Chapter 106

Around the empress’ neck tonight, was not a noose but strands upon strands of fat diamonds and rubies. Her maroon dress set against the evening lights looks stunning and is worthy of being the creation of my best investment yet. But what is even more stunning to me is how she does not falter despite the recent fault in her reputation.

Katya is surrounded by ladies still wishing to please her, a recently wed viscountess, and a few of the debutantes from this season. This evening may be grating on her as she knows that behind the compliments thrown her way is faint scorn for her recent scandal. But looking at the empress’ smiling face, even the best FBI profiler would be able to get a read on any negative emotions.

Seeing Lady Arabella’s work displayed on my stepmother’s body brings forth a wave of joy powerful enough to dislodge the few remaining bad feelings in my chest. For once, I don’t have a problem with the world following the original plot after all I’m going to benefit from the windfall business that will establish Lady Arabella as a mainstay in fashion for decades to come.

Has the grand ballroom always been so splendid? How did the kitchen manage to capture the tartness of a blackberry in this bitesize delight? I slowly amble my way to the empress in a decent mood, exchanging short pleasantries with a few young girls who are pushed my way by their parents. Flattering praise and seemingly kind smiles are avoided as I duck behind Marie’s leg, who follows me closely as my nursemaid.

If I must be honest, I felt more at ease in a random tavern on the road to Belhelm rather than the most exclusive party in the entire Erudian Empire. Empress Katya notices me and beckons me to approach with a billowing sleeve as the expressions of those around her grow subdued as if they are about to see a joke. The heavy exotic perfumes in the air spoil my food, just before I see something that does away with my appetite altogether.

It’s a familiar face, one of the few that doesn’t leave a bad taste in my mouth. But seated in a wheelchair almost on the opposite side of the cavernous room, my heart twists in my chest as I see an expression I never thought I would see on Elias Wolfe’s face. Relief, betrayal, and hurt each take turns showcasing themselves on his little face. And then I’m left with nothing but his back as the young boy I’ve come to view as a good friend turns heel and wheels himself out of the ballroom as a grand finale.

This is the Celebration Ball, but suddenly my past victory does not feel worth celebrating anymore. I didn’t feel this way with Julian’s letdown, another sign that deep down I always knew he was not a brother worth trusting. But for innocent Elias whom I befriended at my lowest, I cannot bear to be the one disappointing others.

.....

I promised myself long ago not to lose myself in my bid for survival and while I now know I cannot fully abide by that promise, this is one thing I most certainly can still do: be honest and good to those who are true to me.

“She is still young. Pay her no mind,” I can hear Katya say from behind me as I suddenly run outside instead of greeting her like I was about to. An astonished Marie is left to pick up the pieces of my horrendously bad decorum in my wake. But what time do I have for pretty manners and yet another verbal crossing of swords when I just saw the heartbroken face of a close friend?

“Elias! Wait! Young Lord Wolfe!” I practically leave skid marks as I rush out of the stuffy ballroom into the balmy outdoors. I hear a few titters behind me, but they are far too easy to ignore with the larger matter at hand.

Using the sound of wheels on stone, I track down Elias who hasn’t gotten very far on his own. I don’t know where his butler, Chester, is, but perhaps additional servants were not allowed in due to the security risk. He creates a pitiful image in the half-illuminated darkness, causing me to hesitate.

“...Elias,” I call weakly to his back. We stand on the outdoor balcony of the ballroom, overlooking the palace gardens and grounds below.

He must be feeling betrayed, seeing someone who he mistook as a flower seller turn out to be an illegitimate princess. Suddenly the lavish gown and intricate hairdo feel tryhard and disingenuous.

“Your highness,” he says stiffly with his back still turned to me. It is good that he can’t see me when he utters those words, because I wince as if I’ve been physically struck. As a member of the imperial family, I understand that my identity will forever create a wall between myself and others. But this wall has always been easy to ignore or circumvent, especially with how I’ve always been ignored and mistreated until recently. Now it feels as if I’ve walked headfirst into it.

“Don’t say that. Just call me what you’ve always called me,” I hastily tell him. I wish to approach, but his shoulders are so stiff I fear he might shake off any touch.

“...”

“Elias... look. I’m sorry I lied to you. But surely you must understand why? Here, just think of me like Pandora’s box. You opened it up, but instead of releasing death and disease you found out I’m actually a princess with golden eyes. Well, half a princess,” I coax gently.

There is a faint giggle on the other end, I’m getting through.

“What princess have you seen have to sell flowers by the road to make ends meet? What princess have you seen try to make business deals on her own? I’m not like other princesses so please don’t treat me like one. Just treat me like your friend.”

I realize latently that I just pulled a cringey “I’m not like other girls” and want to smack my forehead at my own idiocy but my last statement was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Elias turns around with tears glittering in those unique amethyst eyes that I could drown in. I can see my good friend clearly, his formal wear appearing absolutely charming on his petite figure.

“I’m not mad at you, your highness-” he starts.

“-Winter-” I interrupt with a fake cough.

“I’m not mad at you, Winter. I was worried!” he exclaims to my surprise.

