Nine

I wish I was fearless, but I'm not.

I have fears, like every human being. I'm sure every agent at the agency has at least one fear, but they won't show it. It's what you need to do, here. You can't let your fears stop you in this kind of job, anyway. Otherwise, you won't be able to do anything.

One fear. Confinement.

I can get claustrophobic easily if I don't control my breath or forget about my surroundings when I'm in a small place or when I'm surrounded by too many people. Unfortunately, sometimes my missions leave me no other choices than confronting my fear. So I need to practice, in order to get rid of that damn fear.

Because I don't want to be afraid of something. I'm Sophia Montgomery. I should be fearless. People around me think I'm fearless, and only a few know I'm not.

I have to admit I got better with the years of practice, but still. That fear won't go away, especially after that night four years ago, when my stupidity and this fear caused my partner to...

Yeah, anyway.

At the agency, we have found ways in order for me or other agents to face our fears. For my case, there are different things we usually do. Today is my least favorite.

"You're ready, Agent Montgomery?" the young agent next to me asks, his hands crossed behind his back as if it would give him a look of superiority, or even impress me.

I don't know how long it has been since he's joined the N.A and I really don't care at the moment. I'm always a bit harsher and distant when I need to do what I'm about to do. The other agents know it and for some reasons, they prefer to keep their distance with me.

They're clever. I don't control myself when I lose my shit.

Who's surprised? Not me.

"No," I say blankly, taking the few steps towards the door. "Let's begin."

Opening the door, I step in the small and confined piece. The door shuts in my back and I find myself jumping in surprise, although there is nothing to be startled about.

Then I sit down against the wall, the three other walls facing me.

Suffocating me.

Closing around me.

I take a deep breath and keep my head down, my fingers clutched tightly together.

"Let's see how long you can do this time. We won't let you out until you ask," the voice of the agent fills the room before it's silent again.

It begins.

The first couples of minutes are usually easy. I close my eyes, focus on my breathing and tell myself that I can get out whenever I want. I'm not really confined. This is just a damn fear. Fears are not real, they're just in your head.

It's always after a few more minutes that I usually start to shake, that I open my eyes to realize that the walls around me feel so close, so close. And they are.

I shut my eyes close again, shaking my head firmly. No. You won't fail this again. This is just in your head. You're strong, Sophia. You can do this.

And suddenly, the wall above me, the roof, is closer. I curse under my breath, feeling the sweat on my back and I feel like I'm suffocating, my t-shirt too tight, the room too hot.

Oh, please. No. Do it, Sophia.

Breathe. Breathe.

"Everything is still alright, Agent Montgomery?"

"You're not supposed to talk to her," another voice joins and then it's silence again.

My heartbeat increases with the minutes, and the silence makes suddenly everything harder. I know I'm not actually alone but I am, here.

"Face your fear, Sophia," I murmur to myself, swallowing hard before I open my eyes again. "Do it."

Look around you, look at the walls. You're okay. A shiver runs down my spine and I hug my knees close to my chest, wiping the sweat off my forehead.

I usually count the minutes to know how long I'm doing this. It tells me if I did better than the last time and helps me get through it easier. But I lost count and I have no idea how long it's been.

I'm still shaking when a voice suddenly echoes loud enough for me to hear.

"What's going on here?"

"She's facing her phobia, Agent Haynes," the young agent probably answers, hesitation in his voice.

I breathe faster, listening to the voices.

"What? How long has she been in there?"

I don't hear the answer. I can't focus anymore. But someone curses loud enough and the voices rise.

"That's enough!" that same voice orders. "Let her out. Right now."

"What? No, she hasn't—"

"I said to let her go! It's enough."

"You can't tell me what to do—"

"Oh, really? You're new here and unless you want to die, you're gonna listen to what I'm telling you. I'm way higher ranked than you can believe and I order you to let her fucking go."

Seconds pass or minutes pass or maybe hours pass I don't know

I'm just suffocating and I

can't do it anymore.

"Hey, it's okay. Breathe," a voice next to me suddenly says and I open my eyes, realizing only now that the door is open. "It's over, sweetheart."

I blink, my breathing fast. "B-Brandon?"

"Yes," he murmurs, "I'm here."

With an arm around me, he helps me stand up. I'm still shaking and he tightens his arm around me, helping me to steady. The scent of his cologne mixed with cinnamon helps me to come back to reality and I take quick steps towards the door with him.

