~

~Ansel chuckles. “Let me see.”~

~He leans over to look at her work. His face is so close to hers that she can feel his minty breath on her cheeks.~

~“Oh, I think I know what the problem is,”~

~He takes her book and moves to sit next to her. She tries to ignore the strange sensation of his knee touching her thigh as she listens to his explanation.~

~“So, the problem is that you didn’t rewrite the power as an equivalent expression.”~

~She blinks at him, confused. “Huh?”~

~He tries to hide a smile.~

~“Okay, so when the power has a negative exponent, you rewrite it as an equivalent expression with a positive exponent by taking the reciprocal. Do you understand?”~

~She gives him a small smile. “I guess.”~

~He laughs. “That’s a no, then. Let me show you.”~

Tears blur her vision as she looks at the paper, lost in the bittersweet memories.

“You both are so strong in the subject—” Mrs. Forbes catches herself quickly. “Sorry. I mean was. He ~was~ strong in the subject.”

Rainey bites the inside of her cheek and looks at their score in the corner of the paper.

100 percent.

With tears in her eyes, she quickly stuffs the paper into her bag. “Th-thank you.”

Mrs. Forbes sighs softly. “I’m sorry, Slate. I heard you two were close.”

Rainey can’t talk about this anymore. She’s on the verge of breaking down. She wipes her nose and nods at the teacher. “I have to go.”

Mrs. Forbes starts to say something else, but Rainey is already walking away.

RILEY

“Maybe we could watch ~The Walking Dead~ tonight and order some food,” Riley suggests. She leans against the locker across from Rainey, holding onto her bag straps and giving her friend a gentle smile. “We could use the penthouse movie room.”

Rainey shakes her head as she takes a heavy physics book out of her bag and puts it in her locker. “I think I’m just gonna go to bed early tonight.”

Riley sighs. She’s starting to worry about Rainey. Her friend hasn’t been herself lately, but that’s understandable. Losing someone you love can break even the strongest person.

Rainey and Riley always come home from school together, but as soon as they get back, Rainey vanishes into her room. She locks the door and doesn’t come out until the next morning.

Her cries of sorrow echo through the house, but they can’t comfort her because she keeps her door shut during these episodes.

Riley knows this is tough for Rainey, but she’s worried about what her friend’s constant isolation might lead to.

A voice interrupts their thoughts, and they both turn to look.

“Hey, Rainey.” Olivia gives a sad smile. Lisa stands next to her, her face filled with the same sympathy.

Rainey can’t stand their pitying looks, so she quickly turns away, cramming more books into her locker with a tight-lipped expression.

Riley folds her arms. “What do you two want?”

“I heard about Ansel,” Olivia says, nervously twisting her fingers. “I’m sorry. I know how much his death must hurt you. If I’d known this would happen, I never would have—”

“You never would have what? Bullied her?” Riley interrupts, raising her eyebrows and tilting her head, her black hair swinging with the motion.

The girls exchange guilty looks before Olivia speaks again. “Yeah. I was really mean to her, and I’m sorry. Jace says he’s sorry too.”

“Me too. I’m sorry,” Lisa adds, staring down at her white ballet flats.

Rainey slams her locker shut and lets out a heavy sigh. She turns to face the two remorseful girls.

“To be honest, I haven’t thought about you guys since that whole bathroom incident. I forgot you even existed. I have too much on my mind.”

With that, she turns and walks away. Riley gives them one last look before pushing off from the locker and following Rainey.

“What did she say?” Jace and Tate have now joined the guilty girls, watching as Rainey and Riley disappear around the corner. “Did she accept our apology?”

Olivia shrugs, her lips pursed. “I don’t know. She said she forgot we existed.”

“Is that a yes?” Jace scratches his head, looking confused. Tate rolls his eyes and walks off in the direction the girls went.

As Riley and Rainey leave the school, they notice the pitch-black JMC van parked at the entrance.

