26 Ruin

Nothing is ethical or mellow by the way he held me. His arms are manacles wrapping around tighter with each beat of silence that lengthened between us. I refuse to respond even when hot waves of anger roll off him and burns in me through our bond. Though it's useless to display a pretense of rebellion when he must be humoring his ego as he must feel my insides churn with panic.

"Tell me Iris. Does defying me pleases you into a delusion where you begin to believe that you can escape me?" If sin had a sound, it would be his voice. I feel his disapproval seep into my bones as he flips me- caging me by the nearest trunk and lowered his face to mine. It had been a week since I last saw him, and yet I swallowed hard at the darkened emptiness in his eyes and the pink flush of fatigue rimming them. His hair hangs low, unkept but still perfect on him. But other than his appearance, nothing sits right on his features.

He looks like a death-done beautiful.

"Speak Iris, say something before I end up doing something we both aren't prepared for" he lifts my chin with a finger, his gaze falls to my lips which won't dare move. Slowly he looks into my eyes with a glistening emotion. As if he feels alive and resurrected in the moment. As if what he was seeing was what made it happen. So when a shudder of carnal need warms my body, I gasp aloud. My eyes widened and I finally spoke.

"What are you doing?" I whimpered, my head fell back and my eyes closed- unable to take the heat as Ezdan let go of my chin, undoing the pin that hooked my cloak he revealed the strip of my bare neck and brought the back of his hand to caress my throat.

"Sending my thoughts to you," he says, his own voice thick and dark with desire, he covers my frame with his, pressing me further into the rough edges of the tree and him "something I should have done long ago so you wouldn't have forgotten the truth of to who you belong"

My short breaths smoke in the chilled night. A visible display of how vulnerable I felt now that I would willingly fall to my knees if he asked. I would gut and slaughter his demons if it ever came to protecting him. I would chain myself to him if he dared even think of leaving me, i would set this world on fire and watch it ruin down to ashes if it meant finding my way to him.

These sentiments terrified me because none of them were mine.

But his for me.

My mind and heart innocently retaliated through a perspective that made me realize that he was reflecting himself in me. I stood there like a stunned sculpture, unmoving and horrified while he used me like a mirror to exhibit his tendencies. A clear narration of what he feels for me. It felt like hours but also minutes when he allowed my shackled senses to grow back and his to detangle from me. He is still caressing my cheek and combing my hair with his fingers to calm me, as if he is aware of what a little piece of his darkness could do to a person.

Like he knows precisely of what he had done to me.

I crumble in his arms, knees weak and heart thrumming. flame of black ink dances behind him. I shove him away as his unique core slashes around him like bands of ribbon maliciously, they were the same ones from my dream. Despite the raging darkness surrounding him, Ezdan's face remained calm.

"What are you?" I ask, the question quivers as the darkness disappears beneath his clothes and skin.

"I am your king," he says, tilts letting the moon paint him white "And you will bow down to me"

Fury blooms in my chest, after trapping, lying and manipulating me for so long he had garnered the delusion to think I would sing to his melodies then he is mistaken. I have been fooled enough to see his lies even in his truth. What he bears for me is an obsession, a facet of possessiveness to keep me. Control me. Mold me.

He sees me as a lump of clay and himself, a sculpture.

And this is not a confession of desire. But display of his pure power over me. He is a sarkim- and tonight he looked every part of what his title stood for.

"You know what I am Iris- you have felt it since the moment we met at the pond" his low utterance drapes me in a blanket of terror. Of all the things he had lied to me about- I wanted him to lie again this once. But the night of the Avloths attack swims into my head. The beast had accused him of being an abomination. Something unnatural while the Avloth had asked him for mercy. Heir to Antar it had called him.

And an origen would slit their own throats before addressing anyone as their leader unless-

"You are one of them" I breathe "You are an Origen"

I will my hands to stay calm, but they shook with each beat of impenetrable silence between us, ticking, teasing, and laughing at me at how much I had yearned all this time to keep this thought of mine locked up in the traitorous corner of my head so I could still believe in him.

When Erix had asked me if I had developed my trust in Ezdan- I had a complicated answer for that. Ezdan had spoken the language of origens that night, and I understood each word of it without neglect. It happened because of the Ring, my awareness of an unknown diction that I had never come across, and then as foolish as I was, I had confronted him with what I heard. Later that night I screamed into my pillow trying to bury that accidental slip of tongue that would cost me so much later.

And soon it was naked as the day, Ezdans alliance with Rixilian defectors, his secret core, the dire hunt for the ring, the murder of the Sarkim everything fits into the narration of the story he had written. The tale which led to him becoming a ruler.

"Was anything ever real?" I ask when he lifts his hand to take mine, I yank it back with a jolt. He grunts with annoyance but doesn't make an effort to touch me again.