When we're out, I see all the gaze of the agents present in the room on us. Even Nova is here. I don't even react at her sight, not even when her gaze hardens at the view of Brandon's arm around me.

"What the hell?" Brandon glares at the young agent who suddenly seems a little bit less sure of himself, taking a step back. "She was in there for too long already. She had enough. Look at her!"

"The rules are the rules and we'd been doing this for a while already—"

"I don't care. You left her there for nineteen minutes!"

Nineteen minutes.

I finally react when the agent is about to reply.

"Shut up!" I scream, the silence following.

Brandon's arm is still around me and I walk away from his embrace, crossing my arms around me. He clenches his jaw but says nothing, watching me.

"I'm fine, okay?" I say and turn to face Brandon, my eyes hard. "I didn't need you to stop me. I don't need your help. You shouldn't have stopped anything."

Brandon looks at me in shock for a second before he shakes his head.

"Are you kidding? Do you want a repeat of last time?" he asks, and now this is my turn to look shocked.

One week. It's been one week since he's back, and he seems to forget he was gone all these years.

I scoff. "Last time? You talk as if you were around lately. Which is not the case, remember?"

His face falls and he takes a shaky breath.

"Okay, shut up now. I won't let you talk to him like that," Nova interjects, her eyes narrowed at me as she quickly walks over to where we stand.

Oh no. She didn't, did she?

She made the biggest mistake of her life.

Everyone seems to hold their breaths now. The tension is so thick I couldn't slice it with a damn knife.

Nobody at the agency, besides Garry, ever talked to me like she did. Hell, even Andrew probably never crossed that line.

People know me here. They somehow show respect towards me, even if I scare a couple of them, being so cold and distant like I always used to be. But they always respected me and followed my orders.

So this girl? She made a fucking mistake, talking to me like that, with disgust in her voice, her eyes traveling up and down my body like I'm nothing more but trash.

I'm still recovering from my state. But it doesn't stop me when I reach for the knife in my belt, push Nova against the wall in less than a second and hold the knife against her neck.

She lets out a strangled gasp and her eyes widen with surprise. She looks over my shoulder, probably to see if someone will stop me.

Nobody does. I see it in her eyes the second she understands.

"You made a huge mistake, sweetie," I say, my voice cold as I tighten my grip on the knife. "Maybe you had some authority back then at your old agency, but not anymore. You have none. You have not been here long enough to even raise your voice towards me. So I suggest you keep your words for yourself and mind your own business. Am I clear?"

Nova's eyes narrow the slightest. She doesn't take me seriously. I hold the knife even closer to her neck, making her wince. Finally, she nods slowly. I release her after a couple of seconds, making sure she sees the seriousness in my eyes and the silent threat.

"And I'm the one who has the authority on all of you, here," the voice of Garry suddenly invades the room and I turn towards him.

He looks at all of us and his eyes finally meet mine, before they fall on the knife in my hand and on Nova behind me.

"Care to explain what's going on?" he asks and before I can open my mouth, someone else does.

"I'm sorry, sir," Brandon says, looking up from the floor. "I intervened while Sophia was doing the test and..." he pauses, glancing in my direction. "Things degenerated."

"You had a good reason to do so?" Mr. Neil asks, his eyes narrowing.

"She was in there for too long already. It was dangerous, she could have—"

Mr. Neil raises his hand to stop him, staying quiet a few seconds.

"Let's talk in my office. As for you," he turns towards me and Nova and I frown. "I don't want my agents to kill each other. If you have a problem, fix it outside of this agency. Here, you're doing what I want and act like real agents."

I open my mouth to talk but decide against it when I see the look of Mr. Neil. At this moment, I know Garry doesn't care if Nova was unrespectful towards me or even if she would have done something even worse. He's the one who has the power.

Nova is smart enough not to open her mouth, even though I can tell she wants to talk. Before anyone can say something else, I finally drop the knife on a table and leave the room.

I run my hands angrily through my hair, cursing under my breath. I need a shower and to be alone.

It is only when I'm in my door room, sitting on the edge of my bed, my hair wet after my shower, that I realize something.

He called me sweetheart.

*

Hello! :)

I finally decided to enter this story in the Wattys... why not! We'll see what happen haha. ♥️

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