After the dangerous incident with Ron Moretto a few weeks ago, Rainey’s dad insisted that Marco pick the girls up from school every day.

Robert has everyone staying at a fancy penthouse in the hills of Crosshill. The area is secluded and heavily secured, with cameras and alarm systems on every corner of the house.

Marco, standing by the back door, waves to the girls. Riley grins and waves back.

“He’s here early today.”

She turns to say something to Rainey, but her friend is a few steps behind, walking slowly and staring down at her leather boots.

Realizing that Rainey is lost in her thoughts again, Riley jogs up to walk beside her, nudging her playfully. “Hey. Cheer up, okay?”

“Girls! Wait up!”

A man’s voice from behind makes them both stop. They turn to see Tate jogging up to them, his dark hair bouncing against his forehead.

When he finally catches up, he bends over, panting.

“Uh, I just wanted to tell you guys about this party I’m having tonight,” he says, catching his breath and pushing his hair back. “It’s at my place, at eight.”

Riley looks at Rainey, but she’s staring off into the distance.

“It’ll be fun,” Tate adds, “and a good chance to relax, you know.” He looks at Rainey, who’s now staring at the ground and kicking at the dust.

“Mm…” Riley adjusts her backpack straps. “Yeah, it sounds great. What do you think, Rain?”

“I’m tired,” she replies, looking up at Tate and shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. “Maybe next time.”

Tate’s eyes fill with sympathy, and he nods. “All right…well…next time it is. Don’t forget.” He grins at her, and she gives him a tight smile in return before turning away.

“See you around, Tate.” Riley waves at him, and he salutes her with a finger.

“Yeah, sure thing.”

She puts an arm around her best friend as they walk toward the car. Marco opens the back door, and they both climb in. He closes the door and walks around to the driver’s side.

“How was school today, girls?” He buckles his seatbelt and adjusts his rearview mirror.

“It was boring. Same old stuff. We have a test in physics,” Riley shrugs.

She glances at Rainey, who’s staring blankly as she pulls a blue water bottle out of her backpack. “Rainey got a hundred on her math project.”

Marco gasps dramatically, and Rainey takes a sip of water, looking out the window.

“Math sucks. I don’t know how you do it,” Marco says, starting the engine and driving out of the school parking lot.

***

The ride home is quiet, and Rainey can feel Marco and Riley watching her.

She keeps her eyes on the scenery outside the window, not wanting to meet their sympathetic gazes.

She’s just going through the motions, letting life carry her along. Without Ansel, her life feels empty.

When he died, he took a big part of her with him, and now she doesn’t see the point in living.

The days and nights seem to stretch on forever without him, as if she’s trapped in an endless cycle she can’t escape.

She’s tormented by the memory of the last few moments before he fell off that cliff.

His eyes were so empty and lifeless, and it hurts her every time she remembers that he did it all for her.

He took a bullet for her.

She thinks he’s a hypocrite. He was furious when she decided to sacrifice herself for him, and now he’s gone and done the same thing—jumped in front of a bullet meant for her.

She can’t ever repay him for what he’s done.

She doesn’t deserve his love, and maybe if she’d just stayed away from his family like she’d planned, he’d still be alive.

She misses him, and no one can understand the depth of her pain.

If only she could have a meeting with God and the angels and ask to switch places with him. He should be here. He should be alive.

Marco pulls up to the entrance of the penthouse, where there’s a guardhouse.

He shows his ID for what feels like the hundredth time since they arrived, and the security officer lifts the gate to let him in.

They have to do this every day, since Mr. Robert changes the security officers every twelve hours.

The car moves down a narrow road, and the tall green trees on either side cast shadows on Rainey’s face as they pass.

The area is secluded and cool, with the fresh scent of flowers in the air.

As they get closer, the three-story white and gray penthouse comes into view. It’s perched on a large mountain peak, and most of it is made of glass.