"I am real. I am not a false king Iris- I have Ezdanian blood in me" he says as if he is discussing the weather on a toasty afternoon "The Ezdanian ancestry is the only remaining Origen that betrays the realm from the throne. The rest of my people live behind the borders waiting for our orders. It's not our fault that none questioned our immunity to the Armins and Ventims core. Or perhaps it was easy because we could easily trick their minds into trusting us. Something I realized that I can't do with you"

I know my tongue would betray my vanity, so I wait for him to continue. And he does, this time his voice is rough and grim. It happens often when the subject he prowls around is me.

"You understood what Avloth said" I tensed, though I had prayed this day to never come- I knew it eventually would. he smiles- the dimple on his cheeks appears "And I wasn't able to erase your memories. The only power I had over you was the bond of curse which isn't enough because you have equal leverage upon me"

This time I let him take my hand and pull me to him with the gentleness of a lover. He wraps his hand around my waist and holds my face with the other. I am too stunned to peel myself away after what he says-

"I was ignorant so far to see what it was before because I never yearned to play with your head. But when I failed to do it- I realized that Arran had fooled me. He may not win this war, but he won by corrupting my loyalty to my people"

His people. That is not us. We are his enemies.

"Arran must have visioned the birth of abomination. He knows that with my birth the only thing that stood more powerful than his Ring was me. And that I would seek to wield it before the Ring finds a host- you know he created that Ring in a way that it could only be touched by my curse, it's why none had ever dared to go near it or attempt it. Your hate for us was so vivid when you arrived Iris- me, my blood for what we did to your kind- I knew that you would easily be able to breach through its barrier. I only did not know that the deed had already been done. And the Ring we have conserved all these years was phony. You are not a highblood, are you? You are a human born"

When I refuse to answer he leans, his cold breath flutters by my cheek- he then glides his lips against mine lazily shifting to my ear- seizing it between his teeth and bites it.  He nuzzles into the crooke of my neck and inhales me in.

"It doesn't matter" He acclaimed "I will change the whole fate of this damned world if it means keeping you by my side. I won't let him win"

Crushing a fistful of his shirt I stared up at him, sharp and sad at the same time I say-

"I won't forgive you if you hurt one innocent soul"

Under my hands his body steels.

"I don't need your forgiveness. I only need you" he growls, but when he sees me flinch he thaws " I have needed you since the moment your fears, happiness, sadness, and fury began to cloud my judgments. I was a child then, but your emotions would fascinate me so much that I would spend hours in an empty chamber waiting for our bond to come alive - so I could feel alive. I remembered wanting you when I hadn't even known what you looked like. Yearning to be your friend before I even understood what that word meant. And now, I want- no.  I need something more than friendship, now that I have seen, felt, and heard you- I want it all.  "

I close my eyes, shake my head when the ache in my heart soared. I am burdened by a monument of revelation and none of it had been in my favor. I tried to push his arm away but they only viced.

"That wasn't my answer," I say, sounding small and far. But furious in layers.

"I can protect you Iris" Shaking me a little as if he expects his words to sink better in me, he sneers "From my people, from the war, from our destiny. I will make you my equal and you won't have to suffer any longer"

The ruins of war and the smell of death from my vision in Valutare stretch in my mind. The clear cries of fallen souls and the grey sky whirling with death and vultures had been the subject of my nightmares for so long that I simply cannot forget what this man who confessed his twisted feelings to me would do. The annihilation he will bring. The reason why I am a curse. The fight that will inevitably end with each of us dead. The purpose I was born for.

He wants me to rewrite the future where I let him strip me of my pride and identity and serve his crown. I would be insane if I took his beliefs to be love. It's far from it- there is no love but pure obsession in his eyes. He is intrigued by my resolve and not more than a fancy toy I am that he wants to tuck back at night inside his crate after he is tired of it.

My teeth clenched and my toes curled at the mere thought of how disgusted I was of him.

"I would rather drink a cup of poison than serve you"

He looks down at me, studying me like I was a complex piece of nuisance that hasn't learned to behave. There is also something wild in his eyes that the soft brushing of leaves seems to warn me of.

"Fine then" like lava made of ice, his words reach me. My eyes widened slightly "You made your choice, now I make mine" he clutches my arm and turns- he starts to walk towards the cabin where I was supposed to meet Erix, he drags me as I yell inside my head. Fighting him was worthless so was protesting. This wasn't the Ezdan who protected me from the ponds

, sea beasts, and Avloths. This was a sarkim who shattered every hope of loyalty that I had begun to see in people. This was a man that I knew I could never forgive. Not even if it ends in his death or in mine.

A gasp flees me when we near the cabin, sentries in Armin suits held Rune to the ground- his white trousers smeared with dirt on his knees and his hair disheveled as if he had fared his best to rebel. His ever so nonchalant eyes meet mine- only that they were subtly angry. But inherently less than how scared he should be.

