1525 Sahaim

Laughter can be heard above the crackling flames, all those connected to the Compton estate have taken this chance to let their hair down and enjoy the festivities. Tilly giggles like the young girl she is as she watches some of the stable lads dunk their heads for those apples which she had sought out earlier in the day, a shiver resounds within me for for the water must be freezing, yet, they all laugh at their own attempts and seem unaffected by it all.

"I did not take you for someone who enjoyed such superstitious festivities." William says.

He catches me off-guard as he sneaks up behind me, his breath close to my person. I turn to look upon him, I had not asked his approval but had just insisted on the bonfire and all that follows. The servants were happy to obliged their Lady, but I had only worried after, on what William might think. I note the cup of mead in his clasped hand and amused smile quirking his lips, it makes any thought of worry quickly evaporate.

"The villagers were preparing one in Upper Tysoe and it dawned on me that it would be good for us to indulge those who hold our home as their own." I say in explanation.

"And you? Do you enjoy such events?" He asks.

I shrug my shoulders in response. It is pleasant enough to stand next to the heat of the fire and watch those enjoying themselves, but I can not par-take this year, not as Lady of the house nor while pregnant. "It is amusing enough to spectate, although, I prefer those at court, at Yule-Tide." I respond.

His smile vanishes and no doubt the thought of court has marred his happiness. It does for me to. There is something to be said for the English Court at Yule-Tide, nothing can beat it in splendor and joy. " We will not be attending this year." He says simply.

"No. We will not. He will eventually invite us back in the future." I say adamantly although not sure in the slightest.

By he, we both know I mean the King. He has not granted either of us knowledge on what he will wish us to do after my labour. It is a question which plagues my thoughts, will we be left -forgotten by all those at court - while so conveniently far away? My child has no future, as of yet, no glorious plan awaits it, as I had hoped it would have. The child should be acknowledged, granted land and title but I would be foolish to think Henry would ever change his mind on such a thing. I bite my lip at the rampant thoughts crossing my mind. It is the not knowing, which is the worst.

"The King will let us know when he deems it right. He said we would return and so we must hope he does not forget us. I have written to him and asked about a midwife for you." He says.

A smile reaches me, at least William is trying, it is more than can be said for most. I stifle a yawn which overtakes me, I am so fatigued.

"Katherine. What has happened to your hand?" William asks worriedly.

He does not wait upon my answer but swiftly grabs my hand bringing himself towards me to inspect. I try to close my hand from his tight grasp.

"It is nothing," I say quickly.

I attempt to pull my hand away but he pries it open deftly, turning it to face the raging light from the bonfire. Even I can see the dark, thick blood against the pallor of my skin. I thought I had stemmed its flow.

"It is not, nothing. How did this happen?" He asks dabbing my hand with a cloth.

It stings to his touch and the cold air makes it linger. "I attempted to help with the soul cakes, it gets boring being cooped up all day, a stray knife and a pregnant woman's mind." I say easily.

I try to lace my words with humor, to show the joke in it all, but he does not laugh at my jest but continues his nursing. I almost growl at his efficiency, the pain goes but the throbbing continues, I snatch my hand back as soon as his attention had run its course.

"You need to be more careful." He reprimands.

"I know that now." I retort.

How dare he think to chastise me, he is hardly here and seems not to care for the most part and then he thinks he can berate me for foolishness. It is not William that has me angry, but myself, so I keep my mouth closed from saying anything else. I should have been more careful, the cut was from a knife - that part was true - but it was no foolishness, just my intention. I eye the crackling flames, I had offered my blood to those dancing fires, hoping that my gift would be enough to get what I requested.

***

I ease into my personal chair, situated in my chamber close to the crackling hearth. I stretch my legs out, angling my feet close to the flames, the heat is a welcomed bliss. Winter has arrived swiftly, the autumn rains have turned bitter, quickly becoming drifts of snow which cling to everything. It emits a cold so deep that only the closeness of flames can fight it away.

I eye those orange flames suspiciously while grasping a parchment in my hands. Was it just a coincidence or had my wish been granted by unseen deities?

I had asked on Sahaim for knowledge from those at court who I had not spoken to or heard from since arriving at the Compton estate. William and I, had both felt shunned and out of pace so I had decided that if I was to practice, then what better to ask for than the knowledge which had been eluding us both.