The grounds are mostly green, lush grass, and two tall crystal lampposts stand at the entrance of the wide driveway.

There’s an old fountain in the middle of the front yard, with water springing from a chalice held by a statue of a man. The place is extravagantly modern.

Marco drops the girls off at the entrance, then drives around the circular driveway to park the car at the back of the house.

They walk up the large circular steps and go inside, immediately noticing that the house is quiet, with no sign of anyone else.

“No one’s here,” Riley says. “Alex should be home from school soon though.”

Rainey doesn’t respond. Instead, she takes off her leather boots at the door and puts them in the corner.

She’s picked up this habit after spending time with the King family. Their customs have rubbed off on her.

The inside of the penthouse is just as beautiful as the outside. The white and gray décor, along with the transparent walls, make the house glow, even at night.

There’s a large skylight, and crystal chandeliers hang from different parts of the ceiling.

Rainey’s socks slide a little on the marble floor as she hurries to the modern staircase and rushes up the steps to her room.

Riley sighs as she drops her backpack onto the white sofa. She pulls her tie off her neck and watches Rainey disappear.

Rainey’s been waiting all day to get home. Holding back her tears for the past eight hours has drained her, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep them in.

She’s glad she can finally be alone to let it all out.

She tosses her backpack onto the floor and jumps into bed, burying her face in her pillow and letting her tears flow freely.

A choked sob escapes her, followed by a louder cry, until she’s wailing at the top of her lungs.

The pillow is almost suffocating her, but it’s not as suffocating as the loss of the boy she’d built her world around.

~This is all her fault. She was the one who impulsively went to find Ron Moretto. She caused this. She killed him.~

Guilt settles in her heart, breaking her apart and taking over her emotions.

Loud, gut-wrenching sobs tear through her as she presses her face into the pillow, her tears soaking it like a dam bursting.

She’s drowning in a sea of regret and loss and heartache. It’s too much.

“Why did you leave me?!” she cries. “Why did you leave me here?! Why did you do this to me? You said you wouldn’t!”

She wishes he could hear how broken she is without him, how lost and hopeless she feels.

“Rainey!” Riley tries the doorknob, but it’s locked. She knocks softly on the door and rests her forehead against it. “Rain, we can talk about it. Please open the door.”

In between sobs, Rainey lifts the pillow from under her and puts it over her head to block out Riley’s voice.

If she doesn’t cry, she’s sure she’ll die. The heartache will kill her. She just needs to keep crying, even if it’s forever.

She knows Riley cares about her, but no amount of talking will ever heal her. The one person who could make things better is, sadly, six feet under.

***

It feels like forever before she finally stops crying and sits up in bed, staring at the promise ring on her finger.

Night has fallen, and she can see the early night sky from where she sits.

It’s a beautiful scene, the earth bathed in a soft orange glow as the sun sets behind the horizon.

She gets out of bed and walks unsteadily over to the glass wall.

She pulls back the cool blue curtains and looks down at Marco sitting by the pool, drinking a beer and looking out at the city lights below.

The view is beautiful, and if she weren’t feeling so depressed, she might go for a swim.

Finding a bit of strength, she walks to the bathroom to take a much-needed shower. After spending another hour crying in the tub, she goes back to her room with wrinkled fingers and toes.

She puts on an oversized black sleep shirt and a pair of gray socks before leaving her room.

As she walks down the glass staircase, she sees Riley sitting on the sofa watching TV. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s wearing a large bed shirt just like Rainey’s.

The only difference is that Riley’s shirt is pink, with a picture of Tweety Bird on the front, while Rainey’s is just solid black with no design.

Hearing footsteps, Riley looks up from the TV and gives a small smile as Rainey walks over to the couch.

Rainey sits next to Riley, her gaze fixed on the large television screen, her hands resting in her lap. A music group is performing on stage, but the songs are in a language she doesn’t understand.

