Chapter Thirty Three

Jin walked side by side with me on the way to the counter, despite the shop being crowded with customers. He slid his hand from my back to around my waist and grabbed the place where my hip bowed outward on the side. His hand fit perfectly there.

In close quarters, he'd turn my hip until our chests were pressed together. I'd blush every time and we'd stare into each other's eyes until there was enough space again. I didn't know when that was, whenever he decided. He'd turn my hip outward and away at his leisure. He controlled where I went and I preferred it that way.

He pointed at a stocky barista who had black hair with blond streaks. They nodded, Jin held up two fingers and then, Jin decided we were going upstairs.

Space was tight on the staircase and traffic was at a constant. Up on one side, down on the other. I veered away from Jin to let a couple pass by, but he pulled me back into him. Hips to hips, I couldn't hide what I liked.

Jin pulled me up the top step and walked me over to a corner booth. I made a move for the spot next to the window, but he still had control of my hips, enough to slow me down and hug me around the waist from behind. "Do you talk, ghost boy?"

I didn't answer. I was worried he'd think I sounded too young, too fem or too campy. I thought I was comfortable with who I was, but every insecurity I ever had was blaring in my mind. I wanted to sit down for awhile. I lightly beat my head back against his shoulder. He let me go, but not without sighing first.

"Are you bored of me already?" I said.

I slipped into the booth and sat where I wanted. The view was Starbucks comings and goings with a parking structure backdrop across the road.

"Oh, he talks!" Jin blinked feverishly, as if fighting sleep. "And no" —he forced a yawn— "What gave you that idea?"

I smiled at him. He slid in next to me. He didn't leave space between us. I leaned my head on his shoulder, so he couldn't see my face and yawned back. I was one of those people who always yawned when other people did. I couldn't help it.

"I will offend you, whatever I have to do to hear that lovely voice of yours again."

I appeased him, but I didn't believe him. "Do you really drink hot coffee?" I asked, through a second yawn. "Or was it for the pun?" I pulled my head back to stare at him intently.

"I'm scared to answer," Jin said. He waited awhile. "Next question?"

"What's the deal between you and Joel?"

Jin tensed. I had a feeling he'd like that question even less. I propped my elbows up on the table and rested my chin in my palms. I had a gang of even worse ones lined up.

"Friends with benefits, not for long, fingers crossed," Jin said. He strummed his fingers on my leg once and pulled back. He started bouncing his legs. I wasn't the only one with nerves. "Is there anyone you're interested in?"

The question shouldn't have caught me off guard. It had to be one of the most common questions asked on meetups that weren't quite dates. I didn't know whether I should tell him the truth because I wasn't sure what he wanted or what I wanted out of this.

I went with the truth, a half-truth. "You."

Jin didn't flinch. He must've been used to being liked and complimented. Still, I imagined it was the response he wanted. Telling him about Juice and Saylor would've made him insecure, especially the latter whose only competition was himself.

"Same question." I licked my lips and stared with them slightly parted.

"I'm afraid that's not allowed," Jin said. He cast a sly smirk. His hand returned to my leg, starting above the knee. My confession had made him more ambitious. He slid his hand further to mid-thigh. "And it cost you your turn. Do you want me to stop?"

He inched his hand further still. I leaned back against the seat, arching my back slightly to look him in the eyes with my head tilted to the side. I let his hand reach the spot it'd been after all along.

I bit my lip and let it slowly unfurl from between my teeth as I smiled. And nodded. "If you're cheating now, this isn't looking good for us, is it?"

He didn't want to let go. My smile receded and he withdrew his hand.

"Are you a—?" He tweaked his thumb up and down, bouncing his eyebrows.

I shrugged and stood to leave. "Can't say that it matters now."

He grabbed my wrist to stop me. "Come on, wait." He laughed nervously. The type I had expected to precede harsher words off to the side or a thinly veiled threat uttered out of the side of his face. He did neither. "Please, I'll answer whatever questions you want, if you sit back down."

The hip control, the confidence, the gamesmanship, he transferred all his power over to me with those words. I was sorely disappointed, but I sat back down. If I decided to walk out, I was going to wait until Faith could see me do it. I angled my neck toward him as if he'd a secret to tell. "Tell me you like me question mark."

I had to test it out. Then again, it might've been cute enough to work from the start.

"I like you cute ghost boy," Jin said, no hesitation, "I have since I laid eyes on you."

He placed his hands on mine and leaned into me. I leaned past to hug him, and to avoid being kissed. He separated so quickly that I turned away.

Our drinks had arrived, so I forgave him. The barista with blonde streaks in their hair served us. Jin paid them and they exchanged a few words before they left. Jin had a milky iced latte and he had ordered the same for me.

"What do you think?" he asked, after I took my first sip.

I much preferred frozen drinks, but I couldn't be ungrateful. I smiled my K's with my head tilted back like he'd told a real knee-slapper and said, "It's perfect. Ha ha, I love it!"