I glance down towards my palm noting the small essence of a scar, it had completely healed, but I must admit I can still remember the sharp pain from the blade crossing my skin. I had been foolish in allowing William to see my wound, my excuse had appeased him to some level but he is not stupid enough to be so easily placated if he should catch the same cut again on my person.

My wish had been cast and almost forgotten until a travel-stained messenger braved the bitter winter roads to deliver me and William letters from the English court. My husband has not spoken to me about whom he received his script but then neither have I spared him time to converse, for as soon as my letter was in hand, I had made my way to my chamber and the privacy it offered.

The delicate script is easy to identify. I should have known that there was only one person who I would consider friend enough to put pen to paper. My family only deemed to write when it suited their own means and I feel like my mother knows me only to be married and away from the court, she is most likely viewing me as useless until I return.

Then there was John, who was just a foolish thought. I had no idea where he was and for all he knew, I could still be at court bedding the King. A secret part of me hopes he knows the truth and perhaps, is once more thinking of me fondly, but for all I know, he could have found love, marriage, or even death and I would not know it.

I rouse from my thoughts so I can read Annes perfected script:

Your absence from court has been a burden to me, while you have been sauntering around Williams estate, I have had to wander the corridors of cold palaces; with Mary. Her pregnancy is once again clear to see and I swear she alters her dresses only to reveal a more protruding stomach. I am a lonely wall flower enjoying the feasts and pagentry but missing your company sorely.

Could you convince your husband to allow you to join us for Christmas at the court as there will be much celebration? I can not bare to think of you stuck in a small estate house throughout the tidings. I need you with me or it will not be the same joyous occasion.

Her script is short, no details about the court which I did not already know. I find now that I have read Annes words a loneliness takes over me. It is silly for I am not alone here, but at the same time I miss her character, her clever quips and ability to engage. I am foolish really to let my hatred for her sister sway my opinion of her.

A knock breaks me away from my thoughts, "Come in." I answer.

William enters and I instantly fold my parchment, which is odd for there is nothing damaging just words of fondness from a friend. William does not see my reaction or does not care enough to voice an opinion, he moves into the chair opposite me.

"I have received news from companions, and also the King." William says.

I see him watching me trying to gauge my reaction. I keep my face straight and my response quick. "Anything I should know?" I say.

He leans back into his chair mimicking my stretched posture. "All is the same at court, the same politics, the same battles for power, the Boylen's are once more stretching their growing hold on the court with Mary pregnant again. The King is showing affection her way and does not appear to be bedding anyone else." He says steadily.

I take a sharp intake of breath. "Has he promised her fealty?" I ask my composure slipping.

"No. He has not promised her loyalty nor has he shunned her." He replies giving me a pointed look.

"So her family is to rise and we are to be the ones shunned. And my midwife?" I ask.

He shifts his feet. "Wolsey said: That a practised woman shall be sent, weather permitting."

My composure disperses entirely and I find my voice has reached a tempo which is too high. "Wolsey?!? Weather permitting?!? I do not know if it has escaped your notice William, but the weather is not permitting. It is already snowing outside and it is only going to get worse." I screech.

I slam my arms onto the chair, I am too heavy to stand and pace around the room. William watches my temper tantrum, leaving me in silence until I blow out of air. "How could Henry do this? It's his child!" I shout.

William places a gentle hand on my leg and the pity in his eyes is too much that I find my anger turning into tears as I know there is more to come. "Just say it." I sob.

"We will return to court once you are churched and tell no one of your labour. If it is a girl she will be placed in a reasonable house for those of nobility born to be raised and taught our ways. If a boy he shall be sent to the Abbey of Cumbe where he can be raised by the monks of that order, and hopefully go into a church life."He says gently.

"Abbey of Cumbe? A church life?" I am in shock.

"It is one of the most wealthiest Abbeys, he will have a good life and if he chooses to become a monk he will be no threat to the English throne. A girl is no threat, therefore, may be of use in the future so she must be brought up well." He explains.

"So Henry will not acknowledge unless he must, but he can use his children if it pleases him to do so." I burst into tears at the thought.

My whole world is now ash and how am I meant to bare a child when I can see no future. My best bet is a girl then I can maybe offer her a better life. I can not help the sobs emanating from me, William leaves his chair, saying no more and holds me close.

***

😀😘 boy or girl.... still undecided 🤫