“Who are they?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Riley turns to her, a soft smile playing on her lips. She’s relieved that Rainey is finally making an effort to engage in conversation. For the past few days, Rainey has been distant, lost in her own world. Riley considers herself lucky if she can get a full sentence out of her.

“They’re a K-pop group, BTS. I kept hearing about them on Instagram, so I thought I’d check them out. See what all the hype is about,” Riley explains, grabbing a fluffy white pillow and tucking it under her stomach. “They’re pretty cool.”

Rainey nods, her attention returning to the virtual concert. A silence settles between them.

Riley wants to offer some comfort, but she’s wary of reopening Rainey’s fresh wounds. Rainey has made the effort to come out of her room and even attempted to start a conversation. Riley doesn’t want to push her back into her shell.

“I’m sorry.”

Riley’s face softens at the barely audible apology. She looks at Rainey, her eyes filled with understanding.

“You’ve been trying to help me these past few days, but I’ve been pushing you away. I’m sorry.”

Rainey looks down, her gaze fixed on her hands. Her lips tremble, a sign that she’s on the verge of tears.

Riley places a comforting hand on her shoulder. Rainey relaxes slightly, using the back of her hand to wipe her eyes.

“It’s okay, Rainey. I understand, and I don’t blame you.”

Riley pats her shoulder, fighting back her own tears. She’s been trying to stay strong for her best friend, but she can’t deny how much she misses Ansel. He was like a brother to her, and his absence is a bitter pill to swallow.

She’s been crying in secret or in front of Alex, but she puts on a brave face around Rainey. She can’t even begin to imagine the depth of Rainey’s grief.

“It’s just so hard. I keep remembering things.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Riley pulls her into a gentle side hug. Rainey closes her eyes, a single tear escaping down her cheek.

The front door slides open, letting in a gust of wind. The girls break apart and turn to see the brothers entering the room, laughing and chatting among themselves.

Rainey narrows her eyes, confusion washing over her. The boys don’t seem to be mourning their brother’s death. They seem relaxed, as if they’ve already moved on. Even his parents don’t seem as devastated as she is. But she knows everyone deals with grief in their own way.

Alex, leading the way, stops abruptly when he sees the girls on the couch. Aiden bumps into him, cursing before shoving him forward.

When Aiden sees the girls, his face turns awkward. He rubs his neck, saying, “Didn’t expect to see you girls on the couch tonight…”

An uncomfortable silence fills the room. The boys look as if they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Alaric breaks the silence.

“Rainey, I’m glad to see you down here. I hope you’ll join us for dinner.”

He holds up a bag of groceries. Rainey manages a small smile. She hasn’t had much of an appetite lately, and it shows. She’s lost weight, her body looking frail and fragile.

“Yeah, Ansel would want you to eat,” Arden adds. His brothers give him a strange look before he quickly corrects himself. “If he was here, he’d want you to eat.”

“Riley, can you come here a minute?” Alex calls, heading towards the hallway. Riley follows him, sending Rainey an encouraging smile before disappearing around the corner.

Alex leans against the wall, his eyes briefly dropping to Riley’s bare thighs before returning to her face.

“Mm?” She crosses her arms.

“How’s Rainey been today?”

Riley shifts her weight onto one foot, sighing. “She didn’t eat lunch. And she barely said a word all day.”

Alex tugs at his lower lip, deep in thought. “She’s taking it pretty hard…”

Riley looks at him as if he’s lost his mind. “What did you expect? Ansel was her boyfriend, the first and only guy she’s ever loved. People don’t move on as quickly as you guys. Not everyone can handle grief.”

She pokes his chest in annoyance. He catches her wrist, intertwining his fingers with hers. “Hey, don’t say that. We miss him too. It’s not like that.”

She pulls away, crossing her arms. “Then what is it like? He died less than a month ago, and you guys are acting like it was fifty years ago. Rainey and I are the only ones hurting, and that’s fucked up.”

Alex frowns, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “That’s a harsh thing to say.”

