Eight

After going to the infirmary, telling Mr. Neil about everything that happened tonight—about The Circle and the Bird, and us almost getting caught, I can finally go home.

Mr. Neil didn't want me to drive home so I had to ask another agent to give me a ride. I didn't want to bother arguing, not after doing this during all the ride to the agency with Brandon.

I got lucky with my head—let's say it like that. I didn't get a bad concussion or anything, and after a good night of sleep, I'll be completely fine.

Because I really am exhausted. Since the unexpected return of Brandon from the death, it feels like my brain doesn't have a break.

I take a long shower when I get to my apartment. I even take time to put some lotion like almost any normal girl who likes to take care of themselves would do. I don't really take care of myself because, well, I'll get in a fight the next day and there's 90% of chances I'll get some bruises, cuts, or worse.

I have no idea where this sudden need to take care of myself for one night comes from. I put on comfy pajamas, and, wait for it... I put a face mask.

I didn't even know I had that. Probably Britt who somehow gave me this and I forgot about it.

I plop down on my couch and decide to watch a movie or something. I should just go to bed after the night I had but nope.

Maybe my head actually got hit so hard I somehow became even more stupid than I already am. What if now I have feelings?

Yeah. That's funny.

Five minutes after just searching for a good movie to watch, I hear something.

Three knocks at the door.

Alert, I stand up and look at my front door. Who would be here? It's 10:00 P.M, and let's say it, I don't have any friends and don't talk to a lot of people outside the agency.

Throwing my mask away, I take out the gun I hide under the coffee table and walk towards the door.

Well, it seems like I really can't take a break from my normal life.

Carefully, I take a glance through the small hole and my eyes widen in disbelief.

I step away from the door, suddenly tensed, not knowing what to do. I finally shake my head and slowly, I open the door.

Brandon looks up from the floor, his hand in his hair, a shy expression on his face. I drop the gun on the nearest console and frown at him.

"Brandon?" I ask, shaking my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey," he says simply, looking behind me in curiosity. A few seconds pass and his eyes meet mine again. "I just—can I come in?"

Frowning, I step away, allowing him to enter my apartment.

My apartment. Brandon is in my apartment.

Now I'm sure of it, something is wrong with my head.

I close the door and turn to face him. He's looking around him, his eyes wandering my tiny but comfy apartment.

"How did you know where I live?" I finally ask, crossing my arms.

Brandon turns to face me. "Garry told me."

Garry. Of course.

He doesn't even seem to notice how bothered I am now. He looks nervous, with the way he keeps running a hand through his brown hair and how his eyes avoid mine.

I raise a brow.

"Brandon, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he answers simply, dropping his hand from his hair.

I scoff, walking past him to go in my kitchen. I know he follows me.

"Talk, really? I think we talked enough tonight." I shake my head.

"Sophia—" He pauses, his eyes narrowing a little. "What does it smell?"

"What?"

He takes a step towards me, taking a breath.

"It smells..."

"It's probably my lotion," I say slowly, watching how the blue of his eyes intensifies in a way I can't explain.

"...like peaches," he finishes, finally meeting my eyes. "You put lotion?"

"Hmm."

An awkward silence follows and I clear my throat, stepping away from him.

"Okay... You want coffee?" I ask, remembering my old— or even new coffee machine that I've probably never used for myself.

Brandon seems to think the same thing as me because he raises an eyebrow, a tiny amused smile on his lips.

"You have coffee, really?" he says, crossing his arms as I finally find the machine and place it on the counter.

"Yeah, don't ask why. I don't know, I just wanted one day to see and try if I would like coffee. It turned out I still don't like it so I have a coffee machine for nothing," I mutter under my breath, turning to face him.

Brandon stays quiet a while, just watching me with his intense blue eyes of his. I hate it, and I hate the fact he's in my kitchen. After four years of thinking I lost my boyfriend, my partner, he's here, right in front of me. He's still the same, yet so different. He's Brandon Haynes, my somehow new partner again, but he's not my boyfriend. He's not eighteen, but twenty-two. And looking at him hurts, but I'll never admit that to him or anyone.

I take a deep breath, blinking away. "I don't make coffee, so if you want some, do it yourself."

Brandon nods, walking towards the coffee machine.

"I prefer that anyway. You would probably poison me if I let you do my coffee," he declares, turning his back to me.

Frowning, I turn towards him, a hand on my hip. He ignores me, making his damn coffee. When I realize he was joking around, a small smile on his lips that confuses me, I tense and shake my head.

Him, in my kitchen, making jokes like nothing ever happened. That's just way too much. It's too much after this night.

Yeah, and he saved your ass a couple of times, tonight.

