Nineteen

After that night, waking up is fucking impossible.

I force myself to drink a cup of coffee, even though I hate it. I nearly throw up twice, but I keep going until the caffeine kicks in. Then, I'm ready to start the day.

Today, I feel like something big will happen. Like today is the day I'm getting answers. We need to do something. Now.

Fuck the nightmares. Fuck the conflicted emotions—I hate that word—that I might have. Fuck Brandon Haynes.

Destroy him. Let him go. You need to focus.

That's what I have in mind as I walk towards the computers area. I'm walking fast, not once greeting any agents on my way. But when I reach my destination, I slow down and come to a total stop at the view in front of me.

Nova and Brandon face each other, standing close. I don't know what they're saying, but at some point, Brandon is smiling. I realize I can't even tell if his smile is real because I don't know what is real and what is fake anymore.

Am I real? Am I fake? When am I telling the truth? When am I lying?

I can't even tell anymore.

Sighing, I close my eyes and rub them. When I look in the couple's direction again, they're kissing.

I shouldn't stay there, watching them. I shouldn't notice how Nova reaches to stand closer to him, how she wraps her arms around his neck, runs her hands through his hair, while Brandon keeps his hands in his pockets but leans down, kissing her back.

It makes me want to throw up even more than the coffee, but I contain myself.

Andrew appears to my side and grimaces.

"That's not even cute. Take a room or something." He mumbles and rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

I stare at him, raising an eyebrow. "Surely, you need to get laid."

Narrowing his eyes, he crosses his arms. "Look who's talking. I don't even understand how you can stand there, looking at them."

I'm good at controlling my anger. But of course, I don't say that. Sure, it disgusts me to see them, but it's like I can't look away. It's like seeing them right now, for the first time being so close and so in love, suddenly makes me realize that they are together.

It's real. And I can't forget that.

At some point, Mr. Neil steps in and notices them. Clearing his throat, he gives them a pointed look just as they step back from each other.

Nova, pleased with herself, tucks a strand of her black hair behind her ear and gives Brandon a small smile. When I look at him to see what he does, his eyes are on me and Andrew.

Great.

Holding his gaze just for a few seconds, I finally walk to stand beside Mr. Neil and place my hands behind my back.

Garry looks around, his eyes narrowed behind his glasses.

"Where is Agent Leigh?" he demands, shaking his head.

I frown. "Britt? Why—"

"I'm here! I got something!" she exclaims, making her entrance in a theatrical way, not even on purpose. Her expression is determined and serious, and I narrow my eyes in curiosity, tilting my head.

"I." Sigh. "Got." Click. "Something." Click. "Look up."

We all look up towards the screen as Britt types on her computer. Then, something that reminds me pretty much of the list appears.

My eyes widen. "How did you—"

"I hacked all night." She cracks her fingers, taking a deep breath. "Going through the system, trying to find if however stole the list left anything behind. Turns out that he did, the motherfucker."

She smiles, crossing her arms. I try to resist, but a small smile of my own appears on my lips when I see the results of Britt's work.

Britt notices, obviously. She raises her eyebrows.

"Are you smiling?"

Andrew gasps for the effect. I glare at him, then turn to look at Britt.

"No," I reply, losing my smile.

"Anyway, now you have something," Britt continues, changing the subject. "I couldn't find everything, but all we knew—The Circle, the Bird, Charles Barton—lead me to this."

Mr. Neil smiles and starts to talk, but I don't listen anymore. I narrow my eyes at the first name of the list that Britt succeeded to find back.

Matthew King.

I furrow my eyebrows. I don't recall us trying to find anything about that man.

I clear my throat, glancing at Mr. Neil. "Matthew King. We should start with him, this time."

"We already tried," Nova suddenly says, staring at me, her arms crossed. "There was nothing about him."

I grit my teeth. "No, we did not. I would remember."

She scoffs and gives me a way too confident, arrogant smile. A sudden tension fills the room, and all around us, the agents look in our direction, listening briefly to the conversation. From the corner of my eyes, I notice Brandon taking a step forward, as if ready to step between us if the situation degenerates.

Cute. He wants to defend her.

Don't worry Brandon, I'm not gonna kill her. At least, not today.

"A memory loss. Interesting," she murmurs, raising an eyebrow.

What the fuck?

I take a step towards her, my fists clenched. I don't even know what I'll do next.

Thankfully—I guess—Andrew grabs my arm to stop me and Garry talks.

"That's enough, Agent Miller." His voice is cold. "As for the matter, I don't remember trying to find anything about Matthew King."