“Harsh because it’s the truth.”

He shakes his head, looking away from her. With a heavy sigh, he leans against the wall, meeting her unhappy gaze.

“We care just as much as you do. Like you said, everyone grieves differently. This is how we keep ourselves together. If you can’t get that, then just don’t say anything, okay?”

Riley sees the tears in his eyes, hears the pain in his voice. The grief. The hurt. Her expression softens, guilt washing over her as she steps closer to him. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

He runs a hand through his hair, licking his lips. “It’s okay. Come here.”

He pulls her into his arms, and she rests her head against his chest. He kisses her cheek as she closes her eyes, tears slipping out from beneath her lashes.

“I didn’t mean to say all that. It’s just that…I miss him. I miss him so much.”

“Me too,” he whispers, closing his eyes and holding her tighter. “We all do.”

***

Rainey pushes her food around her plate, avoiding carrots and beans, before twirling a small amount of spaghetti onto her fork. She spins it around for a bit before finally bringing it to her mouth.

The smell is wonderful, but her stomach is in knots, and she can’t bring herself to eat.

Finally, she sighs and sets the fork down.

“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles, pulling her hands back into her lap.

Alex sighs. “You need to eat, Rain. You’re only hurting yourself if you keep this up.”

“Just try a little. Alaric is a great cook.” Arden twirls his fork in the noodles before offering her a bite of the buttery spaghetti.

She stares at the food, and he nudges the fork, encouraging her to take a bite. With a sigh, she leans in as he gently feeds her.

He grins as she slowly chews. “Good, right?”

It’s delicious. It really is. But despite that, she has to fight the urge to throw up.

She reaches for her water glass and takes a sip before giving Alaric a small smile.

“It’s delicious.”

He smiles back as he takes a bite of his own.

“Eat some more,” Riley urges, and Rainey silently pleads with her to stop.

“Just one more bite.”

“Later. I’ll try to eat later,” she promises, and the brothers exchange knowing looks. They know she won’t. That’s always her excuse to avoid the situation.

“We know how much it hurts,” Aiden begins, his forehead creasing with sadness. “We miss him too.” His brothers look at him and silently nod in agreement.

She feels the tears coming again, and she pushes her chair back from the table. “I’m tired. I’m going to get some rest.”

“Why don’t you watch a movie with us? Don’t go yet,” Aiden pleads, knowing she’s running away to cry alone.

“Maybe tomorrow night. I really need some sleep.” She turns away and quickly leaves the kitchen, leaving behind a room full of sadness.

That’s one of the biggest lies she’s ever told. She’s not tired. She won’t be able to sleep even if she tried.

She just needs to get back to her room so she can scream into her pillow again.

She’s a ticking time bomb, and if she stayed there any longer, she’d break down in front of them.

And so, as soon as she gets into bed, she lets it all out. Sobbing, crying out, pulling at her hair, and burying her face in her duvet, something she’s gotten too used to doing.

She knows it’s not healthy, but she doesn’t care.

Without a doubt, her cries can be heard throughout the house, and everyone is used to it. It happens every morning and every night.

Minutes pass, and she’s finally tired. She lies still in bed, staring out at the star-filled night sky.

Her bed is soaked with her tears, and her eyes are so swollen she can barely see.

Her body has reached its limit, taking a moment to recharge before the next wave of grief hits. She’s in pain, a deep, internal pain, and it won’t stop. It will never stop.

The constant crying has left her throat dry, so she drags herself out of bed to get some water from the kitchen.

As she weakly makes her way back to the living room, she sees that Riley has fallen asleep on the couch, an episode of ~SpongeBob~ playing on the TV.

Above is a large bird-shaped clock, and she squints her pained eyes to read the time. It’s now 9:30 p.m., but her dad and the boys’ parents aren’t home yet.

Rubbing her throbbing head, she continues her slow journey to the kitchen, grabbing onto anything she can to keep her balance.