I leaned in toward him with enthusiasm. He returned my smile and complimented me on mine's perfection. Duh and finally. My smile was the one thing I had going for me that no one could tell me otherwise and you've known that since page one.

That didn't stop Faith from trying. As I returned my neck to a more natural angle, I saw her impersonating me from a black, square couples' cafe table across the room. It was, rather conveniently, the farthest table from us within line of sight. I really hoped I didn't look anything like her impersonation.

I could admit, I oversold how much I liked the latte, but this was my first non-date, date and I wanted Jin to think I liked him without having to say the words. My smile faded prematurely and Jin must've noticed. He turned to see where my eyes were directed. I grabbed his knee to recapture his attention. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

I didn't pull away because that was harmless enough. He placed a hand over and underneath my arm to hold me close as he whispered, "There's a park by the river not too far from here, take these to-go?"

I burst out laughing at Faith. He recoiled and from the look in his eyes, he was wounded. I couldn't say no. I wasn't in love with the idea because the weather was cooler, but it was the perfect opportunity to get away from Faith's prying, judging eyes.

My nod was like a defibrillator to his ego. He smiled wide and stood up. While his back was turned, I yawned the thumbs up to my bestie and I headed downstairs with him. He held my hip the same as before, but it wasn't the same. Gone was the absolute authority that told me I was his and didn't have a say in the matter. It was disappointing, but I only had myself to blame.

#####

The leaves had changed dramatically since that night I'd trekked through the woods and the creek. Strolling around the park during the peak of autumn made it easy to appreciate the enormity of such a feat. It seemed incredibly violent, but in the most beautiful way.

I envisioned the collection of maples bordering the park from weeks before, back when their leaves were still green. The forest floor, a tidy match. I imagined a declaration of war being carried along by the tide of a northern wind. It getting caught between the limbs of the tallest maple, the elder and protector of the forest. It rallied the trees. They all stood together.

And fought valiantly.

They should've left.

Before me stood the wreckage. The cost of foolish maple pride. The bright colored leaves still clinging to trees, ranging from the palest of yellows to the reddest of oranges, were village huts engulfed in flame. The forest floor was the town around them, no amount of water could quell the flames to salvage any of it.

It was a total loss.

They'd have to rebuild and start all over. Nothing was spared. And the elder, with its height, it'd bear the shame of its arrogance, cursed with an eternity of overlooking horrors whenever the seasons turned.

I wasn't sure how long Jin and I had been walking, but I loved holding hands in public. The gesture alone staved off enough cold for me to be able to endure it, for however long he'd have us stay. There weren't many words between us, apart from commenting on the park's beauty. I supposed that was my fault as well. I had been unfairly volatile. He was probably terrified of me running away.

Any time I'd turn away from whatever I was looking at to steal a glance at him, he'd already be looking at me. His dark eyes, glistening. His smile, both present and reluctant. I was sure he wanted to say something, but was afraid of how I'd react.

I waited until we came upon a bench along the path to make amends. It had fallen leaves all around it and stood between two trees holding hands above it, the same as us. I sat down. He sat down beside me. I edged closer until he hung an arm over my shoulders.

"I thought I'd regret it, but I'm really happy you brought me here." I leaned toward him invitingly and waited.

In a flash, he wrapped his strong arms around me. His lips attacked mine as I slipped down onto the seat of the bench. He placed chilled fingers on both sides of my face as he wedged his tongue in between my lips.

It was still light out. He didn't care. I thought us both creatures that thrived in the dark. He cradled my head as he led me down onto a bed of leaves. Quarters were too tight on the bench for what he wanted. He looked starved as he kissed me breathless. No doubt his lust had bled into day.

For such a bold move, I could pretend. I held my wrists out in between our faces and he pinned them down on either side of my head. Freezing cold and scalding hot at the same time, I watched him fall in love with me. I bucked him off with my hips. He released my wrists and we worked our way to our feet. I wiped my mouth off on the back of my hand.

"Aren't you freezing?" I asked.

His ears were fire engine red. Jin made a shuddering groan as he rubbed his hands together. "I was freezing an hour ago."

It made sense. My sweater looked much warmer than his denim shirt. He blew on his hands for warmth as we set off.

The walk back was much quicker, despite being mostly uphill. Jin talked a lot more, but I barely listened. He talked about future plans between us I no longer had interest in.

Desperation flowed from him like an ice cold stream, much colder than the tiring air around us. All the power he'd transferred to me had irreparable water damage. When we were ready to part ways, he must've sensed the last of my infatuation fade. He chose then to grab my wrists. Both, from underneath. It was a plea, not a show of force. I stayed put.

"When do you want to hang out again?" he asked.

We kissed. I flashed my canines as a parting gift. It was the last time he'd ever see them.

"I'll let you know."

My mind wasn't open to a future with Jin, or even Saylor. I wanted what I couldn't have. I needed Juice. His performance had been impeccable. He'd never give in and talk to me first. I wouldn't have loved him if he had.

I knew what I had to do.