She purses her lips but doesn't say anything.

"Miss Leigh," he continues, turning towards Britt who's still wearing a satisfied expression from what just happened. "I want you to find anything about that man and a new location. Until then, you can all take a break."

Take a break? We're only doing that. We're doing nothing.

Britt nods, already working her magic, her fingers typing quickly on the keyboard. Nova walks away, bringing Brandon with her. Andrew sighs and turns around.

"I'm gonna sleep," he announces, making his way towards the exit.

I whirl around. "No, you're not."

He looks at me with a bored expression, but clearly annoyed. "I don't have anything scheduled for today, so yes—"

"I'm supposed to train Lizzy today, but I have something else to do," I cut him off, crossing my arms.

He narrows his eyes, suspicious. "What do you have to do?"

"That's none of your business. I want you to train her for me, please. Everyone else is pretty busy."

He runs a hand through his blonde hair, scowling.

"Yeah, whatever," he concludes, rolling his eyes and walking away.

I let out a breath. Fine. While Britt tries to find some information for us, I can do something else.

Glancing around me one last time to see if someone is watching, I start to walk away. I should have known that, indeed, someone would be watching.

Brandon. Again. His blue eyes meet mine, and I know that he heard our conversation although he's on the other side of the room with Nova.

His expression is unreadable, but still, there's some sort of... connection, when we're staring at each other for the next few seconds. It seems like he wants to tell me something, but then, Nova steps in front of him, and the connection is gone.

*

I put on my black leather jacket, hide the knives in my boots, finish to put a red lipstick and make sure that my gun is ready to be used.

What will happen tonight is still a mystery. I look down at my phone. 10:00 PM. I might want to wait a bit more. I should have gone to my apartment.

I clench my jaw and curse my stupidity. Going out that late isn't really a problem, but I wouldn't want the others to ask questions or that someone, in particular, sees me.

I wait for a good fifteen minutes, then listen for any noises. It's quiet around the dorms. When I open my door to take a peek in the corridor, there's nobody.

Time to go.

I put on the hood of my black hoodie under my jacket. I promise myself that later, maybe when I come back, I'll burn that hoodie that doesn't belong to me.

*

I reach my destination. Nobody followed me. I made sure of it.

But even with this certainty, I can't help but look over my shoulder more times than usual, since that night when Brandon followed me.

I didn't see him, though. I'm pretty sure Nova is keeping him busy.

Focus, goddammit.

The old, folded picture in my pocket seems to burn me every time I touch it. I enter the small bar with my face half-hidden by the hood and the obscurity.

It doesn't take me too long to find who I'm searching for.

The man is like a magnet, and I'm walking towards him on purpose. I'm so close to my answers, so close to everything I've been working for, so close to achieving my mission.

I sit down across from him. The man looks up. His eyes are red with dark circles under, the skin is dark and dirty, and his mouth is twitching into a small smirk.

"Sorry, not interested, baby," he says hoarsely, coughing a moment later.

Then he looks around, probably searching for more drugs to consume. The beer in his hand is empty, and I notice his hands trembling. I shake my head, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I just have a question," I declare, taking off my hood and reaching for the picture. I unfold it carefully. "We told me you could help me find this man."

That's half a lie. Nobody told me anything since I'm working alone.

I lay down the picture in front of him.

"You know him?" I ask, crossing my arms on the table. "That's an old picture though, so he may have changed."

He must have. Otherwise, it wouldn't be so hard for me to find my father.

The man narrows his eyes on the picture, leaning towards it. Then he glances in my direction, and his whole behavior seems to change in a second.

He tenses, his eyes go wide, and he looks at my face carefully, slowly realizing something. When I see recognization in his eyes, I lean back in my seat, alert, ready to reach for my gun.

"What? You know him or not?" I question again, impatient. An odd feeling finds its way inside my stomach. I feel the need to look around me and to get out of here.

I feel trapped, and I don't even know why.

The man slowly shakes his head, still eyeing me intently. It's as if I'm some sort of specimen he's never seen before, and that annoys the hell out of me.

"It's you," he mumbles, standing up abruptly. I stay still, not moving, but my hand reaches for my gun.

I shake my head. "What do—"

His phone rings. With his clouded eyes still on me, he answers, his hand trembling.

"You won't believe it," he says suddenly, and I start to stand up on my feet, my eyes narrowed on him.

Then, the man announces something that changes everything. Five fucking words that will haunt me. Five words that confuse me, at first.

Five words that I wouldn't ever have expected.

"The Bird is with me."

*

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