She’s weak and tired, from not eating and from crying every other second. As she gets closer, she hears muffled voices.

She immediately recognizes the voices as the brothers.

“Just tell her. I can’t stand to see her like this. She’s going to kill herself.”

“We can’t do that. Remember what happened last time. Just hold on.”

“If she ends up killing herself or something—”

“She won’t.”

“Just tell her!”

“Tell who what?” Rainey appears in the doorway, gripping the edge of the wall in case her legs give out.

The boys look at her in surprise, and the room falls silent as they stare at her.

“Rainey… I—I thought you were asleep,” Alex stammers, looking at Alaric.

“Wait, are you guys talking about me?” Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she scans the uneasy faces of the boys.

They exchange a series of odd glances before Alaric trudges over to her, exhaling deeply. “No, not you. We were talking about Samantha.”

“Right,” Aiden chimes in. “Seems like Alaric’s got secrets again. The guy just can’t keep his dick in check. He’s always on the move.”

Rainey lifts her gaze to Alaric, who’s shooting a death glare at Aiden for some unknown reason.

“So, what brings you to the kitchen?” Arden glances at Alex before turning back to her. “Finally hungry?”

She shifts her weight, pointing to the refrigerator. “Just wanted some water.”

“I’ll get it for you,” Alex volunteers, reaching for a glass from the cabinet.

The silence that follows is so thick, it could be cut with a knife. The sound of water rushing from the faucet fills the room.

She watches the brothers while she waits. Aiden flashes her a small smile, and she weakly raises her eyebrows in response.

“And here you go.” Alex hands her a glass filled with cool water, and she accepts it with a quiet “Thanks.”

She takes a sip, her brown eyes studying them as she swallows. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand as Alex takes the glass back.

“You should get some rest. You look really tired,” Alaric suggests, and she nods, knowing sleep won’t come easily.

“I’ll walk you up.” He drapes an arm around her, guiding her out of the kitchen. “Alex! Come take Ry up to her room!” he calls over his shoulder as they pass a snoring Riley in the living room.

***

~Insomnia.~ Rainey lies awake in bed, sleep eluding her. Her days without Ansel have been torturous, but the nights are even worse, when everything is silent.

The voices grow louder, and his face becomes clearer. It’s unbearable.

It feels like she’s been chained to a chair, subjected to a brutal torture, her flesh being torn and her skin ripped apart piece by piece.

She wants it to stop, but she knows it never will. Not when you love someone this deeply.

The most painful memory is their first night together. The love in his eyes was so intense, so passionate.

She could feel his devotion in every touch, every glance, even without words.

Each time that memory resurfaces, she feels like tearing her heart out. It’s more agonizing than any physical pain could ever be.

A tear rolls down her cheek, and soon she’s crying again. Her voice is strained and hoarse, her vocal cords worn out from her crying marathon.

This is all too much for her. She can’t bear it anymore. It hurts. Her heart hurts too much.

She squeezes her eyes shut, balling her hand into a fist and pounding her chest. Tears force their way out from under her closed lids as she bites her lip so hard it starts to bleed.

~“I love you, Rain. We’ll be okay, right?”~

His soft voice still echoes in her head, clear and vivid.

She presses her hand to her ear, sobbing uncontrollably as she rocks back and forth. Her soul is on fire. She needs relief.

She stumbles out of bed, crying softly as she makes her way to the bathroom. Still in her nightshirt, she climbs into the tub and turns on the shower. She closes her eyes as the water pours down on her.

She pulls her knees up to her chest, burying her head between them as her body shakes with each sob.

The water doesn’t soothe her burning heart, but at least she can scream without anyone hearing her.

Her voice echoes off the bathroom walls as she hugs herself, her body shivering from the cold and heartbreak.

***

Rainey is both physically and emotionally numb as she returns to her room wrapped in a white towel. She rummages through her drawers and dresses in dark blue pajama shorts and a black tank top.