“Uh, worried? About me?” I point a finger at my chest incredulously.

His head bounced up and down, two rather pitiful nods with the essence of a kicked puppy.

“I hadn’t seen you in so long! I thought- I thought- My servants said that you might be-” he stammers, his cheeks growing red as he fought the urge to shed more tears.

“Dead?” I finish what he means to say. His servants were almost proven right.

He pouts, uncomfortable by the word. I can’t help it, I reach over and ruffle his soft hair.

“Well I’m very much alive,” I assure Elias, trying to erase the skeptical expression from his face. “Besides, isn’t this all a good thing? We can see each other more often than before!”

“Are you well? You look thinner,” Elias says, concern dripping from his gaze instead of tears.

He is the first person, other than Marie, to ask me that since I came back from the military warzone. There were dozens of flattering words within the ballroom beseeching me to invite their daughter to tea or congratulating me for winning glory for the empire, none inquired about my mental health and wellbeing, which have admittedly not been the best.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him instead of bursting into embarrassing tears at the rush of emotion I feel in my chest.

“Maybe should go back in? We’ve been outside for a while.” I jerk a thumb over my shoulder, taking the chance to wipe away a sneaky bastard that leaked out of my eye. Marie may be close to having a heart attack considering how long I’ve been missing.

“Don’t you think it’s beautiful?” Elias says instead, a nostalgic twinge in his voice.

“Huh?” It takes me a moment to realize he is speaking of the mini forest that sits in the heart of the imperial palace. “Oh yes! Quite nice! A little odd in terms of its placement, but it’s been growing on me.”

The wind rustles in agreement, flowing past my exposed shoulders to ruffle the leaves on the very trees we currently admire.

“I heard my father had them imported all the way from the east. They are part of his fond childhood memories supposedly.” My mouth feels weird speaking of my father in a favorable light and I frown after I speak.

“Is that so?” Elias asks as he pensively stares out at the trees.

“Um... it is so,” I answer awkwardly. The old-fashioned way of speaking still trips me up on occasion.

“Forgive me for saying this, now that I know that His Majesty is your father. But I’m quite surprised to hear that even he has something that he is fond of. The emperor does not seem like someone who cherishes many things,” Elias says offhandedly.

But the words get gears turning in my head, like another puzzle piece clicking into place. In fact, Elias is not wrong. My father was said to love his first wife very much, but he had little problem throwing his bastard child into her beloved palace. He had no problem killing his father and older brother for the throne. Knowing all this about him, the idea that Emperor Helio brought a small grove of towering Eastern trees just for the memories breeds nothing but skepticism within me.

“...You’re right,” I say listlessly. Once the words are out in the open, my resolve strengthens and I repeat it once more. “You are totally right!”

I want to dramatically slap a table at my eureka moment, but have to settle for slapping my thigh through mountains of fabric.

“Forgive me for speaking out of turn, your highness. Perhaps my honest thoughts unsettle you,” Elias says, the sad look from earlier creeping back onto his face.

“Oh, stop with that! It’s Winter. Just Winter. If you call me your highness one more time, I’ll- I’ll-” I struggle to find a proper threat, as threatening violence against a disabled kid, even as a joke, is a tad bit much for me.

“You’ll what?” The cocky kid crosses his arms and gives me a smug look.

Right when I am about to throw caution to the wind and choose violence, a figure steps out of the shadows and scares 2 years off my already short predicted lifespan. I recognize the dark colored suit and deepset frown of Elias’ butler, but my hummingbird heartbeat has not caught on quite yet.

“Oh my god!” I yell, grabbing my chest at the somber butler’s sudden appearance. “Sorry, you scared the shi- ahem, you frightened me.”

“Chester. Apologize.” Elias orders seriously. The childishness on his youthful face melts into nothingness, his eyes sharp enough to cut through steel. I wave the situation away, not intending to make a big deal of things and ruin their seemingly harmonious relationship.

“My sincere apologies, your highness.” Chester takes a deep bow to show his sincerity.

“No, it’s fine. Blame it on me being unobservant,” I say quickly.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

Chester begins to push Elias’ wheelchair and I follow. We don’t speak on our way back to the ballroom, but the air between us is amicable. This is something I miss from my old life. Just... I don’t know... existing peacefully with those you care about. This bed of snakes I’ve been living in has made this quiet comfort difficult to attain, even when I sit alone and unbothered.

“Hey, Winter?” I look over my shoulder at the smiling young lord, pausing in my return to where the most poisonous snakes lie waiting to sink their fangs into me.

“Your real eyes are lovelier than the sun and stars,” Elias says shyly, looking away from me. I think his ears even turn a little red.

These gold eyes that have been more of a curse than a blessing in this life. At best, I’ve always compared them to gold coins which, just like the imperial family’s power, can easily raise a person to the greatest heights or condemn them to the most miserly existence. The stars twinkle overhead, impartial witnesses to the follies of men. They make a far more satisfactory comparison to my eyes than money.

I look back at Elias and the two of us share a smile. Elias needs to go to my original world and teach my trash ex-fiance how to give a girl compliments.