The human and Armin guards poised their form once they saw their king. One of the older guards smiled at Ezdan and reached to grab me. Before he could, Ezdan yanks me to his side-

"We will take her from here your Grace," the guard says gruffly, his lips twisting in disgust at me. Not an inch of me is disguised, and by how they all watched me with disdain and scorn- it was evidence of how far Ezdan had gone to close any doors of escape for me. I wanted to scream at them- make them realize that I am not their enemy. But their sarkim is. But I had no means to make them believe it. No proof to vouch my claim. "Besides, this witch needs to be treated-

The guard gulped in whatever slur he had coming when Ezdan gave him a look of pure glare. As if daring him to complete it. He then spoke softly in my ears, just slightly harsher than a whisper.

"I can make them forget this. Everything that's happening" he says as I watch Runes eyes narrow with his curiosity at us. I could only, helplessly stand here because even if I fought and won, that was by far a very meager chance to none, I still had my friends in the base who'll suffer the consequences. I cannot do this to them. "You just have to ask"

"The only thing I will ask you for is your last wish before I kill you" I hiss, and an amused smile takes over his feature.

"So stubborn" he licks his lower lip, his gaze falling down to mine. Then he looks up "I will make sure you beg instead"

I hate it. I hate how he had learned me with every second of our time together. How he had made it look like he savored it for all the right reasons. I hate how he still knows that I am scared of him. It radiates off my pores towards him like a sailor's heart to the song of a siren. When he yanks me, I fall in step with him as our boots churn the dry leaves. He walks us inside the cabin as my body colds in an instant- the room which once had been a lovely hideaway was upturned and destroyed.

Droplets of freezing water fall on my nose and shoulder, theres barely any light left in the cabin but I see him clearly. Erix. His head hung low, like an angel's feather his hair gleamed. Similar to Rune he has been made to submit, but he had shackles of iron crisscrossing his body- his wrist locked in front of him. His neck collared by the identical metal as if they were caging a beast and not a man. From the stature of this chalet, I think I know what had happened here. Blood from a gash paints half his face. His lids droop, the consciousness drowsing from the injury.

He looks like the little boy that his father had tarnished.

"Erix" I breathe his name pained and desperate, I try to haste in his direction only to get tucked back. Ezdan's finger digs deeper than it ever had.

Hann stood behind Erix. Monitoring everything closely, a look of exhaustion coats his features. I don't see Marlon anywhere- but to know that Hann- a human oath and someone who has grown up with Ezdan as his friend is unaware of the monsters he has been protecting all his life anguishes me. There are so many tragedies waiting to be written in Antar and I am as powerless to change anything as I was yesterday.

Arran has chosen the wrong person for this job.

Erix slowly raises his gaze at us. At me. Any blur of haze on his body vanishes as he tautens.

"Julian" his voice was hoarse and dry, he looked at Ezdan with defeat. "Please don't" his voice broke and his chest heaved. He was begging for me similar to how he had pleaded for his mother. Ezdan strolled to the cushioned sofa and sat in comfort. He tugs me into his lap, making me sit on his long-stretched legs. Ezdan motions Hann with a gesture of his hand to leave- The General hesitates a second, his eyes unconsciously flying to me. But he leaves without a word. Obeying his king.

Ezdan smiles like a cat at Erix- whose eyes unconsciously follows Ezdan who circles his finger in the locks of my open hair, twisting, playing, and mocking us. The nerve in Erix's jaw ticks at the clear lack of power we had in this room.

"Don't touch her" Erix snarls. Realizing ultimately that begging has never worked in his favor. Ezdan grinned wider as my cheek flushed with embarrassment, i stared down at my lap not being able to look at Erix anymore.

"My apologies Ice Lord. Have I sinned by being infrequently mean to your little bride?" My heart drooped and the sheer pause of what had been said made me look at Erix. He held my stare with guilt and desperation.

"Iris, I was going to-

"Nonsense" Ezdan cuts through blazingly " I gave you many opportunities and yet it took you so long to recognize who she is. All you had to do was ask her- her name. Sure she wasn't important enough for you to interest such basic fact about her"

Erix ignores the jabs of Ezdan and calls for me again.

"Iris. Look at me. I wanted to-

"Doesn't matter now" Ezdan rests his chin on my shoulder and peers over at Erix "She was betrothed to you when she was born. So many years in between to find her. And yet-

"I did try to find her-

"Not sufficient enough. I made more efforts to unearth my Angel Of Death than the effort you imposed" Ezdan chuckled "I guess she is more entwined with our fates than our own destiny is"

"Stop speaking of her like a prize" Erix seeths.

"But she is though" Ezdan mused.

"Quiet" I whisper. Closing my eyes as my entire body trembles. They listen to me and watched me go insane with peace. In the midst of all such revelation i try to comprehend the fluid interaction of ezdan an Erix. Almost as if they both know something still that i don't.

I blink the stings away as i watched The Northern Lord. Even in the captivity he jerked as if to reach for me. He know what i am about to ask.

"You knew what Ezdan is" i rasped, his eyes widened a fraction. But he kept his silence- something further could not have been ravaged or taken from me. I was sure that i had lost all the faith i ever had in world until Ezdan enunciated

"I don't see the reason why he is better than me" I watch as Erix paled "He is a hybrid himself"

***

Lol. I really hope i know what i am doing.