She crawls under the covers, her face expressionless as she blankly stares out the glass wall.

The sudden creak of her bedroom door causes her to quickly close her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

She doesn’t want to talk to whoever is standing there. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

Luckily, her act works, and the person quietly closes the door.

Her eyes flutter open, and she sits up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She looks up at the clock above the white wardrobe.

12:30 a.m. Her dad must be home by now. Maybe he was the one who checked on her.

She slips her feet into her slippers by the bed, then slowly walks over to the glass wall.

She looks up at the tiny silver stars, her heart aching with longing, before lowering her gaze to the pool deck below.

She notices the brothers gathered there, and she squints as she watches them talk among themselves.

Then she sees someone in a black hoodie walking from the direction of the front door. It looks like they came from inside the penthouse.

They adjust their hood as they join the boys by the pool, and they all start talking.

Rainey’s curiosity is piqued when she realizes the mysterious figure is not only male, but also looks eerily familiar. In less than a second, she recognizes who it is.

Ansel.

A glimmer of hope sparks within her. Somehow finding the strength, she quickly leaves her room, hurries down the stairs, and dashes for the front door.

She slides it open and steps out onto the pavement. The cold night air brushes against her skin as she wraps her arms around herself, walking determinedly toward the deck.

She tilts her head as she studies the person from behind, her hair whipping around in the wind as she squints for a better look. The closer she gets, the more curious she becomes.

Aiden, who’s sitting on one of the pool chairs facing her, notices her approaching.

The group starts to disperse after a few moments, and the figure in the hoodie heads toward the pool area's back gate.

Rainey watches this and quickens her pace. Her feet are numb, but she pushes herself to catch up to the figure before they disappear.

Just as she’s about to bypass the boys, Alaric steps in her way, hands shoved in his pockets, head tilted.

“You should be asleep. It’s cold. Go back inside.”

She tries to look past him, but he’s too tall, blocking her view. She catches a glimpse of the figure disappearing around a corner behind Alaric’s arm.

She turns her questioning gaze to him. “Who was that?”

“Marco,” he answers, his tone flat.

She folds her arms. “In a hoodie.”

“Yeah, because at least someone knows it’s cold out here. You didn’t even put on a jacket.”

Rainey glances down at her clothes, then back at him, unimpressed. “But why were you guys talking at 12:30 a.m.?”

Aiden laughs, and Rainey turns to him as he gets up from the pool bench. “Because we’re boys.” He slings an arm around Alaric. “And boys talk whenever they want.”

Alex and Arden chuckle, and she gives them all one last look before shaking her head and walking away.

The warmth of the house is a stark contrast to the chill outside.

Rainey feels a wave of disappointment as she closes the door behind her, shutting out the whistling wind. The quiet of the house amplifies her racing thoughts.

A part of her had hoped that the figure was Ansel, even though she’d seen his ashes herself, just before they were scattered into the sea.

She knows he’s gone, but she can’t help hoping he’ll come back. She shakes her head. She must be losing it.

If that’s the case, she’s not surprised. Days of wallowing in depression could make anyone lose their grip on reality.

She doesn’t care though. At least she won’t be aware of her pain.

She heads to her room to continue her mourning. She opens the door, her shoulders slumped, and closes it carelessly behind her.

As she approaches her bed, she notices something on the nightstand.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Her favorite.

The sight of the tub triggers a memory of the day Ansel bought it for her.

She remembers how adorably nervous he was after he gave it to her, rubbing his neck and stumbling over his words.

She remembers how she jumped into his arms, knocking them both onto his couch as she hugged him tightly and whispered her thanks. Her heart clenches.

Who left that there? Only her parents know about her love for this flavor. Even Riley doesn’t know.

No, wait… Someone else does. Ansel.

Her heart fills with the hope she thought she’d lost as she moves closer, picking up the note next to the ice cream.

~I’m worried about you. Please eat. :(~

~—A~