I bite my lip, focusing on making myself a tea.

"Does she know you're here?" I hear myself asking quietly and I freeze, tightening my hand into a fist.

I knew something was wrong with my head.

Brandon turns his gaze towards me, a blank look on his face. After a while, he just shakes his head, watching me with curiosity.

"No," he says slowly, somehow knowing that I'm talking about his girlfriend. "Why should she?"

I scoff softly, shaking my head and focusing on my tea. "Never mind, Brandon."

I feel his eyes watching me but I keep my head down. Talking about her is not my cup of tea.

Ha. That was a funny one.

Sophia, go to sleep goddammit.

"You never lost me," Brandon says, making me look up at him in confusion.

He leans against the counter behind him, crossing his feet and taking a sip of his coffee. I slowly shake my head, blinking.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What you said earlier," he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. "You didn't lose me."

I rub my temples, sighing. "Brandon, can we seriously not talk about this?"

"No," he says, placing his mug of coffee down. "I'm here now, right?"

I flinch, giving him a hard look.

"It's not because someone is around you that you haven't lost them, Brandon! It's like being surrounded by thousands of people, of friends, yet you feel so fucking lonely. That's the same thing."

A silence follows and I feel like my heart is in my throat. I don't want to talk about this again. I don't want Brandon here. This isn't good for me.

You have your own mission to fulfill, remember? You can't be distracted. Focus.

I'm about to tell that to him, that he needs to leave when what he says leaves me speechless.

"I'm sorry to have left you."

That's quite simple. Just a few words that shouldn't mean something. It doesn't, after all.

I shrug a shoulder, looking down. "Being sorry doesn't change a thing."

Brandon sighs. "Sophia, I'm trying so hard right now. I know things have changed, you're not the same anymore and neither am I. But is there a possibility for us to be... friends? We are partners again and if we want to work well together—"

"Friends?" I mutter, letting out a small laugh. "No, we can't be friends."

I pause, looking up to see his surprised and hurt expression.

"I don't do friends."

Nor love.

A few seconds pass before his voice comes out in a hard and confused whisper.

"What the hell happened to you?"

I clench my jaw and narrow my eyes. How dare he ask me this?

And suddenly, I wanna tell him. I wanna tell him how I felt when he was gone. I wanna tell him things I wouldn't say to anyone. Why? Because I want him to pity me? Because I want him to feel the pain I felt? Why?

"Do you know how I felt when I went to your funeral, Brandon?" I say lowly, crossing my arms. "I felt stupid. So stupid. And guilty, and broken. But mostly stupid. Because loving you killed you. Because I was so naive to think I could be in love with someone like you and never face consequences like death. I never thought it could happen."

I laugh again, shaking my head.

"I realize that day how screwed I was. How could I love somebody when I would be scared to lose them... all the time? How could I? I can't do that."

Pausing, I glance in his direction. I wasn't expecting the pain in his eyes, but I feel surprisingly nothing when I see it.

Good.

"You know, it's weird how I can tell you all of this so easily when you're the reason why all of this happened. To me. So what happened to me, Brandon?"

I take a sip of my tea, feeling relaxed. Too relaxed.

"The last time I cried was at your funeral," I continue, looking up at him. "This is the last time I allowed myself to be weak."

"Crying is not automatically a sign of weakness," Brandon speaks up for the first time, his coffee long forgotten behind him.

"For me, it is," I reply softly.

And then, it's complete silence. Something shifted between us. The tension is thick, the silence is, too. But I don't let it affect me. I release the breath I didn't know I was holding and keep my eyes in front of me.

Brandon stays silent, too. I don't look at him to see his expression. I said what I had to say. At least, a part of it. Maybe I said what I said because I wanted him to stay away from me, now. I thought that somehow, my words would push him away.

But he doesn't leave, though. He stays in my kitchen, not touching his coffee, not saying a word.

So I decide to ask one last thing that bothered me since he said it.

I sigh, pushing my tea away.

"How was it?" I murmur, glancing in his direction to see his eyes already on me. "You said you forgot a few things after that night when you... you know."

Brandon nods slowly.

"I couldn't quite remember what happened and how I ended up at the East Agency. Everything was a blur."

Don't ask this, Sophia. Don't. You'll regret it.

Too late.

"Did you forget me?"

Not blinking or looking away, Brandon looks straight into my eye, letting me know the answer before he even says it.

"Never."

*

A short emotional chapter that I still like. ♥️

We can see a little bit more of Brandon and Sophia's feelings, although she claims not to have any.

Hmm. Okay. That's it for me! It's my birthday today so that's why I kept it short. 🎉♥️

Have a good day! ♥️

Audrey